My Husband Wants To Have A Threesome

ID-100177638You know what my husband wants?

A threesome.

I know, I know, everyone’s husband wants a threesome, but the kind of threesome my husband wants does not involve me and another chick.

No, no, Toy with Mes.  He wants it to be with…

Wait for it…

A dog!

I am completely not serious.

No. He wants it to be with another man (mostly because he’s not a dog person).

Up until last week, I had no idea that this is kind of unusual. Apparently it is! Last week someone suggested that perhaps a lot of guys aren’t admitting this is a fantasy of theirs for fear of sounding gay.  I would explain his feelings on the subject to you, but I’m going to save it for him to explain.  Instead, I’m going to share my thoughts on the subject because I am infinitely more interesting than he is.

In theory, this threesome thing sounds like a good idea for a lot of reasons:

  • For one, sometimes in a relationship, that new relationship buzz wears off and you kind of get settled into things and you don’t get that whole super exciting new guy sex feeling anymore.  People try to get that back through role play and going to bars and pretending to pick each other up, but this is a new twist on that.  This is a way to get that new guy sex–without cheating!  HUH!  In my case, it’s even encouraged! Double HUH.  Sign me up!
  • If one penis is good, two must be better, right?  I’ve taken inventory and I can definitely accommodate more than one guest at the hotel at once.
  • Sometimes I get distracted while doing the sexy time.  More people = more stuff going on = more stuff to keep me focused on the task at hand(s).
  • Group sex.  It just sounds naughty and fun!
  • As it happens, I’ve already got the perfect person all picked out for us.  It’s my husband’s friend who plays the drums in his garage band.  Readers of my personal blog know exactly who I’m talking about and trust me you guys–he’s fucking hotter than Hades in August. In fact, many of my readers would gladly throw down for a chance at him.  He’s that strong, blue collar type with the muscles and the perfect hairless chest and the arms and the tanned skin and…oh dear.  I’m working myself into a kerfuffle again.

The problem is that nothing is black and white.  As many reasons as I can think of to get “double teamed,” I can think of an equal number NOT to go through with it…

  • First, I worry about the emotional implications such an act would have on my relationship with Dreamy Drummer Boy.  I think I’ve told you guys before that I’ve never been able to separate love and sex, and so to have this kind of encounter with my husband’s BFF–who I’ve known for 14 years now and love already–would probably wreak havoc on my emotional life.  That’s not to mention the awkwardness on band practice nights.
  • He’s married-ish to a psychotic alcoholic who could totally kick my ass and would love to have a reason to.
  • DDB is physically terrified of me.  If I even so much as reach for him to brush something off his shoulder, he winces and shrinks away like I’m made of flaming cat shit.  I’m serious.  He about yells “GAH!” if I even get within foot of him.  His hands fly out to his sides like he’s trying not to get any of me on him.
  • Birth control!  Unlike hubby, DDB has not had the pleasure of having a vasectomy.

It’s very sad because I think I/we could show him a pretty good time.  You know if I had the balls to actually go through with it, but I don’t think I could.  I can talk a good game and fantasize about being the type of woman who has a wild sex life like that, but if actually faced with the moment, I’m not so sure.

So then I got to thinking that it just can’t be with someone I already know and trust and will undoubtedly see again.  Perhaps a stranger instead of dreamy drummer boy.  But then there’s no free lunch there either!

  • What happens when I develop feelings for New Guy.  That could be really messy.
  • STDs!
  • What if my husband, for all his fantasizing, discovers he does not like it and gets jealous or hurt?  I cannot risk damaging our marriage and relationship for one evening of woo-hoo.
  • And what happens after everyone cums? How awkward is that? Does everyone just sort of get up, put their clothes back on and walk away? I mean, the guy doesn’t sleep over, right, because if they do, we’re going to need a bigger bed because a Queen size is just not big enough for three adults and I really need my sleep.
  • It’s a lot of work constantly screening and picking up strangers.  As it stands I don’t have time to put my laundry away.

And then my mind moves away from practical, emotional concerns toward the ridiculous.

