“I like simple pleasures, like butter in my ass, lollipops in my mouth. That’s just me. That’s just something that I enjoy.” ~Floyd (Boogie Nights)
Whatever Santa brought you for Kwanzaweenkuhmas, it’s time to bring those gifts along into a new year. My resolution for 2010? I’m keeping my kinks. Gone are dairy and gluten, fast food and Fuddrucker’s. Also out the window are those delightful little jalapeno poppers filled with cheesy goodness.
But my kinks? Fuck you, fuck me – they’re here to stay.
Have you ever been in bed with someone and they seem totally appalled by something you like? It’s a huge turn off. And not only that, it kinda makes you feel like an ass for asking in the first place, right? Whether it’s oral sex, a “toy night,” spanking or dressing up like a schoolgirl and being taught a lesson for being a very, very naughty girl some back door action, why do there have to be kinks that a lover calls out of bounds? Or…have you done it to someone?
Of course, we all have our limits. Not everyone is into midgets in lederhosen or peeing on one another. But isn’t that what communication is for?
I have a new year’s resolution that perhaps you can help me with:
Can we make 2010 the year where we talk to our lovers instead of bitch about them to our buddies and girlfriends?
Novel fucking concept. Literally.
Me? For all that’s holy, honey – pull my hair, spank my ass and talk dirty to me. In exchange, I’ll do all those little (and not so little) things you like. Those things that make you make those noises. When it comes to our lovers, it’s those noises were all after, aren’t we? Maybe I’m talking out of my ass here (and guys, please feel free to chime in), but what gets you off more: going down on someone or going down on someone and hearing them respond? Moan with delight…arch her back a little…watch his knees quiver. That’s what communication is all about.
From The Redhead, here’s your Top 5 List of Things to Do (in bed) for 2010:
- Try something new. Something you’re not sure if you’ll like. But try it. You know you want to…
- Get some tools. You know, sex toys. It can be something as simple as a vibrator or some lube, but if you don’t already have a treasure chest…start shopping. Intercourse is one thing. SEX is something completely different. And in my opinion, when you bring love into the equation, it can be mind-boggling to combine the two into something completely and utterly exquisite.
- Go ahead – ask. Take a minute out of your predictable sex play and ask your lover: what can I do for you? And don’t take “You’re doing it” or “I’m fine” for an answer. You’re intimate with this person. Trade secrets. My philosophy on fantasies is that you need to make them realities every once and awhile…it makes room for new ones.
- Listen a little more. As I alluded to before, we’re all in search of those noises. Do you really know what makes them? Take the time to listen to your partner’s body instead of your libido. What makes his balls jump a little bit? What makes her clit wink at you? Does she tense up when you touch her there but moan when you touch her here? Does he like nibbling? How do you know? Take an audible inventory and couple it with your tactile approach. I guarantee – your lover will thank you.
- Define your fucking vocabulary. Does your lover prefer it if you say “dick” or “cock?” Is it her “hoo hoo” or her “pussy?” When you talk to your lover about their body with terms they appreciate, you’re telling them: I listen and I want to please you. You’re also opening the door for your lover to get their fucking vocabulary in order as well. Need some help? Just say, “I love it when you tell me how much you like my dick,” or, “I love the way you eat my pussy.” There. Explained. ‘Nuf said.
Got a question for The Redhead? You can get in on the column action by using my anonymous submission form or find me daily on Ask Dear Redhead on Formspring. I’d love to chat with you…and I’ll answer anything. Well, most anything. A girl’s gotta have her secrets!
This week’s question is all about resolve and becoming the master of one’s own domain (a brilliant way to start the new year, I say!).
Dear Redhead~
I’m thinking about taking “Choking the Chicken” to a whole new level. I don’t want to be found asphyxiated because the chair slid out from under me doing that whole auto-erotic asphyxiation thing. My roommate already gives me enough shit. I was thinking more along the lines of cock rings. Any advice on where to start?
Choked Up
Dear Choked Up~
Well, it sounds like Rosie Palm and her five sisters already have a fine working relationship with Captain Fantastic. Cock rings are more designed to make you last longer during intercourse, so if you’re looking for ways to make “alone time” a bit more fun, how about something like a Fleshlight? Innocuous enough, it’s the number one-selling sex toy for men. Easy to use (I’m told – see, I don’t have a dick), moderately priced and available in many models, you can avoid the whole choking side of things and just get jolly by jerking off in a new way. And if you get one, do tell us what you think – after all, I’m The Redhead and you’re the dude. I’ll take your word on a Fleshlight over mine any day! Happy new year to you, Rosie, the sisters and the Captain.
