My Take On How To Have Better Sex

ID-10090878It has come to our attention over at Toy With Me that perhaps we do not talk about how much we like The Sex enough. This tickled my wee funny bone, because perhaps I haven’t conveyed properly that one of the things I like most in the world (besides Diet Coke and napping) is The Sex. It’s just not very interesting to say, “I like The Sex” for fifteen paragraphs, so I tend to mix it up with personal anecdotes. You see, Toy With Me-ers, Your Aunt Becky would have The Sex many times a day if given the opportunity.

Now that we’ve cleared that up, I’d like to get into the thick of it. This is a topic that we all can use a little refresher on, and hopefully a topic where we can all learn something from each other. Let’s talk about how to have better sex.

*Get into the mood. I know that most of the world doesn’t walk around with their sexual engines running high, ready to hump at any given moment and sometimes it takes a little preparation to get in the mood to have The Sex. That’s perfectly okay. There are plenty of things to get you into the mood, and you just have to find the things that work for you.

  1. Flip on a porn. Sometimes the very act of watching other people engaged in sexual activity will be enough to get you in the mood. If you’re not into the whole, “watching porn people” because it looks a little contrived (really, having sex with the pizza guy? AGAIN?), there’s always YouPorn, which has amateur porn. There’s plenty of gems in there.
  2. Slip into something more comfortable. Or…nothing at all. If that’s not going to help, or if wearing crotcheless underwear is going to make you feel like a royal asshole, don’t do it.
  3. Lock the damn door. Especially if you have kids. The last thing you need to be doing when you’re trying to get into the mood is to worry about Little Timmy wandering in, looking for a refill on his juice cup.
  1. Light some candles if you like that kind of thing, just don’t go burning your hair off or anything. Because there’s nothing sexy about singed hair. NOTHING.
  2. If you’re planning The Sex hours in advance, you can always send each other some dirty texts. Just make sure you have the right phone number. You don’t want to accidentally send Aunt Mildred a text that says, “I can’t wait to see your hot dick,” or something. Because that’s going to make Christmas WAY awkward this year.

*Learn your favorite sex positions. Now, like everything else with The Sex, favorite positions aren’t going to be a one size fits all sort of thing. Your Aunt Becky? Well, I don’t like to be on top. I know this dispels all myths of women everywhere, but it’s just not comfortable for me. I’m not very coordinated and I always end up falling off onto my ass which really is a mood-killer for us both. And really, if I’m not comfortable when I’m having The Sex, how could I possibly be enjoying it? (answer: I’m not). So forget what other people tell you that you “should” like, and try them all out for yourself. Find what works for you.

*Learn your sexual anatomy. Women can have what is called a “blended orgasm,” when they are stimulated via the g-spot AND the c-spot. Trust me when I tell you that you need to learn how to do this. Also, ladies, practice your Kegals. They’ll crank up your orgasms to mind-blowing.

Women (and men), there are many, many tutorials for how to give a better blow job, and I suggest you find one and learn all about it.

*Get over the idea that other people are having better sex than you. Because really, who gives a shit what other people are doing between the sheets? Unless, of course, they’re in bed WITH you. Keeping up with the Joneses should be kept out of your bedroom.

*Never be afraid to try something new. Variety in the bedroom should always be encouraged, so long as you feel comfortable with what you are doing. There are any number of new sex toys, lotions, potions, creams, outfits, and playthings that are constantly being released. Some of them you will hate. Some of them you may love. You won’t know until you try them.

That said: you should never, ever be pressured into trying something you’re not comfortable with in the bedroom. Ever. Sex should be full of the awesome and never, ever painful, humiliating or degrading. (unless it’s consensual of course)

*Confidence is sexy. Being confident in the bedroom, especially when you’re trying something new is kind of hard. I always fake it until I make it, because eventually, it pays off and I’ve forgotten why I felt so stupid in the first place. Sometimes, it’s easier to pretend to be someone else at first if you’re feeling a little silly about whatever it is you’re doing. Once you get into the throes of passion (I’ve always wanted to type that), you’ll stop feeling self-conscious. I think everyone feels a little silly sometimes. Sex is vulnerability at it’s finest, and sometimes you have to get out of your head to enjoy it. And you will.

*Be honest about what you want. This can be a tricky one to do, I know, because sometimes it’s a little embarrassing to be all, “I want you to mush my face and pull my hair,” but in the end, it’s the communication that will ultimately make your sex life better. It’s best to be satisfied and have the kind of sex that makes you fulfilled, isn’t it?

*Everyone feels self-conscious. Everyone looks weird at certain angles. It’s okay. You’re beautiful just how you are, and sex feels just as good no matter how wobbly your bits may be.

So, Toy With Me-ers, how do you propose that we have better sex? Certainly, you all must have some tips and pointers to share with us.

Photo by imagerymajestic.



  1. PottyMouthMommy

    get a we-vibe… seriously… best. sex. EVER!!!!

    and all the things you said. I think the #1 best advice I've ever used/heard/given is to have good communication. If you can tell your partner what you like, what wasn't so great, and things you'd like to try with an open mind (and a sense of humour) sex never gets boring and usually turns out great!

  2. kristina ruth

    Great post. I never expected to find a blog about sex. Love the post. Maybe i need to try toys or sumthin. Subscribing to your blog

  3. get some women's erotica. there are short story collections out there that will get the flame burning. (the good burning, not the needing ointment burning).

    also experiment with the we vibe settings!

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