I got off in thirty seconds, BUY IT!

The End.

Do you really need to know more?

Oh, okay, okay, I’ll tell you more.

I was actually intimidated by the Ina when it first arrived because it doesn’t look like anything I’ve ever seen.  It looks sorta like a one armed cactus– the thicker part is the part that vibrates inside of you, and the cactus arm is a clitoral stimulator.  I’ve never tried anything quite like it, and honestly?  I was a little scared.  I mean, a cactus in my twidget? EEEK!!!

I’m also scared of things that spin too fast, kites, balloons, my garbage disposal, tall buildings, and clowns, so you can’t really go by me in the “normal and reasonable fears” department.

Anyway,  upon opening the package I also thought the diameter of the internal vibrator part was  sorta thick.  Looks like a fat bratwurst.  My husband measured it and it turned out to be around 4.5″ circumference, which means nothing to me.  Then he said that it wouldn’t be a problem (and with a little looby-doo he was totally right).

Additionally, the clitoral stimulator part was a little rigid and also kinda thick.  This was also not a problem and I’m really glad because I was prepared to break my vagina giving this baby a whirl.  I am that dedicated to this website.

My first encounter with Ina was with my husband because I don’t have time for masturbation, really.  If anyone is landing her plane around here, it’s not going to be a solo flight.  Luckily, he’s the kinda guy who is not intimidated by this kinda thing, but he might change his mind after this because we had intended to use the Ina in foreplay, but, well, I kinda…had a short flight and I needed a little time to cool my jets before letting him re-board.  Yes, it works, and it works well.

Are we tired of the plane metaphors yet because Ina’s motor is like a jet engine!!  It’s not loud like that (it’s pretty quiet, actually), but holy crap!  When on the highest setting, it felt like my vagina was being launched into outer space.  Personally, that’s a little too much power for me, and I had to turn it down, but for those of you who like to feel like you’re impaled on a Saturn Rocket, it would probably be pretty magical.

The little cactus arm thingy that seemed so rigid when I first took it out of the box softened up a little after flexing it around.  It’s actually pretty perfect and sort of ingenious because it’s flexible enough to move around and position where you want it, but rigid enough to stay put.  That makes it way better than a Rabbit which does nothing but look cute with it’s little bunny ears and such…

I have to warn you that there’s a little bit of a learning curve involved here because you have to get the right vibration setting AND the right position on the ol’ clitoris or else you sort of feel like your pubic bone is going to somehow vibrate out of your body, but I have faith in you.  You’re a good little masturbator.  You’ll figure it out.

Presented in a pretty black gift box, Ina comes with a satin storage pouch, charger, user manual, and a full year LELO warranty.  She’s made with FDA-approved and phthalate-free PC-ABS/ silicone so you don’t have to worry about getting crotch rot or cancer of the cunt.  She’ll work for up to four hours on a two hour charge, and she plugs into the wall so there’s no fooling around naked in the dark with a screw driver taking the batteries out of your kid’s toys while they’re asleep (not that I’ve ever done that).  The fully lockable control panel is pretty intuitive, which makes changing the speed and intensity effortless.   I never tried to lock it though.

Overall, I think the Ina is a very good toy, but I don’t think my husband would agree because it’s a little too good and I very well may not need him anymore.

My video review of the LELO INA

Psssst, check back tomorrow because I have heard whispers that Babeland is giving us one of these bad boys to giveaway. ….

Post from: Toy With Me

Crissy Reviews The LELO INA

Related posts:

1. Crissy Reviews The OhMiBod Freestyle Vibrator
2. Nicole Reviews The LELO MONA
3. Crissy Reviews A Stripper Pole

A few weeks ago, the lovely people at Toy With Me and Babeland sent me a package. In this package was a LELO MONA, a mid-size premium vibrator. And I was to review said LELO MONA. I opened the box and at first I was like, “Eh.” And my roommate was all, “What’s wrong?” And I’m like, “I already have a LELO toy!” And she’s all, “Um, so??” And I’m like, “The one I have is a clit stimulator and this is like a for real vibrator and I don’t like those as much and, well, mehhhh.” And she’s all, “You’re ridiculous,” which I think actually meant, “You and your vagina are seriously ungrateful.”

So I put off using my MONA for a while, thinking things like, “It can’t be that good” and “I’m having plenty of sex, who needs this?” But then the time rolled around where I had to write about it, and in order to write about it, I had to use it. (Listen to my snobby ass, “had” to use it. What a torturous and awful life I have!)

I removed it from its box, plugged it into its wall charger, let it charge for two hours, and, when it was done charging, I just carried it around for a while. Held it, waved it in the air, pushed all the buttons, tried the six different stimulation modes – all without actually using the thing. I held onto it while my roommate and I watched stand-up comedy that night, trying desperately to find something wrong with it, something to prove that I was right and that this item was an unnecessary addition to my sex toy collection. But, I couldn’t. And do you know what happened instead? Instead, I found like eleventy hundred other uses for it. Like, you can use it as a microphone while singing to yourself in your bathroom mirror. And, because of the curved shape, you can pretend it’s a telephone and “call” your roommate from the other end of the couch. And, because it’s so powerful, you can use it as a neck massager. And, and! Because it’s light-weight and purple, you can use it as a magic wand. Seriously, it’s the most fun thing ever to wave around. Although, I don’t think my roommate appreciated me Harry Potter-ing it at her and commanding, “Abracadabra orgasm!” all night. Or maybe she secretly did. And maybe she now wants to make Harry Potter porn. Wait, I WANT TO MAKE HARRY POTTER PORN!

