From the category archives:

Relationships

I Need To Get Me Some Gays

March 10, 2010

I’m pretty fabulous, you know.
I know I like to joke about lame being my default position, but it’s not.  Awesome is my default.  I just don’t want to flaunt it so I can seem accessible to the common people.  Yet despite all this awesome wonderfulness following me around, I cannot say that I am completely [...]

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In Defense Of the Gold Digger

February 22, 2010

I have a new obsession. Maybe you’ve seen it too, and you’re secretly indulging right now. I didn’t tell my husband for a long time until one night he caught me: I watch “Millionaire Matchmaker.” No, this isn’t a review of a tv show; I barely have time to watch tv anymore, but if I [...]

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Open Letter to All The Men Who Maybe Want to Sleep With Me

February 19, 2010

Alright gentlemen, listen up.
I get it, you want to have sex with me. I’m single, I can hold a conversation, I have body parts for you to put your body parts in, I smell nice, and sometimes I even go through the effort of wearing heels and mostly manage to not fall over in the [...]

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This Isn’t Your Fathers Sex Doll

February 15, 2010

There’s a huge taboo in Judaism against idol worship. We view the image of Jesus on a cross, and most statues made of Christian saints to be idolatry, as Christians tend to kneel in front of them during prayer. Yeah, it kinda freaks us out. But there’s a difference between a graven image that is [...]

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Valentine’s Day Can Suck It

February 9, 2010

I remember rolling my eyes when the single friends I knew would call Valentine’s Day “Singles Awareness Day.” Not because I hadn’t had to deal with Valentine’s Day as a single person, but because it just seemed so fucking melodramatic. I mean, I’d been through Father’s Day without being a father myself and hadn’t cried [...]

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How To Be The Perfect Wife

February 3, 2010

When Toy With Me asked me to write about The Good Wife’s Guide, an article that was supposedly originally published in Housekeeping Monthly in 1955, I was all over it because why wouldn’t I be?  My first encounter with it was eons ago when I found something very much like it folded up in a box of [...]

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Who Doesn’t Love Hotel Sex?

February 2, 2010

There’s almost nothing not full of The Awesome about going on vacation, especially if I can leave my cartoon watching, diaper-pooing crotch parasites anywhere that I’m, well, not. It’s not that I don’t love the little booger factories, it’s just that I don’t need to love them every moment of every day. And if that [...]

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