If you’ve yet to have children, remember this: toddlers are extremely curious and creative little creatures. When you’re taking a bath or in the kitchen, they will dig through your drawers or under your bed looking for play clothing or monsters or a lost Toy Story Buzz Lightyear. And when they do, they will find whatever it is that you’ve hoped they would never ask about. And then they will ask about everything single thing they discover.
This is what happened to me one lazy Saturday afternoon while my husband was out and I was engrossed in the latest John Grisham novel with my feet up on the backside of the couch. In marches my 3 and a half-year-old, proudly pulling a makeshift caddy of all our private pleasure toys that we keep stored under the bed. My blindfold is casually wrapped around her waist like a little fashionista belt and she sports one fuzzy pink handcuff pushed way up to her shoulder, like some cool punk rocker.
“Mommy, Mommy! Lookit! Toys!” she exclaims to me, excited about her bounty. And then the questions begin as she presents each item in a quick flurry, her curly hair bouncing. She pulls out a simple straight, non-penis looking vibrator and somehow actually manages to twist it just right to start it humming.
“Why does it move like that? It tickles.” I gently take the toy from her and turn it off. This is a delicate moment to handle; I don’t believe there’s any shame in sex, but I also believe that 3 ½ is far too early to introduce the concept. I’ve heard stories from friends whose mothers taught them that sexuality was improper, keeping the facts of life from them until they were well into their teenage years. By then, of course, they had learned all the truly improper – that is, inaccurate – information from their friends. One close pal was even slapped in the face by her mother when she unintentionally found mom’s vibrator and asked about it over lunch in front of other ladies. This would never be my approach. I consider my response and give her as close to the truth as I think is appropriate.
“That’s for when mommy’s back hurts.” I tell her.
“Can I put it on your back?” She asks, all innocent.
“That’s sweet, honey, but my back doesn’t hurt right now.”
She seems content with this answer and moves onto the feather tickler, sticking it in her hair like an Indian. She poses fiercely for me. I cower in mock fear. Then she removes it and tickles my nose with it, so I giggle.
“Tickle me back!” So I do and she giggles. “Why do you have this, mommy?”
“For tickling, of course.”
“Right!” And she tickles me again. We have a good laugh. Then, suddenly, she runs back into the bedroom and brings back my wedge.
“Mommy, what’s this?” Her face is screwed up with a completely confused expression, her head tilted to the side like a dog that’s just heard a funny sound.
“What does it look like it’s for?” I ask. She pauses. Then, with great accomplishment:
“A slide!” And she plops down on the high end and slides down to the floor, squealing. It’s not a very long slide, but it does the trick. She jumps back up and this time rolls down it, turning over about twice and laughing dizzily at the bottom.
I leave John Grisham on the couch for the rest of the afternoon while I watch my daughter play with the blindfold, feather, cuff and wedge. The rest of the toys go back in the bedroom, but this time on a high shelf in the closet. Some day I know we’ll have a good laugh about this day. She may even think I’m kind of cool. Or maybe when she’s a bit more grown up, she’ll come to me with more adult questions about sexuality because she knows she can trust that I’m as open and honest as I can be, given the circumstances. Maybe she’ll remember that I let her play and use her imagination, knowing that she wasn’t being “tainted” or shamed in any way. Until then, of course, as far as she’s concerned, a feather is just a feather.
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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Hahah! Such a cute story! I agree. Children should never be scolded or taught that sexuality is shameful when expressing curiosity at any age, be it intentional or unintentional. I feel that some of my problems that I am only now, near age 30, starting to overcome are a result of being made to feel like sex was shameful and little more than a chore a woman must do for her husband. Only now through the marvel of the internet have I come to educate myself and connect with people who have shown me that it’s OK to be curious, it’s OK to explore and it’s OK to be proud of your sexual self.
Very cute story! Your daughter sounds adorable
Thank you so much for handling the situation that way. I remember my parents weren’t nearly as understanding as that. Your daughter sounds like such a cutie and I’m sure someday she is really going to appreciate how cool her mom is and how she doesn’t need to be afraid to speak with her openly.
Funny how many stories we hear like this when children venture into the forbidden parts of the bedroom! We sell a neat little “box” called the ToiBocks that is designed just for this little problem! It is designed to hide your special “toys” in a hidden compartment.
Hiya, this is JavaJunkie here. Have I got a true story for you! My father is a retired anesthesiologist and when we were very young he walked into my room to find me “putting my younger sister to sleep” for her “operation” using my mother’s (thankfully clean) diaphragm!
JAVA!!!! I am at once both excited to see you, and deeply disturbed by your childhood. I think they showed us a diaphragm in high school, and I flipped out about how BIG it was. Frankly, if I was a kid, I TOTALLY wouldn’t have figured out its use either.
