Sometimes I just wanna get finger fucked in the grocery store parking lot. Seriously, grocery shopping needs some kind of climax.  Unfortunately I’m never really sure how to broach the subject with the Beast Master, but thanks to the Kinky Invitation Cards from Kinky Provocateur – problem solved. Grocery shopping was about to be changed forever!

Now, I’m never one for instructions, so the very first thing I did was pull the invitation cards out of the cute little box – black with a red bow, squeee! But what I didn’t realize is that there is so much more to these cards! After reading the papers included I had my Aha! moment. These cards are genius!

They’re  invitations!

To do wonderful and naughty things to me!

Each card is a little literary aphrodisiac that you give to your honey to encourage them to be adventurous and play out your dirtiest fantasies!

I’m not a shy girl when it comes to the sexy time. I’m more of a walk into the room naked, hike my leg up on the nearest piece of furniture and yell “Git in mah pussy!” kind of girl. I’ve been known to say “You gonna throw it in me or what?” when Beast Master walks by (I’m a total romantic, I know).

If you’re more the quiet type, with an inner sex kitten just waiting to be released, these invitation cards are an exciting way to express your secret desires. Just slip an invitation into your partners wallet, briefcase or lunch. Leave an invitation on the bathroom mirror or set one on the kitchen counter. Hell, scatter these babies all over the place!

“Gentle caresses followed by hardcore fucking please” is my fave invitation! I left this card with his toothbrush. And then I left it with his lunch. I pretty much left this one everywhere. It was important.

And the sex was had!

While some of the cards may not apply to everyone, they are all still a pleasure to look at and may spark a new idea for you and your partner. Several of the cards are invitations to Role Play fantasies. One of which sparked this conversation;

Me: What do you want to be? My boss?

Him: Ugh, no. I don’t want to work with you.

Me: Ooookay. Kidnapper : hostage?

Him: I’ll be the handyman, you be the housewife.

Me: No! Nothing that involves ringing the doorbell! The dogs.

But really, the handyman fantasy? I’m hanging on to that baby. Tell me, what is sexier than a man fixing that thing you just broke. Whoopsy! Did I break the washer, again? Strip.

We also learned quite a bit about each other’s adventures in the sexual realm. Well, fine. Beast Master learned about me as I checked off the boxes on the ‘places of interest’ card.

The car – done it

Back seat at the cinema – done it

On the beach – done it

Secluded park at night – done it. Oh wait, it was in the middle of the day and we got busted by a Scout Master. That counts, right?

Corner of a crowded dance floor – Yup

Shop changing room, open meadow, in the rain, at a friend’s house – been there and done all of that.

I’m a real go-getter.

Thanks to these adorable little invitation cards I got spanked, licked, caressed, sexed up, sexed down, and I even got a pearl necklace out of the deal. So yeah, I think these cards are awesome!

There are a ton more invitations on the Kinky Provocateur website that I want to get! I love the one that says “I do love a giant prick”. I don’t call him Beast Master because he’s good with the dogs. Take a second to work that one out… Giggity!

So tell me Toy With Mes do you find it hard to share your fantasy’s with your partner?

Post from: Toy With Me

Kinky Invitations To Bring Out The Naughty In You.

Lelo certainly knows how to make an entrance! NOA arrived snuggled into the velvet lining of a smart white gift box along with a satin storage pouch, an instruction booklet, a single serve helping of lube and a USB charging cable. The packaging alone is enough to make a girl feel special.

NOA is a couple’s sex toy worn by the woman during sexy time, providing stimulation to all parties involved. The thin side is inserted into the vagina while the thicker end is meant to rest on the clitoris. The thin end has a nub on one side for G spot stimulation and the other side has a silky soft groove just right for his dongle to move along. Perfect, right? Well, over the years I’ve discovered that one size does not fit all. I’m a small woman and the thicker end that should rest on my clit was far above it and ended up vibrating my pelvic bone. It didn’t get anywhere near my magic button and now I’m worried that you all might be giants if the NOA is supposed to fit a normal sized woman.

Alas, I didn’t get the G spot stimulation either. My man, I call him Beast Master, and I really tried. Cowgirl, missionary, doggy style, positions that don’t have names yet. We tried them all, the Kama Sutra’s got nothin’ on a woman searching for G spot stimulation! If I held NOA in place it was great, but who wants to get it on with their hand stuck on their vajayjay for the duration? Nobody, that’s who. My hands have other things they need to be doing during sex. Hold on to that thought, I found a solution.

NOA is very easy to operate with one button to turn it on, roll through six settings, and turn it off. The settings range from a constant, just right vibration to a slow wave to different levels of pulsing vibrations. She is compatible with the Sense Motion Remote and if you have one, use it. When the action got hot and heavy NOA was so slippery that it was difficult to press the button to switch settings without fear of jabbing a nail into my lady bits. My advice is to pick your favorite setting before you settle in for the ride. My fave setting is the slow wave. It’s like a wave rolling up onto a white sand beach, the frothy cap crashing onto the sand and then rolling away. Rolling in, rolling out, rolling in, rolling… Ahem, where was I?

How, you ask, did I solve the issue of having to hold myNOA in place with my hand? I turned it around.

What?

Yes, I turned it around and put it in my bum bum.

