Would You Take A Pill To Increase Your Libido?

pills-300x217If any of you lady Toy with Mes are like me, you have struggled with your libido from time to time. Having babies, dealing with the pressures of careers, family life, medical problems, financial issues, relationship woes, menopause, open genital sores, what have you, can make your libido go bye-bye thereby creating even more stress in an already fucked existence.

Don’t tell me it’s never happened.

And sometimes you just wish there was a pill to magically transform you from Frigid Farrah into Henrietta Humpsalot. After all, they have a magic pill for men, so why can’t the ladies have one too? It’s only fair!!

I myself have been praying for such a miracle drug to be approved for women but guess what? Fuck me in the ass with a big rubber dick because it ain’t gonna happen.


We’re on our own for now girls, but after thinking about it a little, I’m not sure that’s a bad thing. Check it:

Whilst perusing The New York Times the other day because I’m very smart and always on top of current events, I read that the German drug maker Boehringer Ingelheim announced last week that they are stopping their work on a pill to treat low libido in women, aka “female viagra” or “pink viagra.”

The drug containing a chemical called flibanserin–which was originally intended as an antidepressant, and was thought to perhaps help menopausal women suffering from what is referred to as “hypoactive sexual desire disorder” (or the broader term “female sexual dysfunction”)–went through clinical trials and was submitted to the FDA for approval, but was rejected because it has not been proven to increase the level of female sexual desire.

Although they could not prove that the pill could increase desire, it did seem to increase the number of what they call “sexually satisfying events.” The events, which didn’t necessarily include the big O, were more frequent in women who took the drug as compared to women who took a placebo or nothing at all. So, I guess all it did was make Sexy Time more fun and/or rewarding, but didn’t make people actually want it.

If that’s the case, then the shit was no good anyway–at least for me. My problem has always been getting the engine started. Once that happens, she be purrin’ like a kitten if you know what I’m saying. “Hard starts” are notoriously difficult to troubleshoot, according to my husband. It’s a frequency thing, not a quality thing with me.

But don’t cry tears of woe just yet, my horny-wannabes.

The fact that one German company dropped the ball isn’t that horrible of a thing because there are two other companies who are currently testing out testosterone-based products instead of the flibanserin one. While this seems like great news at first, it scares me a little bit because while the side effects from the flibanserin based drug included dizziness, nausea, and fatigue which would have been no big whoop for me since I feel those things all the time anyway, what might the side effects of a testosterone based pill be?

Would it turn me into a dude? Would I grow…(GASP!) MY OWN COCK N’ BALLS???

Oh nos! While I rather enjoy a nice cock n’ balls, I don’t want one of my own, you know, hanging on me. Plus, I know from my own experience with taking birth control pills that messing with hormones is bad news bears. They turn me into a fat, bloated, psycho-bitch from hell. I don’t need to turn into a hairy, raging dick from hell. That would cause more problems in my house than it would solve, I think. Who wants to be horny, breaking out in pimples, and unapproachably aggressive?

Speaking of big deals, this whole “pink viagra” thing has been controversial anyway as it raises some important questions about what constitutes “normal” desire in women.

Who is to say, really, what that is? Aren’t we all wired just a little bit differently from one another? Some people burn 3,000 calories a day just sitting there (my husband for example), and others have metabolisms like lizards outside on a chilly morning. Some folks are just born to be taller than others, and some with less body hair. Why should we expect sex drives to fall into a narrow range of values? How do you even measure libido?

Not only that, but everyone has a different set of life circumstances that may be affecting their libidos. I think it’s impossible to account for that. I have a lot of crap going on in my life and most of the time it’s really hard to shut that off and focus on bodily pleasures. I really don’t think that’s dysfunctional–I think it’s part of being a woman living in 2010.

Also, I wonder if drug companies are just trying to profit from so called “female sexual dysfunction?” Male impotence/erectile dysfunction is a multi-billion dollar industry. Tapping into what seems to be just as pervasive a problem (if not more) means double the profits if they can jump on the bandwagon. Side effects be damned!

