A lovely woman named Kim replied to my previous article, calling me adorable and mentioning how most 40+ men want 20 something women with hard bodies. Well, I am adorable. Funny too. Cute. Intelligent. Did I mention funny? But I (and many of the other guys who are just like me) suffer from the same thing she mentioned in her reply. I am not a 30 year old, man-scaped, tanned, chiseled, perfectly coiffed fire fighter with nothing in his pocket, he is just obviously very, VERY happy to see you, even from a distance (admit it, you’re wet just thinking about him).
Fact is, if this man you have in your head and I both walked into a bar together, right now, you’d eye him like a piece of Belgium chocolate (and salivate to boot). Me? You’d miss me entirely. I know this to be true. Hell , I live it daily. But I’m okay with that. I’ll never be the leading man, just the comedic sidekick. Okay, it is what it is. Does it bother me? Not really.
And why doesn’t it bother me; because I abhor a double standard. See, I do the same thing to women. If a hott woman walks by, she has my full attention (and I mean FULL). So I am just as guilty of it as you are.
We all do it. We look at beauty. We look at flowers, paintings, sculptures, landscapes, animals, muscle cars, whatever because we find them attractive. Do you ever watch a spider eat a bug? No, it’s ugly. We’ll watch it spin a web, largely because of the grace and beauty of its dance along the strands even though they scare most people … okay, most women (I have yet to have a buddy come screaming into my living room, freaking out over the spider in the shower).
Attractive people make more money, get more perks, get out of more minor legal problems, moved to the front of the line … they get more (yeah, that kind of MORE too). Is it fair? No. Is it reality? Yup.
But here is the thing, and it’s happened to all of you too. Once we all sit down, talk, get to know each other, you become just as attracted to me as you did to the fire fighter (maybe not physically, but you eventually start to agree you could be alone, naked with me without being sick). Sure, a guy like him you want to take home and fuck the shit out of in ways that would make Jenna Jameson blush but a guy like me you want to take home for keeps. Of course, part of that means you’ll let guys like me roll on top of you for a few seconds (seriously, aren’t you sometimes thankful some of us are premature ejaculators?) but it’s a small price to pay for someone who is there for you, shares your interests, your concerns, your hopes, dreams and desires.
That is not to say some beautiful people aren’t beautiful on the inside too. There are simply some magnificent people out there, who seem to have it all. I just am not one of them.
Besides, ugly guys like me can’t just phone it in like good looking fire fighters can (I’m not picking on fire fighters, they are the hotties du jour so they get all the attention, positive AND negative). We need to work at it and make you want to come back. Couple that with the whole quick draw problem and we are either masters of foreplay or wonderful people you hate to hate (or both).
That aside (no, it wasn’t necessary but it built up my esteem, so shut up and read on), the bottom line is, as a species, there are always going to be things that attract us that some people have in leaps and bounds. The rest of us have them as well, we just don’t stand out. And in a society where standing out is everything, we cry foul when we don’t.
It’s tough to be unique among eight billion other unique people. When everyone is unique, no one is; we all become the same. Personally, I am okay with that. It makes everyone like a birthday present; you never know what you got until the unwrapping. Some I hate, some I am ambivalent about and some I absolutely adore. And unless someone told me what they were in advance or I peeked, all of them held my attention and desire for a certain amount of time.
People are the same, they are captivating until they lose us … and vise versa. We may not be in the best packaging or have the best ribbon and bow, but if we let them unwrap us, we could be the best present they ever received. All the rest is just stuff we tore off and have strewn about the floor (that wasn’t meant to be a metaphor about clothing but damn if it doesn’t work for that too).
So don’t be ashamed to desire the swim suit model or life guard or whomever you covet. Embrace it. Hell, whistle at it and make a lewd remark and a provocative gesture (just not too loudly or obviously, people are so friggin hyper sensitive these days). It’s okay to desire beauty. And don’t be upset that others do the same thing, it’s part of our nature. Just make a conscious effort to give everyone a fair shake, an opportunity. Taking the time to get to know some has an amazing side effect. They have to take the time to get to know you too and THAT is how real relationships start.
What about you Toy With Me’s? Have you ever fallen for someone you thought you wouldn’t based on looks alone? Do you take the time to get to know someone who you might not initially be attracted to wondering if there’s more then meets the eye? We’d love to know your thoughts.