Before I’d gotten knocked up with Child Number One, I’d always been a solid B cup up top. Really, I didn’t care too much because I’d never had a whole lot of use for large chesticles in my twenty years on the planet. I didn’t pray to the Boobie Fairy that I would wake up one morning with a set of hooters like Pam Anderson, and if I could have gotten away with wearing no bra, I was really okay with that. I knew that boys liked boobs, and since I liked boys, I figured that I sort of liked boobs by proxy, but really, I didn’t pay them much mind. Besides, I thought, boys liked to fart into jars, too, and while I could appreciate that superficially, on the whole, I found that pretty disgusting.
Instant Boobs
About three minutes after that second line popped up on the home pregnancy test, I got a visit from the Titty Fairy. Overnight, I’d gone from sort of itty-bitty-titties to full-blown centerfold material. Under normal circumstances, I probably would have stayed home to play with them and admire how much better shirts now fit, but the slightest puff of air sent me into a shuddering spasm of pain, weeping and gasping for air. Wearing shirts was so torturous that I could barely leave the house, my every footfall marked with a rubbing ache that I could hardly bear. I had to clench my jaw shut so as to not scream in agony every time I went to the grocery store for more hot sauce and gummy bears.
I Loved My New Set
Every time I neared a mirror, though I turned into a peacock, preening and admiring my new sweater kittens and the way they perkily stood up and out as a nice solid D cup. My clothes fit better, my self-esteem, what hadn’t been wrecked by the ever-increasing numbers on the scale, that is, was sky-rocketing, and I felt hot. I fully understood now why women got boob jobs whereas before I’d always sort of rolled my eyes at them. I hadn’t really wanted to look like Barbie and I assumed that having large breasts–even perky silicone-filled ones–would be more hassle than they’d ever be worth. But no, these knockers, wow, I loved having them.
Like anything else, though, this elation was short lived. Because I am built with four inches of torso, my rapidly growing son exploded out of my abdomen giving me the look of a human daddy long-legs spider. All legs with a gigantic belly. Soon my rack was dwarfed by my baby belly. And shortly after that, my son was sprung from his prison and into the world.
My Kid Was Afraid Of My Boobs
I had every intention to nursing my baby son. I’d bought the requisite ugly snap-up nursing bra, the pump, the ice packs, the heat packs, the nipple cream and the hideous nursing cover all in anticipation that my son would take to nursing like, well, he was supposed to. I bided my time in the hospital after he was born trying to get him to latch on, waiting for my milk to come in, all in the hope that he would stop trying to get the hell away from my gigantic melons. It didn’t work. I mean it did: my milk came in, but my kid was afraid of my boobs. I’d blame him except how could you? They were bigger than his head.
Two Oranges In Tube Socks
My boobs, I was warned by all of my baby books, the nurses, my obstetrician, my mother, the gardening staff, my cousin, my aunt, the janitor, the lactation consultant, The Internet, and my sister-in-law, would disappear. Some of them tried to break the news to me gently, “They’re not yours to keep, Rebecca.” Others cackled at my misfortune as I grabbed my chest possessively, “You’re going to look like you have two oranges in tube socks where your titties were,” and yet others were simply beaten down by it, “Well,” they’d say mournfully, “plastic surgery is always an option.”
Boob Job?
Since I’d already added “tummy tuck” onto my list of elective procedures years before when I realized that the pot belly I’d sported since birth was genetic, I figured “boob job” might as well get tacked on there. I mean, if I was gonna go all out, I might as well go ALL OUT. So I went on my postpartum diet and slowly the weight came off, first in all of the places it didn’t matter: my fingers, my forearms, my feet and eventually from all of the places I cared about: my ass, my stomach and my hips. I waited, month after month, as I craved cupcakes and french fries and dutifully ran my ass off at the gym, for my Tribal Woman Boobies to emerge. The numbers on the scale crept downward and eventually they stopped.
