3 Ways to Turn Up the Heat in the Bedroom


I recently read an article that discussed the four year itch in a marriage. While most of us have heard of the seven year itch, apparently we are getting sick of each other even quicker nowadays. With so much sex on our television and on every billboard in every major city, it is a wonder. There is so much more competition and so many more ideas that will go in your man’s head.  Paired with the inevitability of every man’s dreaded mid-life crisis, a woman has to take strides to assure their man buys a new sports car, instead of running around with his secretary.  Here’s some tips to turn up the heat!


Date Night

Let’s start off with a small addition to your daily grind, date night. We hear about this a lot on almost every website dedicated to married couples, for good reason. The fact is, we have to make time for our significant other, even when we may not have time for ourselves. Life gets hectic, but that is no excuse to let the sex life go to the wayside.

Kids are a big part of the problem when it comes to having a spontaneous sex life.  Some women find it hard to feel sexy after changing diapers and catching spit up on their clothes. Trust me, I get it. I had three and it does take effort to get in the mood.

So what can you do? Well date night of course! Some couples have the opportunity to do a weekly occasion, however a lot of parents will find that impossible, especially with finding a babysitter for a young child. Once you get the date night, don’t just go out to eat, go on an adventure. Take your man to a hotel in town; sex in a different place can add a level of mystique that you won’ get in your own bedroom. You could also try a movie which gives you an opportunity for some heavy petting, which could lead to a make out session in your car. You can both feel like teenagers again. A drive-in movie is hard to find, but really a great date night locale. Go pitch a tent in woods, or take a hike in your area. Find stuff that you and your mate love to do and hopefully provides enough privacy and opportunity for some much needed attention. If you can’t finish on site, you can always go home.

Policeman arresting pretty womanRole Playing

Role playing is a great way to add a little fantasy into your sex life. We all have many fantasies, so why not share them with your partner and make them happen. Instead of feeling embarrassed, you need to make a no-judgment zone where both parties can express themselves honestly. While one or the other might not like all the fantasies, it is better to do them together.

My husband made some of my fantasies come true and one in particular became a favorite of ours. Sometimes when I got home from work, he would meet me outside with his police uniform and pretend he was pulling me over. A frisking would ensue and it was quickly graduated to full out porn before I hit the door. This was the best way to end a day at work.

Whips, Chains and a Bustier

When the effort of the above can’t be made, sometimes you have to play into the type of person you are dealing with. Men are in a way a lot easier to satisfy, as long as you know how they get turned on. Most are visual and if you don’t have time to put on a sexy school girl act, you can put on the outfit and that should be heat things up. Let them walk in on you pleasuring yourself with a new toy, in a hot new teddy, well ladies, he is yours.

So ladies, what do you do to spice it up in your bedroom?



  1. Lisa D

    Great article! I love anything that inspires couples to turn the heat up in the bedroom, role playing is definitely one that everyone should give a go. Once you get into it it can be amazing! And Kink, well this always used to be something that were afraid of admitting, but 50 Shades of Grey has managed to turn kink and BDSM into an accepted fantasy which I think is great!

  2. Property Of Potter

    This article makes me frustrated, angry, and a little sad.

    While I agree that it’s important to bring excitement to the bedroom (especially as the years go by), your introduction is disheartening.

    My husband and I have been married for four years, and I have a little secret to tell you: it’s not my job to try to make him stay faithful to me. It’s not my job to go above and take ‘strides’ to make sure he doesn’t have sex with someone else. That’s HIS responsibility. It’s up to him to respect our relationship despite what goes on around us. And if I have to try to keep him around and make sure he’s making big purchases instead of getting in someone else’s pants, than I don’t want to be his partner anymore.

    Not every man struggles to remain faithful, and competition isn’t lurking around every corner. Yes, the media is full of sex, and it’s normal to fantasize about different things. That’s totally okay in a marriage. What isn’t okay is making women feel paranoid (which articles around the web do enough of as it is) or put all the pressure of maintaining a relationship on them.

    Fortunately, going through a mid-life crisis isn’t inevitable, and not all men cheat during sexual dry spells. Giving tips to help bring a little more heat between the sheets is great and useful, but acting like it’s the woman’s job to prevent her husband from betraying them, hurts the cause.

    Ladies, if you have a good husband and things have slowed down a little bit, you don’t have to be concerned about him straying. It’s always fun and helpful to try something different (or something you haven’t done in a long time) in and out of the bedroom, but don’t do it because you feel you have to in order to keep your man around. Do it for both of you; because it’s fun, and because you both deserve the most pleasure you can receive.

    Gentlemen, ladies aren’t the only ones that can heat things up. Don’t be afraid to express a new idea or fantasy you might have. Try something new, or think back to the things that used to drive the two of you wild when you first met. Even more importantly, don’t make her question your love. Just because sex is lacking, doesn’t mean your relationship isn’t worth having.

    Both people involved in the relationship need to put in extra effort during difficult times – sexually, emotionally, physically, etc. The responsibility isn’t on one person alone.

    • PropertyofPotter,
      Thanks so much for your honest opinion. You bring very valid points to the conversation.
      Just my hope of bringing in new bloggers for ToyWithMe from all walks of life, to let them open up, have a voice, and create a discussion.
      Thanks for sharing.
      ~ Jenna

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