(Oh my god. Do not Google “Harry Potter porn.”)

Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, my LELO MONA. So, bedtime finally came around and I was all, “Alright, let’s do this.” And then I did. And then, well, and then I realized that I’m the biggest asshat in the history of asshats, because it was fantastic. F-a-n-t-a-s-t-i-c. Seriously, and I should say this quietly so she doesn’t hear me, but MONA is better than LILY. I know right?! I didn’t think it got any better than my little LILY and so there I was, claiming that I’m a clit stimulation girl and that this vibrator was “too boring” for me. Well, that’s false. Actual false on all accounts because (bold statement alert!) this vibrator is the best I’ve ever used. Ever. Maybe it’s the curved shape. Or maybe it’s the fullness of the sensations. Or maybe it’s the fact that it’s so light, and so quiet, and so easily able to switch between modes and levels of intensity. Maybe maybe maybe.

Other things in MONA’s plus column include the fact that she (like all LELO products) has a lock function that ensures she’ll never start vibrating at the wrong time. Like while traveling. Or while you’re rummaging through your purse at the bank. If, that is, you’re the type of person who happens to take a vibrator to the bank. And really, with a vibrator this good, why would you not take it to the bank? And to the coffee shop. And to the bar. And to basically anywhere with a bathroom for you to escape into and masturbate.

Just kidding. I haven’t done that. Yet.

God, this product is totally going to turn me into a masturbation addict.

Maybe I should try using MONA and LILY at the same time. Girl on girl on girl threesome! I don’t think I could handle that kind of stimulation though. I’m obviously a very delicate flower. We’ll see.

Oh, and wasn’t this review supposed to end with a lesson? Here’s the lesson: Don’t be a snobby idiot bitch. When someone sends you a free premium sex toy, just assume they know better, take your pants off, and stop complaining.

Also! According to the official Sex Toy Fairy Godmother chain of command, Toy With Me and Babeland provided me with a free sex toy and then I am able to provide you with the same free sex toy. Not like the exact same one I have. Not a USED sex toy. Ew, stop it. You get a LELO MONA of your own! Well, one of you does. How? By clicking here and “liking” Toy With Me on Facebook. Which is pretty much the easiest way to win a free sex toy ever. Also, how could you *not* like Toy With Me? DID YOU HEAR THE PART ABOUT THE FREE SEX TOYS? We are going to choose our lucky winner on Friday June 18th!

Cool. Have at it. Oh, and in the meantime, here’s a video of me and my LELO MONA. But, not like that. Seriously Mom, I promise. But Mom, wait, maybe don’t watch it anyway. Because of the blow up doll. Yep, this video is reverse PG. As in, I am guidance-ing my parent away from watching it. You should probably do the same.

Annnnd the winner is…… Jenny Engler! Jenny, drop me an email with your shipping information and I will get that sent out to you!

Thanks to everyone for entering, and don’t be too sad that you didn’t win as I have many more giveaways planned.

Post from: Toy With Me

Nicole Reviews The LELO MONA

Related posts:

1. Nicole Reviews The LELO LILY
2. Chrissy Reviews The LELO MIA
3. LELO ELISE Paints The Moaning LISA

Have you ever wished you could use your vibrator, but your boyfriend/husband is always hanging around and so you have to forgo playing with your favorite friend and play with the human instead?

Doesn’t having to make that choice make you sad?

Well, you never need choose again, Toy with Mes!

Introducing the We-Vibe II!

It’s an external clitoral and internal g-spot stimulator that you can wear while doing Sexy Time with your partner. Or, if you don’t have one of those, you can use it by itself or with a dildo or whatever honks your hooter.

Let me tell you–It’s a marvelous idea!

It kind of looks like a stapler, but I assure you, I tried it out and it is nothing at all like fucking a stapler. Don’t ask me how I know that I once had a tawdry office affair in the supply closet, but trust me.  It’s way, way, way nicer and you don’t get any tell-tale staples caught in your pubes.

It has two heads, an upper and a lower.  The top head of the “stapler” is the external/clitoral stimulator.  It sits on top while you insert the smaller, bottom head into your hey-nanny-nanny to stimulate your g-spot–Yee-haw!  It’s shower and bath safe, too.  It can run for about an hour on high speed and even longer on the lower setting. It’s super quiet when on, and the two heads are synchronized to do a “harmonic throbbing,” as the makers describe it.  It goes from 3,000 rpms on low speed all the way up to 5,000 rpms on high speed. Whoa Nelly!  That’s a powerful little stapler, I mean vibrator!

