Have You Ever Wanted To Be Spanked?

I come to you this week with a new perspective on life, Toy with Mes.

You see, I’ve been facing some minor, yet nonetheless incredibly scary health problems. It’s been one thing after another and I’ve been feeling really shitty–like a rag doll getting tossed all over the place.

Where do I begin?

My hormones have been a mess, I’ve been having double periods and scary but ultimately okay ultrasound results of a “thickened uterus,” a viral chest cold with cough leading to bronchitis leading to a round of ineffective antibiotics, swollen and painful lymph nodes under my arms, a head-so-stuffed-I-can-hear-my-blood-circulate cold, LACTATION when I’m not nursing anymore (which happens to be a pituitary gland releasing prolactin in response of extreme stress–who knew?) …you name it.

It’s just been one shitty couple of months. I mean two months is almost three months and three months is a quarter of year or a WHOLE FUCKING SEASON.

And since my hormones have been screwy, AND I’ve been feeling so crappy, I’ve gotten a good head of anxiety built up. First of all, I’m normally pretty anxious to begin with, and I can get stuck in my head very easily. Before I know it, my imagination takes over and all of a sudden, that slightly concerning ultrasound becomes a fucking death sentence in my mind. I wind up shaking and crying and losing weight from not eating and clutching and holding my children so tightly they can’t breathe.

I suspect I haven’t been a lot of fun to be around the last couple of months. My husband and kids, bless them, haven’t asked me to move out. Yet.

I’ve been a walking box of banana crackers. Determined to “do something about it,” I wound up in my therapist’s office, totally fruiting my loop, reviewing some breathing techniques and trying to get my anxiety down to a manageable level. All that helped, but there’s one thing that worked faster than the breathing techniques and the yoga and the talking and you’re gonna shit when I tell you what it is.

It’s spanking.

When I was pacing around the house wringing my hands and crying because I was just so twisted up in my head, my husband suddenly whipped out a large wooden spoon from his back pocket that he’d grabbed from the kitchen and the bastard slapped me really hard on the ass with it. It immediately jolted me out of my head and back into my body and to my utter shock it felt really good. Like, really, really good!

I’ve heard of people with anxiety problems keeping a rubber band on their wrist and snapping it when they feel themselves lifting off. In the past I’ve bitten my tongue or pinched myself. Those things are helpful, but that hard slap was the best. It was more pain than I would have inflicted on myself, and I needed a BIG jolt. It wasn’t sexual when my husband did it, but in that split second of moderately intense pain on my left cheek I suddenly saw Sexy Time spanking in a whole new light. That flash of pain was what I needed to seat me back into myself.

After catching a glimpse of the response he was looking for, he chased me around the house hitting, spanking, and slapping my ass and thighs with the spoon. Before I even knew it, even as I was begging him to stop, I was laughing, despite the fact that only a few moments earlier I had absolutely no sense of humor because, well, you know–I was preparing to die.

Now I find myself wondering how to translate that miraculously rewarding experience to the bedroom because, to be honest, I’ve never quite understood the whole spanking thing before. It always seemed kind of silly to me and I’ve always pictured some old dude in his black socks and undershirt with his boxers around his ankles getting spanked with a paddle over the lap of some leather clad dominatrix. Or I envision some of the cheesy butt slapping that goes on in basically every porno ever made.

But maybe it’s not like that, huh?

Maybe it’s actually kind of fun and soothing in a strange kinky ironic way and not something reserved solely for repressed business men and girls who like to be treated like naughty little sluts. (Not that there’s anything wrong with that. Far be it from me to judge repressed business men and naughty little sluts. In fact, if it weren’t for repressed business men and naughty little sluts, nobody would read this blog!) Maybe spanking can be for people like me–people who need a little help getting seated within themselves before they can truly and fully enjoy a little Sexy Time. Maybe pain can bring healing as long as it’s applied by the right hand (or the right wooden spoon).

I’ll tell you what: it seemed to work a treat for me. And I never ever thought I’d be anything but emotionally and physically traumatized by such a thing.

A couple of posts ago, I said that I loved the movie Secretary. In that film, Maggie Gyllenhaal’s character was a mentally disturbed woman with a miserable home life who resorted to cutting as a means of releasing all that bad tension.

As the movie progressed, her boss commanded her to stop cutting herself and then he started spanking her whenever she made a mistake. She stopped cutting herself and started purposefully making mistakes so she could get her spanking, because–just like cutting–the spanking made her feel better. The bonus was that it was actually healthier than cutting. It turned out to be a pretty good deal and the two fell in love. It was a twisty kind of love, but it healed them both in a way that was far healthier than they were before.

I understand that movie on a far deeper level today than I did ten days ago, I can tell you that.

So I think I might try bringing the spanking thing to the next level. Maybe we’ll bring it into the bedroom, try it in a more sexual environment. Who knows? Maybe it will help me stop thinking about my damned grocery list and start thinking more about what’s going on RIGHT NOW THIS MOMENT. To get me out of my head and into my body? That’s something that’s been a problem for me for a very long time…

You find new things at strange times and in strange places sometimes, Toy with Mes. Tell me, are you into a little pain in the bedroom? Are you a spanker or a spankee? Do you need it to get off? Have you ever even considered it? Do you find yourself considering it now, like I do?

Photo source

The Queen Of Everything About The Queen Of Everything

Crissy,a lifelong Rhode Islander, is 35 and has two little girls. Aside from doing a little bit of writing here and there, she doesn’t use a shred of her MA in English. She writes a blog where she is Queen of *&%$#@* Everything and reigns over her readers, whom she calls Queefs, with a loving but firm hand. In both 2008 and 2009 Crissy won the Blogger’s Choice Award for Hottest Mommy Blogger. In 2010, Crissy was chosen as one of Blogher's voices of the year.


