I’ve got a new favorite TV show that I’m obsessed with, you guys.
It’s called The Millionaire Matchmaker and it features Patti Stanger as the matchmaker who fixes up straight and homosexual men and women millionaires with the person of their dreams. I have a wicked girl crush on her because she’s just all sorts of awesome.
She called somebody an “ugly firecrotch bitch” on one of the episodes and then she just shouted “take her away! Get her out of here!” and with a flourish of her arm, she exited the room and the firecrotch bitch was led out by Patti’s assistants, and the whole time I was watching it I was thinking “YES! That’s what I have to do! I’m going to try that!” But before I can simply start having people who annoy me removed from my presence, I’m going to have get that gay entourage full of buff guys going–otherwise I’ll just look like an asshole, standing there shouting “take her away!” when someone cuts me in line at the bank or whatever.
Clearly, Miss Patti doesn’t fuck around. She takes her work very seriously and she doesn’t have time for people and their bullshit, so she cuts right to the chase. She was interviewing this one chick (who looked a little slutty and confused) for a date with one of her millionaires and asked her straight out “are you a hooker?”
Hahahahahaha!
How can you not love this woman? You can’t. It is impossible not to love Patti.
But perhaps what I like the most about her is that she believes in old fashioned romance and chivalry. She doesn’t want the people she fixes up to have sex until they’re sure they want to date one another exclusively, so before the date she meets with the guy and says “I don’t want you to put your penis here, or here, or here until you’re ready to date exclusively” and then she points to her mouth, her kitty, and her bum. This is great advice! Had I followed it, I probably wouldn’t have had my heart broken so much in my early dating years. Sex complicates the shit out of things. At least, for me it does. (I never understood how people could separate sex and love because I never could.)
Another thing Patti does is encourage the men to bring flowers for their date. Can I just tell you how flowers make my panties fall off melt my heart? Not that I ever get any, but if I did they would. My husband doesn’t really do that. In fact, in the 14 years we’ve been together, I think I’ve gotten flowers from him approximately 5 times, and that’s because I asked him to do it. However, he did buy me a pair of socks a few weeks ago, and that was okay too because it made me feel pretty special to know he was thinking of me. I smiled at my silly socks all day.
But here’s where some people would say that Patti is setting feminism back about 30 years: She tells the men to open doors, pull out chairs, etc. for their dates. Now, admittedly, I am perfectly capable of opening doors for myself–I’d have to be a total shitshow not to be able to do that, but it’s sooo nice when someone does it for you.
This is another thing my husband does not do, and the few times he has, I’ve certainly noticed it. I think I’ve just stood there, agog, actually and said something like “um. What are you doing?” and then giggled like a little girl. I have to admit that I love going out to eat with some of his more chivalrous friends because they run ahead to open the door for me. It makes me feel all princess-y and special and attractive and taken care of. Plus, it makes my husband look like a pencildick.
Who doesn’t like to feel taken care of whilst their husband looks like a pencildick?
Nobody doesn’t, that’s who.
And this is not a Patti thing, but I also don’t mind when someone calls me “honey” or “sweetheart” or “doll.” I get sort of squishy inside and it makes my day. That’s why I had such a desperate housewife crush on Vinny, the stud at the deli counter. He called me “sweetheart” and it totally made me hot for his hard salami. Plus he’s hot. That helped. Some women would be about two seconds away from blowing their rape whistle if a guy called her “honey,” but I don’t find it demeaning or degrading at all. It’s just flirtation.
Don’t get me wrong, Toy with Mes. I consider myself to be a feminist, but my brand of feminism does not come in the form of rejecting any and all chivalrous attention by taking it as a symbol of chauvinism. I know the guy who just opened the door for me knows I can do it myself. He’s just being polite and kind, so at least for me, chivalry is a wonderful thing and I think we should bring it back. The way I see it, regardless of what motivates the behavior, it’s still caring behavior. Whether a guy opens a door for me because he thinks I have a nice ass, or he’s got a thing for women carrying babies while wearing snot on their sweaters makes no difference to me because it makes me feel good.
So what say you Toy with Mes? Is chivalry an old fashioned, anti-feminist practice rooted in condescension, or do your down-belows tingle when somebody opens a door for you?
And for the men, do you open doors for women and if so, why do you do it?
And if you don’t do it, is it because you’re afraid it would offend the lady, or are you just kind of a dick?
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About the Author
Crissy,a lifelong Rhode Islander, is 35 and has two little girls. Aside from doing a little bit of writing here and there, she doesn’t use a shred of her MA in English. She writes a blog where she is Queen of *&%$#@* Everything and reigns over her readers, whom she calls Queefs, with a loving but firm hand. In both 2008 and 2009 Crissy won the Blogger’s Choice Award for Hottest Mommy Blogger. In 2010, Crissy was chosen as one of Blogher's voices of the year.
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
I love love love Patti! I just don’t know how she works with mohawk man and his wacky fiance. My favorite is when Patti goes off on Crazy Botox Bitch!
