See that picture right there? You know what that is? Those are stretch marks. But they aren’t just any stretch marks. They are MY stretch marks.
Yes, I have officially lost my mind.
I have decided to post a picture of my flabby, stretch-marked mommy belly on the worldwide web for anyone to lay their eyes on. The reason for this is that I want moms to wear their stretch marks proudly, like badges of honor, and realize that it DOES NOT mean that we are not sexy anymore. Or that sex is to be strictly done with the lights off for the rest of our lives. Or that we have to avoid mirrors while naked.
I have finally come to terms with my stretch marks. But it was a long, hard road.
I Tried To Prevent Them
I must have spent hundreds of dollars on cocoa butter lotion, Vitamin E cream and any other topical product that claimed to prevent stretch marks when I was pregnant with my daughter about four years ago. I SLATHERED my belly, thighs, arms and bum with the stuff, praying that I would be spared those awful blemishes—and after almost nine months of not-a-one, I thought I was in the clear. I thought I was going to be one of that lucky 1% or so of women that get out of their pregnancy stretch mark-free and I gazed at my beautiful, round belly with adoration.
Oh Shit
But the stretch mark gods were playing a cruel, twisted joke on me. About two weeks before I went into labor, I was getting dressed in front of the mirror when I noticed that first telltale purple mark on the bottom of my round, perfectly flawless baby bump. Just one. My jaw dropped to the ground and I think I might have even tried to rub it off, disillusioned by the prospect that it could be grape jelly that I had spilled the night before when eating a pb&j on the couch in my underwear. But alas, the mark would not come off, and I was officially graced with my first stretch mark.
A Deflated, Scarred, Discolored Balloon
Over the next two weeks, those things multiplied like bunnies on Viagra and by the time I went into the hospital to have my baby, my entire stomach was covered from right under my swollen, engorged breasts all the way down to my hoo-ha–not that I could see down there myself, but a glimpse in the mirror made it clear to me that not only did the stretch marks reach my vagina, there were stretch marks ON my pelvic region. How sexy. When my little sister (15 at the time) said “Ugh, what’s wrong with her stomach?” in the delivery room, I knew I was officially NOT one of the lucky ones. Well, lucky because I had a GORGEOUS baby girl whom I absolutely fell in love with–but not so lucky in the stretch mark department. They just got worse after delivering, and my stomach looked like a deflated, scarred, discolored balloon.
This Is Who I Am
A couple more hundred dollars later after trying all the other products out there promising to fade, erase or eradicate my stretch marks, I realized that they weren’t going anywhere. After about a year, they had faded a bit, and they weren’t as pronounced as they were when I was pregnant and right after, but they were still there. And now, four years later, they seem to be a permanent fixture. So I made a decision. Instead of obsessing over how ugly and hideous they were, I decided to try to view them as part of what makes me me. And me is a mom.
They Remind Me Of the Miracle Of My Pregnancy
My stretch marks are a reflection and a reminder of what I went through to carry my daughter inside of myself, nourishing her and helping her grow into a little human being. As mothers, I don’t think we celebrate enough what a miraculous, wondrous and impressive feat that is. And instead of saying “My body went through this incredible transformation, housing and growing a fetus and then I spent hours and hours laboring to bring that creature into the world and you can barely tell, except for these measly stretch marks,” we say “I had a baby, and now I have stretch marks—the HORROR, how embarrassing! How can I get rid of them??? Don’t look at me!”
The fact that our bodies bounce back the way they do, even with some lingering signs like stretch marks and a few extra pounds, is amazing. But we want it all. We want to look exactly like we did before we had our children. At least I know I did. But, really, how can we expect our bodies to NOT have changed after everything they went through? We simply can’t (or at least, most of us can’t). And I think, finally, I have accepted that.