WOW! Don’t make that face. NOA is perfect for ass play. Think about it, it was hooked in my hooha, I couldn’t lose it on The Other Side! Trust me, I know what I’m doing. And it. Was. Awesome! I get hot in my Harris Tweeter just thinking about it. With NOA busy at the back door and my man busy at the front door I had one of the strongest, most amazing orgasms of my life. So amazing that I laughed like a lunatic afterwards. I don’t know why, it’s just what I do, let’s all move on. I am telling you that this is the way  NOA was meant to be used.

Let’s recap.

Pros:

Silky soft, seamless, FDA approved silicone that won’t give you the cunt cancer as Crissy has pointed out.

Sleek ergonomic design includes a groove for his dongle to slide back and forth, back and forth.

Totally cool USB charger

One button operation (psst, hold the button down to cycle down the engine)

Six settings that are easy to move through thanks to the one button operation

Compact and quiet – perfect for taking on trips or keeping in your purse. Hey, you never know what sort of situation you might run into while you’re out shopping.

Powerful motor ensures that you send your guy good vibes

Waterproof for all your shower or hot tub escapades

Compatible with Lelo’s Sense Motion Remote

Good for traditional vaginal penetration but even better for anal penetration. Thank you, Lelo!

Cons:

One size does not fit all

Slippery when wet

Don’t bother with the limited instructions in the box, go directly to Lelo’s website for detailed instructions.

The Lelo NOA has kicked off a week long sextravaganza at my house and has definitely earned a spot in my regular sex toy lineup. NOA can easily adapt to your creativity in the bedroom. It’s worth its weight in cum gold.

Treat yourself  to your very own LELO Noa by using our special discount offer of 10% off all your purchases! Plus – Free Shipping! Thanks to the amazing people at Lovehoney!

Post from: Toy With Me

Lelo NOA Couple’s Vibrator Review

Aren’t we fancy.

Taking it out of the box, it looks like quite a contraption, to use a word from my grandpa’s vocabulary.  I probably shouldn’t say the word “grandpa” should I? Not exactly the visual we’re going for when we’re talking about S-E-X toys, huh?

Ok, so forget I said that.
Let’s call it a…

Pulsating Pleasure Panty of Love.

That’s way sexier than calling it a contraption.  But is it more than just a contraption?  Is it really a Pulsating Pleasure Panty of Love, Toy With Mes?

Let’s see, shall we?

As you know my Man Candy is quite a fan of the Sexy Time.  When one of these things comes to the house for review he starts drooling.  In fact, he already had it out of the box and ready to go by the time I got home from work.  But I was a bit more skeptical.  His exuberance aside, I was a little intimidated by the My FixSation because really?  It looks weird.

Everyone always starts these reviews with talk about the packaging, but who gives a fuck about that?  I’m not measuring the box for you because we want to know what’s inside the box.  I mean, the packaging is dark and sexy and whatnot and it says ““Fixate on the Sensation when Friction meets Vibration” on it.

Cute.

Inside the box is the Couples Vibe unit, charger, and a small satin drawstring storage bag. The panty companion was also included and it fits nicely into the storage bag along with the vibe unit.  That’s pretty cool because you don’t want to be fussing about in your panty drawer to find the stupid panty to put the vibe on when the moment is approaching.

The couples vibe thing is a little flat oval shape and it’s made of  smooth black plastic.  It’s 2 inches wide and 2.5 inches long and it’s thickness is tapered from about 0.25 to 0.75 inches.  The bottom side of the vibe goes against your Doris Clitoris and your vulva (sorry I don’t have a cute name for Vulva…Mulva?) and has three ridges on it.  The top side faces out and that’s the part that will rub against your Man Candy whilst you’re doin’ it.

The power button is on top and is easily reachable.  The sides of the vibe have a place to slip the attachments of the panty companion in them.  The My Fixsation is supposed to be waterproof, and I bet it is.  The charger port is covered pretty well with a rubber flap, but I’m confused.  Who the hell wants to wear panties in the shower? I think it would be a little weird, but that’s just me.  But since it’s waterproof it’s good news for cleaning.

I love that they call it a “panty companion.” I don’t know why.  It’s made of polyester and nylon and all it really is is a soft and lacy waist band with two stretchy straps that hold the vibrator part against you.  The straps unhook from the back  and are then threaded through the sides of the vibe and re-hooked.  It’s way easier to assemble the whole thing before you put it on. The panties are fairly comfortable.  I ordered a size small and I usually take a US size 2.  They’re really stretchy, but for maximum comfort make sure you order the right size.  I can see them turning into a tourniquet if they’re too small for you. So. Not. Sexy.

We want bloodflow.  Especially during Sexy Time.

As far as the vibration intensity goes, it’s okay.  It’s not super strong but it certainly does the job nicely.  It’s not the quietest thing in the world though, so this is maybe not the toy to bring with you when you visit your in-laws–unless they already know what a dirty whore you are.  Then go right ahead.  Make sure you’re really vocal too, they love that.  Anyway, there are three levels of vibration.  You cycle through them by pressing the power button.  To turn it off, you hold down the power button until it stops. Like I said, the vibration isn’t super intense, but it’s fine because unless you’re numb from the waist down, you’re still going to enjoy it.  This isn’t a solo flight, remember.  Man Candy is also there with you, creating friction and working those ridges I mentioned earlier.

