Crissy Makes a Replica Of Her Mans Willy

I have to admit that when Toy with Me asked me to review the Clone-a-Willy kit, I was all kinds of excited!  I’ve written about it before and made jokes about how having one penis in my life is enough, and I don’t need two of them chasing me around the house, thanks, and how I thought Commemorative Dildo-Making was a silly hobby, but really?

I’ve been dying to try it.

So we decided to make an evening out of it and poured ourselves a couple of drinks because nothing says “romance” like a martini, a rubber molding kit, a roll of duct tape, and a video camera.

I was a little intimidated when I first opened the package from adultsextoys.com because there were a lot of words on the instructions.  Warnings to be “precise” and “careful” came up a lot and I was like “uh-oh, dude.  We’re fucked.”  Perhaps the martinis were  not a good idea until after the molding process had been completed, but whatever.

We live on the fuckin’ edge.

Besides, this is supposed to be fun and anything worth doing is worth doing with a martini in your hand, so we pressed on and gathered the seemingly bizarre list of materials we’d need: a mixing bowl and wooden spoon, a pen, a piece of cardboard, and some duct tape.  I immediately became concerned because this was looking something like cooking and we do not do cooking well together at all, and as it was we got into a fight about the duct tape.  We couldn’t find it and, well, accusations flew, but we managed to locate it and then came the next problem.

We need a fluffer and here I am in my cotton underpanties expecting some miracle hard-on to happen without having to intervene. It was silly of me not to plan ahead because obviously the penis, in order to be commemorated in all it’s glory, needs to be fully erect for any of this to work, and so you have to conjure up a hard-on twice. Once to cut the tube to size before you fill it with molding goo and stick your dickasaurus in there, and a second time to make the actual mold.

I was troubled by this because I’m frigid and I don’t really like to touch penises much and so there was a lot of giggling and awkwardness when my husband turned to me with his pants around his knees and said “well?  This thing ain’t gonna make itself!”  It was just like, “dun, dun, duuuunnnn” and after the giggling subsided I got on my knees and sucked it up.  Literally.

THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU YOU’RE WELCOME!

So I did, ahem, the deed (shudders delicately) and we measured and cut and then came the tricky part…

Mixing the molding goo at exactly the right temperature while staying super-erect long enough to pour it into the molding tube and  stick the willy into the tube  with precision timing and total grace.

Yeah.  Not so much. It’s not because of the martinis, either. The molding powder and water you pour into the tube are the consistency of lumpy pancake batter and you have to mix it until smooth and pour it into the mold before the stuff hardens meanwhile–and most importantly–remaining hard yourself.  This was clearly asking way too much of us because we cocked it up hard-core.

Even after doing a dry run and formulating a game plan, the stuff hardened before we could get the wenis into the wenis-maker, and I had to email Toy with Me to request another bag of the molding mix.

Oh, the SHAME!!!

But on our second try,we had better technology.

We used a 4 cup Pyrex measuring cup instead of the metal bowl from before. This was better because the molding goo has to be exactly 98.6 degrees and the metal bowl cooled it off too quickly. The measuring cup also has a pouring spout which makes pouring the goo into the cylinder a lot faster. Instead of the wooden spoon, we used my immersion blender. It made quick work of that lumpy batter, which is the key to the whole thing. You’ve got to be quick or it’s all over. I’d say those two changes are the most important ones to make if you’re going to deviate from the kit instructions. We also used an infrared thermometer instead of the cheesy one that comes with the kit. If you don’t have one, don’t sweat it–the critical part is AFTER you use the thermometer. We just like to be fancy.

So with those adjustments to the process and some sexier underpanties, I am happy to report that it was a success! The mold-making is the hardest part, but if you can get through that, the rest is really easy. When we did the final unveiling we were totally shocked because A) a couple of dopes like us totally pulled it off and B) HOLY SHIT IT’S REALISTIC!

I mean, like, it looks exactly like my husband’s dickasaurus. I’d show you but it’s…it’s too personal and for me, that’s saying something. I went into this thinking we’d be able to show you the finished product, but no. It would be exactly like my husband whipping out the real thing and waving it around. I think you’d rather take my word for it, right?

Despite our initial failure making the mold, we both had a great time doing this kit. It’s certainly a two-person project and to be honest, there were times when we could have used even another person. It felt pretty surreal to make a replica of my husband’s penis, but it was really fun. The cloned willy works just as intended, but I think I’d rather have one without the vibrator in it because the vibe makes it really rigid, and therefore, not as realistic. Not that my husband’s manliness isn’t rigid, but you know what I’m saying.

 

The Queen Of Everything About The Queen Of Everything

Crissy,a lifelong Rhode Islander, is 35 and has two little girls. Aside from doing a little bit of writing here and there, she doesn’t use a shred of her MA in English. She writes a blog where she is Queen of *&%$#@* Everything and reigns over her readers, whom she calls Queefs, with a loving but firm hand. In both 2008 and 2009 Crissy won the Blogger’s Choice Award for Hottest Mommy Blogger. In 2010, Crissy was chosen as one of Blogher's voices of the year.

