From the category archives:

Silly

When Stupid People Try To Have Sex

January 12, 2011

You know what I like to think about sometimes, you guys? I like to think about how stupid people have sex. I should probably clarify that I don’t so much “like” to think about stupid people having sex,  it’s more of one of those awful thoughts that pop into my head sometimes and I can’t [...]

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The Christmas Gift Guide For Perverts

December 8, 2010

I think we’ll make my Gift Guide for Perverts an annual Toy With Me tradition seeing as I did one last year.  I like my routines and traditions and lately my Xanax.  They make me feel safe, like it would almost be okay to stop hiding under my couch.  ALMOST.  So here is mine for [...]

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The Dreaded Public Restroom

December 1, 2010

Well Toy with Mes, it’s that time of year again. Soon the holiday season will be upon us, which means that those of us who are not hermits hiding in their basement on the computer will all be going out into…da-da-duuunnnnn… THE PUBLIC.  And eventually, while we’re out IN PUBLIC, we’re going to have to [...]

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Ten Things You Should Never Say

November 30, 2010

There are very few things as emotionally treacherous as dating. I run a weekly advice column which is laughable enough (what, me give advice?) but what’s even more shocking is the amount of people who ask me for dating advice. Luckily, I have a cadre of people I can irritate into helping me give better [...]

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8 Amazing And Bizarre Sex Toys

November 16, 2010

Sex toys are pretty full of the awesome. You take the word “sex” and you add “toy” to it and you’re guaranteed an instant win there…unlike the lottery, which we all know is a joke. Unless you’re winning it, in which case you should probably give me some of your winnings or at least a [...]

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The Sexiest Movie Scenes Of All Time

November 10, 2010

Being totally and utterly disappointed with the film offerings from Hollywood as of late, my husband and I have been rather addicted to Sexy TV shows lately. We’ve already watched all the True Bloods there are, and we’re milking what we have left of the last season of The Tudors–allowing ourselves a taste of it’s [...]

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Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Queefs

November 3, 2010

As some of you Toy with Mes may or may not know, I call the readers of my personal blog, “Queefs” or “Queefies.” Many people assume that I mean to call my readers “cunt farts” or “varts” or whatever, but that’s not really what I mean by Queef. At least, not at first. Originally it [...]

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