Articles

7 Sex Positions I Won’t Be Trying Without A Helmet

November 25, 2009

My husband and I are about to celebrate our wedding anniversary on November 30th.  It’s been like…what? Seven years or something like that?  I can’t remember.  We’ve been together for 14 years and we shacked up together for six years before we got married for the health insurance so our kids wouldn’t be bastards and [...]

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Ron Jeremy And Debbie Does Dallas Ruined Porn For Me

November 16, 2009

For shits and giggles when we were teenagers my friends and I would watch porn. For entertainment. As a parent, I know most of you are probably all OH NOES, THINK OF THE CHILDREN, AUNT BECKY, because I realize how bad this must sound to you now. Like we were sitting around in togas, drinking [...]

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My Panty Drawer Revealed!

November 11, 2009

Remember how during last week’s post I said I usually wear a nursing bra and maternity panties to bed and you thought I was kidding you but I really wasn’t?
Remember that?
Well, the truth is Toy With Mes—I’m not the super sexy sex kitten you all fantasize about (you do fantasize about me, don’t you? Of [...]

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What I Would Do If I Had Penis For A Day

November 10, 2009

From the first time I saw what appeared to be a canned mushroom hanging down from between the legs of my best friend as a child, I was intrigued. My own crotchal region looked nothing like that, and when I asked my mother, she explained clinically that boys had penises and girls had vaginas. Hm, [...]

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I Am A Cougar In Training

November 6, 2009

MILF: Noun. Acronym for “Mother I’d Like to Fuck,” made popular by the 1999 movie, American Pie.
Cougar: Noun. An attractive, middle-aged woman who seeks out much younger men for romance or physical intimacy.
She’s a Man Eater
Recently, Candace Bushnell of Sex and The City fame was uber-offended at being labeled a “cougar” because she [...]

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Can Men And Women Be Friends?

November 3, 2009

My first best friend on the planet lived across the street from me. Our mothers were best friends. We were born in the same hospital, only weeks apart. We loved all of the same things, Big Wheels, Garbage Pail Kids, bubble gum, filching candy from the dish on top of the piano and picking cat [...]

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Mind If I Play Through? Golf, Sex And The Art Of Multitasking

September 16, 2009

Let me give you a little situation that occurs frequently at our house:
It’s 8:00 and my oldest daughter is finally put to bed, and hopefully the baby is almost done sucking on my boobs and is also on her way to Bedfordshire. By this time on a typical day, I’ve gotten out of bed at [...]

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