OMG.

I loved the ridges.  When I looked at them I thought “meh,” but let me tell you something.

They’re divine.

I still think it’s kind of a contraption, but it’s a lovely and fun contraption and I  liked the My Fixsation Couple’s Vibe and Panty.

I think you guys are gonna dig it too.

Post from: Toy With Me

FixSation Couple’s Vibrator Review

Let’s be honest here…most of us women don’t see the promised land with simple penis in vagina sex. We need some care and attention paid to the gates of heaven, better known as the CLITORIS. If you are in the 3% club…meaning the 3% of women who can have multiple orgasms from someone just breathing in their direction, I envy love them. There tends to be three prominent “orgasm” type, and obviously a whole spectrum on either end of the scale. There are the 3%, then there are women who can orgasm with some focus and attention and then there are the women that it literally becomes a job for them! See, for some woman, it takes a bit more knocking at the door than a little slap and tickle. In fact, some days, it is like canvassing the neighborhood looking for a political endorsement. It can be that much work.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret of mine…I am not a whole lot of work when it comes to achieving orgasm. In fact, I have become so skilled in the self love department that I could literally bang out 10 to 12 of those bites of joy in a 30 minute session, for real! Needless to say, the big O is not something that often escapes me. What I have come to appreciate, nay, LOVE, is a well placed sex toy, better known as a C ring or a cock ring for you children of the 60’s. In days gone by, a C ring was a tight, uncomfortable instrument of torture. Snuggly gripping the shaft of the penis, this little contraption would literally keep the blood in the penis shaft from the scrotum to the head. Often, that pressure would prolong the erection, to almost and uncomfortable time frame, making it difficult for a man to reach orgasm.

I will say this much, 90% of women do not want to have 45 to 60 minutes of relentless pounding…no matter what porn says. We too, want to reach the promised land of orgasm within a reasonable time frame. We have things to do, nails to paint and chocolate to consume. Endless hours of fucking are not often at the top of most women’s lists. Don’t get me wrong. There are days, many many days, where a long leisurely screw can be just what the doctor ordered. A heart pounding, skin bruising animalistic roll in the hay can be the right medicine too! What I am referring to is the week by week, desire for a physical connection, no clothing included. Most women after 15 to 30 minutes of penetration begin to have their natural lubrication dry up and need some assistance of a lubricant. It is at that point, most men are close to orgasm and do not want to stop the thrusting to lube their woman up. They are in the moment and really, it’s pretty difficult to stop a speeding bullet. In our minds, at that point, we may be thinking, just finish already, I’m missing American Idol! I know that sounds mean, but come on! It’s getting uncomfortable, I know he’s close to cumming…let’s just concentrate on him finishing and maybe tomorrow night will be my turn. We all know that sex is a give and take right? It’s not always about simultaneous orgasm. That is, until I found this saving grace.

Say HELLO to my little friend! Enter the C ring! Holy Mother of GAWD, thank the penis gods! This little toy has changed the world of penis in vagina sex for this hot momma! C rings now are made with a much more forgiving material. Often made of silicone or thermal plastic elastomer, these rings comfortable grip the shaft of the penis, holding in a manageable blood flow, ensuring the penis is erect for longer than 5 minutes. The average male can have an orgasm in 5 to 8 minutes while women need approximately 8 to 15 minutes to achieve orgasm. So, most women are left approximately 7 to 10 minutes outside the gates of heaven. DAMN IT! So not fair! A C ring will equalize that time. It speeds you up and it slows him down! How fantastic is that??? Seriously, had to have been designed by a woman!

Let’s talk about the nitty gritty of what a C ring is. Most C rings have a bullet type attachment, because women need some kind of vibration or attention on the clitoris to bring around orgasm. It really isn’t a complicated toy with mircochips, multiple buttons and blinking lights. It is an “idiot proof” toy. Oh how I wish I could be like my friend who shall remain nameless…she knows who she is and is killing herself laughing reading this article. If you blink in her direction, she can have an orgasm (Bitch!) Alas, I am not and I need some clitoral stroking and buzzing. The Promised Land is prefaced by a battery operated toy that calls to me! C rings are the best toy that can give a couple face to face, eye to eye, penis to vagina orgasms. You are more likely to have a simultaneous orgasm with some type of clitoral stimulation while he is thrusting. Not that it’s guaranteed…but it is more likely.

Think of a C ring as a wonderful necklace for your penis! Really! Just like we want to dress up our bodies for that special occasion, think of a C ring as dressing up for every occasion! Here is one piece of advice that many women will thank me for. Just because you have a C ring on does not make you Mario Andretti of the mattress! Don’t try to speed it up because you think you are now superman on crack and can up the dick meter by 5000% percent! You still want to take it easy on her. Another piece of advice, do not put the C ring on and then shake your penis at me asking what I think. First of all, I am going to probably shut down that freak show very quickly. Second of all, I don’t put on a bra and shake my boobs at you asking what you think…although I am sure most men would LOVE that little side show.

Any toy introduced into the bedroom is meant to enhance the sex, not replace you in the mix. I truly believe that sex toys in the bedroom are a way to even the playing field, take a lot of the mind work out of sex and help a couple to find their rhythm.

