One that I would never admit to anyone but you Toy with Me’s…
Sometimes, when the spark dies and you get buried underneath responsibility and laundry and dirty dishes…the last thing you want to do is connect with your partner.
We get overwhelmed with all the things we MUST do, leaving no time for the things we want to do.
Like have sex.
Then, days stretch into weeks. Weeks stretch into months. Before you know it, months have become years and we get to become one of those depressing statistics that mourn the sexless marriage that we now live in.
How then, do you find not only the energy to reconnect, but the DESIRE to reconnect?
A Fuck Ton Of Work
Reconnecting with our partner after a fight or prolonged struggle can be a fuck ton of work. Ask me! I can remember a time that my partner and I would go MONTHS without having sex. Not even a kiss or tender touch. You see, what was in between us was resentment, bitterness and a lot of repressed feelings. We were so busy being pissed off at each other, we didn’t have the energy to actually connect on an intimate level.
After a great deal of therapy and a fairly amicable divorce, I came to realize that connecting, reconnecting is a CHOICE. Not just a choice like “Oh, I’ll have a salad instead of fries” kind of choice. It is a focused, concerted effort to direct our decision to be fully present and in the moment.
Let me spare you the heartache and share with you how you can find it in you to reconnect with your partner, even when you may not want to.
5 Tips To Reconnecting
Communication is Key
Communicating with your partner is key to any relationship. If there is a disconnect between you sharing your feelings opens the door to discussion on how to bridge the gap. Remind yourself this is not only a time to speak but more importantly to listen. Be open and honest even if it’s uncomfortable. Not only will this give you the opportunity to know each other better but it will also bring you closer together.
We spend almost 100% of our time DOING but leave little time for BEING. Time with your significant other matters. Find the time to go away for even just a night. Cook a dinner together. Watch a movie in bed. Do the Sunday morning crossword. Whatever you can find that helps you spend time and reconnect with the passion you have for your partner. Find the time and you will find the way to reconnect.
Seek Out Some Help
You may not be able to “fix” in all alone. You might need the help of a professional therapist. Ask your clergyman or pastor. Find a local Therapy Collective. Ask about an Employee Assistance program or your health benefits. Sometimes, we can’t fix it alone and we need the helping hand of someone who can see beyond the issues and walls we build and can help us get to the heart of the matter.
Change The Pattern
Take a cooking class, join a gym, eat at a new restaurant, go on a road trip. Often a pattern interrupt can be just the thing we need to shake off the cobwebs of complacency and gear us up for something bigger and better in our relationship. Get out of the old pattern and create a new picture.
JUST DO IT!
Ya know what? Maybe, just maybe, what we need is take our clothes off, lock the bedroom door and have some fucking fantastic sex. Get a hotel room and leave the kids with the grandparents if you need to but do something! Have sex 2 or 3 or even 4 times in a 24 hour period! You would be amazed at how quickly your desire to connect with your partner comes back when you give it a jump-start.
So, Toy with Me’s…what say you? Are you ready to reconnect?
I am challenging you to find time in the next few days to really rev up the connection you have with your partner. Linger in the embrace, hold the kiss a few seconds longer, stay in bed the whole day. Make a direct decision to do what needs to be done to reconnect with your soul mate.
Do Tell Toy With Mes …
What tips or ideas have you tried when you’ve been feeling disconnected with your partner? Which one worked the best?
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