What I think about these sorts of group-specific terms (whore, slut, etc being group-specific to women in this example), is that when people seek to “reclaim” them, the point isn’t to reclaim it away from people outside the group who use it in hate, – because you can’t stop them anyway, – the real point of reclaiming the word is to stop people within the group from using it to shame the other members of the group.

To often I read people saying “don’t call women whores!” , and then a few weeks later they are saying “except this one woman, she is just like a whore”. We are warned away from using the words for ourselves, which leaves it free and available to be used against us instead.

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And my mom…. She was the best, she’s been gone 6 years already, cancer I’m sad to tell you, and my father had gone 3 years and 29 days before her. They both went quickly – my father struck while riding his motorcyle, and my mother, faster than I ever imagined, and right before my eyes, with only 17 days between diagnosis and death. The very same thing happened with my mother’s mother, she went into the hospital feeling sorta bad, and then in 14 days she was gone. My mother told me about it, I hadn’t been born, my mother was only 18. I had my mother 10 years longer than that. I wrote a short post a about her a few weeks ago, and about her death, it’s thru the link in my name.

My SO, when my mom got sick, we’d been together for 4 years, and he slept with my best friend on the day my mom died.

sorrow. big sorrow.

He found it hard to face me after that. I found it hard to face anything.

I think that’s what lost me my last lover. He couldn’t deal with my falling apart. Wasn’t meant to be, I suppose.

Mr. Toy, I have known so many women who have survived cancer. They are strong willed individuals who had the support of their families and friends to get them through the long slog of chemo, surgery, etc. and see the other side of it all. I wish that for your mother. The support and recovery, not the long slog, that is!

Dear Redhead, thanks for posting that bit from debaucheddiva. I’ve copied it down and taped it to my computer. Most excellent advice.

As far as the comments go, I never “reprimanded” my commenters, all I did was politely ask that we focus the discussion back to the topic at hand.

Its hard, that moment you realize you now have to take care of them. I’ve realized it with my own mother, except that we dont exactly get along famously. Plus my father has been gone 12 years and I’m the only child so there is no spreading around of the care and burden and guilt trips.

It’s also doubly hard on me bc many of the things wrong with my mom are likely going to happen to me. I already have some of it. So I see my future, except that I know mine will be worse, more painful and debilitating, bc I’ve had the disease longer than she did.

Good wishes for your mom and you and family.

(ps – if you don’t want people commenting on the bloggers, then you shouldn’t have mentioned it yourself. If you’d have left that out of here, everybody else would have. sorry but don’t reprimand your commenters when you asked for it is all)

To the Mr., I’m sorry to hear about your mother’s diagnose. Cancer is a bitch. I’ll be keeping you all in my thoughts during this troubling time, and I will be rooting for your mom to kick cancer’s ASS.

For those who follow and comment I thank you for your kind words and support.

I do understand where the offended people are coming from – sex workers are people too and it’s not nice to label them with horrible names. But in this instance, I think it’s wrong to suggest that the name calling is somehow far more significant and important than the death of somebody’s loved one and totally divert all attention away from the point of the article.

I say acknowledge the reason people are offended, but stand by your well written and moving post. You ultimately wrote this for yourself, not for anybody else, so other people have no right to censure you.

My step-dad has COPD, CHF, HTN and probably a gazzilion other lettered acronyms for a medical condition. He diligently takes his medications, but otherwise has totally given up. He has gone from 240# to almost 360. He is supposed to be on a low – no salt diet, uses “No-Salt” on his cooked meals, but will sit and eat 5 Arby’s sandwiches or 2 double quarters or an entire family size bag of lays, in one sitting. Kind of defeats the purpose. My family and I can do nothing but sit there and watch him literally kill himself.
I am a paramedic. He thinks all I do is drive an ambulance. When I try to talk to him about this stuff, he looks and me and basically tells me to shut my face, I have no idea what I am talking about. That hurts, so I have basically given up as well, because as Dubious Ma can tell you, there is no getting through to him and he will NEVER admit when he is wrong. It definitely goes against all I am and everything that I have been taught to do this, but I can only help those that want to be helped and he is happy right now being waited on hand and foot and in the meantime making the rest of us watch him die very slowly. I told my mom, I don’t think he will have another Christmas after this one. That is my gut, and unfortunately, my gut usually doesn’t lie.

As far as you and TWM, accept the hugs, the kisses, the alone time that you do have. Lean on her as much as you can and know that, like it has already been stated, intimacy is more than the act of sex, it is a gentle touch, a shoulder, and two beautiful arms to hold you when you need it most.

Many prayers and happy thoughts for you this Christmas. Make lots of good memories, cuz too soon for a bunch of us, it will be all we have.

Big Hugs from the Dirty South
Shannon