Click any image to view full size

To charge it and change speeds, you turn the upper head to face you.  There are dimples that look like a face.  The two eyes are switches to control speed and pulsations by pressing them to the right or left.  The “mouth” part is where you plug it into the wall charger. It’s quite straight forward and easy to operate, which is pretty great because you don’t want to be fumbling with the thing once it starts gettin’ all freaky in the hizzy, ya know?

Speaking of freaky, my question when I first took it out of the box was, “how the heck is this thing supposed to stay in there?”  I mean, when thrusting, wouldn’t it just come out?  But it doesn’t!  It stays right where it’s meant to–even in different positions!  The manufacturer recommends starting out with woman on top and doggie style as these provide optimal g-spot stimluation.

I…ahem…agree with that suggestion, as does my husband. We both liked it because we’ve tried to incorporate a vibrator before and well, quite frankly, it’s too much to try and stick in there at one time and one or both of us has to get a hand on the vibe to keep it in, or the vibrator comes out and it’s just a hot mess.

This little cutie solved that problem for us in a big way. Can I tell you how nice it is to be able to easily use a toy simultaneously with the real thing? Not to mention that hubby loved the fact that I now have a vibrating vagina! We both agreed that it didn’t distract or detract from the experience.

So we’re kind of fond of the little We-Vibe, around here.  It’s Very. Nice.

Very, very nice.

Do you already own a We-Vibe? The makers of We-Vibe want you to show them how much you love it! Click here for the details!

Treat yourself to your very own We-Vibe at Babeland

Post from: Toy With Me

We-Vibe: The Ultimate Couples Toy

Related posts:

1. We-Vibe Review
2. We-Vibe Overview
3. Win Your Very Own We-Vibe!

And then I waited impatiently. And then sex toy delivery day came and I was more excited than I’ve ever been. Except that one time. And that other time. But besides that? Nothing beats sex toy delivery day. Especially since I didn’t know which toy they had sent me or what I was going to find when I opened the box. It was all kinds of mysterious and exciting, kind of like Christmas morning for my clit, but without the large man with white facial hair and the decorating of dead trees.

Wait, where was I? Oh yeah, my clit.

Being that I’m such a clit girl, I couldn’t have been any happier to open the box on sex toy delivery day and find LILY, a clitoral massager by LELO that definitely lives up to the fact that its name is in all caps.

LELO creates a line of products categorized as “pleasure objects,” and they’re known as the world’s best for a reason: LELO doesn’t fuck around with gorgeously designed and highly user friendly passion products.

My LILY arrived in an elegant gift box, complete with a charger, user manual, and satin storage pouch. My first thought when I pulled my new pleasure object (why can’t I stop saying pleasure object??) out of its box was, “Wee! So little and pink!” which is totally what I imagine people are thinking when they’re all up in my box. Sigh, my LILY and I are so much alike.

Click any image to view full size

After opening my new toy, the rest of the afternoon went like this:

Plug LILY into her charger for the recommended two hour charge time. Try to decide if I think it’s weird that I’m calling her a “her.” Decide it would be weirder if anything named Lily were a “him.” Read the manual. Learn about the five different modes and the intensity and the pulsing. Get excited. Marvel at how much this vibrator resembles an egg. Crave eggs.

Wait impatiently for the charging to be over. Stomp around. Yell to my roommate about my overwhelming desire to masturbate and the need for someone to invent an instantaneous charging process. Keep reading the manual. Learn that a two hour charge equals seven hours of vibration. Shut the hell up with my complaining.

At the end of the two hours, once little LILY was fully charged, it was time for business. Using this vibrator was strange at first, since I’m usually a hands only girl and don’t dedicate a lot of time or relaxation to the process of getting myself off. Or at least that’s who I was, because I’m now thinking that all the rushing is about to become a thing of the past. LILY isn’t $104.99 for nothing people, she performs.

Thinking back, I’d like to guesstimate how many times I’ve used it (her?) in the past two weeks, but I’m not sure I can count that high. Let’s just say, instead, that I’ve certainly used it enough to try all of the different settings. And then all of the different settings in different combinations. And then all of the different settings in different combinations again for “extra research.” Yes, it has been an exhausting week. Less for me than for LILY though; she’s such a hard worker!

The Pros & Cons

In LILY’s plus column are the seven hour charge, the curved shape that makes it comfortable and easy to use, the soft, smooth finish, the easy ability to control speed and intensity, and the near silent vibration.

The only downside to Miss LILY is that she doesn’t come with a man to test her out with, even after bragging about having such a “couple-friendly” design. Dear LELO: Please remedy this immediately. Other than that though, the only thing I didn’t love was how powerful the highest few speeds were. Maybe I’m overly sensitive, but man, put your LILY on the highest speed and you can feel your ear lobes vibrating.

What’s that? You don’t have a LILY? Don’t worry, the sexy bitches over at AdultSexToys.com are generously providing me one to giveaway! Seriously, enter this contest. Your clit will be happier. Which means you’ll be happier. Which means everyone who has to be around you will be happier. Unless you put it on the highest speed and leave it in your pants for seven hours. Then you’ll just be sore. Or your clit will fall off. Or, something.

