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Mommy Wants Vodka

I Need A Place To Hide My Sex Toys

July 27, 2010

When I was in high school, I was probably looting around for some rogue twenty dollar bills or perhaps golden coins or something in my parents dresser when I came across a condom. I was suitably horrified. It’s not that I didn’t ever expect that they had sex or anything, I just never needed to [...]

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Aunt Becky Makes A Porno

July 20, 2010

A friend of mine, who runs the super successful blog, Texts from Last Night, sent me a message the other week telling me that someone had found her co-blog by searching for “Aunt Becky Porn.” I don’t know what’s more shocking about this: that I have friends, that I have friends who are super-successful, or [...]

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Girls I Would Love To Hump

July 13, 2010

I am highly prone to Girl Crushes, which is weird because I didn’t get along with women until I was in my twenties. My experiences with women in my younger years were mostly that they were fucking assholes that would say, “I love you (aunt) Becky. You’re my best friend forever!!!” and then they’d go [...]

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Porn – Not Exactly “Dora The Explorer”

July 6, 2010

Now, Your Aunt Becky is a big fan of pornography. I find it, at times arousing, others, amusing, and still others, horrifying. The human body can be so varied in how it looks and the human mind can come up with so many sick, twisted and downright disgusting things to capture on film that my [...]

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Too Tired For Sex – How Can I Make The Time?

June 29, 2010

It’s ten P.M and I look down at the pants that I’m wearing. They have a mysterious white stain on them that, at one point would have been semen, but is now probably cake batter from the cupcakes I made for a school party for my eldest son. Oh, the mighty, I sigh to myself [...]

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The Story Of The Birthday Blowjob

June 22, 2010

The first time I heard of oral sex, it was described in terms of bases. I think a blow job was considered to be third base, according to some of my seventh grade sources, but according to others, it didn’t register as a base at all. Between the new hormones raging so fiercely that I [...]

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In Search Of A Crystal Studded Ball Gag

June 15, 2010

This is part 3 of a series. Here is part 1 and part 2.
When we last left off, I had just told my friends that I had a mission, and although I wanted desperately to make a Blues Brothers “mission from God” reference since we were in Chicago, I couldn’t. No, my mission was simple: [...]

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