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The Queen Of Everything

I Need To Get Me Some Gays

March 10, 2010

I’m pretty fabulous, you know.
I know I like to joke about lame being my default position, but it’s not.  Awesome is my default.  I just don’t want to flaunt it so I can seem accessible to the common people.  Yet despite all this awesome wonderfulness following me around, I cannot say that I am completely [...]

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My Friends Husband Is A Dildo Nazi

March 3, 2010

I was feeling a little stumped for an idea for this week’s story, so I asked my dear blog readers for a little help and my goodness I’m glad I did because I got  a suggestion that I never would have thought of  on my own.
I actually have a Queefie (that’s what I call my [...]

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Breastfeed My Husband? Hell No!

February 24, 2010

Last week we talked about the inappropriateness of semen as a recipe ingredient, and we choked and we gagged and we barfed on our keyboards. My poor husband was terribly depressed by this as he was under the impression that most women love the taste of semen (porn being his only point of reference here) [...]

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A Collection Of Semen Based Recipes

February 17, 2010

Warning: Most people will find this post a little hard to swallow. I cannot recommend eating while reading it because I’m having a hard time not gagging while I’m writing it, but write it I must! The people need to know about this:
Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen Based Recipes by Fotie Photenhauer
It’s a cum [...]

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Sluttery At The Salon

February 10, 2010

The telling of this story will probably get me banned from my hairdresser’s, and that will suck balls.  I really like my hairdresser, but it’s a small price to pay because this is a story that needs, nay, begs to be told.
Do you see the sacrifices I make for you Toy with Mes?
You’re welcome, but [...]

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How To Be The Perfect Wife

February 3, 2010

When Toy With Me asked me to write about The Good Wife’s Guide, an article that was supposedly originally published in Housekeeping Monthly in 1955, I was all over it because why wouldn’t I be?  My first encounter with it was eons ago when I found something very much like it folded up in a box of [...]

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Vinny And The Roast Beef Curtains

January 27, 2010

Some of you Toy with Mes might remember from last week’s post that I was going to work on my first smutty novel about my dreamboy, Vinny, the deli manager over at the Super Stop & Shop where I do my groceries. But before I share with you the juicy details of my turbulent relationship [...]

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