A Collection Of Semen Based Recipes

Semen based recipesWarning: Most people will find this post a little hard to swallow. I cannot recommend eating while reading it because I’m having a hard time not gagging while I’m writing it, but write it I must! The people need to know about this:

Natural Harvest: A Collection of Semen Based Recipes by Fotie Photenhauer

It’s a cum cookbook, and it’s real. At first I thought it must be some kind of an urban legend, or one of those joke emails, but it’s not. Somebody actually wrote this book, intending for people to cook with jizz.

Here’s an excerpt from the introduction:

Semen is not only nutritious, but it also has a wonderful texture and amazing cooking properties. Like fine wine and cheeses, the taste of semen is complex and dynamic. Semen is inexpensive to produce and is commonly available in many, if not most, homes and restaurants. Despite all of these positive qualities, semen remains neglected as a food.

This book hopes to change that.

Once you overcome any initial hesitation, you will be surprised to learn how wonderful semen is in the kitchen. Semen is an exciting ingredient that can give every dish you make an interesting twist. If you are a passionate cook and are not afraid to experiment with new ingredients – you will love this cook book!


And there’s a note at the beginning of the book that warns readers not to put the magic ingredient in their guest’s food without telling them first. It goes on to say that the recipes were all tested by the author and his friends, and I have a question: What’s that dinner party like?

Guest: Gee, the semen does go well with the salmon. I think it could even use a little more sauce, actually.

Author: Hold on. Let me get you some (jerks off onto guest’s plate). If you want more, you’re going to have to give me a minute.

Guest: Mmmmmm. Much better! Thanks! Semen Salmon is the best thing EVER!

That’s a real recipe, you know. Semen Salmon. Only it’s called Glazed Grilled Pink Salmon.

Other recipes include things like the obligatory High Protein Smoothie from the “Drink” section.

My husband is always offering to add a little “extra protein, Hahahahahaha!” to my breakfast smoothies, as I’m sure many other husbands do too because boys are so, so, mature.

Now we have a recipe! The ingredients are hard to see in the image but take my word for it. It calls for 2-3 teaspoons of fresh semen!

Cum smoothie

It’s got kiwi in it!


In the “Appetizer” chapter, we have things like Slightly Saltier Caviar. Tuna Sashimi with Homemade Dipping Sauce heads the list of “Main Courses,” and the Pungent Aioli is from the “Sauces” section. The “Dessert” chapter is maybe the funniest one because the dishes are all “creamy” this and “white center” that, and the author suggests that for maximum effect, the semen should be added just before serving–even at the table if possible. My favorite is the Tiramisu Surprise. I like anything with the word Surprise in it.

Here’s a picture of Man Made Oysters:

Man Made Oysters


Did you just throw up a little bit?

I was never a big fan of Oysters anyway, but that picture pretty much guarantees I will never, ever eat one again.

How about this cocktail?

The Almost White Russian. Vodka, Coffee Liqueur and semen!

Almost White Russian

Get it? Cocktail?

I don’t know you guys. I’m kind of skeptical about actually cooking with cum because really? A lot of the recipes call for a tablespoon or more, and last I checked, even though it feels like a quart when it’s hitting your back or going into your eye, isn’t a BIG cum shot like a teaspoon, max?

For me, this raises concerns about production and storage. If you’re having a big dinner party and you need like, a cup of the stuff, that’s a lot of planning ahead. We’re rarely prepared that far in advance, and I doubt anyone else is either. It’s just not practical. Maybe if it was a BYOC party?

And then there’s the taste factor. I don’t really like the taste of semen. It kind of makes me gag. A lot. I can’t even eat alfalfa sprouts because I think they taste exactly like it. My dislike for the flavor is a terrible disappointment to my poor husband because he doesn’t get a lot of blow jobs because of it. Also, I’ve got the TMJ. And I’m kind of a shitty wife. But I know I’m not alone. Most women I know think semen is yucky too. My husband is convinced that if he can make semen taste like top shelf chocolate, he can bring about world peace because apparently, all the wars and shit are just because everyone wants a blow job.

He should team up with the author of this book and maybe they can win the Nobel Peace Prize or something.

I wonder if Martha Stewart would think this cookbook is a good thing? How about America’s Test Kitchen ? Or better yet, Simply Ming. He’s always working with a “master sauce” that he uses throughout the episode. Maybe he can whip up a divine cream of sum yung gai?




  1. John

    I know it sounds strange but my wife takes me for her health. She suffers from menopause. All her hot flashes stopped and she has way more energy when she takes me. Her overall health just plain got better. When she stopped taking me her health all went back to hot flashes and headaches and such and just plain had no energy. So she’s been taking me for 7 or 8 years now one to three times a week. And sweet fruit consumed by the male does make it taste sweet, no bitter taste at all. We haven’t thought about recipes to make it better. We did find that it is safe to consume. Your poor husband and you are missing out, to bad. I guess each to his own. Thanks

  2. Alicia

    The reviews on the book had me laughing ! :) I would have thought it was a joke but I already knew it wasn’t.
    I seem to be in the minority a lot here, but I didn’t really mind the taste of semen… there was only once that it tasted awful to me. I only swallowed once because I struggle with acid reflux and it was even worse back then .. I have been single for almost a decade now and I find that sometimes I actually miss the taste. I’ve only been with one man and maybe other guys out there produce some awful tasting stuff – I have no data on that. but my ex’s wasn’t that bad at all .. tasted sort of like mushrooms.

    As for this book, the recipes don’t really sound appealing to me with or without this special ingredient. Given the nutrition and health benefits of semen, I would be far more likely to swallow or even add some to smoothies, if I was to end up in another relationship.

    The things that creep me out about this are actually the thought of cooking or blending spermies while they’re still alive… the fact that I could NEVER use the same pots, pans, mixing bowls and utensils to cook for my family or guests… cos I would always know what had been in them…. And the idea of Unsuspecting dinner guests or even dinner guests willing to consume foods made with semen – that is so creepy, I can hardly process it ! and depending on the situation, it’s that (God forbid) putting unsuspecting people at the risk for STD’s / STI’s .. or would cooking kill off any germs ?

    • Toy With Me

      Personally I’m not a fan of cooking to begin with but even if I was there’s no way I would cook with sperm. I think your smoothie idea is a good option though, for nutrition benefits, clearly. As for STD’s I think if you cook it that would do the trick, don’t hold me to that though.

  3. Merlin Butler

    My grandmother loved this book as a gift!! However, when we made some of the recipes together she found some of the recipes too salty. Great gift, excellent recipes!

  4. G.-

    "Who's cooking tonight?" "I think Jeremy is horny and ready to bust a nut. Let's head over there for dinner tonight." "Let's watch porn later and I'll make dessert for all of us." ROFL

    It would be remotely hot seeing my male buds eating my cum cooked snacks while we watch a game and drink beer. Maybe even have a tasting party. LOL

    FACT: A large majority of men did, or currently do on ocassion "eat their own" so what's the big deal?

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