Sluttery At The Salon

A little off the top pleaseThe telling of this story will probably get me banned from my hairdresser’s, and that will suck balls.  I really like my hairdresser, but it’s a small price to pay because this is a story that needs, nay, begs to be told.

Do you see the sacrifices I make for you Toy with Mes?

You’re welcome, but if I start looking like I have mange, it’s on your heads. Get it? See what I did there? Heads? Hair salon?

High five!

Anywho, a few weeks ago, my husband, daughters, and I went to the salon together. My husband needed a haircut, I needed my bangs trimmed, yada, yada, yada we went there. And everything was going nicely with my husband’s haircut, until the salon owner’s two twenty-something sisters walked in. They kind of took over the salon as if it was a bedroom rather than a place of business–tossing coats and bags wherever and grabbing styling equipment from stylist’s carts and so on.  One of the stylists asked the blond one if she had gone tanning recently, she answered in the affirmative, and proceeded to STAND RIGHT BEHIND MY HUSBAND AND TAKE HER SHIRT OFF.

Yes!

She did!

I can’t believe it either!

There she was, standing behind him in her bra, inspecting her tan lines and primping her bangs in the mirror where he was sitting.

Close your mouth.

There are two other mirrors in there. One of them didn’t even have anyone sitting in it, so clearly she chose the one he was in for a reason.

I searched the room for evidence that somebody else noticed this and that I wasn’t hallucinating because really? Who does that? It would have been weird even if the place had been full of women, right?

Eventually, Bra Girl put her shirt back on, but then she put her hands in her pants and pulled them down her hips to check the tan lines there, and then she lifted up the bottom of her shirt and postured in front of the mirror, showing her belly with her hips jutted out.

All of this was in my husband’s mirror.

And then she grabbed her blackberry and started loudly reading text messages from guys telling her how nice her body is, and then she went over and sat in another girl’s lap!

Call me Prudence McPrude, Mayoress of Prudytown if you want to, but wasn’t that a little bit…inappropriate? I felt like I was in the dressing room of a strip club.  And there I was in my big ol’ down coat (it was 23 degrees outside, y’all) with a baby on my lap, holding a wholesale club sized jar of peanuts my husband insisted on bringing in with him (?), and trying to keep my 4-year-old from climbing all over the other customers, while some skankasaurus got ready to give my husband a lap dance.

Maybe I just don’t understand what was happening there because we didn’t study sluttery at my school, but don’t you think that most women, if they were so inclined to do such a thing in the first place, would sort of refrain from doing it in front of a dude’s wife and children? Isn’t such behavior normally relegated to oh, I don’t know…private? Or something?

Don’t get me wrong Toy with Mes, I don’t think of myself as an insecure or jealous or prudish wife by any stretch. My husband looks at pictures of naked ladies all the time, he’s an avid consumer of all things porn, and he (jokingly)(I think)hits on my friends.  I’ve even caught him with binoculars in the back yard “birdwatching” in the dark.

None of that stuff particularly bothers me, but this incident at the hair salon really stuck in my craw, and it has nothing to do with him. He was just sitting there getting a haircut when hi-jinks ensued. Sadly for him though, and this is just his luck, he didn’t have his glasses on and he can’t see for shit without them, so he didn’t even get to enjoy the show. What a raw deal!

I really do feel sorry for the poor bastard because it’s been years since I’ve been a guy, but from what I remember, you almost never get see some chick’s goodies without having to tip her afterward, or slip out the door before she wakes up. (Just for the record, I’ve never been a dude.  Or have I? No, I haven’t.  OR HAVE I? You’ll never know.)

When we got to the car, and I could! not! wait! to get to the fucking car,  I was all “can you believe that girl was standing behind you in her bra?!?” and he was like “Is that what happened? I didn’t see anything! I didn’t have my glasses on! FUCKIN’ A!!”

The wife in me is completely satisfied at how things turned out, the friend part of me is totally bummed that he didn’t get to see some tits on an ordinary Saturday afternoon, and the mom part of me was horrified that my husband just taught my daughter to say “fuckin’ A!” That shit’s gonna come around at random playback at just the wrong moment.

I’ve been so confused about this incident that I’ve told the story to just about everyone (the guy at the gas station wanted the salon’s address, btw) to get their reaction.  I mean, is she really that comfortable at her sister’s salon that it seems cool to undress in front of customers, or is she that big of an ignorant pig or…or a slut or…what?