Comments

  1. Good job!! Sounds like a fun time….wonder if I can talk The Man into this??…

  2. That's really funny… I made my day……

  3. Note to self: If ever having dinner at Crissy's home, ask if the immersion blender was used. If so, kindly suggest to take the entire party out for dinner.

  4. c'mon now. the immersion blender was just for incorporating the mold powder. ;)

    it worked SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much better! highly suggested.

    -ken

  5. No need to worry about the blender, just make sure not to have oysters – you never know what's in the sauce. http://toywithme.com/silly/cooking-with-semen/

  6. zomg. You used the term dickasaurus and now I am in love with you.

  7. I still can't look at oysters after reading that cookbook! GAH!

  8. I want one. I mean, I want a copy of the one you made, sight unseen.

    I wish you showed the final product. I assume, based upon the diameter of the plastic tube, that it only memorialized your Pimp's dick and not his balls. Shame, because I would prefer the whole package.

    Anyways, I will buy (a non-vibrating) one and make a 3D image of my cock. Who knows, maybe we can set up some kind of dick exchange program or something? Or, hey, Mother's Day is coming up….

  9. LOL. Thanks I needed the laugh. Happy it all worked out in the end.

  10. I love how awesome you two were about the whole process in the video. Had me cracking up!

  11. It looks as if Mister got a little too excited when inserting his dickasaurus into the thingamajig. It also looks like he may have a nasty yeast infection. You may want to get that checked out.

  12. Plus I can no longer stomach the phrase "The Secret's In The Sauce"

  13. Bwahahahahaha! That's wickedly hilarious, yo.

  14. How many years of braces did you go through to get teeth so straight and pretty.

  15. If you would like a replica kit that includes the balls they also have a "Make Your Own Dildo Kit" that includes the balls in the replica making process. Not as rigid vibe too!

  16. it's the new york cock exchange!

  17. This is amazing. I just did their "Clone-A-Pussy" mold last night, to review on my blog, and am now the proud owner of a chocolate vagina.

  18. google merc perk or stranger mart for 50% off coupons for original clone a willy. babeland carries original clone a willy. many stores carry the make your own dildo kit which was reviewed in O – Oprah's magazine and clones the balls too.

    hth
    Becky @ Empire

  19. MsDarkstar says:

    New York Cock Exchange, conveniently located on Ball Street. Open to the PubeLick.

  20. AND thank you all. as info, we at empire encourage honest reviews and extra molding powder. haha. really, though, this is one of the best yet. thanks all for your, uh, participation! if you ever change your mind about a photo submission, let us know. we have a special spot for clones at the cloneawilly.com website. :) extra praise for the dickasaurus species.

  21. I am so buying stock in the New York Cock Exchange……..Best.Line.Of.The.Day!

  22. I would just like to say that I think your accent is adorable… And that your husband is pretty cute. I've got a thing for guys in glasses, so, ya know… Props. :)

  23. 1) accent??

    2) how YOU doin'?
    ;)

    • Re: 1) It sounded like an accent to me. Maybe it's just because I'm Minnesotan and my life sounds like I live on the set of the movie Fargo. Yah, sure, you betchya.

      Re: 2) Good. How YOU doin'?

      3) Your photography is AWESOME. I love funky photos from different points of view than the classic 'say cheese' poses.

  24. That looks like awesome fun, right there. Although, I have to admit I think it's you two that make it seem fun. Otherwise it looks bloody complicated… special mixers and the like… Jeez.

    • you gotta look at it like the fun is in the process. so even if you mess up the end result, the journey is what counts!

      getting a blowjob while simultaneously mixing pancake batter is something i'll never forget. i've done some heavy drugs in my time but that was fucking surreal. ;)

  25. i liked fargo. good flick.

    you won't find many non-candid photos in my portfolio. i'm like a motherfucking SNIPER!

  26. I'm not sure about the toy, but I'm definitely using the term "cockasaurus" as much as possible.

  27. Amanda says:

    Dickasaurus …. my life is complete.

  28. damnit.. i must have read through the instructions 5 times.. new exactly what to do.. but i wish i read this first.. i used a metal bowl.. it cooled the molding mix off way too fast, and then of course i couldnt get hard when i needed to.. and i even made ..ahem… preparations… wonder if they will send me more molding powder free… im trying to figure out if i can turn this stuff back into a powder… im assuming i would have to boil it and then dry it out completely… doubt that will work.. DAMNIT im so pissed.. was trying to give it to my girlfriend as a present for her birthday (sounds like a bad present, i know, but shes been saying she wanted me to do it for a while now, and i bought it behind her back so it was going to be a surprise…) CRAP

  29. Definitely just plucked up the courage to purchase one of these badboys.. thank you! lol :) x

  30. I tried talking my bestfriend into making me one of these, back when we were romantically carrying on .. and he refused, it seems the idea is a bit creepy and scary to the guys I know. I may have to show him this and ask nicely, again :)

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