In other news, here’s a video of me and my LILY. No, it’s not a video of me masturbating. Calm down.

Treat yourself to your very own LELO LILY at Eden Fantasys

Specifications

Treat yourself to your very own LELO LILY at Eden Fantasys

Post from: Toy With Me

Nicole Reviews The LELO LILY

Related posts:

1. Nicole Reviews The LELO MONA
2. Win Your Very Own LELO LILY!
3. Chrissy Reviews The LELO MIA

Who keeps a vibrator in her purse??

I don’t know one single person who does that and maybe it’s the crowd I run with, but can I just say that I want the kind of life where I actually have a need for a vibrator that fits into my purse, because right now? I have diapers, baby toys, a couple of tampons with wrappers just hanging on by a shred, a partially masticated organic sugar-free fruit roll-up, a perpetually dead cell phone, a couple of mashed down tubes of Clinique lipstick, and a pack of gum.  The only thing remotely sexy in my purse is a pair of Curious George panties, size 3-T/4-T and they’re only sexy if you’re a pedophile.

Seriously, I think I’m just going to carry this thing around in my purse, just so I can say I have it, and if my kid happens to dump the entire contents of my bag out in a shopping cart in the middle of Target, maybe I can make an old lady or two blush.

But I digress…

The LELO MIA is a cute little thing, a little bigger than a lipstick, and the name actually suits it nicely. Mine is pink, but it comes in purple, too.  It’s made of hard, phthalate-free plastic, which I do not really prefer.  I actually like phthalates.  They make everything feel a little more dangerous, like I could get clitoral Cancer any time I use my vibrator.  There’s such a thing, right?  Clit Cancer?  I have no idea, but at least you won’t get it from masturbating with the LELO MIA.

Click Images For Full Size

It’s rechargeable, and it takes 2 hours to charge for 3.5 hours of use and the beautiful thing is that all you need is a USB port and you’re golden!  Just pop the little “lipstick” cap off to reveal the USB plug and hook this bad girl up to your laptop, wait a couple of hours, and you’re ready to rumble!  After using it a few times, I think having a built-in rechargeable battery is one my favorite new trends in vibrators, and who doesn’t have a USB port around? Don’t worry about whipping it out at the critical moment and having a giant FAIL, because there’s a charge indicator light on it right near the controls.

Also preventing a FAIL moment, are its easy to operate controls with just a plus and minus sign to adjust the four vibrating modes.  There’s also a way to lock the controls so it doesn’t turn on in your purse by accident, not that you’d notice if it did.  It’s so quiet that if you close your hand around it, you can’t even hear it.  Needless to say that when it reaches its destination, it will be even quieter.  You could conceivably whip it out and use it just about anywhere, actually.  Not that I really condone public masturbation, but you know.  Whatever rings your bell, chica.

And being a clit girl, I was kind of excited to give the little LELO MIA a whirl.  I admit that I was a little skeptical though.  You look at it and it’s really quite small and just doesn’t seem powerful enough to do the job.  Not that I require like, a jackhammer or anything, but you know.  It’s frustrating when the toy you’re using doesn’t quite get you there, but I’m happy to report that the little LELO MIA didn’t disappoint or frustrate.  It does quite nicely and is even more impressive when you consider its size.  Although I don’t think it’s going to become my go-to vibe, so to speak, it’s perfect for what it’s meant to be–a portable, no-nonsense, quiet little vibe for a girl on the go.

Now, if I can just find someplace more exciting than Target to go to…

Treat yourself to your very own LELO MIA at Eden Fantasys

Check Out The Video Review Above

Treat yourself to your very own LELO MIA at Eden Fantasys

Post from: Toy With Me

Chrissy Reviews The LELO MIA

Related posts:

1. Nicole Reviews The LELO LILY
2. Nicole Reviews The LELO MONA
3. LELO IRIS Review

I mean come on now! A music driven vibrator?

LAME.

Who would want such a thing?

But then I thought about it some more and I pictured our teenage babysitter (or someone like her. Is that illegal? Picturing your kid’s babysitter using a vibrator? Probably.) really enjoying the shit out of the thing because you know how kids are with their crazy rock and roll music.

Hooligans.

Anyway, I realized that it’s actually a cool idea for people who really get into music. It’s wireless, so you can plug it into your iPod or your iPhone or any kind of mp3 player, or even your computer or your home stereo so your whole family can hear you while you, um…rock out with your vibe out. Or in, as the case may be. I plugged it into my laptop because I do not own an iPod or an iPhone or an mp3 player.

I know.

WHO’S LAME NOW, CRISSY?

My first problem was deciding what kind of music my vagina likes. I mean, I’ve never asked it that question before. Or, any other question, actually. Maybe my gynecologist knows? Who knows what they talk about down there. There must be some kind of small talk, don’t you think? Otherwise it would be awkward as ass.

I assume.

So I logged on to here where they have playlists created by people’s gynecologists.

No.

I’m only kidding.

Their vaginas created the playlists.

Silly.

