Last week we talked about sex for the disabled and the British solution to their unfortunately low fuckability quotient, and this week I have for you Toy with Me’s another wonderful British invention: Online Dating for Ugly People, specifically, a website called TUBB or The Ugly Bug Ball.
The justification for the site, according to them, is that half of the people in the UK are aesthetically challenged and feel rather left out of the dating pool, what with all the pretty people taking all the good dates, and so why not have a dating pool full of ugly people? And they say that pretty people aren’t very nice anyway and so they’re really un-datable. Ugly people, however, are better people because they’ve suffered at the hands of their ugliness, which everyone knows builds character and makes them more loyal and considerate. I would also argue that it can make you a bitter asshole. I wonder if there’s a dating site for assholes, too?
We should check on that, actually.
I just Googled “dating site for assholes” and I got this. I LOL’ed.
Anyway, according to TUBB, not only are ugly people inherently nicer folks, they also try harder in bed because they want it more because they get it less. They’re just so grateful to be there, they’ll do anything! And once two ugly people have found one another, they probably won’t stray because who the hell would want them? And this next one is my favorite so I’m going to quote directly from the website here:
In these straightened times TUBB is cheaper as a) We don’t charge much as the pretty sites and b) Ugly people have lower expectations – for a first date a Family Bucket will usually do the trick.
There’s even a wonderful pie chart, for those of us who are visual learners:
The Brits are super bleeding hearts, right? They want everyone to get laid! I love them! Plus they have SEXY ACCENTS. I love sexy accents. I think it makes just about anyone fuckable, but I guess Brits don’t really think the sexy accent is sexy…or an accent.
In the name of research, I decided to see if I could find myself a nice, sexy accented lady friend. I looked for women between 18 and 35 from Bedfordshire because Bedfordshire seemed an appropriate place to start, and guess what?
Not one ugly chick in the bunch!
What about the guys?
They’re not half bad either, with the possible exception of the dude with a ciggie hanging out of his mouth, but that might just be a cultural thing. And their profiles were all pretty great! I found at least two guys on the first page I wouldn’t mind taking a chance on!
Feeling encouraged by my findings, I did something I’ve always wanted to do, just to see who would I’d get hooked up with, so I created a profile. I didn’t put a picture, and all I did was check off some of my passions like motorcross, weight lifting, martial arts, and macrame pot holder making, and people started contacting me almost immediately! But you have to pay to read the messages and look at the pictures, so I closed my account because that’s bullshit. Also, I think it would make my husband sad if I started dating.
From what I saw though, the TUBB dating pool ain’t so bad!
So what gives, “ugly” people of Britain?? I wanted to see some dogs! I wanted to have to call my husband into the room and be like “check out the hot mess!” but to my supreme disappointment, there was nary a hideous beast to be seen. Maybe this is just another example of that self-deprecatory British humor? Or could it be, Toy with Mes, that fuckability is not exactly in the eye of the beholder, but in the eye of the…the…face-holder?
What is fuckability, exactly anyway? It is really just a socially constructed Beauty Myth type deal where you only think you’re fuckable if you conform to the ludicrous standards everyone feels they have to live up to?
Or is it all in your mind?
Need I remind you of my old boyfriend, Vito, who was, by all beauty standards, fat and kind of ugly, but all my friends were up in his grill because he thought he was sexy and so he was sexy.
If you ask me, all these people need is a little attitude adjustment and they’ll be fine and fuckable in no time. Get them into a swagger class or something. Maybe the Brits should put a few bucks into a national self-esteem building project instead of just going around buying hookers for people and setting up websites for pretty people who only think they’re ugly.
Photo by Stuart Miles.