I’m just throwing this out there. I’m not a doctor or a psychiatrist and I’ve never been through menopause or suffered from a serious illness. I’m just a lady who sometimes is so, so, so not interested in Sexy Time and I don’t know why or how to fix it and it causes me anxiety and I’d do anything to change it.

Since I already know how I am with hormonal drugs, I don’t think I want to take a testosterone pill. Plus, according to an endocrinologist, I don’t need one.  However I absolutely think they should keep working on it as an option for people who DO want to give it a whirl, or for whom the indications promise a better fit.  There are many women out there with legitimate hormonal imbalances that get tested, before and after drug therapy, and show a definite improvement in quality of life, so having additional options is never a bad thing.

So I’m going to open all of this up to all you Toy with Mes. How do you feel about “female sexual dysfunction?” Do you think it’s a medical problem, a life problem, or is it just a way for drug companies to make money on us by preying on our insecurities when we’re really just variations on a spectrum of “normal” levels of desire? How do you know when someone has an honest-to-god issue that deserves medical attention?



  1. hbacmom

    Life problem, for the most part. How about looking at why it is so necessary to have sex all the time? Maybe there are other ways to express love or intimacy? (I'm not talking about never having sex…just why every night? or even every other night?) It seems to me that our culture has slipped to some idea that "sex" is the best thing you could ever do with someone and men have been lulled into believing that if they don't have sex often there is something wrong…and frankly, I just can't buy that. I don't think there's something "wrong" with women who don't want sex constantly.

    • ken

      well, how little is "too little?"

      for some couples, every other day is the norm. a week without sex is a major event.

      for others, once a week is fine and fairly repeatable.

      for others, once a month, maybe twice if they're feeling really frisky.

      for others, once a season is plenty.

      i personally know a few people who do it just a couple of times a year. if they're both happy with that, then who the hell cares? but IF in fact one partner wants it more frequently than that, is that "wrong?"

      i don't think anyone older than 16 years old considers daily sex to be sustainable or expected. especially not if they have any kids.

      just so we don't get locked into gender stereotypes, i can tell you that it's not always the woman who is the limiting factor–i personally know a few men who just don't have the drive their wives/gfs/sos do.

  2. Sara

    Being on the pill, lowered my libido considerably, and right when I got off the pill was when i noticed the change, I wanted sex all the time!!! so I told my dr. and she switched the brand, and it hasnt happened again. Now I'd give some of my libido to those lacking some. So in a sense i understand your point on the hormone thing, people react differently to them and they can have weird effects on the person. If i ever had that problem again, id think id try it out to see how it works.

    • This is an excellent point Sara for those women on the pill that no longer have any lust for sex. Switching brands is great suggestion and would definitely be worth a try.

  3. Don

    PART 2 OF 2
    Lack of libido in women, I believe, may be caused much more frequently by mental (life) problems than physical problems that aren’t caused by other medications they may be taking, because lack of libido is defined as having little or no sexual desire rather than something like the inability to have intercourse without considerable pain due to dryness or a vise-like vagina that’s difficult to penetrate. Of course, being overly tired due to physical exertion can also cause lack of libido…so men, pick up your dirty underwear and help with household chores unless you want to suffer from that Hawaiian disease “Lackanookie”.

    In my case, surgery to remove my cancerous prostate gland long ago resulted in nerves and blood vessels going to my penis being severed, so an ED pill can’t help me. At the same time I still have a very strong desire for sex.

    Just try to imagine what it’s like to be perpetually horny with a limp cock. “Frustrating” doesn’t even come close.

    • Thanks for sharing some very good points Don. In the case of ED you are quite correct, the primary purpose of this drug is to increase blood flow to the penis which in turn helps the penis become erect. ED drugs can help with physical issues, but sadly they have little or no effect when struggling with the mental aspect.

      I agree life's daily trials and tribulations are responsible for a large majority of women lacking in sexual desire. Something to keep in mind though is the fact that anti-depressant use is on the rise and have been proven to cause not only loss of lubrication as well as difficulties in climaxing, they are in fact clinically known to alter the sexual desire women (and men) feel.

