Random Awesome Stuff In My Inbox

ID-100207612This week for the Toy with Mes I’m not really going to write about a god damned thing going to do something very special and share with you some of the marvelous things that people send me.  None of them are a whole post on their own, but they still deserve our attention because they do.

Their cumulative awesomeness will have you forwarding a link to this article to all your besties.

First up we have a lovely new douching product called Waterworks that my good friend Dingo called to my attention.  It’s not so much that it’s a new kind of douche bag that makes this awesome, it’s the marketing that I love.  I thought everyone knew douching is bad for your kitty and you shouldn’t do it, but  this product claims that since it shoots plain shower water up your hey-nanny-nanny, it does not  disturb the delicate Ph of the vajeen because  it’s ALL NATURAL WATER.

Can I ask you something Toy with Mes?

When you walk into a room, do people shudder and hold their breath because your monkey is funky? VAGINAL ODOR RUINS LIVES,  you know, but with the Waterworks douche bag, you never need worry again!  Just read the testimonials!

I love Dingo because she’s always trying to help me find ways to fix a funky twidget.  She sent me this next one, too…

Move over Vajazzling, here comes Twattoo! There’s a spa in New York City that is now offering what is called a bikini ink treatment, aptly nicknamed, “twattooing.”   It’s an airbrushed image that lasts a little under a week, and this confuses me because I bet it’s expensive as a motherfucker.  Why would I go and pay for someone to airbrush Jesus’s face (that’s totally what I’d get you know, because that way my husband could contemplate The Lord while worshiping at the altar.  Talk about a cum to Jesus meeting! HA!) on my crotchals when I can just grab one of my daughter’s My Little Pony, or no, wait!  HELLO KITTY temporary tattoos?

The answer is, I wouldn’t.  Don’t be silly.

I just got an awesome idea though, you guys.  BlogHer is in NYC this year, is it not?  Maybe that spa that does the twattooing can offer all the gals going to BlogHer a little ink for the pink! Maybe they can even design a special BlogHer twattoo!  Call me, BlogHer peeps!  I’ve got some designs all sketched out!  You’re def  gonna wanna give me a free ticket after you see them.  Consider it my volunteer service performed.

This next one is from a facebook friend of mine.  Apparently, this S-E-X T-O-Y thing is not new. They’re not really sure what this thing is, but it sure as hell looks like a stoneage dildo carved out of antler bone.   Apparently even the stone agers were chronic masturbators just like US!  Some things don’t change, you guys–there’s your proof right there.  I wonder if LELO made that one?  Talk about a boner.

Oh and have we heard of  Camelflage yet?  It’s “The Original Privacy Undergarment” and it prevents people from seeing your bulging lady junk through your tight pants.  I’ve sort of already had a solution to this problem for years though– I try to wear pants that fit properly.  But if you like to wear tight pants and you’re sporting a big ol’ camel toe, then these are the panties for you, my friend!

And I’ve saved the best for last!  Another facebook friend alerted me to this next thing–quite possibly the most entertaining article I’ve read in a really, really, long time.  Craigslist has yet again proven to be a blog fodder goldmine and this time it brings us “straight” dudes looking for a J.O. bro!  That’s right, folks: there are guys out there who insist they’re STRAIGHT but advertise in the m4m section on Craigslist for a jerk-off buddy.   Jerking off can be lonely business, and so just like some guys like to play poker once a week or go golfing with their buds, some dudes want to share their jerk off hobby with a pal.  Where else  but Craigslist would you go to find such a compadre?   Nowhere.  You guys have to go read this buzzfeed article. It will make your day, I promise.  Just remember these guys are NOT GAY and make sure you bring your favorite barbecue sauce recipe, wear your crystal necklace, and be prepared for a profound spiritual act of hetero awesomeness. That will all make sense to you in a minute.  I’m gonna go back and read it again myself.

So now that my inbox has been thoroughly cleaned of all it’s random bits of lols and roflmaos and pmsls, feel free to send me more OR!  You can share your random awesome sex news in the space provided below.  OR! You can react in shock/horror/excitement to what you have learned today.

Photo by Stuart Miles.



  1. BKC

    Frankly, I'm a little sad that I'm not an "age 25-70 guy" because a model train rendezvous until 4 am (or until I get tired) with some imitation crab for the road sounds like a rockin' good time to me. Where's an ad like this for the ladies, amiright?!

  2. mepsipax

    Oh gawd dear jesus that was some messed up shit. The all new douche bag. Could you even type all this with a straight face?

  3. ken

    i actually did a little research on stainless steel and its ability to reduce or eliminate odors by some kind of chemical reaction.

    turns out there is plenty of anecdotal evidence supporting the idea, but no scientific evidence. ahh, that pesky science, rearing its head again.

    as a longtime fan of the camel toe, i shun any and all methods of reducing its prevalence. it's like trying to eliminate rainbows, or shooting stars, or four leaf clovers. besides, can't the same thing be accomplished with a pantyliner? or, for that matter, a piece of duct tape? i've always got a roll close by, for exactly these sort of emergencies.

  4. Tess

    Oh come on! That Waterworks thing MUST be fabulous. After all, it's endorsed by Dr. Jennifer Bergman! Don't you remember her? She and her sister Laura Berman, PhD had a show on Discovery Health about sexual health and why it's abnormal for women to not have an orgasm during sex. (I know, shocker that these complete idiots, I mean, brilliant physicians, aren't still on tv).

  5. Mike

    Uh huh. …….yeah……right.
    “straight” dudes looking for a J.O. bro!

    That my dear is the first obvious sign of a split personality.

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