And now…this week’s contest will help you with Step 2 above: win a shiny, sexy OhMiBod Freestyle music driven vibe! Check out Crissy’s Hilarious review here.
Riddle me this: what’s YOUR sexual New Year’s Resolution? Make it good and we’ll rise to the occasion and reward you appropriately. Winner will be announced on Thursday January 15th!
Possibly related goodness:
About the Author
Erika Napoletano is the Head Redhead at RedheadWriting LLC, a Denver-based online strategies consultancy. Her blog, RedheadWriting, is a bastion for "unpopular thoughts and blunt advice - delivered" and consistently strives to say what others won't and don't (but should) about marketing, social media, business integrity and life in general. She's a guest blogger on such popular outlets as Copyblogger, one of the most widely read RSS feeds on the web and was named in Social Mouth's 7 Examples of Kick Ass Personal Branding. You can follow her on Twitter (if you dare), check out the hoopla on her Facebook Fan Page or discover what it's like to be Bitch Slapped (a recurring weekly feature on her blog) at www.redheadwriting.com.
{ 39 comments… read them below or add one }
i think regardless of the means/method of getting there, EVERYONE likes it when their partner is “getting off.”
that requires two things: some signal or indication that the “off” is “getting,” and an ability to observe and record those signals.
only with these prerequisites in place can a feedback loop be closed around the act. once closed, the continual refinement provided by the observable cause-effect relationship will lead to ever increasing quality and satisfaction.
in short–help me help you.
Conquering the new frontier .. or the rear frontier. Hubby just can’t seem to … ummm, have patience. No one likes to end up curled in a fetal position.
… and I definitely need more toys!
Sexual resolution… I didn’t have one ready, but this article makes a great point. No matter what you’re doing, there’s something you haven’t done or haven’t done together, etc.
My resolution is to get some new “tools” to make things more interesting and exciting. The context is MF sex, so what I’m open to anything that enhances that experience. There are all sorts of bits out there, and while many of them are priced out of my limited “entertainment” budget, I’m sure there are some things that will add a spark when the time is right.
I’m gonna try monogamy this year. Maybe.
@blowjoy OMG – hilarious!
@CP – that is, perhaps, the Technical Manual version of “is this doin’ it for ya, honey?”
Sexual Resolution – To find a man
I’ll explain. I was married for 23 years. Today is the 6 year anniversary of our divorce. It took me 5 years to get through the loss of my marriage and 1 year to pull myself together. Erotic romance novels and toys became my new best friends.
So 2010 is my new beginning. I want to have sex. Hours and Hours of sex. Make that weeks and months of sex. I want to have sex, need to have sex with a man (when I think about it, I get wet). But not just any man. I want a manly man who knows how to please a woman.
I need new toys too. Unbreakable new toys. For some reason, the ones I buy seem to stop working after a couple of weeks. My girlfriends say they stop working because I wear them out
hahahaha You think I should invest in sex toys and energizer battery stock?
My girlfriends also laugh because I had carpel tunnel surgery on both of my hands and they think it is from my overuse of sex toys. They aren’t doctors, what do they know? (even though they’re probably right).
So here is to 2010. I’m going to have sex with a man. A manly man. Whether it be in bed, under the bed, up against the wall, across the table, in the closet, on the floor, or hanging from the freaking ceiling fan; I’m gonna get me some this year.
Resolution: Have sex that is loving yet involves swollen lips, bruising, safe words and my partner fucking me like he doesn’t know me.
I have a few…
1. More open communication
2. Buy an expensive toy with great reviews that hubs and I cans use together
and
3. Wear high heels for the sexin. Not only does it send hubs through the roof but it boosts my self esteem too and makes me feel super sexy!
I am bringing Sex on a Plate to the people, where they shall dine with me in indulgent splendor.
I hope you’ll join me for one of those evenings, darling.
Sheree – Get in line boys, Sheree’s on the prowl and she means business.
Cara – And men wonder why we’re obsessed with shoes.
Jennifer – With an offer like that who could refuse
This is the year of my 31st birthday and I am ready to kick it up a notch!
Toys we have… communication needs to be a bit better but I think my resolution this year is to try public sex! :O
I KNOW!!! lol
I have a killer fantasy about having sex in the family sized bathroom at the base of Twilight Tower of Terror at Disney’s Hollywood Studios and With the ANnual passes we got for Christmas…. I may just have to work on this!!
My resolution was to have an orgasm a day.
So far I’m 10 for 7
@Toy With Me – I did sound a little desperate after re-reading my post. But that’s OK. I am.
@Sammi – An orgasm a day does help keep the doctor away and keeps me humming throughout the day.
God, I need a man…….
