From the category archives:

Stories

Tonight, We are Having The Sex

January 29, 2010

Hubby
Tossing my last folder in my briefcase and grabbing my coat, I flip the switch to my office light with a playful tap, smiling, and whistling like a dork because I KNOW for a fact that tonight…I’m getting lucky!
Hopping in the car, I crank the radio and in my mind imagine the wifey, walking in [...]

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Vinny And The Roast Beef Curtains

January 27, 2010

Some of you Toy with Mes might remember from last week’s post that I was going to work on my first smutty novel about my dreamboy, Vinny, the deli manager over at the Super Stop & Shop where I do my groceries. But before I share with you the juicy details of my turbulent relationship [...]

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My Bachelorette Party Debacle

January 26, 2010

I wasn’t overly keen on having a bachelorette party. Color me an old “stick-in-the-mud” but there was something about dressing up with tiny penises dangling from my earlobes and going out with a gaggle of women to get wasted on Blow Job shots and generally make asses of ourselves that just didn’t send me running for [...]

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A Very Unmerry Widow

January 15, 2010

It’s been a long, cold and lonely winter.  Actually, it’s been two
long, cold and lonely winters.  Translation: I have not had sex in
sixteen, count’ em, sixteen long months.   That’s two winters without
somebody pressing his cold lips against my forehead.  Two winters
without somebody asking me if I have enough brandy in my egg nog. And [...]

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The Day My Son Took My Dildo To School

January 8, 2010

The day I got the phone call from my four year old sons preschool is a day that will long live in my memory, and everyone else at that schools psyche, forever.
I’m at home, enjoying my morning coffee enema, when my sons school pops up on my caller ID. I answer, thinking ‘aww man, my [...]

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Being Pregnant Made Me Very Horny

December 4, 2009

Everything about pregnancy is one big evil prank. Food smells and tastes like a cat’s ass, yet indulging in said ass is the only way to stop the vomit — the taste of which never fully leaves your throat the entire nine months. Your tits grow to gargantuan porn-star proportions, but then they get all [...]

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How I Tried To Sell My Panties Online

December 2, 2009

(Mom, this is your official warning: if last week’s confession didn’t do it already, you will not be proud of me anymore after reading this. But really mom, when you look at it, this is kind of your fault for not raising me better. I am just saying.)
I caught the Craigslist fever a couple of [...]

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