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Mommy Wants Vodka

What I Wish I’d Known About Sex

January 25, 2011

Well, Toy With Me-ers, it’s been a hell of a lot of fun working with you guys on the site. I can’t believe I’ve actually been writing here for a year and a half, but time flies when you’re having fun with your vagina. And fun was had by all. This, I regret to inform [...]

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My Ass Deserves New Lingerie

January 18, 2011

A million billion years ago, back when I was just graduating high school (or was I just in college? It’s all a little blurry, thanks to a wee bit of excessive, um, well, vodka usage), I was involved in my first serious relationship. Going on two years, we were finally showing the cracks in our [...]

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11 New Year Resolutions I Plan To Keep

January 11, 2011

It’s that time of year again, Toy With Me-ers, and no, not the time of year where I moan and groan about having to buy a swim suit (which, come to think of it, I’ve never done, which means I should probably do that sometime, just to SAY I’ve done it, right? RIGHT), but the [...]

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Las Vegas Fails On The Sexy Front

January 4, 2011

Right before Christmas, I did what all good girls do and packed my bags and flew to Las Vegas. Alone. I’d never been to Vegas, but every time I told someone I was going, they were all, “OMG, AUNT BECKY, VEGAS IS SOOOOO CRAZY,” so I was kind of disappointed when I un-boarded the plane [...]

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All I Want For Christmas Is a Pair Of Fuck Me Boots And Tom Jones

December 7, 2010

It’s the most wonderful time of the year again, Toy With Me-ers! Can’t you just FEEL the love dripping from everyone? Why, I was nearly mowed down by a couple of cars today trying to walk into Target to buy some motherfucking Christmas presents. Happy Motherfucking Holidays! I kid, I kid. I may be one [...]

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Ten Things You Should Never Say

November 30, 2010

There are very few things as emotionally treacherous as dating. I run a weekly advice column which is laughable enough (what, me give advice?) but what’s even more shocking is the amount of people who ask me for dating advice. Luckily, I have a cadre of people I can irritate into helping me give better [...]

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My Jimmyjane Little Gold Vibrator

November 23, 2010

It’s been a running joke that I’ve had an abysmal collection of sex toys. I generally like jokes at my expense, even jokes about my crappy sex toy collection, but after I broke my thirty-fifth vibrator this year, I started listening to you guys. Actually, I was listening to you from the beginning, I just [...]

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