Dear Redhead, My Girlfriend Is Fat

Ask The RedheadWell, as you’re reading this, The Redhead is en route to Las Vegas. Alas, not really the weekend of debauchery that most would envision. After all, I’ve been to strip clubs, I own a pair of tits, and while I win more poker than I lose – I’m going to Blog World. Stay tuned and follow @DearRedhead on Twitter for the latest updates and compromising photos. Let’s just hope I don’t come across any feral beavers or midgets holding dildos asking me to pose for their webcam.

This week’s questions are kickass and thanks to all the readers who grew a pair and sent them in. But I have a news flash: you no longer have to grow a pair to ask The Redhead a question! Check out my new anonymous question submission form! That’s right – you can shroud yourself in the womb-like comfort of a nameless and email-less means for inquiring about your kinks. Hawt diggity dawg.

Again this week, we’re giving away a prize – get your sexy on with your honey with the JimmyJane Afterglow Massage Candles. Not only do they create a sexy glow, but you can (oh my) paint your lover with the warmed oil they create!

Post your first time experience with a sex toy below. We’ll announce the winner at 5pm EST on Friday!

Very well – to the Questions!

Dear Redhead~

My wife had a baby four months ago, and since then I’ve had next to no libido. I miss sex, but the drive is gone. Any ideas?


Dear Postpartum~

What are you talking about? You’re trying to tell me that following your wife’s episiotomy and the new guest in your home that keeps odd hours (and takes your place on your wife’s tits) and only sleeps for 3 hours at a time that you suddenly have no sex drive?


Mommy Wants Vodka was actually talking about the mom-side of this equation earlier this week. It’s not just you who’s feeling a bit over and underwhelmed lately!

According to CNN, new dads get the blues, too. If you find yourself feeling blue, you’re probably not alone. Sure – you may miss the sex, but there have been some major changes in your life lately. While a new baby is a welcome addition to your family, they will invariably throw-off your Husband/Wife routine and even knock your mojo for a loop.

Sit down and talk with your wife about what’s what and try to plan some time together to “babyproof” your life. Enlist babysitters or trusted family members or friends and give yourselves a night off. Bottle the breast milk and don’t feel bad about making room on your wife’s boobs for you to settle in for you own long winter’s nap – or at least take the time to get to know one another again.


Dear Redhead~

If I love my girlfriend, why do I have such an issue with her being fat? She was curvy when we met, but five years later, it’s just fat and unattractive. Help?

Too Much Lovin’

Dear Too Much Lovin’~

Well, I’m a little bit of an asshole about this and I fully expect some backlash (bracing myself, bring it on). If she’s fat, she’s fat. You can love her, but it doesn’t mean you’re still attracted to her. I call it The Give Up, and it happens to both men and women. We’re dating, on the prowl, lookin’ good and working out. When we land someone and get “comfy,” tight sexy jeans are traded in for sweatpants and you find yourselves at Wal-Mart at 7:43am on a Sunday. Just because.

Fuck that.

My recommendation is to have a conversation with her. It’s a given that she would probably feel better if she looked like she did five years ago. Offer to help her get there (and maybe even make the journey with her, big guy). Join a gym together, work with a personal trainer as a couple, start taking walks, get bikes and ride around the park each evening. Nobody, male or female, wants to hear from their partner that they’ve done The Give Up. But if you don’t hear it from someone you love, you’re probably not going to hear it at all.

This has the distinct possibility of going over like a fart in a spacesuit, however. If she comes back with the attestation that you should love her regardless, tell her love ain’t the issue. The size of her ass IS.

We all have a responsibility to our partners. The guy I’m lucky enough to share time with started seeing a sedentary chick with a broken leg – I kindly ushered an extra 10 lbs onto my 5’4” frame. I’m an athlete, though, and once I could put weight on the damn thing, I was doing anything I could to show those 10 lbs the heave-ho. I’m well on my way, and the weight loss is for ME, not him. But I know he appreciates it. Are some days better than others? Hell, yes. But my fitness is for ME. I thrive when I’m rock and ice climbing, trail running and on my bike. It makes me happy. If she feels the issue with her weight is about YOU, then that’s probably indicative that there are other problems feeding (pun intended) her weight gain.

Our partners bought a certain package. Sure, our bodies change as we get older, but there’s no reason for The Give Up. It’s a lack of self-respect and disrespectful to your partner to assume that they should remain attracted to you if you decide sitting in a box of Twinkies is a good way to spend your time. Keep the package in order and hey – look for ways to improve it on occasion. If your partner did the same for you, there would be a lot more fucking and a lot less pissing and moaning.


  1. fatladykatie

    For the second item – I think instead of focusing on the weight, which will just make the girlfriend feel like shit (read my blog, see what in a fat girl's head) he should probably help her deal with whatever is causing her to gain weight. Until she tackles that, it probably won't matter if he offers to workout out with her – which is just fucking trite anyway.

  2. I feel a zillion times hotter when I’m in control of my weight. As someone who is currently struggling to get on top of that (I HAVE A GLANDULAR PROBLEM PEOPLE) I know that if The Daver mentioned it, I’d be so hurt. I mean, shit, I KNOW what I look like. I just had a baby. But huh, I dunno. That’s a hard thing to talk about.

    Good call, Dear Redhead. As always, your advice is brilliant.

  3. Toy With Me

    Congrats Ashley! You are the winner of our sexy toy story contest. Perhaps your hubby can use your new JimmyJane Afterglow Massage Candles, to uh….relax you like never before 😉 Please email me with your address. Thanks, and have fun! Sandy

  4. My first “dildo” was an 18 inch Doc Johnson Ballsy Super Cock. Trust me, that name is more than a mouthful in more than one way. I actually didn’t buy it. My husband at the time bought it as a Christmas gift for me, along with a pair of slippers. He jokingly said, “If you don’t like the slippers, you can go f**k yourself.” And so I did. That bastard!

    Anyways long story short, I threw it away after the plumber discovered it under the bathroom sink (the balls were built like a suction cup for bathtime play) and I realized the world of “vibrators”.

    Kimberlee (Jells)

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