Here is my last tip for the men in the room. Do NOT, and I do say this emphatically…DO NOT finish first, pull off the C ring and offer it to her to finish herself off. The next time she is helping you slide that little baby on, you will likely feel the snap of that ring around the shaft of your penis and it will hurt, I guarantee…or she may slide it down with very little lube…road rash anyone?

Have fun with a C ring. It is the beginning of a beautiful relationship!

Browse the incredible selection of C rings and other men’s toys at Lovehoney. It’s worth the click!

Post from: Toy With Me

Ring of Desire

When I first heard of Zestra Essential Arousal Oils I felt a little skeptical.  I’ve tried a kajillion of these different types of  “arousal” creams and jellies in the past, and I’ve never been terribly impressed.  You put it on your netherbelows, wait a few minutes, and BLAMO!  You are a raging sex kitten.

Um,

yeah.

That crap has never worked for me.  The only thing I’ve ever felt was a little tingling, but nothing more than that–no BLAMO! No sex kitten. However,  I was willing to give Zestra a try because it’s a little bit different from the other stuff that’s out there..

Here’s what it says on their website:

Recommended by doctors, Zestra® is a safe, natural, easy-to-apply blend of botanical oils and extracts that works by heightening a woman’s sense of touch. So you feel more during sex. Experience the Zestra Rush™ within minutes the first time — and every time — you use it.

Zestra is a safe, patented blend of botanicals oils and extracts, created to help women feel more — effortlessly. Topically applied Zestra works within minutes by heightening your sensitivity to touch – for deep, pleasurable sensations, sexual satisfaction and fulfillment.

After applying Zestra to the clitoris and labia, the effects – the Zestra Rush^™ – begin for most women within 3 to 5 minutes and last for up to 45 minutes.

It’s even gotten attention from Good Morning America, The View, The New York Times, Tyra, Rachel Ray, and even Dr. Oz, so it must be good!

After doing a little research and reading the ingredients list (Borage Seed oil, Evening Primrose oil, Angelica Extract, Coleus Forskohill Extract, Theobromine, Anti-Oxidants, and flavor) I could tell it was pretty harmless, so I was excited to give it whirl!

We tore open the packet and it immediately started rolling and spilling out.  So the first impression was that it is very thin, watery, and silky. For that reason I think the pump bottle version is probably the best way to go since the packet is a little messy and some of the stuff gets wasted.  It does not appear to be dark, but it could potentially leave an oil stain on certain colors of sheets, similar to any oil or silicone based fluid.

Since the packet said it had “flavor” in it, we tasted it.  It’s pretty light and non-descript.  It almost tastes like wax lips.  Kinda sweet and subtle. The scent is light and pleasant and also pretty hard to pin down. It did leave a bit of a tingly sensation on the lips and tongue.

Next, I mashed Zestra into my girl area.  My husband has a problem with my use of the word “mash,” so we’ll just say we “gently massaged” it in, but the truth is, I really just mashed it in there because the baby was taking a nap and we had an unpredictable amount of time to get the job done.  Also, it had been a while since we had Sexy Time and I was anxious to get the party started.

Mash or not, the stuff started to burn a little bit almost right away.  I think the product literature describes it as a “gentle warming.” I’ll leave the final determination up to you, as I’m sure different people will have different sensations. In my case, I’d call it a “burning” rather than a “warming,” but make no mistake–it is a good thing, and it doesn’t hurt at all.  It’s a nice kind of burning, but I was a bit underwhelmed.  I waited for my “Zestra Rush” to come, but it never did.  The clock was ticking, so we started doing our thing anyway and ho-lee-shit!

There it was.

It wasn’t so much of a rush like all-of-a-sudden, but I could tell right away that it made my clitoris way more sensitive.  In fact I nearly exploded as soon as my husband touched me there.  It was amazing!  It FELT amazing! Zestra really did increase my sensitivity, which I would describe as low-to-average normally.

Now, it did not turn me into a wanton sex kitten, so I would say that my desire and/or libido was unaffected. That said, it did make sex even more pleasurable than usual and the memory of that will most certainly make me more enthusiastic for the next time.  So, in that way, Zestra can potentially help you become more interested in sex because it just plain feels better. It also might have a more systemic effect once it’s been used more often, but I can’t speak to that… yet. Although the product literature states you should apply it five or ten minutes before intercourse, I found the effects to be quite long-lasting, even up to an hour or more, so it’s possible that it could be used as more of an aphrodisiac by applying it earlier than that, to “get the juices flowing.”

From the other side of the table, my husband reported that he felt some “tingly” effects on his dangly bits. Also he noted that his erection did not seem to subside quite as much during his “recovery” period immediately following–a fact I could corroborate. In fact, he said that he could still “feel something” going on an hour after the first exposure, and that first exposure was only by secondary contact through me. For a while it even looked like we might have a lot more fun, but sure enough life butted in in the form of a waking, crying baby and even those most enticing plans had to be scrapped. Maybe next time! The little packets will be kept close at hand until then…

Treat yourself to Zestra at Amazon

.

Post from: Toy With Me

Zestra Arousal Oils – It Felt Amazing!

As a “Pole Dancing Expert,” the Toy with Mes asked me if I was interested in using and reviewing an at-home portable pole kit. I was thrilled to pieces to try it because I was going to get to practice my mad skillz and help others at the same time.  It’s a total win/win!  (I think the biggest winner is my husband who is now the envy of all his friends, and even a few people he’s never met. Did I mention the caché being a pole dancer seems to entail? Yeah.)

