I have a confession to make. I am abstinence and have been for almost a year, next month will be the one year mark. For most people, this would be horrible. Abstinence is usually for religious reasons, or because someone can’t get any. This is not really the case for me.
I am thirty and I got out of a ten year marriage two years ago. I usually tell people I am happily divorced, because well, I am. I have never been happier than I am now.
After a divorce, it takes time for a woman to straighten out her mind and there is a time when a few one night stands may be in order. Not just for the physical release, but for the empowering feeling that it brings. The feeling of desire a woman after a break-up will desperately need. This will last for some time, but should not last long. Then, you are in this place of dating and maybe looking to replace the one you lost.
I went through this stage about 6 months after my divorce and I even tried some online dating, which was a mess. One thing I learned was, dating is not as easy as it once was. I was married at eighteen and I was looking for a man with a job, a nice body, and a truck. Which I found. But when you are thirty and a single mom, well my friend, the bar goes way up.
Now I look for a gentle man who loves kids, makes enough to support his part. I am not looking for a weekly bang anymore, I am looking for long-term because you realize short term isn’t really worth it. I think a woman’s needs list grows with age or maybe the knowing of what she doesn’t want and what she does want. I am fiercely independent and I do not want a man that will control me or stand in my way. See what I mean, the list gets longer.
So this leads me to abstinence. I do not want to waste my time with those men that do not measure up, so I decided to take the sex part of the equation out of it. It is like quitting an addiction, because I really loved sex. There is even a feeling of withdraw when you first kick the dick, but after a few weeks, it isn’t so bad. Dating without sex is different, especially from the last time I dated, but it takes some pressure off of you I think. You don’t have to wonder and worry if the time has come, because you know it hasn’t.
So after almost a year, I have learned, dare I say, that sex is not everything. You actually get to know a person first and well, before you even worry about getting into their pants. There is also the idea that you can take over the pleasuring of yourself and let me tell you ladies, you will probably do a better job than seventy five percent of the men in your past. You can take up new hobbies because you will be surprised at how much time and energy is put into men and sex. Another great thing about abstinence is you get to know yourself better and have more reasons to buy all kinds of wonderful toys. There will be no judgment because you only have to answer to yourself.
Which is a very good thing!
~~Learn more about Jennifer here and look for more of her blog posts in the future. We’re happy to have her join the ToyWithMe team!