And this is all very new to me as someone who does not own any technology that hasn’t been around since 1984. How the hell should I know how to download iTunes?

Rubbing One Out To Bon Jovi

Certain that she would know what to do, I considered calling my teenage babysitter to help me, but I thought that might be a tad inappropriate. So, I had to borrow an iPod from my neighbor. (We’re very close, obviously. I mean going to your neighbor to borrow a cup of sugar is one thing, going over to borrow an iPod so you can masturbate with it is quite another.), because I wanted to see how the OhMiBod worked with an iPod. It’s very easy to use, even for someone like me who remembers playing cassette tapes and about giving myself carpal tunnel rubbing one out to my Jon Bon Jovi poster.

(Private note to Jon Bon Jovi: Jon, I got my braces off! Call me!)

A Rave In My Vagina

So anyway, they have all these different playlists and depending on what you’re into, you can choose from hip hop, Pop, Goth, whatever your little vag desires, really. There’s a whole community of OhMiBod enthusiasts out there and they’re full of suggestions. I wasn’t totally nuts about them, so I went to my own community. My neighbor’s husband suggested I use Bolero. Actually, it was a brilliant suggestion, but I didn’t try it (yet).

I eventually tried an old school techno playlist with a few other, more bass-y things mixed in that my husband compiled for me because he’s super supportive like that. He also took the kids for a walk to the park so I didn’t have to call the babysitter and then go have a Rave in my vagina.

DJ Crissy in the hizzy!

Or, whatever.

So, I dropped acid (no I didn’t) and made myself comfortable. I plugged the dongle into my laptop, clicked play, and, well, I didn’t love it with the music on.

My Vagina Hates Techno

It works great, and it does all that it promises to do. The intensity control, active when in music mode and located on the dongle, is convenient but a little sensitive. It has a range of 20 or more feet, so there’s no big cord between the vibe and the controller and you don’t necessarily have to be in the same room with your music source. I had a ton of options to explore with regard to intensity and music selection, but as it turns out, I’m just not into having the music in me. Either that, or my vagina hates techno.

But what makes this toy pretty awesome and versatile is that it is highly dependent on what music you select. Clearly, I picked the wrong playlist, but I’ll try again next time and see how we roll. I may have a totally different experience with the right music and then the sky’s the limit! I can make every session I have with it a unique encounter, and that’s something other vibes don’t offer–the possibilities truly are limitless.

Lucky for me this time, it also works without music and has a manual button with seven pulsating patterns, just in case you’re not in the mood for musical accompaniment. Once I switched it to that mode, I had a nice quiet party instead of the rave I had been planning.

It’s also rechargeable and doesn’t need batteries and it can go for 5 hours. 5 HOURS! Seriously. God help me if it ever takes me 5 hours to get off. I mean, just land the plane already, Crissy!

So even though I liked the programmed pulsations better than using it with the music, I still think the OhMiBod is a cool product and I can see why it has a big following and lots of people sharing their playlists.

There’s a lot of rock and roll hoochie koos out there!

ROCK. ON.

Click play to watch me get my freak on.

Treat yourself to your very own OhMiBod Freestyle  at Edens Fantasy

Specs:

• Control music volume and vibration intensity idependently
  25 ft. (7.5 m) range from wireless 2.4GHz transmitter
  Rechargable battery for up to 5 hours of pleasure
  Splash Proof
  Body friendly materials • Phthalate free
  Powerful motor • whisper quiet
  Velvety finish with chrome accents
  Convenient travel case and adapters for play around the globe
  1 year manufacturer’s warranty

Compatibility

• • All iPod® models
  • iPhone™
  • mp3 players
  • Home audio systems

Treat yourself to your very own OhMiBod Freestyle  at Edens Fantasy

Post from: Toy With Me

Crissy Reviews The OhMiBod Freestyle Vibrator

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1. Crissy Reviews A Stripper Pole
2. Naughtibod Review – I had The Music In Me
3. Help Suki & OhMiBod Raise Money for Breast Cancer Awareness

My new friend arrived in a pale pink box that said Ophoria,”Sample for your review” and “Fine Bedroom Toys” on it.

Yeah.

And because of that, our delivery guy did a double take when placing the box on our porch, the dirty bird. I don’t really give a crap, but the somewhat less than discreet packaging might bother some people. You know, the kind of people who don’t use sex toys and then tell God and everyone on the Internet about the experience? Those people might not like being judged by their delivery guy. I’m just guessing. I have no idea what “normal” people are like. They kind of give me the creeps, actually.

Perhaps it’s just the special box they use to send to reviewers to help them come out of the closet as chronic masturbators.

Hello, my name is Crissy, and I use power tools in the bedroom.

STOP JUDGING ME, DELIVERY GUY!

Ahem.

And when I showed it to my husband, he was surprised that I picked a g-spot vibe.

Ken: You’re not really a g-spot girl, you know.

Me: I think I am.

Ken: Nope. You’re a clit girl.

Me: Oh. Then why did I get a g-spot vibe?

Ken: …?

Me: I’m really a clit girl?

Ken: Maybe you’re both, but I always thought it was more clit than g-spot.