I also love when people call me honey or darling, especially old guys in the grocery store. I don’t find that creepy at all. It’s a term of endearment! I’ll take all the endearment I can get, sweetheart!
I don’t have cable at home, so I haven’t seen the show. Might try to find it online.
I just love when doors are opened and chairs are pulled out. It’s an amazing thing. I also like being called sweet names. It’s nice
I complained to my husband just the other day about my trip to the post office. I was carrying 3 bulky boxes to send out and nobody offered to help. 3 men WATCHED me struggle to open the door, wedge my big ol’ belly with all the boxes through it and never offered to help! My husband’s response? It’s cause you’re a woman and y’all don’t want help. Assholes.
I LOVE Patti and am also addicted to that show. I appreciate chivalry when it’s GENUINE. I’m a pretty good reader of people, and if I think a man is being chivalrous just to get some “kitty”, it makes me want to blow my BULLSHIT whistle.
Patti is full of awesomeness! No bullshit. I’m addicted to her. Plus it’s hilarious and kind of enduring to watch the mostly geeky, awkward, nerds trying to hook up with a lady.
Oh, and chivalry dead? Say it ain’t so. @Mr_Puck is a true gentleman when it comes to opening doors and I love it!
pencildick, eh?
perhaps. pencils come in many sizes!
http://www.ken-gilbert.com/images/great-big-stuff-3.jpg
i feel compelled to point out a guy’s perspective on the treatment of other guy’s wives…
basically there are two factors to this.
first:
did you ever notice how OTHER PEOPLE’S dogs are always so much more interesting and fun to play with than your OWN DOG? your own dog is around you all the time, probably waiting for you to acknowledge their presence with some petting, or scratching behind the ears, or whatever. do you do it? not very often.
now you go over your friends house. they have a dog. the dog comes up to you. because the dog is NOT your dog, you put up with it sticking its wet nose right in your face, nuzzling your hand. you get a ball and throw it for the dog. the dog is MUCH more entertaining than YOUR dog because it’s foreign and exotic.
second:
guys LOVE to make their guy friends look bad in front of their wives. we will go out of our way to be EXTRA polite and chivalrous, just to show up our buddies. it’s a way of flirting with the wives.
it also is a way to make sure that we stay in good standing with the wives. guys do not want to be disliked by their friend’s wife. it makes things harder, as wives have the ability to drive wedges between their husbands and their husbands’ friends. eventually one or the other will give.
so to summarize:
putting it on heavy with the friend’s wife is 1) fun and 2) good diplomacy.
Sugar, Honey, Sweetheart, Doll, and CATCALLS! I LOVE catcalls…
Opening the door is okay too though…
CP – DOGS!?!?!? You couldn’t find anything else to reference in your analogy? Sometimes you really can be such a pencildick
http://farm2.static.flickr.com/1203/694854489_c80d9cf200.jpg
I love a chivalrous man! — but I can only find them in trashy novels.
Once upon a time I fainted in an elevator full of men (about 5) in full business suit attire. When I came to I was laying on the floor and they were staring at me like I had the plague. Luckily I had my friend who was, by chance, a feminist studies major drag me out of the elevator. She ripped them a new a**hole all the while — “what kind of men do you think you are …” what’s wrong with you” “hold the damn door” …
If I coulda I woulda gotten up and kicked each one of them in the balls. Chilvary is awesome — but I would have settled for human.
Yes, I open doors for women.. regardless of physical attraction, age, race, etc… It’s just something I do. I guess I was raised that way.
Had I been at that post office where CortGirl was struggling with those packages, and ignored her struggling like the others, I believe she’d have had a very compelling case for kicking me square in the nards.
It is just polite to do such things. I don’t consider my actions chauvinistic in any way, nor do I really consider it flirtatious. It is just the proper thing to do. Blame it on my midwest upbringing, or having parents that come from a more polite generation.
As for cat-calls / sweetheart / honey… my wife would kick me in the nards for that.
Maybe my politeness is a result of my fear of damage to my nards… hmmmmm…
I’ve had men just stand by and watch me struggle with a 40lb car seat and a little kid and a bunch of boxes and not only did they NOT so much as open the door for me, but they stood aside and let ME open it for THEM.
COCK KNOCKERS!
I hear you CockGawker. HUMAN would be nice…
Oh and CP? You open doors for Phil and Nick’s wives, but NOT me just so you can make them look like dicks?
Next time you find yourself alone in the basement, you can reference THAT as one reason why you’re down there pleasuring yourself.
I open doors for everyone, boobs or not. *shrug*
I also take every opportunity to make my friends look like dicks in front of their wives. It’s one of the joys of life actually, right up there with beer, steak and blowjobs.
i open doors for you.
you really notice it when i do!
I’m with Mr. Toy with Me.
I hold doors open for my wife. I also hold doors open for my son, for random women on the street, random men on the street, small children, dogs, cats, and postal delivery guys trying their damndest to figure out how to open the door and push their cart at the same time.
