New Years Resolution – The Year Of Me

New Years ResoultionsI’ve never been much of a New Year’s Girl. I don’t go out to celebrate because, like Hef aptly noted, it’s kinda “Amateur Hour” and every asshole cretin has crawled out from under their rock and is getting sloshed and acting like a jerk. Besides, every time I’ve been out partying, it’s led to fighting, mayhem and destruction, so it’s one of those holidays that I deliberately stay inside and order pizza and try not to talk to anyone. It seems like a bad omen to be fighting with someone while I usher in the New Year, so my husband, The Daver, and I tend to try and not interact lest we jinx the year to come. And no, we’re actually NOT that superstitious. The year that we were fighting as the clock struck midnight, though, was probably the worst we’ve had so far, so take that as it is, and I’ll be sitting mute on my couch drinking champagne and smiling stupidly.

I am In A Rebirth Period

What annoys me more than the annoying frat boys getting wasted and puking on my lawn is the surge of people making resolutions for The New Year. Don’t get me wrong: I like resolutions. If you read my other blog, you know that I’m in a bit of a rebirth period right now (holy shit do I sound annoyingly new agey right now) and it has nothing to do with the end of the year. That’s just a coincidence, really. Resolutions are a good thing but they need to be made for the right reasons. You’re setting yourself up for failure if you’re all “I’m gonna become the next supermodel and drop 65 pounds by February 1st while I learn to produce gangsta rap albums.” There’s nothing like the bitter taste of failure to make you stop trying entirely. You’re defeating yourself before you start and that’s discouraging as hell. If your List Of Resolutions looks like this:

*Read the collective works of Aristotle in it’s native Greek
*Understand Ulysses
*Become a Famous Neurosurgeon
*Lose 87 pounds
*Build 12 houses single-handedly for Habitat for Humanity
*Repaint bedroom using tongue
*Become a roaring sex kitten

Maybe it’s time to reevaluate your goals. Don’t get me wrong, my Internet, I don’t mean that you shouldn’t make resolutions or have goals because trust me, if I told you what my end goals are, you’d all be laughing in my face. But I don’t plan on accomplishing them in a year and I’m breaking them down into smaller bits and bites rather than being all “I Am Going to Rule The WORLD!” (I am SO going to rule the world).

2010 Is The Year Of Me

My biggest goal for 2010, which I have narcissistically christened The Year Of Me, is to become comfortable with myself and my body. When some people get pregnant, they get these cute little adorable baby bumps resting above their normal looking lower bodies, and I turn into the Michelin Man. Whether I spend my days hugging the porcelain throne or shoving ding-dongs and cupcakes in my gaping maw, I gain roughly 60-70 pounds. And whomever told me that I could simply breastfeed those pesky pounds away was a damn liar and should be lined up and bitch slapped. My body is so efficient about storing food after my babies are born that if I’m ever stuck hidden away during a zombie melee, I’ll be able to live for upwards of ten years off of those fat deposits. After about a year, the weight starts to come off, but before that, it’s a pretty futile endeavor for me to even attempt dieting. Three times around the baby block, I know this.

As Sexy As The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

Because of this, since my daughter was born last January, I’ve been avoiding pictures like it was my job. I avoid being naked whenever possible and I avoid having The Sex with any lights on. I feel about as sexy as the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and forget traipsing around in my sex kitten lingerie because I’m still rocking a nursing bra and granny panties because that, my friends, is how good I feel about myself. I’ll barely buy myself clothes or look in the mirror because it makes me so sad to see what I look like. And this isn’t because The Daver is all “you’re nasty” because if he were, I’d nail his balls to the wall and string him up by his penis from the flagpole.

Booger-Stained Yoga Pants

But this has to stop for my own sanity’s sake. My daughter turns one next month and the weight is coming off. I’ve started buying real clothes again and stopped apologizing for what I look like, because you know what? I EARNED every ounce of it and no one else cares what I look like. I’m working on getting the weight off and I’ll be back to fighting shape in no time. I’ll be prancing around in my Easter Ham costume and we’ll be playing Little Bow Peep again by the end of next year. It’s time to start reclaiming my groove and bringing myself back, because while I’ve been wearing the same booger-stained yoga pants and chasing my kids around the house I’ve lost myself along the way. I’ll find my way back and reclaim my inner self who has been trying to claw her way out because my kids who love their mommy dearly, also need to know that their mom is a person too.

So while I have a stack of small resolutions that I’ve made toward a greater goal, they’re not on any specific time-table and if I can’t accomplish them right away, well, that’s okay with me. I’m working toward making 2010 The Year of Me and I’m bringing Aunt Becky back from underneath the mountains of laundry and stacks of dirty dishes. With that, my self-esteem is going to take a dramatic upturn and soon, I’ll be buying candy cane thongs and butt-bows once again.

Do you make resolutions for the New Year? If you do, do you follow them?

About Mommy Wants Vodka

Bored by mini-vans, life in the child lane, and pot-pie recipes, Becky began to write on her blog, Mommy Wants Vodka in 2007. She was as shocked as anyone to find out that people actually wanted to read what she wrote. Instead of living a swinging life of weekends in the Congo and curing baldness while holding crack babies, she stays home with her three children. An unpaid, kept woman.