  1. Very good article Kristen. To add to this topic, in Zen centers they have used a stick (kyosaku) to hit students for centuries. When students are sitting in meditation, a monk walks the room looking for students who are leaning, falling asleep, etc. He simply taps them lightly to make them aware and then smacks them on the shoulder/upper back a few times. Just hard enough to bring them out of their wonderings and back into the present. When it is over the student gives a little bow in thanks as does the monk.

    I think the pleasure of spanking is, as most things, relative to the motivation behind it. I like it.

  2. There is nothing wrong with a little "slap and tickle: I've been on on the giving and receiving end of it and have enjoyed both thoroughly. Just take it slow and see what feels right to you.

    • Toy With Me says:

      Good advice Jason. Taking it slow, plus communicating what works and what your boundaries are can make spanking an added playtime adventure.

  3. iwinbeatthat says:

    I love a good spanking but some men just aren't good at it and they need to go away or have their hands chopped off. There's technique involved! A random smack on the butt for no reason at all is even better.

  4. Double period! What does it mean?

  5. Ooh yes being spanked is oh so fun, and rewarding! I never knew quite why until now. Gets rid of anxiety, guilt, shame, etc. Letting out the dark side (with the right person) is very important to me. I know I don’t have to be “good” all the time. ;-)

  6. Crissy, I totally get you on the stress and double periods. I too have been having double periods brought on by stress. The worst part is that I also had them for a couple of months about 6-8 months ago and the lactation. I haven't had a baby in 10 years. The stress level went down and they stopped. Of course with the holidays, stress is back. And some spanking is just what the doctor ordered. Go with it. It works wonders for me!

  7. A little bit of pain and spanking can very much enhance your sex life…give it a try!

  8. Soooo…what if you feel like you'd get off more being the spanker than the spankee…
    I know a lot of people I would feel GREAT giving a whack!

    I'm not sure the dominatrix store has a maternity section…*sigh*

  9. Your Majesty, (been watching The Tudors, as you recommended).
    power is very sexy. The power to hit another person, specially in this day and age, is enormous. My husband is into S&M (you would never know, he looks like a very timid and nerdy person). The first time he asked to hit me, I was afraid, and sad, because I did not get it. Then he did it, and it felt soo good. Now it is something we do sometimes, and it is great everytime.
    Some tips, though:
    1) he never hits me too hard, that's not the idea. It should feel like a fast burn pain, not a lasting one
    2) there is a right mood. If I feel I need attention and am feeling insecure, it is NOT a good idea. But it does lead to the best sex
    3) if you liked the slap, you may like to be tied up. Start with a simple cover for your eyes and ask him to tie your hands with your arms up (NOT in your back). Then lay down naked on the bed, and let him do what he likes (he is your husband, you know him, but you may be surprised) to you. It's a power game too, and let him turn you, slap you in the butt, lick you.
    People that are anxious (like us), tend to feel really sexy when they do not have control, or feel that their loved ones have power to "take care if we fail". I'm starting to believe that we like to do in bed what we hate to do out of it (lack of control, in this case).
    Good luck with your illness, Long Live the Queen.

    • Toy With Me says:

      Thanks for sharing some great tips Anna! I think #2 in very important. There's a time and a mood that works so remember to discuss this before hand.

  10. You must be careful with a wooden spoon on a bare butt- splinters you know. A leather riding crop works much better.

  11. I liked this post. In a way I related to all of it. I also have been going through hell lately with my body and mind. Found out I have vit b12 and folic acid deficiency. Supposedly, extreme nausea, virtigo, depression and a whole load of other symptoms isn't something normal ppl deal with.. On the spanking issue: LOVE IT! it's fun and sexy, makes u feel like your man is owning u in a way. I like my hair to be pulled, and him to lightly choke me as well. I like him to show me whose boss, without the cheesy plastic clothes and stupid pornish looking whips. :)

  12. Never wanted to be spanked until now! He he he!

    Ok, seriously, you've got me intrigued. I'd never take me for a spank-type but after reading this I wonder 'Could we all have a little spank in us?'


    Great post!

  13. Toy With Me says:

    Lin you're so right. It never hurts to try new things. A great way to add some spice to your sex life.

  14. I want to recommend my friend Zille's blog. I met her through the Mrs several years ago though we've never met in person. http://www.zilledefeu.com/ Much like you, she's the type who gets lost in her own head and dipping into spanking and submission have helped her greatly. Dipping is probably the wrong word as it is more like she dove into the deep end. You may find some insight in her writings.

  15. I'm a big fan of the endorphins that pain releases. Can't imagine The Daver trying it in the bedroom, but you know, maybe I'll send it along. 2010 can suck my twat. What a shitty year. Sorry it sucks, my friend. Loves you.

  16. The first time I said spank me, it was this strange moment where I just said it without even thinking first. I was just in the moment and He just went with it. Afterwards, He told me it was a huge turnon for him, as it had been for me, as well. Since that particular time, we have refined it, a great deal. ;-) He is the only person I have ever trusted enough to let spank me though, so much control given over in that scenario.

  17. Very fun post ;) thanks for sharing! So glad to hear that this is working for you…

  18. Now, I much prefer flogging, though I do like some spanking. I have a couple friends that are pretty skilled (one very, very much so) with a flogger and that can lead to some fun times.

    What? Not everyone has friends that get together and do kinky stuff? Weird.

  19. First I wanted to say to Chrissy I wish u the best in both health and happiness.An second I have never been spanked but that’s on my to do list.I once seen a blog on spanking and after that I wanted to try it ;) but I have no guy in my life.FYI Babeland has classes in NY And seattle,CA in spanking mainly called cheap date night -spanking.so if there near you mb u should try it out (some classes are free).

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