Me: Shit. I got the wrong thing.

Ken: Nice job. Maybe you’ll like it.

Me: Maybe. It says “Discover Yourself” on the front of this catalog thingy they included…

So I haven’t even tried it at this point, and I didn’t know it was an Educational Tool (why couldn’t they have put THAT on the box?), but it so is! I’ve learned two things already and I haven’t even turned the thing on yet:

1) my delivery guy is a Nosy Newsington and

B) I don’t know shit about my own body.

Sweet!

The vibe is made of very, very silky smooth silicone, and I like the luscious pink color ( I’d have preferred the purple one, but nobody asked me about my favorite color, so whatever. Pink is nice too. It also comes in velvety black, by the way.)

It came with it’s own batteries which is awesome because there’s nothing more frustrating than having to hunt for batteries when you’re trying to rub one out or vibrate one out or whatever. I usually just wind up taking them out of my TV remote and forgetting all about it. My husband loves when I do this.

Serious Power

There’s only one button to press to turn it on, change speeds, and turn it off. The first setting seemed pretty fast to me and I wondered if we could sand our floors with it (you can’t. I tried.). It has 9 different settings and some of them pulsate, which is kind of nice if you’re the sort of lady who likes to mix it up a little bit. I found all the settings overwhelming, but that’s probably just me.

Shhh, It’s Quiet

It’s surprisingly quiet for how powerful it is, and I was glad for it just in case that Nosy Newsington delivery guy was at the door, he wouldn’t be able to hear me and my new playmate getting acquainted. And I’m not exactly what you’d call Good With Electronics, so it took me a few tries to turn it off, and for a minute I was all “how do you stop this crazy thing?” but then I tried holding the button down for a second. Duh. There’s only one button, it shouldn’t be a problem, Crissy…

Seriously, I’m Shy…

And I’m feeling a little shy about telling you the rest of the details (this sudden shyness is as surprising to me as it is to you) about how I got my husband involved in the tryings out, and how the delivery guy came to the door to see if I was okay because I may or may not have been very verbally enthusiastic about “discover(ing) myself” and so I will just yada, yada, yada through all the best parts of this review and tell you that

I am a g-spot girl!

The Ophoria Beyond 1 G Spot Vibe?

Very nice.

Product Features:
curved form targeting g spot, 9 vibration modes, whisper quiet technology™, one touch operation

Includes:
jewelry style travel pouch, full user manual, one year limited waranty, 2 X AAA batteries

Length 7.5″ (19cm)
Width 1.5″ (3.8cm) at thickest point
Requires 2 x AAA batteries (included)

Post from: Toy With Me

Ophoria Beyond 1 G-Spot Vibrator Review

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Have you ever walked into a sex toy store, looked at a product and thought either, “What the hell is this?” or, “I really don’t want my kids stumbling on this while I’m out.” Well there’s really no reason to spend upwards of $150 on the top-of-the-line vibrator when you actually have many things around your house that no one would guess could be used for your delightfully secret purposes! These dual-purpose items are called “pervertables,” and they’re often just as good as their high-priced cousins.

Take for example the Hitachi Magic Wand®. The Wand was originally designed as an electric massager and retails for just $45.99. Not a bad deal when you consider that other products are well over $100, and you can’t even let your kids or neighbors see the packaging, which means you’re sneaking out to the garbage in the middle of the night like some kind of sex-crazed ninja. Awesome. With the Magic Wand, though, you’re just buying a muscle massager with pictures of people happily using it on tired necks and shoulders… what you do with it behind closed doors is another matter!

The Wand looks a lot like one of those 1980 karaoke microphones that you drunkenly sang into that night with the girls; a large round head with a narrowing grip down to the base where the cord for the plug comes out. The head is soft and spongy, so instead of a hard plastic pressure, you’re getting more of a soft point-of-contact backed by the power of a Harley-Davidson. You’ve now pretty much purchased sex-on-a-stick. Mazal tov! At some point, someone must have realized that there were additional uses for such a fantastic vibrating tool, and it has since gained cult status as one of the best and most effective clitoral good-time devices out there. That person should be found and Knighted.

Let me recap: FANTASTIC orgasm tool, and so innocent looking that you can leave it lying around the bathroom without anyone raising an eyebrow.

The drawback? It is a plug-in, so you have to be somewhat close to an outlet. This means it’s also not safe in the tub, so don’t go trying to recreate those missing sex scenes from WaterWorld with this thing. Of course, the Wand makes up for it with the intense stimulation… this thing needs to be plugged in, because otherwise you’d go through batteries at a disturbing rate!

The Wand is out-of-the-box ready, so you don’t have to wait around for it to charge up (orgasm-on-the-go!), and is made from a combination of vinyl and plastic, which makes it easy to clean with warm, soapy water, and can be used with pretty much any lube. There are two speeds, “Mmmmmm” and “HOLY SHIT! I JUST SAW JESUS!” these can also be called “low” and “high.” I like my names better though.