Over the last 10 yrs with my wife we have had some wild crazy times, from hot moments in the back of a cab to the shower room you wouldnt dare sit or lay down in at the campsites we go family vacationing to during the summer (and I mean FAMILY all 4 kids and my mother in law were in attendance in our little cabin).Its all been wild crazy nights of long toy play and light bondage and dress up, and stolen daytime moments up against the bathroom door while the kids were right outside of the house goofing off.
But the “great depression 2″ and just busy schedules (namely school starting even the 5yr old is going now) have seen to sap us and leave a few here and there moments of carnal pleasure with out the all nighters and toys…
so this year
2010
its time to go back to being what we were:
2 people who enjoy themselves and thier clothes and toys…
cracking open the toy box, blowing the 5 month old dust off (and yes washing them) and getting back to our favorite activity… plus its time we started recording for our later pleasures… we always planned it and even attempted once but time to get seriousi have 3 cameras and tripods, a new mac and Imovie 09! 2010 is the year we make our own personal (encrypted) porn and be a little selfish (from 9:30pm till 2-3am)
oh and yes there are some new toys on the market we will be investing in!
This year, I want to try a new fantasy, mine or my husband’s, at least once a month. For my FIRST! anniversary, I’d like to do something BIG, like, new sex swing big. My thought is, when I start a new job, I want to save a fair amount from each paycheck and then take my husband to the porn shop and let him pick something RACY.
I would love to experiment with more Bondage this year. I want all sorts of restraint systems. I’ve had one for the bed but never used it yet. So NOW is the time. The one thing I’m looking at now is a spreader bar that holds your ankles on the outside, and your wrist to the middle of the bar. OH…YES… And… I’m waiting for my Hitachi Magic Wand. I can’t help it. I love toys, especially the ones that get me off the best. Other than that, I want to go out with my Husband more for sexy dates… maybe we’ll meet some other couples like us.
I think I am finally ready to discover if my bi-curious nature is full on bisexuality. So my resolution is to have fun exploring the wonders of both men and women
And get my hands on a few new toys.
Oooh, Miss Spoken – you’re giving me ideas
Aurora – Walt Disney said if you dream it, it can happen!
Robby – whip out that video camera, kiddo…I’ll hold the boom mic!
Jilly – LOVE my Hitachi Mini Wand! And I’m with you: tie me up, tie me down…
My resolution is to step a little out of my comfort zone to help my wife with one of her biggest fantasy. She wants me to give her a blowjob while she wears the Mr. Man. Ive never done that before but its my wife and i think it would be hot if i could actually got her off from the bj. : ) XOXO
ALAH (A_LAH on Twitter)
Nothing’s better than seeing the “Oh Dear Gawd I’m Going to Come” face take shape on your partner.
Talking dirty can be tricky. (I love it, but sometimes it can be downright laughable.) I once (ONCE) slept with a guy who talked in such a way that I was momentarily transported to the exorcism scene in the Exorcist. You know: “your momma eats kitty litter.” I’m not Catholic, but I started scrambling for a crucifix.
That was fuckin’ funny. Pun intended.
My NY’s sexual resolution: To finally meet in person the man I’ve been intimate with via Twitter (he’s on the other side of the continent) and fuck as though we’re long lost lovers who’ll never see each other again.
And after we get that out of our system, to snuggle sweetly the remainder of the weekend.
i think you suck. i think your work suxs, and i think your agenda is GAY. that is, retarded, (no offense to the mentally handicap). using lust as your medium in this day and age is worse then THE high fructose corn syrup they put in DEATH CANDY for babies … how easy it is … to get off with sex talk?! i mean the porn industry ain’t bad enough then we got,,,, sad dorks like you.
You will never meet the man of your dreams because your too busy whoring out your art like some 2-bit snail
wake up … find God, and repent
fondly,
{snip} Link removed
I am going to meet someone I can fuck in my area code. Hell, in my state. That’d be nice. I’ve got people in different states and different time zones, but no one local.
So I’m going to work on that this year. Last year was improving communication, acquiring toys, and being more adventurous. I’ll keep working on those things too, of course, but I NEED SOME LOCAL ASS!
All evidence to the contrary, I’ve done some crazy sexual stuff in my life – my mother suggested I talk to my older brother about the birds and the bees prior to his first marriage. My resolution is my eternal goal – always try something new.
On another note?
Fleshlight Replacement Sleeves? *blink* *blink*
I love your ny’s blog! Great stuff! I also wanna try for the free vibe!
Thx for sharing!
Dear sweet fucking Christ – someone left a comment telling me to find god and repent? Dear child, please suck it and find another blog to spam. We’ll be deleting your comment soon since you see fit to leave cruel words in exchange for a backlink to your website. Get laid, please.