When I told this story to my neighbors, Roland and Bethany, their teenage son, Horatio, told me that all the sisters in that family are total sluts.

So, there ya go.

Question answered.

Slutbag.

So, anybody got the number of a good barber shop?

About The Queen Of Everything

Comments

  1. A new barber shop? From his cold dead fingers! Bet he remembers his glasses next time!

  2. don’t forget the best part…

    she’s a female firefighter!

    (insert hot/smoking/fire joke here)

    anyway, i can’t help it if i just exude raw sex. those pheromones just waft up from my perfectly-shaved balls and fill the room. this kind of shit happens to me all the time.

    i totally got the shaft on the free peep show. goddamned -6 diopter myopia.

  3. Sounds like some pretty desperate attention seeking to me which is sad and totally inappropriate in the salon (and most other public places).

    If there is ever a next time for that sort of behaviour, I would ask if she’s got her ta-tas out so she can wet-nurse Homeslice and if the answer is no, can she kindly cover up because you don’t think the salon is licensed as an adult entertainment establishment. Or, ya know, at least ask the stylist if she has any singles so you can properly tip the burlesque staff…

    And, my bet is that Mister is just teasing your friends when he hits on them because if he’d step out on you, I will have to declare that I have officially given up on the human race. (Sorry to put the pressure on you like that, CP, but really? Crissy is mega hot and there isn’t anything for you to “trade up” to).

  4. Sounds like slut baggery to me! wow. that’s just madness!

  5. Don’t worry Ms. Darkstar! CP is too lazy to cheat on me. It’s too much effort.

  6. You guys have all the fun. CP I suggest Lasik surgery or contacts ASAP. Girlfriend should let the fuckin’ A fly next time you encounter Mrs. Fancypants. Crissy you are in shape ( I have seen the pics) so beat the crap out of the slut. Mess up her perfect face and ruin a few tan lines. Think of the exercise you’ll get and perhaps CP can locate his glasses before the fight ends. Think of the visuals! Just post pics of the event, because we like our visuals too. Fuckin’ A.

  7. Next time, walk up to slutbag and whisper to her: “Isn’t my husband hot? Yup, and he’s hung too.” They walk away. pwned.

  8. That is a good old fashioned Attention Whore on the loose. They are the WORST! I would have gotten up and said something to her, but that’s just how I roll.

  9. She actually realized where she knew him from when my daughter ran over and said something like “hey! You’re the firelady from the grocery store!” I think she might have thought he was an old hook-up, but he’s really just a guy who brought his kid to look at a firetruck parked outside the grocery store.

    Oops.

  10. i cheat on my wife all the time.

    usually right in my very own basement.

    she’s cheap, always ready for action, and really good at hand jobs!

    ps i like tess’s suggestion.

  11. He didn’t have his glasses on?!?! God. We have a hair salon here in Portland where getting felt up is part of the process. And you also get a Miller High Life. FOR FREE.

    In summary, you should move here.

  12. Dear Prudence (couldn’t resist) – This is the type of girl who ends up living in a van down by river. Picture it, baby on hip, dude on couch watching tv demanding another beer, and the irony? She works at a salon sweeping hair. I pity the girl.

  13. Think I would have had to tell her to wait a minute while I get my husband his glasses and my kids some blindfolds, then ask her if she had some singles because so far the show didn’t warrant a fiver.

    I would also call the owner of the salon and ask for a reference to a new salon and explain in great detail why I was moving my business elsewhere. Would be funny if your kids hadn’t been with you. Completely inappropriate in front of kids.

  14. What? Barber Shop? No way. Once you’ve had the joy of a woman washing your hair for you, there is no reason to ever go back to a barber shop.

  15. Slutbags aren’t really worth the hassle of finding a new barber… They love the attention and by the time you oprn your mouth to give them a piece of your mind, or raise your fist to give them a piece of that, they’re on top of someone new…. Ya gotta admire em a little; sluts are the original overachievers.

  16. Whenever crazy stuff like that happens to me, I just pretend I’m on an episode of Seinfeld. Then I can really just appreciate it for all of its bizarre hilarity and not connect any real life repercussions to it. I have so many “Remember that time that chic took off her clothes in the Haircuttery?” etc. stories that can be interchangeable with “Remember that episode of Seinfeld where George’s fiance dies?” Both end with me saying, “Dude. That was awesome.”