There are several different kinds of poles to choose from, but the one I got from the awesome people at AdultSexToys.com was Carmen Electra’s Electra-Pole Professional Pole Kit by Peekaboo.  It claims to be the perfect pole for all levels from the total beginner (like me), to the professional pole dancer.

Let’s find out.

The pole shipped out quickly and came very discreetly packaged in a plain brown box.  It’s all folded up inside because the pole itself comes in three pieces for portability, so it’s not as obvious as it would be with a solid, one piece pole–you know, the long, skinny, 20lb one your neighbors would see you dragging off your front porch in your platforms and g-string.

Inside the box is the aforementioned 3-piece collapsible dance pole, the ceiling plate, the base plate, spanner, assembly guide and DVD, and a not-so-discreet storage bag with CARMEN ELECTRA ELECTRA POLE written in huge hot pink letters on it.

Assembly is pretty easy, but if you’re all thumbs with this sort of thing, please, please, please have somebody who knows what they’re doing put it up for you. We like your teeth where they are.  Even I, with my very, super handy builds-shit-from-scratch and uses-his-dick-for-a-hammer husband, managed to pull the thing over the first time I attempted a fast spin.  While doing some research on this particular pole, I read that a lot of people have pulled it over during a spin and have been hurt, so test it out a lot before you try to do tricks on it (something they repeat more than once in the instructions, btw).

In fact, if you’re going to do anything fancy like that, you really do need to screw it into the ceiling. This Carmen Electra pole offers an OPTION to mechanically fasten the top plate with screws, OR it can be pressure mounted. Lots of other poles don’t offer both options.

Before screwing it into the ceiling, however, I was able to do a handstand against it and climb it.  My 170lb neighbor and my 195lb husband were also both able to climb it without a problem.  So, if you’re going to dance around it and maybe climb it a little, you should be okay without screwing it in. If you’re planning on really torquing it, use the screws.

The first thing I noticed is that this pole is a lot thicker than the one used in my class, so it’s taking some time for me to get used to it.  There are some thinner ones on the market that might be easier to wrap your hand around–especially if you’re a beginner and you don’t have a lot of hand/wrist strength yet, like me.  The diameter difference is a double-edged sword: a thicker pole puts less pressure on fulcrum points (and thus reduces some of the bruising) and it’s easier to squeeze between the legs, BUT it’s also harder to get a good grip on, especially if you have smaller hands.

The finish on the pole is also a little hard for me to deal with.  The ones in my class are painted with a somewhat textured/grippier powder coat paint, and even with that paint, they’re still a little slippery.  During class we often have to stop and wipe down the poles with rubbing alcohol to keep the surface clean. The Electra-Pole is chrome and is therefore very slippery, even when completely clean.  I feel much less confident using it for more difficult maneuvers for this reason. Our class has different poles, and our instructors told us that the more advanced poles have slicker surfaces like the chromed Electra–harder to get a solid grip, but also a lot “faster” for spins and slides.

After anchoring it to the ceiling, I was able to do spins, etc.  I weigh 120 lbs, but it says not to use it if you weigh more than 265.  Some reviews I read said that people of only 105 lbs couldn’t do spins on it without it coming apart.  I did not find this to be the case. Plus my husband pulled and tugged and even managed to do a something like a spin, and it didn’t budge. He said if someone a shade over 100 lbs broke it, it wasn’t installed properly to begin with, and I totally believe him. The thing is solid.

In all, I think the Electra-Pole is pretty awesome for a beginner with the following caveats:

• You have someone who knows what they’re doing install it for you. We put ours in the porn basement, which has an exposed joist perfect for mounting. If this is going in your bedroom, you’re going to need a stud sensor or stud finder to locate a ceiling joist strong enough to keep the upper mount stable–whether you screw it in or not.
• You don’t try anything crazy before you know for absolute sure that it’s secure. Even then, take it slowly as you increase your load on the bar.
• The size and texture of the pole is more for an intermediate or advanced level dancer, and is therefore more challenging for a beginner to use.

For me, at least, it’s really fun having it and playing around with it.  Would I buy something different in the future if this pole dancing stuff turns out to be my thing?  Probably, yes.  I’d get a heavier one that’s one solid piece, maybe a little thinner, and meant to stay in place permanently.  But since I’m just testing the pole dancing waters at this point and getting some practice in, it’s just about perfect–it can be relocated in a few minutes, even with the upper mount screwed in, it’s height adjustable, it has a gleaming chrome finish, can be knocked down and put away for when judgy people and relatives come over, and last but not least will get you mega points with the husband.

Post from: Toy With Me

Crissy Reviews A Stripper Pole

Hell, I thought–I might even enjoy it.

Since we’re being totally honest here, I must confess I’d much rather take it in the pooper than give a blow job.

I considered the possibility that perhaps my dislike is because I’m doing it wrong. It always takes so damn long and my jaw locks up and I gag and drool and I start getting annoyed because you-know-who hasn’t landed the plane already, and clearly he’s doing it just to torture me…

or maybe I just suck at blowing.

The video arrived in the mail from Babeland in its very discreet package and it sat on my dresser for a while because I had a question, Toy with Mes.

