Breastfeed My Husband? Hell No!

Breastfeeding rocks!Last week we talked about the inappropriateness of semen as a recipe ingredient, and we choked and we gagged and we barfed on our keyboards. My poor husband was terribly depressed by this as he was under the impression that most women love the taste of semen (porn being his only point of reference here) and he was disheartened to learn that I am not the only woman on the planet who gags at the thought of it rolling down her throat.  We all think it’s gross, dear.  Porn actresses are, well, ACTING like they like it.  But they don’t.  I promise.  Even the girls who smile while they perform gokkun with a full 1000cc beaker.

Some commenters even said they’d rather cook with breast milk than semen, and I couldn’t agree more.  At least it’s meant to be consumed.  Semen on the other hand, is NOT.  That’s why it doesn’t taste good.  Semen — not food — tastes bad.  Breast milk tastes good, because it’s food.

Just ask the kids in this video:

See?  Delicious!

I couldn’t watch that whole thing, could you?  Once they started drawing pictures of mommy’s boobs, and giving them names, I was out.  I feel really, very sorry for those poor little girls once the kids at school catch wind of this insanity.  Those kids are way too old to be nursing.

You know who else is too old?

My husband.

The other night, our baby fell asleep before being nursed for the night, and I was getting a little uncomfortable with all the boob juice on deck and I didn’t feel like pumping,  so being the good and selfless husband he is, my beloved offered to help me out.

By drinking it… from the tap.

And he was really serious.

He would have done it if I had let him, but I didn’t because the very idea of nursing my husband makes me die a little bit inside.

No, scratch that–Actually, it makes me die a lot inside and it gives me the heebie-jeebies and I want to jump all around the room shouting Ew! Ew! Ew! Ew! When I mentioned this to a friend over dinner, she told me her husband has offered to do the same thing and we were both just like what the fucking fuck is up with that?

Not everyone feels this way.  For some people, it ain’t no big thang.  In fact, they think of an adult nursing relationship as an act of love and intimacy.


I find this a little creepy.

I guess I’m not enough of an earth mother as to embrace the notion of feeding all creatures big and small from my bosom.  Shit, I don’t even get all the way naked when we do Sexy Time because my top half belongs to the baby, and it’s totally off limits as far as anything sexual is concerned.  I don’t even want my husband to touch them, and it’s not because they hurt or anything, it’s just because they’re strictly for utilitarian purposes; right now, they’re for FEEDING THE BABY, and that’s it.

Don’t get me wrong, when I’m finished nursing in a couple of months, it. is. on. honey.   But until then, it’s ix-nay on the boob-play.

And so for me, the whole idea of people nursing other grown people is just…confusing.  It’s not because  I  have hang-ups about breast milk.  It’s not gross.  I’ve tasted it.  It’s baby food, and if I can feed it to my baby, I can feed it to my husband, right?

Nay, nay.  I don’t get how people can have milk to nourish an infant, and then turn around and involve that same milk in Sexy Time.  I’m never one to be bringing The Almighty into things, but it is not what God intended.

I mean, I can understand that adults are attracted to the “packaging” because it’s rather nice, and gets even nicer when engorged, but actually drinking milk from the boobages opens the door for the sucky-fucky to rise to a new level of kinky. If we’re breastfeeding our boyfriend/husband/neighbor/fuckbuddy/uncle, are we also putting diapers on him and cleaning up when there’s  a stinky in his pants? Where does one draw the line?

Sometimes I feel like my husband’s mother as it is: I remind him to take a bath and to brush his teeth.  I buy him clothes.  I schedule his doctor’s appointments.  I send him to go and “play outside” (aka yard work).  I make sure he eats his vegetables.  I scold him when he eats too much candy and stays up till 2 in the morning playing on the Wii.  I don’t really think I need to nurture him any more than I already do.

Also, he calls me “mommy.”

Now that I think about it, we’ve already crossed some lines…

Anymyrelationshipwithmyhusbandmightbetotallysick, I want to leave some room in this conversation for your comments (that’s a fancy way of saying I ran out of shit to say).  Sooooooo, do any of you Toy With Mes engage in this nursing behavior?  Have you ever tasted the boobie juice?  Have you made it a part of Sexy Time?  Are you horrified right now?  OR are you totally turned on??



  1. thatguy

    I am not shocked by this. But I am saddened by all the “ew” negative reaction to it.
    Folks, you have no idea. Breasts are a sexual thing between men and women as it is. But if you nurse your partner? Like I said, you have no idea. It will elevate sensuality, bonding, and intimacy to a lever you cannot imagine. Yep. That’s right. Don’t be shy about it. If he wants to be snuggled and fed from you, DO IT. You will be amazed at the bonding, relaxation, closeness that will result from this. You just need to let go of all your crazy old ideas about God and what “God intended” and what boobs are for. Forget all that. Just do it.