  • Knowing me, I’d either run giggling into the bathroom as soon as my panties came off, leaving them standing there, quite literally with their dicks in their hands, OR I’d be totally mortified as soon as people started touching me and like, freak out.  It’s bad enough when I leave my husband with blue balls.  This is TWICE as bad.
  • If by some miracle I actually got past the initial awkwardness, I’d probably play party hostess and make sure everyone is having a good time and check to see if anyone needs anything and if anyone is feeling left out and so on.  I would be my typical self and that means I’d be overly concerned with everyone else’s welfare–especially the “honored guest.”
  • The epic nervousness means I would also be distracted by horrifying thoughts like, “OMG!  What if I pee?” or “Did I shave well enough?”
  • What if I try to do some sort of fancy maneuver and fall off the bed or accidentally hit someone in the head or kick them in the face?
  • Holy hell, what if I have…The Gas?

Oh, lord.  I am way too much of a spaz for this.  I am not made for exciting things.

Before you all get mad at me because I’m being a Negative Nancy, realize that I’m not totally closed to the idea, it’s just that I recognize my anxiety disorder would preclude me from actually enjoying it to the fullest.  I would not be able to just let go, sit back, and enjoy it!  If you’ve been paying attention, you would know that’s not how I roll: if there’s something to worry about, I will find that something and obsess on it.  It’s one of my many talents, actually.   It’s part of what makes me a super special snowflake.

So, yes. I’m not going to say it will never happen.  It’s just gonna take gallons of wine and an astronomical alignment.

But enough about me.  I want to hear about you guys now. Have any of you TWMs ever had an MMF threesome?  How did that work out?  Did you have The Gas or did you cause the end of one or more relationships or did you accidentally kick someone in the face?

**Catch the male perspective tomorrow with a special guest post by: Ken Gilbert!  (Crissy’s husband)

Free Digital Images. Photo by stockimages.

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0 comments

  1. Bell

    Hi! I know this is an older blog, but I thought I’d weighin my experience. Hubby and I have engaged in a MMF with a close friend on multiple occasions. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask. By the way, we are very normal people. Both have advance degree and professional careers, not to mention, kids. It’s our private little bedroom secret that we enjoy, but yes, the the things mentioned in the blog can be a problem if you don’t get your emotions in check. I too am a worryier.

  2. Jennifer

    Hello. I have a similar issue with my husband. He has a traumatic brain injury from when he was 6 months old and hit the windshield. (Now, not putting the child in the car seat would be considered child abuse). Due to this injury, he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. One of the side effects of this is the male version of nymphomania. This is not a fun side effect even though lots of his female friends think it would be great. He says he is going to do everything sexual that he thinks would be fun (but nothing illegal) since the doctors told him he may only have 7 to 10 years to live. This is where the issues arise, for me anyways. He wants to have a threesome with a man and one with a woman and one with a shemale. He is bi-curious and was with a man once. He keeps saying that he wants these with me and that I should want to do anything and everything I can to make him happy no matter what and not tell him no. I understand this, but am having a very difficult time agreeing with these things. I find them odd and not normal. I know people do these things and if that’s what makes them happy, fine. He also says he wants to do these to spice things up as they are boring. He says if I won’t make him happy by doing these things, then he will find someone who will, stating that he already has people who said they would do all of them for him. I’m so confused as to what to do. I want to make him happy, but I have the feeling that if he really loved me, he wouldn’t make me do something I don’t really want to do. He also says it’s not cheating because both of us have to be in the room when it happens, whether we participate or just watch. I see it as cheating because it’s with someone other than the one I took vows with. Please help.

    • Toy With Me
      Author

      I’m not a relationship expert by any means but as one woman to another Jennifer I think each person in a relationship should always have the best interests of their partner in mind. Being asked to do something you’re uncomfortable with is not a fair request especially when an ultimatum is given. We all have gut instincts and I would go with yours in this situation.

  3. Susie

    We do this once or twice a month. My hubby is very confident and loves to see me being pleased, its a turn on having him watch. We switch back and fourth ie.. one inside me while I suck the other. It is a huge turn on for me when I see two men laying there totally satisfied afterwards! I think we have a special relationship, I've watched him have sex with other women and loved it too. We usually have our best sex after the new lover leaves, we are both so incredibly turned on for days after. I suggest you try it if you are both secure enough, its the most fun I've ever had in bed!

  4. Guest

    I am trying to get my wife to have a 3some with me and a guy we hang around with but she feels like she is cheating any suggestions

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