The “low” setting is still good enough to gently stimulate the clit as well as the lips if you’re into more of a soothing orgasm. If you like those “rock your socks off, neighbors banging on the walls telling you to stop screaming, eyeball-rolling” orgasms, then go with the “JESUS!” setting, and go from zero to sixty in three seconds. Also, if you have a male partner, the low setting can be gently applied to the base of the scrotum between his thighs, and can provide lovely vibrations all the way through to his prostate. If he hasn’t offered to buy you a boat yet, he might after the Wand.

Speaking of neighbors banging on the walls, you may want to go somewhere insulated; this thing is loud and proud. Then again, are you really worried about killing the mood when orgasm number two comes rolling in? Yeah, me neither. Still, you’re not going to be able to whisper sweet nothings while the Wand is doing its job, so get somewhere where you can be good and loud, or learn how to shout, “JUST RUBBING MY BACK!” as you finish up.

Now, for those of you who want to feel the Magic Wand inside of you, but you don’t want to stretch yourself out like a contortionist at Cirque du Soleil, there are attachments which expand on the Wand’s uses. They’re listed as helping you get to those “difficult to reach places,” like between your shoulders, middle of your back, or, say, your G-spot. Good times!

The Magic Wand® is a great toy to have in your “under the bed box of fun.” It may not be for every day use, but after a rough day at the office or a long day with the kids, this is the toy you’re going to reach for to relax you… all over.

Treat yourself to your very own Hitachi Magic Wand at Edens Fantasy

Ins and Outs

In

- Perfect vibes at either setting!

- Effective with intensive results

- A must have for those who don’t want something so obvious

- Spongy soft flexible head

- Easy to clean

- Versatile for you or your partner

Out

- Loud

- Electric. Some people are fine with this, but others don’t like to feel tied to

an outlet. If you don’t mind, then you’re pretty much left with six good

points, and one drawback. Not bad!

Specs

- Material – Combination of vinyl and plastic

- Width – 2 1/2″ spongy head

- Length – 12″

- Weight – A whopping 1.28lbs. – no worries though, the weight is mostly in

the head

- Cord – 6′ in length

- Charging – It’s electric! Boogy-woogy-woogy!

- Colors – White

Includes

- 1 year warranty within North America (not adaptable to Foreign power

sources)

Treat yourself to your very own Hitachi Magic Wand at Edens Fantasy

Post from: Toy With Me

How To Get Off In 2.5 Seconds

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In the spirit of master artist Leonardo da Vinci, LELO’s ELISE vibe transformed me into the “Moaning Lisa:” The satisfied, half-cocked smile. The delicate positioning of my body. Unabashedly, I look straight at you with sated eyes.

I’m naked, still smiling and might for hundreds of years, just like the recently discovered nude Mona Lisa by da Vinci. This Mona Lisa in the buff is believed to be part of a series of Mona Lisa paintings. I always suspected Mona Lisa was sassy!

Receiving a new sex toy is a joyous occasion in my world. I opened the package from Eden Fantasys expectantly and pulled out a non-descript white box. Inside a gorgeous black gift box, embossed with the LELO logo, was my elegant LELO ELISE Vibe. White satin travel pouch and simple step-by-step instructions, replete with diagrams, included. Nice touch. Why risk confusion at playtime?

Not only is ELISE pleasing to the eyes, she begs to be touched. A quick overview of the diagrams and instructions and I was ready to roll. — and moan, scream, arc, claw at the air, punch my pillow, stand on my hands or however else I damnwell felt like expressing myself.

Allured by ELISE”s gentle design, two purring pleasure points and five stimulation modes, I tenderly lubed her feel-good elegant femme contours (less friction, more fun, but remember … no silicone lube with ELISE) and sent her on her maiden voyage.

Click any image to view full size

ELISE was surprisingly quiet. Beginning to satisfy my whims, I touched the vibe to my nipples lightly. Mmm. Breathing deeply, I ran her over my breasts, down to just below my navel and back up to my nipples. While ELISE couldn’t kiss me, her sensual smoothness and vibrant stimulation of my enthusiastic nipples were delicious.

I headed south with ELISE’s velvety smooth and slightly rounded peak, running her along my legs and up my inner thighs to tease myself. Yum.

Enjoying my sumptuous and silky arousal, I approached my clit slowly. Once I arrived, I happily “tormented” myself there as long as I could stand it. When the sensations intensified to the point of orgasm, I dialed ELISE down to “pleasure mode” so that I could linger a bit longer in that wet, pre-orgasmic kaleidoscope world.

I slipped ELISE inside me. With her soft curve for easy access to all those magical places, she fit my natural curves beautifully. I played with her different stimulation modes. ELISE felt wonderful sliding in and out, … She revved my G-spot to wild. I was impressed.

Although I did not experience a G-spot orgasm on this first voyage, ELISE gave my clit wings to fly into vibrant, orgasmic delight. I gently bit my own lip while ELISE worked her magic. Like a tidal wave, I arrived with a roar. I was the Moaning Lisa, painted with ELISE as my brush! I plan to explore the G-possibilities with her again very soon.

