The justification for the site, according to them, is that half of the people in the UK are aesthetically challenged and feel rather left out of the dating pool, what with all the pretty people taking all the good dates, and so why not have a dating pool full of ugly people?  And they say that pretty people aren’t very nice anyway and so they’re really un-datable.  Ugly people, however, are better people because they’ve suffered at the hands of their ugliness, which everyone knows builds character and makes them more loyal and considerate.  I would also argue that it can make you a bitter asshole.  I wonder if there’s a dating site for assholes, too?

We should check on that, actually.

Hang on…

I just Googled “dating site for assholes” and I got this. I LOL’ed.

Anyway, according to TUBB, not only are ugly people inherently nicer folks, they also try harder in bed because they want it more because they get it less. They’re just so grateful to be there, they’ll do anything!  And once two ugly people have found one another, they probably won’t stray because who the hell would want them?  And this next one is my favorite so I’m going to quote directly from the website here:

In these straightened times TUBB is cheaper as a) We don’t charge much as the pretty sites and b) Ugly people have lower expectations – for a first date a Family Bucket will usually do the trick.

There’s even a wonderful pie chart, for those of us who are visual learners:

The Brits are super bleeding hearts, right?  They want everyone to get laid!  I love them!  Plus they have SEXY ACCENTS.  I love sexy accents.  I think it makes just about anyone fuckable, but I guess Brits don’t really think the sexy accent is sexy…or an accent.

In the name of research, I decided to see if I could find myself a nice, sexy accented lady friend.  I looked for women between 18 and 35 from Bedfordshire because Bedfordshire seemed an appropriate place to start, and guess what?

Not one ugly chick in the bunch!

Huh.

What about the guys?

Nope.

They’re not half bad either, with the possible exception of the dude with a ciggie hanging out of his mouth, but that might just be a cultural thing.  And their profiles were all pretty great!  I found at least two guys on the first page I wouldn’t mind taking a chance on!

Feeling encouraged by my findings,  I did something I’ve always wanted to do, just to see who would  I’d get hooked up with, so I created a profile.   I didn’t put a picture, and all I did was check off some of my passions like motorcross, weight lifting, martial arts, and macrame pot holder making, and people started contacting me almost immediately!  But you have to pay to read the messages and look at the pictures, so I closed my account because that’s bullshit.  Also, I think it would make my husband sad if I started dating.

From what I saw though, the TUBB dating pool ain’t so bad!

So what gives, “ugly” people of Britain??  I wanted to see some dogs! I wanted to have to call my husband into the room and be like “check out the hot mess!” but to my supreme disappointment, there was nary a hideous beast to be seen.  Maybe this is just another example of that self-deprecatory British humor? Or could it be, Toy with Mes, that fuckability is not exactly in the eye of the beholder, but in the eye of the…the…face-holder?

What is fuckability, exactly anyway?  It is really just a socially constructed Beauty Myth type deal where you only think you’re fuckable if you conform to the ludicrous standards everyone feels they have to live up to?

Or is it all in your mind?

Need I remind you of my old boyfriend, Vito, who was, by all beauty standards, fat and kind of ugly, but all my friends were up in his grill because he thought he was sexy and so he was sexy.

If you ask me, all these people need is a little attitude adjustment and they’ll be fine and fuckable in no time.  Get them into a swagger class or something. Maybe the Brits should put a few bucks into a national self-esteem building project instead of just going around buying hookers for people and setting up websites for pretty people who only think they’re ugly.

Post from: Toy With Me

Dating For Ugly People

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I was shocked when, two weeks later, I finally remembered to sign into my email and saw that we had actual responses. Our user name was the same as my email–Stinky Butt–and yet we’d somehow managed to find some guys that were interested in meeting this Stinky Butt freak of a woman. Badgered by my then-boyfriend, who thought what we were doing was mean, my friend and I reluctantly closed the account and said goodbye to Stinky Butt. May she live in eternal peace forevermore.

I’ve thought about online dating now and again, as I’ve had to fill out bio after ever-loving bio (that was my first experience in having to describe myself in 140 or less characters), describing myself in three sentences or less and realized that no matter what, I’d be a piss poor candidate for it. Sarcasm doesn’t translate well over the screen and, let’s be honest here, describing who you are or what you like in three sentences is an abysmal failure no matter who you are. Unless, I guess, your name is “Claudia Schiffer” and then you probably wouldn’t be trolling eHarmony for the love of your life.

Over the past couple of weeks, I’ve watched as a number of blog and Twitter romances have started to blossom and I realized that perhaps the blog romance is the new medium for meeting the love of your life. I mean, if a freak like me can make friends through my blog (I have friends now! This is PROGRESS!) then certainly other people can meet potential dates through their blogs.

There’s no pressure on your blog to be anyone but yourself and with the exception of calling myself YOUR Aunt Becky, I am more honest on my blog than I am in real life. I’m not ACTUALLY your aunt, you see, so that may offend someone who thinks that we’re related, but then again, if they believed we were related without any proof other than my word, I probably should try and get them to give me gifts and money and stuff. Because obviously. Whereas on a dating site, I’d get the distinct impression that one might feel a bit like meat being judged for everything from picture—is it too old? New? Obviously photoshopped?–to wittiness of bio (is it too flip? Too coy? Too sarcastic? Too flirty? WHAT CAN YOU SAY ABOUT YOURSELF IN THREE LINES ANYWAY?).

