From the category archives:

Stories

What Does A Girl Wear To A Gay Bondage Conference?

June 8, 2010

So last time we spoke, Toy With Me-ers, I was telling you how I was going to SHOW my zombie neighbors (in my head, of course) what was what by going to a BONDAGE conference in my fair city of Chicago. It was time, in my opinion, to quit living life exclusively in the mini-van [...]

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The Sex and Cruisin’

May 25, 2010

The first time I went on a cruise ship, I was a college kid and we each paid approximately two-hundred dollars for our room. It was way too much. If you’ve seen Titanic, and of course you have, because even I’ve seen it, and I’ve seen like three movies, you saw the part of the [...]

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Lets Talk About This One Time I Queefed

April 27, 2010

Toy With Me, I’m going to tell you a story that I don’t think I’ve told anywhere else, probably because it’s taken me close to ten years to get over the humiliation of it. As someone who has carefully documented my colonoscopy for the whole Internet to see, this goes to show you that even [...]

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The Grand Gesture Guy

April 20, 2010

When I was a younger Aunt Becky, my idea of romance was (and I quote) “a 12 pack of condoms and a bottle of Jack Daniels.” Since I’ve gotten older, my tastes have gotten a tad more refined. I mean, I prefer Bulleit Bourbon and my husband recently got a vasectomy so I’m anxiously awaiting [...]

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Flush Your Husband Down The Toilet

April 7, 2010

I love talking about toilet rituals, don’t you?  I also love talking about those crazy Japanese.  Remember last week when we talked briefly about the Japanese human curling porn? This isn’t quite as odd as that, but almost.
Check it:
There’s a place in central Japan called Mantokuji Temple.  In Medieval times, the temple served as sort [...]

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The Treehouse Of Horror

April 6, 2010

I remember vividly trying to find places to make out when I was a teenager. It wasn’t that I was some gigantic slut—no, really—it’s just that there are only so many places that one can successfully get their legs properly humped far away from the prying eyes of parents and/or siblings. Bedrooms were preferred, because [...]

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Tonight, We are Having The Sex

January 29, 2010

Hubby
Tossing my last folder in my briefcase and grabbing my coat, I flip the switch to my office light with a playful tap, smiling, and whistling like a dork because I KNOW for a fact that tonight…I’m getting lucky!
Hopping in the car, I crank the radio and in my mind imagine the wifey, walking in [...]

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