Comments

  1. i can’t wait for candy cane thongs!

    seriously, my resolution is to take better care and feeding of my marriage.

    i am finding it too easy to just concentrate on the day to day list-of-things-that-must-be-done-to-keep-the-house-running: work, laundry, dishes, feeding babies/kids, picking up, vacuuming, blah blah blah. we work opposite shifts three days a week, and see each other for a handful of moments the rest of the week before being distracted by some other crisis or issue.

    i’ve forgotten to be IN LOVE with my wife, to feel those moments when we are one–unstoppable, bigger than the world–as we did 15 years ago.

  2. I have also decided that this is the year that I reclaim myself. Too many life disruptions, some wonderful, some not so wonderful, have made me start to lose “me” in all the hubbub. It’s also time for my husband and I to remember that we are a married couple, and not just parents to all those kids we have. That’s it, you’ve inspired me to put more effort into me. Thanks, Aunt Becky.

  3. CP – I think that your resolution would be great one
    - for many a people – myself included.

    Aunt Becky – Burn those granny panties girl and slide your sweet as a candy cane ass into some Uber Sexy Swarovski crystals http://lib.store.yahoo.net/lib/wickedtemptations/se-x33a1.jpg

  4. go the year of me!!…..i mean you!?! i cant stand new years too many crowded pubs and sooooo over hyped.
    i havent had any kids yet so my 2010 will be the year of me plus one hopefully. Go get your groove back. Aunt B…(and if theres any left over it air mail it to me!)

  5. Oh there’s plenty to go around Rhia and CP and Kelly, love, love, loves it.

    Toy With Me, uh, wow. That just looks wow. I love sparkles, but that looks, uh, WOW.

  6. I applaud your resolution to bring Aunt Becky back. You’re totally right, of course, about the need to find the YOU that is buried under laundry & dishes & other mundane “mom” tasks.

    As for candy cane thongs, you can have ‘em. I don’t do butt floss, no matter how sexy some people think it is! LOL

  7. I’m glad 2010 is going to be the year of Aunt Becky! You really can lose yourself in the whole mommy thing. I am due to give birth any minute now so unfortunately my body is still going to belong to someone else for most/all of next year but I have big plans for 2011. I turn 30 in July of 2011, so I figure if I breastfeed for a year (my body hangs on to the weight with a deathgrip while I’m breastfeeding too) then I will have 6 months to get rid of the extra weight, wash the spit-up stains out of my shirts, get a real haircut and start showering again before I say goodbye to my 20′s. So I am kind of giving myself a free pass for 2010 and preemptively making my resolutions for the year after.

  8. Oh Aunt Becky, I soooo feel you on the post baby body. While I gained significantly less weight with baby #2 than with #1, I’m still lugging around some extra pounds that on me just look stupid. I’m not a person who gets fat gracefully. It just hangs off my midsection, spare-tire-esque. Makes the ill-fitting nursing bra and granny panties look complete. I reluctantly hit the mall yesterday to buy offspring #1 some new shoes, and I just felt like I was still in pajamas next to all those people who look so put together. I am not making any resolutions, but I am definitely working on feeling good in whatever clothes I’m wearing and losing the spare tire. We can be partners in getting all “sparkled up”, though I’m not so sure about the swarovski stringy thing either. :)

  9. Actually, my goal is, seriously, to lose another 80-90 pounds by October. I most certainly have it to lose, and it’ll take work and discipline, which means I’m probably screwed, but we’ll see.

  10. Rock on. More of us (myself included) have got to learn to be comfortable with who we are.

    Time for me to get serious about exercising. After I get some non cat fur covered yoga pants maybe. Do you know how hard it is to find reasonably priced long lasting clothes in a 3x that aren’t from (ugh) Wal-mart? :-p

    I’m glad your baby fat disappears.. mine stuck around, and I’m not talking about my 22 year old son that can’t find a job and still lives at home.

    Happens that I’m tall and I wear a 3X (thank you genetics and my three children.) I was in the grocery store a few weeks ago and some lady behind me asked me when I was due. I blinked, then looked her in the eye and said “my daughter is 25 years old now, thanks” and turned back around to pay for my groceries. :p

    Definitely time to get serious about getting some exercise and taking better care of me.

  11. Never any goals for me. Goals are for losers because 90% of goals are abandoned within six weeks. If you set no goals, you have no opportunity to lose.

    PLUS……..Anything worth doing is worth doing NOW!, not on January 1.

  12. Rebecca, exactly. My diet began ages ago and my resolutions were from months before. New Years Day isn’t Day 1, it’s just another day. Progress, not perfection.

  13. Fuck yeah.

  14. I have to agree with Aunt Becky & Rebecca (above). Goals worth doing don’t need a date. I wish you luck, Aunt Becky. I wish us all luck for the self-betterment that starts with a positive attitude.

  15. Good for you. That certainly sounds like a solid overall goal.

    And who knows? Maybe you’ll find time to produce a hit gangsta rap album along the way. Or not.