  17. i’m wearing contacts next time.

    just in case.

  18. CP – “perfectly-shaved balls” Pics or I call bullshit!

    MsDarkstar – If CP tries to “trade up” from Crissy I call dibs.

    melissalion – If I was a dude that would be my next vacation destination.

    Bill – Nothing like a good “head” massage ;)

  19. you should have asked her if she’s PMSing or preggars cuz you see a little bloating.

  20. pattypunker – No messing around for you – straight to the Achilles’ heel.

  21. She sees it on TV all the time, probably those Kardashian bishes, so there is nothing wrong with it. She did keep her bra on! And sat in another girls lap, not hubbie’s. Sounds like no reason for him to change hair salons.

  22. “he didn’t have his glasses on and he can’t see for shit without them” Didn’t see that one coming and it made me laugh pretty hard! That’s great!!

    Anyway, you think that was bad, you should send him to Sports Clips….that place is basically Hooter’s …..instead of wearing orange they are wearing black and white referee shirts. They bend over a lot and give a massage (it’s on the scorecard/menu of options!)

  23. Sports Clips is where my hubs and 4yr old son get their hairs cut. Rebecca is right they wear black and white ref tees and ours here are low cut. Hubs usually gets the lady who rubs her boobs on his head while reaching over him for the clippers.

  24. Funny story. Yes, she’s definitely a slut. Then again, if she’s the owner’s sister and the sister is a hairstylist, they are most likely both sluts. I was a hairdresser for 20 years and worked in a shop where cleavage, stilettos and short skirts where the norm, playboys for reading material and big tippers who got their hair cut every three weeks. Rather excessive, but they were either 1) enjoying the eye candy, or 2) very conscientious about their hair. Our tanning booth had 2for1 specials too. Hairdressers are a bunch of sluts, for sure!

  25. That was a very interesting read! I’m sure you were shocked as hell, I would have been as well.

    What a nerve… Sluts think they pulling up their shirt can do the trick. Well a lot of times it does, unfortunately, but that is another issue. Totally inappropriate at the salon! Especially when you also had your kids there!

    Haha, Tess, I would have liked to have seen her face after that. :D

  26. tinkerbellehell says:

    Hey now – I’m a hairdresser (a damn good one btw) and I would never (knowingly) be slutty. I might be unknowingly – I gotta admit a fondness for Vnecked tee shirts. I have a hard enough time keeping my boobs out of everyone’s face while I wash their hair! I take my job seriously and I don’t think I need to invite any thoughts to the contrary…. besides, my bt (boy toy) might take exception.

  27. First, “holding a wholesale club sized jar of peanuts my husband insisted on bringing in with him.” Are you sure this is what Mister meant when he said, “hold my nuts”? Because the fact that he goes to a “stylist” and not a barber, well, I love you Mister, but take back your nuts.

    Second, I would’ve told them that I wasn’t paying extra for the titty show even if there wasn’t a two drink minimum.

  28. Skankasaurus indeed.

  29. oddly, i was a lot less upset about the incident than my wife was.

    well, other than the not-wearing-my-glasses bit. that made me pretty upset.

  30. OMFG! Nice…obviously a massive grab for attention if I have EVER seen one! Why, for all things that are good and holy, would she want to whip it out in a salon with a mother, her children and her husband sitting there??? Seriously, that is some fucked up shit! If the only action she can get is from the fantasy to swing with a couple in a hair salon while their children look on, the woman needs some serious therapy and perhaps a bitch slap from the woman running the salon. I agree with Wicked Shawn! Go to the salon, ask for the manager and then ask for a referral to another salon. Advise her that you are not going to pay inflated costs for a simple bang trim when the owner is now including strip shows in the salon to drum up business. Wait for her/him to pick their jaw up off the floor and then proceed to recount the tail of the skanky woman who waltzed into the salon and whipped off her shirt and pulled the waistband of her pants down, all the while entertaining the masses with her monolouge on her life and how hot she was and how hot the unknown texter on the other end of her cellphone thought she was.
    While you always enjoy dinner and a show, the salon did not provide dinner and at the end of her show, you were left feeling unfullfilled AND said hubby didn’t even get a “happy ending!”

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge