From the monthly archives:

February 2010

What If We Had A First Date Rule?

February 26, 2010

You know the three date rule?
I know you know the three date rule. It even has its own Wikipedia page.
The Three Date Rule is a dating rule of thumb which states that the third date is a milestone in determining whether a woman will consent to physical relations. This is not to be confused with [...]

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Dickenomics – Penis Sizes Ranked By State

February 25, 2010

So, I’m looking at my Google Alerts, sifting through kinky news that could be possible fodder for this week’s column. I click. I stare. I blink.
My entire 16 years as a resident of Texas were shattered in an instant. Apparently, not everything is bigger in Texas.
Condomania, makers of the TheyFit line of condoms, compiled data [...]

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Breastfeed My Husband? Hell No!

February 24, 2010

Last week we talked about the inappropriateness of semen as a recipe ingredient, and we choked and we gagged and we barfed on our keyboards. My poor husband was terribly depressed by this as he was under the impression that most women love the taste of semen (porn being his only point of reference here) [...]

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The Top Six Types Of Lousy Lovers

February 23, 2010

When I first heard about sex, I decided that once I started having it, I never wanted to stop. And that was pretty awesome…until I met my first lousy lover. Which was followed by my second and third and, well, you get the idea. Of course, no one is born knowing all of the tricks [...]

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In Defense Of the Gold Digger

February 22, 2010

I have a new obsession. Maybe you’ve seen it too, and you’re secretly indulging right now. I didn’t tell my husband for a long time until one night he caught me: I watch “Millionaire Matchmaker.” No, this isn’t a review of a tv show; I barely have time to watch tv anymore, but if I [...]

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Open Letter to All The Men Who Maybe Want to Sleep With Me

February 19, 2010

Alright gentlemen, listen up.
I get it, you want to have sex with me. I’m single, I can hold a conversation, I have body parts for you to put your body parts in, I smell nice, and sometimes I even go through the effort of wearing heels and mostly manage to not fall over in the [...]

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A Naughty Schoolgirl Mouths-Off About Abstinence

February 18, 2010

I don’t remember losing my virginity. Likely because it was borrowed and never returned while I was under the influence of copious amounts of trash can punch made with Everclear (if you’ve ever been shitfaced on Everclear, you’re pickin’ up what I’m puttin’ down). It’s 190 proof. Pure grain alcohol. It could power a Honda.
What [...]

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