Kevin – yes, they make replacement sleeves for the Fleshlight. Women’s toys are better engineered on the whole, I think, but the Fleshlight – I like the concept and I’ve heard from several guys that they like it a lot!
And a note for all readers: differing opinions, dissenting opinions, are always welcome at the Dear Redhead column. If you’re going to drop pure hate just for the sake of a backlink to you website, however, yeah…that shit is going to get deleted. I simply don’t see how anyone could have anything negative to say about keeping lines and mind open with regards to sexuality. They’re probably people you wouldn’t want to fuck anyway. Just sayin’!
Keep those resolutions coming!
New Year’s Resolution- Hadn’t really thought of any as of yet, but this really does get me thinking…
ideas anyone?
I’d like to be more adventurous and explore more of my body… try out sticking things in my behind- possibly plugs and more toys, and definitely look into finding more ways to have fun over the net… what can be done to make things more interesting… I’d love to try some of the stuff mentioned above^ but unfortunately that could be pretty troublesome with distance involved! hmmm interesting idea listening to the same song while using the omibod over webcam….I wonder how well that would work…?
Roby1051 – Movies and Toys! A great way to start the New Year. Here’s a toast to you both in hopes you can keep it up (pun intended) all year long
Misty – Investing in your sex life is a perfect way to start the New Year.
Jilly – Warning: Being all tied up and letting the hubster control the Hitachi could lead to multiply spasmatic orgasms. Not that this is a bad thing.
Sounds like this years theme is exploring and opening up to new ideas, some of which I think @MrToyWithMe will incorporate more.
kEith is just mad because you insulted his midgets in lederhosen fetish. It’s ok kEith; we here at TWM understand your diseased needs. What I think is truly sad about all this, though, is how he insults 2-bit snails. I mean, really kEith, what has the snail community ever done to you? Nothing, man. That’s what.
Fuckin snail oppression.
My sexual resolution? To use more organic and body friendly items. I’m trying to stick to silicone toys, glycerin and paraben free products, and steel or wooden toys. If *I* don’t care about the health of my vagina, who else will? Gotta look out for the coochie, since she does so many good things for me
Thanks for the super cool giveaway!
my sexual new year resolution? same as every year:
vow to savour every delicious moment.
and it’s only getting better with each year. the 40′s have been so good i’m excited to see what my 50′s hold.
My resolution is to complete the 52 Grrreat Invitations for Sex book by Laura Corn. Two and a half weeks into the year and we’ve completed two of the fantasies already. I’m looking forward to the rest of them. =)
I also have every intention of figuring out how to make my husband have a p-spot orgasm and learning how to have a blended squirting g-spot/clitoral orgasm.
My resolution is to continue trying new things. I have always been very open but there have been a few things that I said no to because I didn’t understand how much they meant to him or what they did for him. I have always been about both of us getting our kinks met so this year there are some things on my to do list.
michelle – Sex definitely gets better with age, I agree.
Sarahbear – Wow! You are off to a great start for the year.
I resolve to actually make ME important this year. I’ve genuinely focused far too much on be a doormat for certain people in my life (and yes, this does relate to the topic of this site) and not stepping up and making the greater me important. It’s time to change that. I need to seek out events and people and circumstances that make me happy and make me feel fulfilled. And I need to get laid, consistently, and by and with someone who seems to enjoy and appreciate the act as much as I do. These are goals of mine for the year. Will I succeed? I’m not sure. But I’ve already been taking steps.
My sexual resolution is get away from the vanilla routine my partner and I have slipped into. After 2 years together she knows how to get me off and thats all she does. (Not complaining about getting off but variety is the spice of life, so they say). One kiss here, one kiss there and right to the “taco bar”. I’d like to start with at least a little more forplay. Maybe I’ll get some new toys, or new locations. Maybe a little of both
CloveHardwood – Good for you. Whenever I am determined to focus more on myself I find people respect me more. So roll up the door mat and introduce everyone to Miss Independent.
Jessica – Mixing it up a little is a great way to renew interest in more then just having The Sex. Time to get creative
Well, today is Friday, January 15th (not Thursday, January 15th) and I have Jon Bon Jovi “Let’s make a memory” cued up on my ipod.
The suspense is killing me…The anticipation… I really need to find myself a playmate.
Sorry to everyone on this late announcement I somehow lost a day this week.
So let’s get it on
already – This weeks winner is…………..
Robby1051 – Congratulations Robby!!
After 10 years of marriage your creative skills sound as strong as ever. Kudos to you. So here’s a little gift to help out with your resolution.