In true da Vinci style, LELO understands the art, science and invention of sex toys. LELO also understands women. Grazie, LELO! Grazie mólto, bella ELISE! I’m thrilled to have yet another luxurious LELO toy to add to my collection.

Treat yourself to your very own LELO ELISE at Eden Fantasys

Ins and Outs

Out

• No g-spot orgasm, I think ELISE and I shall meet again

In

• Dual synchronized vibrating motors, double your pleasure!
• Intuitive interface dial
• Controls are fully lockable, perfect for discreet  travel.

Specs

• Nonporous, hypoallergenic and phthalate free silicone
• 8 1/4″ in length of which 5 1/4″ are insertable.
• 3 hour charge equals 4 hours of play – yay!
• Available in sweet plum or satin black

Features

• 5 patterns of vibration.
• Vibration speeds that vary from barely there to orgasmically intense.
• Rechargeable.
• Two independent motors, one at her base and the other at her tip.
• Stimulation points can act in unison, or alternate intuitively.

Includes

• Plush travel/storage pouch.
• 1 year LELO warranty
• Detailed instruction manual.

Treat yourself to your very own LELO ELISE at Eden Fantasys

Post from: Toy With Me

LELO ELISE Paints The Moaning LISA

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Fun Factory of course makes a fun box, one that let me peek giddily through its window at my new and most welcomed guest. And this was no ordinary arrival. The G-Twist raises the bar for battery operated toys by being built of 100 percent top quality and hypoallergenic silicone. And on just the two included AA batteries (just insert and go!), my new twist in old toy land is a knee-buckling powerhouse. An easy cleaning with soap and water and Mrs. G and I were ready to rock ‘n roll. If you want to christen this vibe in the shower, go for it. Water resistance is another of its attributes, just leave the casing open for a while if it’s going to be exposed to moisture for long.

Click any image to view full size

It took me all of two seconds to learn the G-Twist’s command center. The rotating variable dial is a one-stop shop: on/off and speed levels. I was taken aback by the softness and pliability of the shaft, and how the ribs felt so intense just under my fingertips. A fierce craving to feel them in other places led me right to the bed. This “work assignment” would be ribbed for my pleasure baby, and how. I gazed along the shaft’s six ergonomically designed inches that form an arch contoured exactly to the vagina for maximum reach unattainable by conventional straight vibrators.

This was actually G-Twist, II. Its predecessor had been defective, so as disappointed as I was with my anti-climactic arrival day, Babeland’s fast, courteous and smooth return policy made replacement easy, no questions asked. When the second coming came, I was raring to go, long overdue for a good play with a new mate. I was starry-eyed with hopes of a first, second and maybe even third coming of my own.

I slathered on the complimentary Fun Factory Toy Fluid that I just love, and it was go time. No warming up or dancing around the objective when it came to the G-Twist. Its design fit perfectly in my hand and required little effort in getting me very aroused. I was in the mood for taking the G in G-Twist to heart, so I proceeded to an earnest try at a gushing G-spot orgasm. With the vibe at full speed (but impressively quiet), it was a quick visit in the wading pool with a little tickle across my clit, and into the deep end she went.

Rib by rib, this vibrator felt wonderful going slowly inside me, its shape and flexibility making its way easily to my g-spot, as I dabbled with different angles and the stimulation they brought. With delight I discovered that the upward curve at the shaft’s base puts an amazing twist on clit play.

Speed bump. As I engaged the ole in ‘n out, the G-Twist’s ribs went from pleasant to not so much. Going out of me, I felt each rib catching on the inside of my vaginal opening. I’ve read other G-Twist reviews with no mention of this problem, and I have not experienced it with any other toy, so perhaps it’s just my anatomy’s incompatibility with this design. Internal incompatibility, that is. I was still very aroused by the clitoral treat I was being served G-Twist style, and so I feasted. Not once, not twice, not thrice, not four times, but yes ladies, FIVE spectacular clit orgasms like I have never felt with any other vibrator! Unbelievable, intense stimulation. It won’t be long before I twist again.

Treat yourself to your very own Fun Factory G-Twist at Babeland

Ins and Outs

Out

- No g-spot orgasm. Had to postpone that goal upon discovering the uncomfortable withdrawal of the G-Twist, no matter which way I turned it as it came out.

In

• Battery operated. Turnkey toy!
• Abundance of power.
• Perfect body-friendly design with powerful grip.
• Extremely flexible.
• Amazing clitoral orgasms!!

Specs

• Made of solid, 100 percent medical-grade silicone.
• 6 1/2″ with 5″ insertable.
• 1.5″ wide.
• Comes in candy blue, watermelon or violet (you know I’m all about the purple).

Features

• Splash-proof.
• Vibration ranges from soft and slow to intense.
• Uses two AA batteries (included).
• Ribbed for added pleasure!
• Strategically placed bump for mind blowing and unique clitoral stimulation.

Includes

• Diagram.
• Instructions (really just a formality, this toy is so simple to use).
• Two AA batteries.
• Free sample of Fun Factory Toy Fluid lubricant.

Treat yourself to your very own Fun Factory G-Twist at Babeland

Post from: Toy With Me

Fun Factory G-Twist Review

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