The stories aren’t uncommon: an airport luggage search that yields a…well…one of those. Mine was a day back in 1999 on a trip to Guam from Japan. A military wife at the time, I usually avoided most of the “additional search” rigamarole but I guess they had my number that day at Narita Airport in Tokyo. The look on my face as this slight Japanese man held my Eager Beaver in his latex-clad hands was nothing short of mortified. In a country where owning a firearm is illegal, I’m confident that my possession of the Eager Beaver was nothing short of a national security threat. Then again, this was a country with vend-o-porn and love hotels. Perhaps that’s why Slight Man in Latex Gloves gently put it back in my luggage and waved me onward.
I never told my then-husband about the incident. Or about my tendency to be a bit hard on The Beav while he was deployed.
Now that we live in a day and age where you have two shitty choices when you travel:
Leave shit you need at home (sex toys, shampoo, hair mousse, shaving cream) and fly with a carry-on bag only
Check a bag and take it all with you at the risk of never seeing it again.
Fuck that. Travel with The Redhead. I pack light and I’ll make sure you never have an embarrassing (or unwanted) body cavity search from the Friendly TSA folk. Now, ToyWithMe visited the issue of sex toys and travel back in June, but not with The Redhead twist.
There are two things always in my carry-on luggage:
The toothbrush is, without a doubt, the most inexpensive little basket of sexual goodness I’ve ever experienced. It’s never in question going through airport security and operates like a champ. I’m not talking bristle-side down, if you’re wondering. Flip that puppy over to the flat side behind the bristles. Yes. Yessssss, preeeeecious.
And the Wave. Brilliant. Neutrogena has long been a favorite of mine as a manufacturer of pseudo-sex toys. I’ve had it years and it’s outlived many of it’s purpose-driven accomplices. Really, Neutrogena: what were you thinking? Two speeds. An ample, well-proportioned vibrating surface. Easy-to-clean exterior. I’m thinking you made a vibrator and called it a facial cleansing tool.
Just like you did with the Wave. Purse and carry-on friendly, the Wave will fit anywhere and go anywhere you go. Now, the flat surface of the Wave is covered with Velcro (ummm…NOT comfy), so you’re going to want to cover that with something…like one of the super soft cleansing pads. Or a sock if you’re in Chicago and forgot cleansing pads. Just sayin’.
Forget the “body massagers.” Forget going without because the trip is “only three days.” If your family is anything like mine, you’re going to need a little “happy ending” when you close the doors this holiday season and climb into that twin bed in your old room. I don’t know what led me to explore any of these things, but hey – I masturbate with toothbrushes and you can, too. Kinda makes you look at that Orbit gum chick in a whole new way. Clean! (ding) Awwyeah.
I don’t know what brought that to mind, either. Come to think of it. I’ve met many-a-dude who would bend the Orbit Gum chick over the closest available whatever and do his own drilling. Right. OK. Stopping now. Let’s move on to this week’s contest:
You guys really loved the fact that I’d love to have a mouth full of Joanie Pie. (Note to self: more girl-on-girl action in Dear Redhead.) Thanks for all of the comments on your never-to-be-had movie and TV crushes – we’ll be announcing the winner of the OhMiBod vibe at 5pm EST today!
For this week’s contest, riddle The Redhead this: What’s your naughtiest apparel incident? It can be something as innocent as this week’s Naugh-Tee story or something more tawdry. Do tell! Whisper sweet nothings into The Redhead’s ear…I’m a voyeur by nature and love to eavesdrop. While you’re whispering, you can whisper me a happy birthday (it’s today!). OMFG. LOL. The Sweater Kittens and I thank you in advance and will be delighted to line up for our spanking!
And now…this week’s Dear Redhead question:
Why is it OK for girls to have sex toys but not guys? I feel as if a girl finds out I have a Fleshlight or a cockring, she’ll think I’m a freak but her stash of vibrators is AOK? Help a guy out here.
Dear Double Standard~
You’re completely right and it’s completely wrong! Why is it that girls can keep a toy chest and men seem only entitled to their own chest? It’s bullshit, through and through. There are a ton of fun toys for guys out there. The Fleshlight, Lelo Bo cockring, bondage accessories and anything you might like to use with a partner. Guys like gadgets! Holy shit. With the whole ‘teledildonics’ thing coming onto the scene, men actually have cooler options than women do for…er…going solo.
I’m wondering if you’re more weirded out by telling your girl that you think toys are cool or by the fact that you have them. I’ll address it in three bold strokes (heh) and hope that maybe I can answer the unasked part of your question:
1) There is intimacy. And then there is fucking. You can use toys with both, but when it comes to intimacy, you’re not going to whip out the keys to your Secret Stash from square one. Intimacy takes time. Fucking, on the other hand…well, you may as well wear the keys to that drawer around you neck when you’re out trolling for girl scouts.
2) All great sex play involves communication. If you can’t talk to your girl about what you like and want…why is she your girl? As I said, intimacy takes time to develop, but don’t you want to be on a path of developing a meaningful relationship with someone who feeds your kink instead of squashes it?
3) Some toys isolate. Others bring you closer. If you’ve never used a sex toy with a woman, it provides a really intimate opportunity for a guy to see how their girl gets off. We masturbate just like you. And just like you, we know how to take surface streets or the highway to get where we want to go. There’s no shame in going solo or sharing. If you let them, sex toys can help you discover things you didn’t even know about your own sexual preferences. Those discoveries lead to better sex. Period.
Bottom line: build your toy chest to suit your preferences. Build relationships that support healthy lines of communication, both inside and out of the bedroom. Screw the societal stigma that says it’s OK for girls to have toys but not boys.
Guys. Dig. Gadgets.