It may be glaringly clear to you all that I was never much good at dating, anyway. I’ve always been excellent at monogamy, not so much at dating around.

I must admit, though, that seeing all of the people hooking up through their blogs is melting my cold, black heart and renewing my long-dead faith in romance. I shouldn’t have to tell you that my faith in romance died sometime back when flannel was in fashion, should I? Because it totally did. It’s just so flipping sweet to see other people falling in love after reading each other’s words (say it with me now, Toy With Me-ers, “AWWWWWW!”). It’s especially refreshing after writing articles about how people marry pillows and video game characters and other inanimate objects to be reminded that love might actually exist out there. And not, you know, require batteries. Or pillow cases.

I think what scares me the most about online dating is that I’d come across another person just like, uh, well, me. Because if, in all my mature glory, my friend and I had thought to make such a clever and delicious profile on an online dating site, then certainly others have as well. And since I still feel kind of guilty for bringing Stinky Butt into the world, it would be karmic justice that I would be taken for a proverbial ride by a couple of bored teenagers posing as an attractive multi-millionaire who is desperately in love with me and wants to buy me a castle AND a pony. I’m well aware that people NOT on dating sites can easily pretend to be a swarthy, yet desperately alluring mother of three living in Chicago rather than a single guy named Darryl living in Detroit, I’m somehow more trusting of non-dating-site people. Let’s not talk about how dumb that sounds, because I totally know it is.

So thank you, my friends in the computer who are all falling in love and shit, because you’re making me all gooey and mushy inside, which normally only happens when I eat burritos with extra hot salsa. You remind me that love is good and that it’s out there just around the bend and sometimes even Your Aunt Becky needs that reminder. Let’s keep this whole “emotions” thing between us, okay? And if any of you mention that I have actual feelings, I’ll cut you. Hard.

So tell me, Toy With Me-ers, what are your experiences with dating and the online world? Would you be more likely to find someone through a dating site or through a blog? Have you tried online dating? If so, what were your experiences?

Photo source

Post from: Toy With Me

Online Romance and My Cold Dark Heart

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I know you know the three date rule. It even has its own Wikipedia page.

The Three Date Rule is a dating rule of thumb which states that the third date is a milestone in determining whether a woman will consent to physical relations. This is not to be confused with the Three Day Rule cited in the movie Swingers, which states that the “industry standard” waiting period for a guy to call a girl after obtaining her phone number is 3 days, the purpose of which is to not appear desperate.

Sidenote: if you wait three days to call me, this is what will happen by the time you do call:

a) I assume you’re not interested in me and therefore, alas, possess below-average decision-making skills.
b) I am already sleeping with someone else. That guy called right away.

I digress.

The three date rule is a cliché, and it is not even true. That same Wikipedia page says that msn.match.com conducted a survey (so gawd, like, it must be true) asking: how long does it take you to be intimate?

(I wish we didn’t use the word “intimate” as code for having sex. Intimate and getting nekkid can be two different things. Ideally they are entertwined but *heavy sigh* not always.)

(I also don’t like the phrase “make love.” If you are a man who wants to sleep with me and you call it “making love”, please trust and believe it will never happen. Instead, I prefer the economical and multipurpose – it can be a noun, verb, adjective and even punctuation – “fuck”. BEST WORD EVAH.)

Circling back to my point. Survey says y’all are knocking boots

• On the first date: 12.74%
• On the second date: 24.94%
• On the third date: 21.48%
• On the fourth date or beyond: 34.18%
• Only after marriage: 6.66%

So the third date rule is obeyed by only 21% of us.

Like you, if I got 21% on a test, I’d be pretty upset. That’s not a great score, especially when we’re talking about scoring.

But in this case, I think that is awesome. Because I think the third date rule is ridiculous.

We should all be having sex on the first date.

Think about it. What if sex on the first date was the rule?

• You’d get really picky about who you decide to go out with. No more wasting time on pity dates or I’m bored dates or don’t really wanna be here but hey, you’re buying dinner dates. The bar would be set high.
• Sex is a great icebreaker. It is hard to posture and bluff and pretend when you’re naked. (Unless you’re in porn, and let’s be honest: no one in porn is pretending all that well, either.)
• All the torturous does he/doesn’t he/or does he just want the booty that goes on for three or four weeks? Eliminated.
• You screen the sexist guys out. Guys with fucked up attitudes to women and sexuality – you know, the ones who lose respect for you if you put out but unfortunately you get attached to them before you figure that out? You get rid of them right away. No muss, no fuss.
• If he doesn’t call? Perfect. Better now than a month from now when you actually care.
• You get to try before you buy. This is important. Haven’t you ever dated someone for a couple of months, started liking them, and then discovered – horrors! – that the two of you are completely sexually incompatible?

I haven’t. Wanna know why?

Maybe I have a first date rule. But don’t tell anyone.

Post from: Toy With Me

What If We Had A First Date Rule?

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