I’d reached my pre-pregnancy weight.
My bra size still hadn’t changed. It looked like while I was never going to “breast feed those pesky sixty pounds away” like the La Leche League had sworn up and down that I was going to do, the Titty Fairy had landed and she had left me with a present: a brand new set of knockers. And they? Are fabulous.
If only the Tummy Tuck Fairy were so generous..
How have your sweater kittens changed over time? What would your ideal chesticles look like?
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{ 44 comments… read them below or add one }
I too went from a scrawny B, to a full D after the birth of my daughter, and thank you baby Jesus, they did not go away. I am the only woman in my family to have any boobs. My mom, my sis, and my daughter are all so incredibly jealous of my boobages….and to that I say HA! I didn’t get good hair, they did. I didn’t get an ass, they did. But I have alot of boobs, and I think in alot of ways they would trade me for my genentic fortunes.
I keep expecting (to be TOTALLY honest here)(TSA-Gate, anyone?)(I haven’t lost the weight from baby #3 yet) to have my boobs turn into oranges in tube socks.
A lot of boobs, Kelly, that is awesome. We should totally revel in that. I have a genetic propensity to gain weight when I look at food, but shit, I have a hot rack, right? YOU DO TOO.
I think I’d like to be a 34C once I’m done nursing, but I think I’m going to wind up a 34B. I’m four pounds away from pre-baby weight, but I’m still nursing so I haven’t lost my boobage YET.
My awesome baby boobs went away after my kids stopped nursing. Sadly. I don’t think about breasts enough (I know, horrible to say!) to really know what an ideal set would look like for me. And when I asked Kent his face turned red and he said, “I can’t believe you talk about stuff like that on the internet!”
Got my face in my pajama top checking them out as I type. Sad little deflated pancakes. Boo hoo. But I’ve got plenty of stretched out belly skin to make up for it. harumpf
My gut (will) look like that once I stop looking about 5 months pregnant (I am not pregnant. I’m thinking Shar Pei dog. Hot, I know, you’re all ready to mount me. When I go in for my tummy tuck, I’m getting a boob job, too. I like the girls big, just, you know…not THIS big. I’m Pam Anderson-y now. Which, is a little big.
I worked my way up to 230 pounds by the time I was 21, so I had C-cups, but they were just there because I was fat. When I lost all that weight, I was pretty much left with marbles in a tube sock, I wasn’t even a full A cup
I figured I’d get a boob lift after I was finished having babies (i.e. destroying my boobs even further).
Now I’m pregnant with my second (and last) baby, and you know what? I’m enjoying my pregnancy-induced C-cups so much (as is my husband) that I am thinking I might get them enlarged a bit AND lifted. But you’ve encouraged me Aunt Becky, maybe all is not lost for me yet and I can keep these when it’s all over!
I was a C until about 25…and then suddenly I was a D. And I HATE THEM. They are heavy, and not what I was used to.
And then I got pregnant, and then my milk came in. F anyone? HATES. My back aches from lugging them around. And after my won weaned they FINALLY started to shrink back down to the previous D and I was SO relieved. Only to discover that they just sort of hung there now, feeling even heavier than before.
And now I’m pregnant again and they are doing the same damn thing they did before. HATES.
Hubby, love of my life, has already agreed that if they don’t shrink even smaller after weaning this time he will be paying for a reduction because there is no way I’m chasing two under two with these nightmares hanging off like overripe melons. Blech.
Just a 32 B and wanting more. I’ve researched boob jobs and ALOT can go wrong with them. So, I’ve been trying to go the natural route. I was taking WonderUp, but that got too expensive… I swelled a little on it…then it went away… I’m trying to do things cheaper now; saw palmetto, fenugreek, fennel, msm, and any foods I can eat that contain phytoestrogens or collagen. I think it’s starting to work. I’ve been massaging and exercising too. If any of you girls are interested, there’s a whole website devoted to natural breast enhancment. It’s http://www.breastnexus.com I’ve just been picking different parts from other girls’ routines to try. If anything, at least my period is better. If anyone knows of a fast way to gain more boobage besides pregnancy or surgery, let me know!