A True Badge Of Honor
I still go through magazines and feel a lingering pang of disappointment and jealousy when I see the pictures of celebrity moms posing in their bikinis weeks after delivery with perfect, smooth, supple skin. And I still have a teensy, weensy, tiny bit of resentment for those few real-life moms that I know that were lucky enough to not get any stretch marks and who look exactly like they did before they got pregnant. Thankfully, I don’t know many of those. Most of the moms I know went through the same thing I did, and came out the same way. And you know what? I think they are beautiful and sexy, and their stretch marks are only a badge of honor to commemorate the incredible thing that they did bringing someone into this world.
And me, I am beautiful and sexy too. A beautiful, sexy MOM–with stretch marks. And that’s OK with me.
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About the Author
Petra Wise is a young, married freelance writer and mother of two. In addition to writing here at Toy With Me, you can find her writing about sex and motherhood at her blog "Sex and The Suburbs" , as well as writing about her life as a work from home mom, wife and sex toy aficionado on her blog, The Wise (Young) Mommy . She is also writing a book on motherhood and sex called Sex and The Suburbs: What Mom’s Don’t Talk About at PTA Meetings and Playdates—But SHOULD.
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
LOVE LOVE LOVE THIS ARTICLE! Thanks for having the courage to share what so many of us women think we need to hide!
Thanks Julie! if I feel like I made just ONE mom feel better with this article, then I have done my job. And if that means that I have to put myself out there and risk total humiliation, so be it! lol.
I wear my mommy-marks with pride too. Great post!
Hey Petra! I loved your article! I am one of the mothers that covets Nicole Ritchie’s post-preggo body. (I secretly think ‘what a whore’ every time I look at her.) Check out shapeofamother.com. Although I will NEVER come to terms with these wonderous marks, this website helped me realize I’m not alone in this mess!
Love ya!
Petra is an amazing woman whom I admire greatly. Thanks so much for putting yourself “out there” girl! P.S. I think you look sexy hot in those panties!
Petra. You. Rawk!
Your girl is gorgeous and you’re right, there’s more to our bodies than stretch marks. (Or hideous vertical scars from C-sections that make my already flabby belly look like I have two asses.) The miracles that are our daughters make it all worthwhile!
You go, girl…what greater gift in the world is there than the children to brighten our lives? Stretch marks are a small price to pay for so great a pleasure. If airbrushing weren’t such a goddamn plague, society would see them as the true “battle scars” they are instead of something unsightly. BRAVO!
Have you seen http://theshapeofamother.com/ ?
A friend just introduced me to your blog – I’m looking forward to reading it!
I had never seen that site before, but my friend told me about it this morning and I checked it out. It is amazing! I will definitely be checking in there and maybe even posting myself.
I think it is so important for us moms to support each other so we know we are not alone!
You look gorgeous. Just gorgeous. Stretch marks are the mark of a warrior.
Wow, dude.
Nice.
I was terrified of getting stretch marks and I too bought every single product known to womankind and slathered myself with them daily for both of my pregnancies. I have emerged unscathed with nary a mark, and I’m glad because I don’t know if I could come to terms with it the way you have.
I blame America.
PS: I once posted a picture of my ass on the internet–cellulite be damned! It’s a fine ass!
My wife has stretch marks. She also has a vertical incision from 2 c-sections. I always made it a point to tell her she was still sexy. The incision was beautiful because it’s where my kids came from. Good for you. They are like a badge of honor and shouldn’t be hidden away.
igster101 – You’re a very thoughtful hubby. It would be wonderful if all men could make their women feel sexy and beautiful – stretch marks – or not.
Great article!
I actually did not get any stretch marks on my stomach. But I did get some on the back of my legs which have now faded of course, but are still somewhat visible. I have felt bad about them as well but in reality, who cares? I also got some on my breasts but they’ve faded and mostly gone away completely. At first, though, they were very visible and I was quite distressed.
I have no idea why I never got any on my belly. I didn’t even see the ones on the back of my legs until after the pregnancy was over. I definitely felt bad about myself when I saw them. Kudos to you for writing this article and for accepting yourself.