  16. My secret for losing weight from breastfeeding? Have twins.

    My “resolution” around time twins were 9 months old and my body had kind of stabilized (into a slimmer form than it had been in years, see breastfeeding twins above), was “fight the frump.” This involved a uniform:
    -two pairs of jeans,
    -bras that fit (you don’t need nursing bras if you’re mostly nursing from home anyway. Nursing twins involved being stripped to the waist in a dark room, so the bra was irrelevant), -about 6 black t-shirts that fit (I liked stretchy men’s Jockey v-necks, long enough that there’s no chance of baby belly popping out)
    -comfortable but funky shoes, not sneakers. Motorcycle boots would work.

    Wear uniform, put on make-up every day, even if just lipstick
    and start pushing that stroller around your world as if you’re dying to bump into someone you know, because you look fabulous. Having really dirty thoughts at the same time helps too, you might as well be entertaining yourself.

  17. 2010 Is The Year Of Me

    I am sorry, I have already laid claim to 2010- The Year of Jack, but I might consider sharing it. 2009 blew chunks, goodbye and good riddance.

  18. And I thought I coined the phrase -
    Maybe the Year Of Me is the new black.

  19. Resolutions, I’ve done them to death, and never achieved a one. But I need a goal for next year. I’m currently 6 months pregnant (but just looking fat, egads KeptWench, I can’t believe someone asked you when you were due!) so 2010 is ostensibly all about adjusting to motherhood, but really I’m hoping it will be a chance to stop and take a breath and concentrate on me, making time for myself and to get fit and healthy again

    Stop laughing, you people with kids! She’ll sleep sometimes, won’t she?

    One thing that pisses me off about how I make resolutions is how I expect to be perfect from the absolute start. If I’m learning to do something new I don’t expect to be brilliant at it from the get go. But if I make a resolution to be healthier I expect to never slip up at all, but seeing as January 1 is generally filled with hangovers and bacon sandwiches I’m doomed to failure from the start. It’s never a *process*, is what I’m trying to say.

    Or maybe you don’t do that, and it’s just that I’m dumb?

  20. Not My Mother, YES. Exactly. I expect perfection from myself at all points in time, which is why I don’t make Lists Of Things I’ll Do. I just have a general “I’ll get ‘er done” because eventually, I’ll do it. Some days are better than others.

    And Swirl Girl, I stole The Year Of Me line from my BFF Pashmina.

  21. I do make resolutions, and last year I mostly stuck to and achieved them. In the last year-and-a-half I have lost 127 lbs. I did break the amount of weight I had to lose into smaller, more achievable-looking goals though and took it one goal at a time.

    I joined NaNoWriMo for the first time this year and completed it as a winner.

    No idea what I’m going to set for myself this year though. I only have ten punds left to reach my goal weight. I guess I need to finish my novel and edit it still, so I can make that a resolution for this year.

    Who knows? I might be brave enough to try and achieve the really, truly difficult task of getting my house finally clean and organized. But then again, that might just be a task too far beyond me.

  22. Moonduster, you’re my hero. SERIOUSLY. ROCK ON. I’ll tackle your house if you somehow lose MY weight for me ;)

  23. You had me at the nursing bra and granny panties…but when you reached mountains of laundry and stacks of dirty dishes, I feared you were actually writing about me!

  24. My only resolution this year is to finally watch the entirety of “True Blood” on DVD.

    I like painlessly attainable goals and I’m easily amused, obviously.

    No, seriously. Good for you, Becks. I think you’re pretty awesome and I’m glad you’re starting to feel that way about your badass self again, too. Many smoochies.

  25. I’m lining up with you guys, reclaiming a big of me, and improving my body and health. I am not setting out for the final destination, but unloading the stinky nursing bras and the pregnancy underwear that still fit now will be a good start. Good luck to both of us.

  26. My goal is to not pee my pants anymore. I’m a little over 6 mos pregnant and this child keeps making me leak. I know it’s not gonna happen though. I don’t really set resolutions….they never work anyway.

  27. I could have written this post, dude. In fact, I have something kind of similar half written.

  28. I’ve traditionally been against New Year’s Resolutions, because as you say, they kind of set you up to fail. But after some serious Christmastime family drama, I’ve come to the painful realization that I’ve spent my entire life avoiding conflict because I’m afraid if I confront someone they’ll leave me. And it turns out? I have no control over that. People are going to stay or leave or hate me or hate one another, and one word from me one way or the other isn’t going to change squat.

    So this is the year I stand up for myself. I don’t look forward to it at all, because standing up for yourself isn’t generally received very well, and I’m already (literally) having nightmares. But if I can learn this lesson (only 34 years after most people manage it), I know I can look forward to a life that just gets better.

  29. For 2010…one of my NYR was to have MORE sex…seriously! I work shift work…hubby works shift work…we are lucky if we actually SEE one another on any given day, let alone get naked and knock boots! I personally would like it 5 to7 times a week…he’s a geezer and I think 3 is okay…if not bordering on too much…so…with that being said, I am not envisioning anything wild or kinky…I just want to get some.

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