I can so relate. My oldest daughter has ahabit of waiting about a day to ask the follow-up question from hell.
A day after the definition of heterosexual love as we were driving home from school I hear from the back seat, “Mommy?” “Yes dear?” “Remember what we were talking about yesterday?”
My heart starts racing since this is not the first time I have heard that line.
“Yes.” I say slowly. “Why?” Butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth I am so innocent.
“Well, I was wondering,”
“Here it comes… I would have to be driving, God, I hope I don’t wreck the car!”
“What’s a homosexual?”
My brain freezes. “That’s it?” I think, “I can do that one! Wow! I will live another day!” and I carefully and lovingly explain to both she and her little brother, “Remember I told you yesterday that when a man and a woman love each other very deeply as adults they want to be together in a special way?”
“Yes.”
“Well it’s the same when two grown men or women love each other very deeply and want to be together in the same special way.”
“Oh. Okay.”
I waited. No follow up. Then I realize, it hasn’t been a day.
Best of luck with your daughter. It’s a really fun ride. Mine is now 36. The good news is the mother’s curse works. She has two daughters of her own.
My daughter found my glass dildo and was all “look! I found mommy’s MAGIC WAND!” and she proceeded to run around the house, tapping things with it and and saying “TING!” I was just glad it was clean, and that she didn’t find the butt plugs instead because they look an awful lot like pacifiers!
Very funny and heart warming stories. I’m relieved to know I am not alone on this subject.
I wish my experience finding my mother’s toys was as lighthearted as this one! Needless to say it can’t have scarred me bad enough to steer clear of them.
I wish my mom hadn’t left her diaphragm out in plain view though. I knew since she wouldn’t tell me what it was for it had to have been “something gross”! I would have had more respect for her if she had told me what it was for.
Great article. You handled the situation very well!
That is so so so cute. Good for you for not freaking out when she found your ‘toys’.
Funny story. I remember 1day when I found my moms pack of condoms… I thought they were odd shaped balloons! My sister and I filled them with water and threw them at people. I even put the water filled balloon in my mouth and drank the water because I was thirsty! Thankfully when my mom found out what we had done she kindly came over to us and told us that those weren’t the kind of balloons you used for play and promised us balloons we could use! We laugh about it now!
Wonderful story! I”ve a young daughter too, and I can sure identify with others who have had to deal with *that* inflection point in a child’s path of learning.
A lot of us (in the sex products biz) are working to make this experience less threatening for prospective owners. Tasteful design can certainly help (we’re betting on it!), but there is nothing more important that a parent’s personal comfort with their own sexuality.
Fantastic post! I was 13 when I found my dad’s “stash” and I can honestly say, some of it scarred me – not the toys or even the videos but the more intimate photos… too much for my eyes!! When my oldest was four she found my “toy” and I didn’t worry so much about her knowing mommy had a “massager” I was more worried about show and tell time when her little friends, cousins were over. That’s how I came up with the idea for ToiBocks. I didn’t want to have to trek to the high shelf in the closet when I wanted to use my toys and I didn’t want the kids to be able to get into it. So I created a jewelry box and hid a lock mechanism inside it and the rest is history. Easy access for you, no access for them! Keep up the great writing – it’s refreshing, funny and engaging!
omg too funny….f I had a penny for every client that this happened to! It does pay to invest in a good hide a pillow or storage chest. lol
Thanks for sharing
that is embarrassing i think… I think it could happen in many families…
My daughter found my glass dildo and was all “look! I found mommy’s MAGIC WAND!” and she proceeded to run around the house, tapping things with it and and saying “TING!” <— ahahaha!
I'm sure it wasn't funny at the time, but the way you describe it is hilarious xD
no, it was funny then, too.
Loved this….and could so relate. My oldest son, then just 2 1/2, found my toy. He called it dynamite and used it to give his trucks more power. I tried to hide it but he kept discovering my dynamite. One time when a friend was over, we kept hearing a strange noice rumbling through the heating duct work. When we went up to my bedroom we found my son and her son playing with the dynamite. Needless to say we hid it at the top of the closet in a box that only my husband could reach.
I remember when I found my mum’s vibrator when I was about 10. I knew about sex, but not about sex toys, so somehow got it into my mind that the base unscrewed, and that the man would put his penis into it as a way of putting a condom on (as I knew what they were, but had no idea how they were put on. I replaced it, and never brought it up with my mum.
I remember finding some things as a kid. These days there are no kids but I just spent the $40 for a second locking case to put my things in. My sweetie has one too, so that way the house can always be sterile for guests and the nightstands can handle inspection when family stays over as well. (yes they will snoop.) The Toibox jewelry case is very nice. saw one up close. this place has cases and toy kits in cases. http://www.lustincase.com/store.php not beginners stuff though.