When I first heard about this, I wanted to throw up. Actually, I still want to throw up. I also want to become some kind of an activist or something, but I probably won’t do that either because I’m kinda lazy.
A company in Switzerland has introduced a new kind of condom. It’s called The Hotshot and it’s extra-small (1.7 inches in diameter as opposed to 2 inches for regular ones, and 7.4 inches in length) because it’s designed for 12-14 year-old-boys.
Close your mouth.
Does this kind of horrify you? Maybe it’s because I have condom issues, but I am horrified that there is a need for this at all. As a mother, I just don’t like to think about kids that young having sex, but this condom was developed in response to a recent study done by The Center for Development and Personality Psychology at Basel University in Switzerland that showed young teens engaging in unprotected sex resulting (duh) in conception, thus prompting several family planning organizations to campaign for it’s production.
So now there are kid-sized condoms.
WHAT IS THE WORLD COMING TO, TOY WITH MES?
My god how things have changed in 24 years only a few short years. When I was that young, I was still playing with Barbies (actually, I still do play with Barbies, but you know, I’m weird like that). Sure, my Barbies had some raunchy encounters, but you know. That was Barbie sex. I remember sitting in a tree house at my friend Katie’s and giggling and swearing up and down that we would never have sex with boys because we don’t want them to pee on us. That’s what we thought. We thought sex was kissing and then the boy peed on you. We used to make up new lyrics to songs on the radio about boys peeing on girls.
We were 12!!!
That’s what 12- year-olds should be doing.
I stayed in the dark about sex until Freshman year of high school, or thereabouts. While I stopped thinking boys actually peed on you, I was really fuzzy on how exactly it all went down. My mom probably would have told me if I had asked her, but I was too mortified to bring it up to her, so Katie and I kept on theorizing and giggling and sneaking her older brother’s college anatomy books up to that tree house. I mean, we didn’t even know any sex words beyond penis and vagina, let alone having a clue what to do with them. My very first locker in Jr. High had “I wish every girl in the school would swallow my cum” written on the inside of the door, and I remember thinking “what an idiot! He spelled GUM wrong. SHEESH!” Once the sun came over the mountain a couple of years later and I learned what cum was, I felt pretty stupid for having shown the kid with the locker next to mine how some moron didn’t know how to spell GUM. No wonder he looked at me like I was clueless.
But don’t worry about poor wee little Crissy. Ninth grade Health class with Mr. Murgo cleared up my confusion. He looked and spoke exactly like Ferris Bueller’s Economics teacher, btw.
Try watching that dude put a condom on a banana and not lose your shit, I dare you.
Thank goodness for ol’ Mr. Murgo, hilarious as he was, because he took care of all that naivety, but even though I knew what to do with the penis and the vagina and the cum, I still wasn’t ready to put it into practice! This is why I am so horrified. These are such different times and it makes me so sad that CHILDREN! are having sex.
But don’t take my horror at the mini condoms as disapproval, Toy with Mes. If there is a need for them, then they should make them available. I hope they ship a few of those bad boys over here to the states, too. I’m sure our statistics on young teens having sex are quite similar, if not even more shocking than Europe’s, but remember how I mentioned that I’m lazy? Yeah. I wont’ be going to check the facts on that one, but you know what I’m saying. Most people know a young teen mom or dad, don’t they? That’s why this condom development is a positive one if you ask me. The only thing more horrifying than kids having sex, is kids having STDs or abortions or even worse, babies who will no doubt be abused or neglected unless there’s some serious intervention and support. That’s not to say that teen parents are bad people, they’re just immature people, and that’s a recipe for disaster.
I’m almost 36 and I’m barely mature enough to handle parenthood (but then again, I still play with Barbies, so maybe that’s just me). I couldn’t even keep a goldfish alive when I was in college.
So there you have my opinion on the kid-sized condoms. They’re horrifyingly necessary. I’m sure you all have something to say about this, so go to it Toy with Mes. Tell me how old you were when you lost your virginity, and if you think that was a good idea. Was your 12 year-old-self mature enough to have sex and use protection? Is there a better solution to the problem of kids having sex?