I have a very love/hate relationship with my melons…. very large watermelons…
I was a carpenter’s dream until almost 13 when I woke up one morning with a FULL C cup… and they weren’t done yet. By high school I was a “cups runneth over” D.
When I got pregnant, I cried for the first month in horror of how large my breasts would become. But they stayed the same. When my milk came in, my mountainous busom stayed at a DD. I was overjoyed!! Until I started losing the pregnancy weight. And with every 10lbs I lost- I gained another cup size… up to an F…
For my 22nd birthday- I got myself a reduction… for all the bloody good it did me… with PCOS weight gain and a second pregnancy I’m back up to an H cup now…. /sigh
I’m seriously considering listing my tits on craiglist… anyone want em??
They would look like perfect, round, need-no-bra,right under my neck, float in the water, fun bags! WOW that was a mouthful!
Love Tawnia
Last time I saw my mom, she asked: “So when did you become flat-chested.” The answer: Right after I quit nursing #2. Farethewell, to my 36C jugs.
u got 2 keep ur’s?! no fair!!!
mine? sadly deflated :0( began as a full B, up 2 a double D, then back down 2 a saggy C…damn nursing crotch parasites!!! ;0)
I remember attending breastfeeding classes, led by a perky lactation consultant. She prattled on and on about the wonders of breast feeding – the joys, the weight loss, the perfect nutrition – blah blah blah blah. I don’t think she appreciated my attitude, which was this: Free milk/no bottles/no heating/on demand vs. $$$$$ and extra dishes to wash. I didn’t have $$$$$, and I hate washing dishes. No brainer.
So perky LC told me that because I was already a healthy DD, I probably wouldn’t increase more than a cup size, two at the most, and that would go away after a couple months of breastfeeding, and then I might lose some perk when we weaned, but I certainly wouldn’t be left larger than ever.
Liar. I want to set her pants on fire. Post-weaning post nursing post lactating bra size? 38H. I was a 38I while nursing. I already know that I’ll be singing verses of “Do your boobs hang low, do they wobble to and fro, can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier? Do you boobs hang low?” (sung to the tune of “do your ears hang low”)
I will give my ample heaving bosom a compliment – they do minimize the grandiose fat rolls and loose skin leftover from growing crotch parasites. I only gained 12 lbs while pg each time, but I sure swelled up like jabba the hut, breasts included.
To avoid having my hubby feel like he’s doing it with a dude I tend to want to keep my bra on during sex. If not, gravity sucks them into a black whole never to be found again.
I went from a B to a C/D and I love them. Strangely, they have changed with a bit of stretch marks and that going on, but I honestly don’t mind. I like them better now.
My sisters, both very well endowed up top, used to call my boobies fried eggs. In my defense I was a B-cup but compared to their casabas I guess I was relatively flat chested.
With my third child I actually knew I was pregnant before I missed my period when I went to put my bra on and it wouldn’t fit!!!
They did reduce back down slightly after nursing but I do have a pretty nice rack if I keep my $30 Victoria Secret Bra on. Unfortunately after nursing three ravenous kids they have definitely migrated south. So bring on the plastic surgery!!! (Maybe after we put all the kids though college – sigh!)
Before pregnancy I was 90 pounds and a size 2. However, my boobs were barely a 32AA I normally went braless because, seriously, 32AA screams, I don’t have boobs yet, but they are coming (when you’re 11 years OLD!)
Welcome baby number 1. I had visions of buying new bras. The pretty ones at Victoria Secret. Nothing changed. Stupid Tit Faires!
Welcome baby number 2. Same visions. Same results.
What did baby 1 and 2 give me. 30 pounds that sticks to my hips, thighs, and stomach. 30 pounds that makes me look like a big fat swollen balloon, because as I’ve said before, I’m now as wide as I am tall……….
