Sexologist, Dr. Trina E. Read, is a sought-after expert on women’s sexuality.
She is a best selling author, sex coach, regular television and radio talk-show guest, international speaker, magazine columnist, and spokeswoman. Her latest book is, Till Sex Do Us Part: Make Your Married Sex Irresistible. I am thrilled that Dr. Trina agreed to answer some questions for me!
First, here is a video of Dr. Trina discussing about her new book.
Was becoming a sexologist something you always envisioned yourself doing?
No, not even close. This is definitely a situation of my career choosing me. How else could an uptight gal from small town nowhere become a sex expert? That said, I’m inadvertently the best person for this job. Because I am so average I truly understand what the average gal in a long term relationship goes through. I live it every day.
How did you end up in the field?
Like in the Alice in Wonderland story, I fell down a rabbit hole. I was working in the corporate world—extremely unhappy, I might add—and got fired from my job. Within 24 hours I thought, “Well, here’s my opportunity to become a sex expert.” Why? I still have no idea.
On top of that, I then matter of factly applied to both a graduate school and a dream job I had zero experience or background in. Even my business degree and background have been an integral part of my success. I am for all intent and purpose an entrepreneur.
Looking back at how easy the transition was, I realize it was one of those ‘meant to be’ situations.
You have a Doctorate of Human Sexuality, can you share some “interesting” details on what it’s like to school for this?
I was far and away the most uptight person out of all my classmates. I felt like I country bumpkin right off the farm. Not only were the classes way too progressive for my small town sensibilities, the after class parties completely knocked me for a loop. Orgies, swinging, BDSM and fisting workshops to attend…and that was just my first week. Seriously.
My first semester I walked around San Francisco completely freaked out, muttering over and over again “What the f*!?!* am I doing here?” I almost quit. Luckily, I befriended a classmate who was a psychologist from Israel. He was extremely supportive and kind, and helped me while I got used to the whole ‘sex-positive’ scene.
You are a very busy woman, how do you manage to find time for your own sex life?
Ha! You’re assuming I have a sex life.
Integrity is a huge deal to me. I fundamentally believe that I need to walk my talk. Everything that I’ve learned, I sincerely try to put into practice; sometimes with success and sometimes not.
But what’s so great about me, is I have a very ‘normal/ typical’ sex life. It has its highs and lows. And every single time there’s been a fight over sex (there’s been many), I am able to translate that situation into some kind of learning to help other couples. It’s brilliant really.
Best of all for me and my husband, because I’m working so hard to help other couples it can only help us. So I constantly advocate for busy couples to make time and schedule sex and that’s exactly what I do. Sounds contrived and unromantic—but you know what? It’s actually a lot of fun. Plus, I’m positive if I tried to have spontaneous sex, it couldn’t happen very often. I’m just that busy.
What approach should be used when introducing the idea of sex toys to your partner?
Looking for sex toys needs to be a couple experience.
Some people think, “Gosh, our sex life isn’t what it used to be. I’ll buy a sex toy to rev things up.” Surprising your partner with something new will most likely get their defensive hackles up. Without any forewarning, they will automatically default to thinking they’re not good enough in bed.
Broach the topic with your partner outside of bedroom time when both of you are in a good mood. Frame it in, “Wouldn’t it be fun?” instead of the self-defeating, “Our sex life really stinks so I’m going to do something about it.”
Do you suggest sex toys as a component to a healthy sexual relationship?
Absolutely. Kids have oodles and oodles of toys to make for fun, learning and laughter. Adults need to make their sex time full of fun, learning (yes, learning new ways to please each other) and laughter as well.
Make sure to stock up on sex accoutrements to have at your fingertips when things start heating up in the bedroom. Your basic list should also include candles, massage oils, educational books, a romantic game and other sexy ideas to help when your mind goes blank.
One word of caution: trying new things is trial and error. Don’t be discouraged if you try something and it’s not to your liking. Think of the experimenting as part of the fun.
With so many sex toy products available how does a couple choose what would be best for them?
Here is a list of questions couples need to ask themselves and each other about what is right for them.
- Do you want an internal, external or combination toy?
- Do you want something that vibrates or not? If so, how powerful?
- What do you want the toy to do for you?
- What size, shape and color do you prefer?
- Do you want something smooth or with texture?
- Do you want it to look like a sex toy or be more discreet?
- How important is the ease of cleaning and maintenance of your toy?
If you’ve never been in an adult store, choosing a toy can be a daunting experience. So although it may seem a bit tedious to go through such a list, ultimately when a couples sees the thousands of options available to them, it will be so much easier to identify what they want.
Besides sex toys what other sexual products can be used to help create the mood?
The best ‘sex toy’ is an open mind to trying new things. Too many couples walk into the bedroom and do the same thing over and over. What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result.
Couples who want to add excitement to their sex life need to change things up, at least once in a while. It doesn’t have to be grandiose gestures. It can be as simple as buying a book on sex positions, flipping a page open and whatever position is there you try. And if you fail miserably—because it’s some crazy Kama Sutra back bend while sucking your toes at the same time type of pose—this is a great opportunity to have a laugh with your partner.
You will remember the laughter and fun about trying something new, long after the sex is done. And that closeness is what makes sex worth while.
Do you have a favorite toy or product?
I love, love, love the We-Vibe. It’s just so different from any other toy on the market. It’s great for couple sex. My super critical husband says it’s the perfect sex toy and gives it a 9.5/ 10—his critique about says it all.
Thanks so much for taking the time to answer my questions. 🙂 Your turn Toy With Me’s! Ask any questions you have in the comments!