I have to admit that when Toy with Me asked me to review the Clone-a-Willy kit, I was all kinds of excited! I’ve written about it before and made jokes about how having one penis in my life is enough, and I don’t need two of them chasing me around the house, thanks, and how I thought Commemorative Dildo-Making was a silly hobby, but really?
I’ve been dying to try it.
So we decided to make an evening out of it and poured ourselves a couple of drinks because nothing says “romance” like a martini, a rubber molding kit, a roll of duct tape, and a video camera.
I was a little intimidated when I first opened the package from adultsextoys.com because there were a lot of words on the instructions. Warnings to be “precise” and “careful” came up a lot and I was like “uh-oh, dude. We’re fucked.” Perhaps the martinis were not a good idea until after the molding process had been completed, but whatever.
We live on the fuckin’ edge.
Besides, this is supposed to be fun and anything worth doing is worth doing with a martini in your hand, so we pressed on and gathered the seemingly bizarre list of materials we’d need: a mixing bowl and wooden spoon, a pen, a piece of cardboard, and some duct tape. I immediately became concerned because this was looking something like cooking and we do not do cooking well together at all, and as it was we got into a fight about the duct tape. We couldn’t find it and, well, accusations flew, but we managed to locate it and then came the next problem.
We need a fluffer and here I am in my cotton underpanties expecting some miracle hard-on to happen without having to intervene. It was silly of me not to plan ahead because obviously the penis, in order to be commemorated in all it’s glory, needs to be fully erect for any of this to work, and so you have to conjure up a hard-on twice. Once to cut the tube to size before you fill it with molding goo and stick your dickasaurus in there, and a second time to make the actual mold.
I was troubled by this because I’m frigid and I don’t really like to touch penises much and so there was a lot of giggling and awkwardness when my husband turned to me with his pants around his knees and said “well? This thing ain’t gonna make itself!” It was just like, “dun, dun, duuuunnnn” and after the giggling subsided I got on my knees and sucked it up. Literally.
THE THINGS I DO FOR YOU YOU’RE WELCOME!
So I did, ahem, the deed (shudders delicately) and we measured and cut and then came the tricky part…
Mixing the molding goo at exactly the right temperature while staying super-erect long enough to pour it into the molding tube and stick the willy into the tube with precision timing and total grace.
Yeah. Not so much. It’s not because of the martinis, either. The molding powder and water you pour into the tube are the consistency of lumpy pancake batter and you have to mix it until smooth and pour it into the mold before the stuff hardens meanwhile–and most importantly–remaining hard yourself. This was clearly asking way too much of us because we cocked it up hard-core.
Even after doing a dry run and formulating a game plan, the stuff hardened before we could get the wenis into the wenis-maker, and I had to email Toy with Me to request another bag of the molding mix.
Oh, the SHAME!!!
But on our second try,we had better technology.
We used a 4 cup Pyrex measuring cup instead of the metal bowl from before. This was better because the molding goo has to be exactly 98.6 degrees and the metal bowl cooled it off too quickly. The measuring cup also has a pouring spout which makes pouring the goo into the cylinder a lot faster. Instead of the wooden spoon, we used my immersion blender. It made quick work of that lumpy batter, which is the key to the whole thing. You’ve got to be quick or it’s all over. I’d say those two changes are the most important ones to make if you’re going to deviate from the kit instructions. We also used an infrared thermometer instead of the cheesy one that comes with the kit. If you don’t have one, don’t sweat it–the critical part is AFTER you use the thermometer. We just like to be fancy.
So with those adjustments to the process and some sexier underpanties, I am happy to report that it was a success! The mold-making is the hardest part, but if you can get through that, the rest is really easy. When we did the final unveiling we were totally shocked because A) a couple of dopes like us totally pulled it off and B) HOLY SHIT IT’S REALISTIC!
I mean, like, it looks exactly like my husband’s dickasaurus. I’d show you but it’s…it’s too personal and for me, that’s saying something. I went into this thinking we’d be able to show you the finished product, but no. It would be exactly like my husband whipping out the real thing and waving it around. I think you’d rather take my word for it, right?
Despite our initial failure making the mold, we both had a great time doing this kit. It’s certainly a two-person project and to be honest, there were times when we could have used even another person. It felt pretty surreal to make a replica of my husband’s penis, but it was really fun. The cloned willy works just as intended, but I think I’d rather have one without the vibrator in it because the vibe makes it really rigid, and therefore, not as realistic. Not that my husband’s manliness isn’t rigid, but you know what I’m saying.