Don’t believe me? Come visit and see for yourself!
If the fairy would visit me, I ‘d ask her to make me a full C. It’s not much to ask for.
Dang mine went from a D to an H, then slowly down to a B, which I have not been since I was 10. A saggy, empty, wrinkly, nat geo B.
Then quickly back up to an F with pregnancy #2, larger still when the milk came rushing in. Now I’m maybe a D or DD, still nursing, with some pounds to go.
Small is OK, just not small and “long”. Lame. I will get a boob lift & tummy tuck one day if I have to sell a kidney to do it. Dammit.
Right, so I was about a 34B pre-baby, and now four kids later? 36C…and really? They’re ok. The size of them is fine. My problem is that rather than my nipples pointing ahead, they point to an object on the ground about three feet in front of me. UGH. I have considered getting a lift/enlargement, but first I gotta find a sweet sugar daddy to pay for it. Also too, I am worried about nipple sensitivity being gone after, because frankly? Mama likes a little nip action. And how do you like the fact that this is twice I’ve mentioned nips in a post here?
I have always had good sized boobs but during pregnancy they were scary big too. Now they are still big, but I am still fat from all the baby weight I haven’t lost so they are pretty proportional. I am hoping to lose 50 lbs and keep, like, half my boobs for a good solid, C-D cup. That would be BOOB-tacular!
I’m scared of the Titty Fairy. I want her to leave me the hell alone.
Luckily, I’m 25 weeks along and and I’ve only sort of glimpsed her. Pre-pregnancy I’m 4 foot 10 inches tall with a C cup. Which is like a D or even a DD on a normal sized person.
Thelma (on my left) is now ever so slightly larger than Louise, which is annoying, but thankfully I’m still a C. I’m sure that will change when my milk comes in, but the last thing I want is even bigger tits.
Maria – an “H” what the hell? I’ve never even heard of an H.
Curious – Anyone else loose nipple sensation post pregnancy? Now that sucks (pun intended)
I am a size B cup and went up to a D cup when I had my son. My boobs are back to a B cup, but they are still as perky as they were before the pregnancy! My belly however, has not recovered!
Ok, that is totally not fair. You got to the keep big knockers. I was always on the smallish side of average, I guess – a 36B b.k. (before kids). During pregnancy #1 they were a lush round bursting out of 38C (I didn’t have money to buy new bras, so they were a bit bigger than the size.) When the milk rushed in, they got even bigger and hard, and I could only wear the really stretchy soft sports bra for a bit. They looked amazing, but yeah, um misery. After child #1 finished the nursing bonanza 9 months later, they did what everyone else has said, shrunk to a bit smaller than ever and with lots of sag. Gee, that felt special. When I got pregnant with crotch parasite #2, they didn’t swell as much, but then, I didn’t eat like food was disappearing forever. I only gained 30 lbs as opposed to the 45 with the first. And even when my milk came in, they’re just not that crazy big. Right now, while 6 months in nursing #2, they are a nice 36C. But I’m pretty sure they will eventually shrivel up and hang like oranges in tube socks. Ugh. I’m staying home with this one, so I hope the nursing lasts another 6 months or so…. then I get to keep them longer.
They’d be bigger.
And even.
OH how I loved my milk-filled boobies. They were lucious, round, and not saggy. Now, well…they aren’t so round, not too saggy, but not lucious, definitely not lucious.
Love the titty subject. I am a 36 year old breast cancer survivor getting a mastectomy with reconstructive surgery in two weeks. Always cursed with double Ds, I am looking forward to shopping for just regular Ds, and going topless as often as possible (not that I don’t already, but it scares people in public).
I went from being a B in high school to being a very full DD. After my second pregnancy I have noticed that my boobs have changed. They are not as full, or as firm, as they used to be.