Do I watch the video by myself first and sort of take notes and/or practice on a squash or something, or do I watch it whilst practicing on the real deal and learn in situ?

There’s something to be said for option number one because it preserves the mystique a little bit.  I could conceivably go from Hum-Drum Hummer-er to Blow Job Maven all of a sudden and my husband would never have to know I had boned up (hahahahahaha! No pun intended! Yes it was.) on my skills.

Sadly though, since I have the two little kiddos who most certainly do not need to see a lady kissing a man’s penis, I had to opt for the in situ instruction, and it had to be done after the little ones went to sleep.  I put the DVD in the player, did a few jaw loosening exercises (you don’t want to cramp up), pressed play, and put on my sexyblowjobface.

I was ready to learn.

And my husband sat on the bed squealing and clapping his hands like a little girl.

The video begins with an introduction to Tristan Taormino herself.   Throughout the video, Tristan addresses a group of women in a sort of question and answer format.

The first order of business is an anatomy lesson which at first made me roll my eyes because HI!  I know what a penis is, but I actually did learn that the most sensitive parts on a guy are the head of the penis (duh!) the frenulum (that little triangular notch between the head and the shaft on the bottom side of the penis), and the perineum (aka the assneck / taint / gooch).  So the majority of the penis–the shaft itself–isn’t very sensitive at all.

After the anatomy lesson, they bring in the porn stars to demonstrate the four basic phases of a blow job:

1) The warm-up where you tease the penis.  Let’s just say I will never again lick an ice cream cone without remembering this video.

2) The experiment phase is where you sort of try to figure out what works for him.  Try new stuff.  Mix it up.

3) The rhythm phase is the actual blow job where you find a rhythm and stay with it and guess what?  Using your hands is not cheating! Yay! Because my jaw gets tired.

4) The orgasm phase is, well, you know… but what I liked about this part of the video is that Tristan actually says right out that it’s okay if you don’t like to swallow and that you should work out where the cum is going to go before it goes. The porn actress actually admitted that she doesn’t like to swallow either.  She does take it in the mouth but then spits.  The fact that even porn stars aren’t that into it made me feel better.

The Extras section of the video addresses special concerns like deep throating, prostate stimulation, how to deal with an uncircumcised penis, and safer sex.  The part about deep throating did a great job of explaining tips and tricks without making me feel lame because I have trouble doing it. That part gave me some good ideas I still want to test out.

There are also three more instructional/example sections meant to demonstrate different blow job styles, like slow and sultry or hot and heavy or rough and sloppy.  You can watch those with or without Tristan’s narrative instruction so it turns right into porn if you want.  If you get tired of hearing her in the background you could turn it off and just copy what’s happening on the screen if that’s your thing.

If you’re the type of couple that historically DOESN’T include porn in the bedroom, this video could be a great way to introduce it under the guise of “education.”  Unlike nearly all the “mainstream” porno, this one includes the GUY as a point of focus and interest, instead of just being a stunt cock positioned mostly off-frame. I liked that, and I’m sure other women feel the same way. You could really tell the guys were enjoying themselves.

In all, this was a really good video.  The language was not clinical at all, and while explicit, still managed to avoid sounding trashy.  Tristan’s instruction was clear, concise and confidence building.   Her interaction with her “class,” as well as her conversations with the porn stars, seemed genuine and unforced.

We give it two thumbs up.

Especially my husband who has been walking around with a big ol’ smile on his face lately.  I guess I did learn something… Thanks Tristan!

Treat yourself to your very own copy of Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Oral Sex at Babeland

Post from: Toy With Me

Tristan Taormino’s Expert Guide to Fellatio

Lesson #1: Sex swings are really fucking heavy

I showed up at the post office with my little package slip and my ID and was all, “Hi, I’m here to pick up my package” and the chick behind the desk was like, “You won’t be able to carry this alone” and I’m all, “Psh, try me.” So she raises her eyebrow and hauls the box out and she’s totally right because I can’t carry it even a little bit and I’m like, “Okay, you win, I’ll come back later with someone else.”

As soon as I got home, I called him. “You need to come and help me,” I told him.

“Help you with what?”

“Help me pick up our $400 sex swing from the post office and get it back to my house and then back to your house because it’s so heavy and I tried but I can’t do it alone.”

He agreed.

(I mean, that’s in the fine print, right? The clause that if one is going to be allowed to fuck one’s girl in a sex swing, one is obligated to take charge of all heavy lifting and assembly.)

(I know, I’m such a good feminist. Lipstick and ass slaps for me.)

So, a few days later we headed down to the post office together to pick it up. I carried the small box with the swing in it, and he carried the big huge enormous ridiculous box with the free-standing sex swing stand in it. Both were packaged in non-conspicuous brown boxes but man, we definitely felt like total sexual rockstars on the walk back to my apartment and kept being all, “Oh hey, do you maybe want to have sex in a swing later? BECAUSE WE HAVE ONE.” Pure giddiness. After we got the boxes back to my apartment, we then had to get them to his apartment because he lives alone and I don’t and I’m pretty sure my roommate is all set on having a giant sex swing just hanging out in front of our fireplace.

Lesson #2: Opening the sex swing boxes is the funnest thing ever. But that’s only because you haven’t used the actual swing yet.