    • ken

      don, your comment has given me, at least, a heartfelt and bluntly honest reminder of the things i have to be thankful for.

      on the bright side, at least you no longer have cancer.

  4. Don

    PART 1 OF 2

    I haven’t researched this topic like Ken and perhaps others have, and I certainly have no medical training, but I have some thoughts about it.

    I think two topics being linked together here (ED among men and lack of libido among women), although related in some ways are vastly different in other ways.

    Both conditions can be caused by either physical or mental (life) problems.

    With ED, the primary problem is lack of blood flowing into the penis to make it larger and harder thus creating a good erection. That can be caused by a variety of either physical or mental problems. I’ve been led to believe that Viagra and Cialis have no effect on mental (life) problems, but can correct SOME (so they aren't the “silver bullets” some people think they are) physical problems and allow blood to gather in the penis and allow a man to have an erection and possibly maintain it for some time.

  5. ryoko861

    When I hit menopause in my late 30's, I wasn't even sure what it was. I thought I was having panic attacks…turns out they were just very strong hot flashes. After that, the libido went into the shit hole.

    Daily life takes its toll as well.

    But I've found that several glasses of wine or at least 4 beers helps the situation. As well as my hot tub.

    I'm not a pill popper. I take a Tylenol or Excederin Migraine when needed. And a multi vitamin. That's it. Never did the HRT. Don't need to mess with the hormones, they're already a mess.

    • Menopause is a real libido killer as I also know from first hand experience. Actually, it was one of the main reasons I started TWM. Women suffering from a lack of sex drive and seriously messed up hormones caused by menopause. Since the brain tends to work over time when life is handing you crap to deal with faster then your capable of, I have also found a few alcoholic drinks relaxing. Once I'm relaxed inhibitions go out the window! Now if only I had a hot tub 😉 Budda boom, budda bing!

  6. Lisa143

    For me the low libido was a sign that I was really not into my husband, or men for that matter. What it took to wake me up!! Now there are no issues in that department…..But that's just me.

  7. Emma Jaybe

    After my hysterical-ectomy six years ago, a very kind doctor put me on testoterone to help combat the no-sexy-time blues. I've been Slutty McFuckerson ever since. It's fabulous!!!

  8. I'm sure that my feelings about this are coloured by the fact that an increase in sex drive is just going to make my battery purchases more frequent and since I am currently sans employment, the increase would be catastrophic for my budget.

    Realistically, there are few men in my age group (at least that I have met) who would care to maintain the level of "service" I really desire and it's in poor taste to bring a battery operated boyfriend into a bed which one already shares with a human companion for solo use (when said human companion is simply "not up to" the task of providing the sexytime).

    However, I have gone through times when I had a complete lack of libido and I daresay a feeling of revulsion even THINKING about sexytime. I honestly don't know that pharmaceuticals could have/would have made a difference. I think it's a whole different set of parameters with women. So, if they can create a pill that will let you look in the mirror and adore what you see and make you feel 100% comfortable in your own skin PLUS deal with stress/anxiety AND help with "the mood", I'll give it a shot. But if it can only increase some blood flow or muck with my hormones, I am NOT INTERESTED.

    Plus, I will bet that insurance is NOT GOING TO COVER a "female viagra". Hrumph.

    • It's sad to hear some men are not open minded enough to add toys into the mix, even if it is used for solo play. After all, watching your partner stimulating themselves can be incredibly erotic.

      Confidence plays a huge roll in a persons desire for sex. Not to mention pressure from daily life. This "magic" pill is going to need to cover a lot of different areas for most women to consider taking it.

  9. Florian

    Fuck! Those are good questions. Seriously good questions.

    Because see, if Marilyn Monroe, with all her hot curvy bits and succulent tits; no kids, a maid, great feedback from the mirror, access to all the champagne and mink she could ever want, a great job!, somebody else walking the dog, fun times and a helper doing her funky laundry plus cleaning behind the couch, and weeding the garden ……and she still up and can't get no satisfaction…………well then…..

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