  2. mama bean

    Before I was pregnant I.loved for my guy to suck on me for long periods of time. It got me off so hard! It eventually go t to the point my breasts would produce drops of milk. Now that am twenty weeks along I think about it all the time. I love wearing my nursing bra and get off on all sorts of breast play, from hand expressing, massaging and yes my man sucking on them til I cum. I He enjoys the taste

  3. Alicia Milan

    Honestly, I wouldn’t mind if I had a husband and he wanted / was willing to nurse off me when I had too much milk and didn’t feel like pumping … the extra nursing would probably help increase my milk supply. I’m not so sure I would consider it “erotic” but probably more so just another loving comfortable act and remind me that he is not creeped out by the changes in my body. And if the experience is a little sexual – yay ! I’ve never had kids but oddly enough my ex did get a little milk out of me one day, after a lot of sucking .. we were both a little puzzled at the time, he said it was really sweet and then went back to what he was doing…lol

    If I were in this exact situation, I would be more upset at having to tell him to go bathe, to eat his veggies, to brush his teeth, etc.

  4. Max

    I’m sorry but I couldn’t help but notice this…. Your husband plays the wii until two o’clock in the morning? Get that man an Xbox!

  5. portia

    I want to go back to the come thing.

    I like it. When my partner comes I am delighted and therefore delighted to swallow it, or feel it on my body. As I get more excited during sex and coming gets closer to happening I do in fact , long to have it in me, or on me somewhere. Not because it tastes delicious though it doesn't taste bad but because it is mine, I made it and I want it. Come is the grand finale. One of the delights of sex, to me, is the smell of our mixed fluids afterwards. I particularly like the way come smells. I get very turned on by the smell. I've always imagined that it's some sort of chemical thing. it makes sense to me that this might be true, right?

    The last time my guy and I had sex i jerking him off and when he came I found myself scooping come from his belly, were it landed, and rubbing it on my pussy. It was for me a very, very hot experience.

    So yes, some of us women do love come.

    I like to think my partner loves the feel, taste and smell of my lubrication too, again, it seems to make chemical sense that he would.

  6. Jay

    Oh, Pshaw. Being weirded out by this, like most things, is a function of unfamiliarity and not some kind of inherent response to perversion or anything. This isn't like sex play with poop or incest or anything; if you tried it with an open mind and without any aberrant psychological hang-ups or misplaced moral reservations, your reaction would be either, "that's somehow exciting/satisfying," or, "meh, doesn't do anything for me."

    Anyway, as far as I can tell most adult nursing relationships (or whatever) don't turn into the mother/child dynamic. Some do, but most don't.

    I have to figure that this is the kind of thing–like spanking and other milder sorts of bdsm–that people have done all throughout history, but haven't talked about. It's such an intuitive thing to be curious about, and the opportunity is too ubiquitous, for that not to be the case.

  7. Amiblue

    Huh. While I am all for breastfeeding, I think that would be a little on the uncomfortable side at that age. More because of the age than anything.

    Regarding Hubby having a go, there were times when I was so full that it was beyond painful, I would have done ANYTHING to get him to take a bit off the top. Unfortunately, he isn't into that sort of thing. That does make it easier for me to say hands off the rest of the time though. 😉 Lol!

    Great Read!!

  8. John

    Breastfeeding an adult definitely isn’t normal. But honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever encountered this fabled “normal” relationship. I can see why a woman might be put off by the idea of nursing her husband. I can also see why a guy might want to do it. The sexual reasons seem obvious. For some guys it’s just all about the boobs, and if you’re one of those guys, the thought of losing them for 2 years is pretty depressing. It might make you think of just about any way to get back at them.

    On the other hand, I can also understand the non-sexual motivations. I think it has to do with a perceived loss of emotional intimacy. Guys may not readily admit it, but emotional closeness is important for us too. Having a baby taking up all of your wife’s time and attention can make you feel less important to her. Despite the socially accepted image of the “real man” whose only emotions are angry, hungry, and horny, most of us are a bit more complicated.

    Just for something to think about; consider how many people around the world cover their morning cereal in the breast milk of an animal that isn’t even the same species. Your idea of “normal” really doesn’t stem from an idea of right or wrong. Normal is merely the set of ideas that you have been bombarded with since childhood.

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