After we got back to his apartment, the rest of the process went something like this:

Tear open all boxes. Stare at the photos on the front of said boxes and wonder how to contort our bodies into all of those positions. Yell about which positions we most want to try. Stretch. Empty the contents of both boxes all over the floor. Stare at the pile of metal poles and the little bag full of tools and screws and bolts. Read the directions, which look like they came from IKEA, and tell him that if it weren’t for him I would have given up already. See that the box claims that assembling the stand takes less than ten minutes. Acknowledge that ten minutes for regular people = eleventy million minutes for me because I can’t even open jars. Make puppy dog eyes at him to set it up while I sit and drink wine and “observe for research purposes.” Watch as he really does get the thing set up. Laugh hysterically at how we have an adult playground jungle gym thing in the middle of the apartment. Hang from it to make sure it can hold our weight (it can). Attach the bright purple sex swing and see if that can hold our weight too (it can). Stand back and marvel at the wonder of my life since I started writing for Toy With Me. Stretch more. Sit in the swing with our clothes on. Literally swing back and forth. Realize that this is probably the coolest thing ever in the history of things. Collect all packaging materials so he can walk them down to the dumpster. Play with the swing the entire time he’s gone. Realize that he’s been gone for an inordinately long time. Start to wonder what happened.

Lesson #3: People who have sex in a swing care about the environment

When he finally walked back in, he said, “I didn’t know what to do!” And I was all, “What?” and he was all, “I mean, I didn’t want to put the box in the regular trash because it should definitely be recycled, but I didn’t want to leave the box out with the other recycling stuff because there are kids in this building! And what if a kid is taking the trash out with his parents tomorrow and sees the giant photos of people having sex in a swing that’s similar to what he uses at recess and is scarred for life??”

I stared at him. He continued.

“So, I stood there and I debated being environmentally friendly versus being kid friendly, but then I realized that alternatively, it might be an adult couple that sees it instead of a kid and it could encourage them to expand their sexual repertoire.”

“And so you left it with the recycling?”

“And so I left it with the recycling.”

“Excellent. Now let’s do this.”

And then we did.

Lesson #4: I never need to go to the gym ever again
No seriously, this is some borderline acrobatic shit. If you’re the person on the bottom of the swing, you’re using all new muscles to hold yourself in place. If you’re the person on top of the person in the swing, you’re grabbing onto the stand and hoisting yourself around and it’s basically all just an experience at the intersection of cardio and orgasm. My preference: being on top. The status of my arms because of this preference: sore. The status of my vagina because of this preference: happy.

Lesson #5: Stirrups aren’t just for the gyno’s office
The thing about sex in stirrups is that it’s fantastic. The thing about oral sex in stirrups is that it’s even more fantastic. In fact, I wonder how hard it would be to just install stirrups above my bed. You know, I bet I could find someone on Craigslist to do this for me for a reasonable price. Not that I look stuff like this up on Craigslist. Stop it! I don’t. I don’t!

Lesson #6: I appreciate the hell out of regular sex
At first, I worried that trying sex in a swing would make regular, toy-free sex seem blah. Wrong. So wrong. I had a blast using the swing, and I’ll definitely be anxious to use it again, but switching back to good old fashioned sex-in-a-bed was great in that I just kept thinking, “THIS IS SO EASY.”

Which is to say, variety is good. Sex swings are good. But, trying something new can also make you appreciate what you already have. Yes, that’s more of a general life lesson than a sex lesson. Yes, the sex swing has made me that much wiser. I know right?! You’re welcome.

Thanks again to adultsextoys.com, you complete me.

Post from: Toy With Me

Six Things I Learned From My Sex Swing

We Vibe Review

Have you ever wished you could use your vibrator, but your boyfriend/husband is always hanging around and so you have to forgo playing with your favorite friend and play with the human instead?

Doesn’t having to make that choice make you sad?

Well, you never need choose again, Toy with Mes!

Introducing the We-Vibe II!

It’s an external clitoral and internal g-spot stimulator that you can wear while doing Sexy Time with your partner. Or, if you don’t have one of those, you can use it by itself or with a dildo or whatever honks your hooter.

Let me tell you–It’s a marvelous idea!

It kind of looks like a stapler, but I assure you, I tried it out and it is nothing at all like fucking a stapler. Don’t ask me how I know that I once had a tawdry office affair in the supply closet, but trust me.  It’s way, way, way nicer and you don’t get any tell-tale staples caught in your pubes.

The We Vibe has two heads, an upper and a lower.  The top head of the “stapler” is the external/clitoral stimulator.  It sits on top while you insert the smaller, bottom head into your hey-nanny-nanny to stimulate your g-spot–Yee-haw!  It’s shower and bath safe, too.  It can run for about an hour on high speed and even longer on the lower setting. It’s super quiet when on, and the two heads are synchronized to do a “harmonic throbbing,” as the makers describe it.  It goes from 3,000 rpms on low speed all the way up to 5,000 rpms on high speed. Whoa Nelly!  That’s a powerful little stapler, I mean vibrator!

We Vibe

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To charge your We Vibe and change speeds, you turn the upper head to face you.  There are dimples that look like a face.  The two eyes are switches to control speed and pulsations by pressing them to the right or left.  The “mouth” part is where you plug it into the wall charger. It’s quite straight forward and easy to operate, which is pretty great because you don’t want to be fumbling with the thing once it starts gettin’ all freaky in the hizzy, ya know?