I’m just looking forward to not wearing a nursing bra. MAN, I make myself sound hot on this site. It’s a wonder that you guys aren’t all running away screaming
My mom had the same thing as you; smaller, then she got pregnant, and I guess they just decided to stick around. I’m hoping for the same. It’s not that I don’t like being able to sleep on my stomach, or fitting into smaller, more low-cut shirts, but I think I’d really like to walk into a room, and arrive 3 or 4 minutes after my nipples… just a thought!
Oh… boobs. I loved them in high school Solid (well..at least in comparison) C. After baby #1, they went back to how they were before. But now, since baby 2… they aren’t so much bigger, as they are… longer? Someday I will start my “Mommy’s New Rack” secret account. Becuase I am only 28, and…sigh. No fair!
My boobs got HUGE when I gained weight. From eating.
I always thought I’d like big boobies better, but I was wrong.
Dude, if you ever hear from that tummy tuck fairy? Send her my way and see if she knows the thigh lipo fairy too.
Ah, I opted for the “better living through chemistry” approach and went from a “nearly A” to a “those are a goddamn D, aren’t they?”
I thought it was time my boobs matched how I felt inside. Love ‘em, Becky. Looooooooooooooove ‘em. Boobs always love you back
I was a 34B until my late 20’s then went up to a 34c. 3 pregnancies and midway through nursing the 3rd and they are already saggy as hell. I can’t imagine how bad they will be when this one weans. Maybe all the money we saved on formula can go towards a boobie lift. I am bitter to hear others got to keep their boobs, so so bitter.
Titty Fairy??! Is she the hateful bitch I need to hunt down and stomp? A) She teased me unmercifully by making the first girl in my class to need a bra. Argh. B) She then preceded to IGNORE ME for the rest of my LIFE… so far. C) That ignoring thing? It included pregnancies and breastfeeding. I got all the way up to a solid B, when I was totally engorged. WTF. Pre-baby, I also had amazing, perfect defined abs. I had to be careful how I dressed, or the tits just blended in, like a bonus slab of tummy muscles. ALL of my fat went to my ass and thighs. The one and only upside? Still perky after all these years. Maybe a future child will entice her to come feel me up with magic boobie dust. Worthless Twitty-Fairy.
I have a plan for the titty fairy that involves a slow painful death, unless I get to be a nuce normal C cup again, with breasts that don’t hang down and nearly turn under, in a motherfucking F cup. F for Fucking hell. Oh, to wear a regular bra again, instead of my milk stained, sweat stained nasty Medela bras!! Sweet Jesus, help me!!
Ellie: Best wishes on your surgery and happy boob shopping
Ok girls, before we go around stabbing the titty fairy let’s think about this. If everyone had the perfect set of twins they would no longer be a “big” deal. Boobs are fabulous no matter shape or size!
Well, I was a measly A cup before I got knocked up, blew up to a D, and then after all was said and done ended up a full B. Not a bad deal, in my opinion.
Then, after being on Yaz for the past two years, the B went to an overflowing C. Can’t hate that either. Sadly, the other side effects of Yaz got on my nerves, and I stopped taking it. Sure, I was worried about crashing and burning without the hormones that kept me on track, but one of my biggest fears was that my boobs would shrink up to nothing.
Hasn’t happened yet. Oh, sure, I feel like I’m going to die without my artificial estrogen, but the titties are hanging in there so far
Wow, I’m finally getting to this article…3 days later!
I knew I was pregnant before I had even peed on the stick. My boobs were so sore and achey I couldn’t stand it. My nice perky C cup expanded to a REALLY full D…which I really didn’t like. It was a litlle too much for my frame.
But 15 months later, I’m back to my original C and couldn’t be happier. Here’s to hoping this happens with future pregnancies as well, huh?
4 kids, bad genes, DDDD oranges in tube socks. You know you want some of this.
TITS!
that is all.
Now I feel like flashing you all.
WAIT. Just did.
Now I feel better. *phew*