Speaking of freaky, my question when I first took it out of the box was, “how the heck is this thing supposed to stay in there?”  I mean, when thrusting, wouldn’t it just come out?  But it doesn’t!  It stays right where it’s meant to–even in different positions!  The manufacturer recommends starting out with woman on top and doggie style as these provide optimal g-spot stimluation.

I…ahem…agree with that suggestion, as does my husband. We both liked it because we’ve tried to incorporate a vibrator before and well, quite frankly, it’s too much to try and stick in there at one time and one or both of us has to get a hand on the vibe to keep it in, or the vibrator comes out and it’s just a hot mess.

This little cutie solved that problem for us in a big way. Can I tell you how nice it is to be able to easily use a toy simultaneously with the real thing? Not to mention that hubby loved the fact that I now have a vibrating vagina! We both agreed that We Vibe didn’t distract or detract from the experience.

So we’re kind of fond of the little We-Vibe, around here.  It’s Very. Nice.

Very, very nice.

My video review of the We Vibe

Treat yourself to your very own We-Vibe at Babeland

Features

• soft, flexible, comfortable
• body-safe and eco-friendly
• powerful vibe, whisper-quiet
• rechargeable battery
• 2 hours of play on a single charge
• 2 month charge standby
• use with water-based lubricants
• water resistant
• easy soap and water cleanup
• single push button control
• nine thrilling vibration modes
• compact and discreet

Treat yourself to your very own We-Vibe at Babeland

Post from: Toy With Me

We Vibe: The Ultimate Couples Toy

Oh yes, BO knows. How do partners in the mood for energized stimulation find a toy that pleasures them both simultaneously? BO knows. How does a penis, vibrator or dildo get even more sensational through intensified pleasure for all involved? BO knows. How do you prolong a rock hard erection that culminates in a riveting succession of body jolts? Oh yes, BO knows.

I had never tried a cock ring before. But as with a growing number of toys these days, they have come a long way in design, compactness, efficiency and body health. And I am always looking for palette-wetting options in couple toys that I can enjoy with my sexy sweetheart. I saw the LELO BO at Babeland, touting its attributes of not only the pristine reputation of LELO, whose products I love, but also a smart design that finds the ring encased in discretion right along with its charger … perfect for storage and traveling. BO’s design is super user friendly, with a simple slide interface to engage the hearty power supply, which is set to go for four saucy hours on just a one-hour charge.

So $79 later, I had my own LELO  BO on schedule for delivery. It arrived in a rich looking burgundy box with LELO on top, a logo that is fast becoming a classic in the world of luxury sex toys. The two simple steps start with the lightweight, body safe silicone ring, generously stretchy to accommodate any girth, applied around the erect penis or around the whole package. Next, the heartbeat, the power source that once on the ring, turns on. And turns you on. And then turns your partner on. And so on, and so on. Humming softly, LELO BO is ready to show you what he knows.

LELO BO

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Hubby and I work from home, which holds the benefit of ducking out now and then for a little afternoon delight (and if we’re lucky, some skyrockets in flight). With BO prepped on the sidelines, we took our time working our way into the yum zone. Kisses (see article), caresses, and other various contact fueled some very delicious mutual arousal. At full mast, he stretched the ring over his “mista”  and balls, which he found neither time consuming or awkward. Sliding the power component onto the ring, his erection was amped up, meeting with our wholehearted gratitude to LELO. Nice, very nice!

With the vibrator centered on his balls, I indulged us both in a Popsicle treat for me, which he told me postcoitally was simply amazing with BO’s added stimulation. We were both ready for the main feature. He slid the power source due north and entered me, each thrust teasing my clit with BO’s vibration as it surrounded his penis with constant stimulation. We mixed it up good, experimenting with BO’s effect on different positions. I always get a thrill out of trying toys with my man, and LELO  BO treated us to a racy romp that left us both spent on the bed.

As a couples toy, the LELO BO did not do very much for me. The only position that made an impact was missionary, and even then, the contact time of the vibe to my clitoris was insufficient to rile me up. However, if you are down with some titillating intermittent tease time, BO knows. In the male camp, it was love at first buzz. My hubby’s erection lasted longer, was much firmer, and his final thrust preceded multiple, uncontrollable spasms. Two thumbs and a penis up from the male reviewer at this session! As for me, next assignment: A solo flight with BO amping up one of my fave dildos or vibes. Stay tuned!

Treat yourself to your very own LELO BO at Babeland

Specs

• Material – body safe silicone.
• Charging Time – 1 hour for 4 hours of play.
• Colors – An entrancing Deep Blue or very sexy Bordeaux Red.

Features

• Only one vibe level but surprisingly powerful.
• Rechargeable.

Includes

• Travel/storage case.
• Charger/storage case combo.
• Instructions.
• One-year warranty.

Treat yourself to your very own LELO BO at Babeland

More Great Products by LELO
LELO NEA
LELO GIGI
LELO IRIS
LELO ELLA
LELO MIA
LELO LILY
LELO MONA
LELO INA
LELO ELISE

Post from: Toy With Me

LELO BO Review – The Elegant Cock Ring