Living where I do, I see chivalry as something of an art form, taught and practiced by the well bred. Not so much by the “others”. We used to have a joke, rednecks idea of foreplay, “Get in the truck bitch!” Sadly, it isn’t THAT much of a joke. However, He Who Loves All Things Wicked, buys me unexpected flowers (brought home a live orchid (omj, how long before I kill it?) on Sunday, opens doors not only for me but for others, helps with packages, carries groceries in when he is home. My favorite was when he had gone to the store with me and ended up packing the groceries of an elderly lady to her car and loading them for her. Chivalry, so absolutely not dead! Now I am off to find Millionaire Matchmaker on Hulu.
I’m a chivalry whore…. I’ve been with my husband for almost 5 years, married for just over 3 and he still opens doors for me… even my car door.
Yeah- that’s right…
Yet, there’s no way I could ever see him doing these things as chauvanistic. Because the man bows to my authority.
And isn’t insisting that a man NOT show a little bit of “manliness” and care for a woman- wanting to protect her, and do things for her whether or not she can do it herself just a little bit FEMALE chauvanistic???
I appreciate it when *anyone* holds a door open for me. Though, I especially appreciate it when my husband or my brother do, because they’re thinking of me. But, I do the same for them. I dunno if I’d call that chivalrous or just polite. Cuz, really.
My man is always opening doors for me, carrying bags for me, catching me when I pass out. Always makes sure to ask if I need anything every where we go or every time he gets up. All that good stuff. Hell, yeah, I can do it myself, but why wouldn’t I let him? It makes me tingle to know that he is thinking about me and wants to take care of me, and I am certainly not too much of a feminist to let my man take care of me.
And I don’t mind it a bit when I get the “honey” or whatever, especially at a restaurant when you have that older woman who keeps calling you honey when she comes to check on you during your meal. It’s sweet, and just plain polite.
I LOVE PATTI. I love how when people say to her, “What do you know? You’re not married yet!” she says, “Yeah, me and Oprah need to go crawl in a hole and die.”
Chivalry is not old-fashioned. I love it when my husband opens doors for me.
And I need to look for Patti’s show! ;p
I believe in chivalry too, and it pisses me off when women claim that they don’t need a guy to open a door for them etc etc its a step backwards! being a spoiled, only child, daddy’s girl, i like a chivalrous man! It really kills it for me when men aren’t chivalrous, and just because i like chivalry doesn’t mean I’m a gender traitor!
I promise you, appreciating when someone is kind and polite to you in no way goes against your feminist ideals. We love a chivalrous man.
I dated a guy who called me Darlin’ in his OK twang. Oooo! Not only did it make my panties fall off but it made me swing from the rafters, literally.
i love your brand of feminism. love it hard. i like feeling all princess-y too. can’t imagine feeling insulted or degraded by it.
i’m so glad to read you’re down with “honey,” “doll” and “sweetheart.” i love that from men or women. once, i referred to someone at work as “doll,” and a friendly bystander said i was showing my age. wtf. so way to bring me back to it.
and today a dude on the street called me “baby girl.” that was pretty fucking rad.
One of the things I have really noticed since I moved South was that the men here are much more chivalrous. I hold doors for people regardless of age/gender. I will also give up my seat on a bus for an elderly person (regardless of gender) and obviously pregnant women.
I once worked with a man who was from Alabama who called the ladies in the office “hon”. He wasn’t doing it to be condescending or a dick, it was only used with ladies he felt he had a rapport with and I was never insulted by it. A woman visiting the office heard him ask me to do something ( “Can you take care of that, hon?”) and FLIPPED OUT. (This is why feminists have a bad reputation…)
I enjoy chivalry when it is genuine and not forced or condescending.
I also love Millionaire Matchmaker and Patti’s fabulousness… I miss TV.
But for chivalry… eh. It’s not necessary. Don’t get me wrong! *Manners* and *being polite* and not being a douchebag are still very in. But I can open my own doors. I can pay for my own meals. What I can’t do? Cook. No, truly. A man can cook, and I don’t care if he makes me open the door for him. I am sold, because I am a worthless woman when we judge by Suzy Homemaker skills. I don’t have them.
Also, someone else said it, but when it’s *genuine* it’s very nice, like the nice boys who were just raised to do it and it’s a habit. When someone’s just trying to get some ass by being nice, it’s not being nice. When you stop being polite after I make it clear we’re not bumping uglies, you were never really being polite, and that IS chauvinism. Drives me nuts…
I’d rather have a man who can cook, though.
I open doors because it is the polite thing to do. I’ve had times where I open the door for a woman and she will walk behind me, grab the door handle and wait until I go in.
i tend to open doors for anyone out of politeness and appreciate it when anyone does it for me regardless of gender…i don’t reckon chivalry is man-based as i love having the hot ladies taking care of me too…that’s it!
i am bichivalrous!!!!!
(sorry never seen the show as it’s not on over here, yet…)
In a world where holding the door for someone is a lost courtesy, it’s been a great icebreaker when I want to initiate conversation. Whether it’s a pretty girl, or the guy whose physics notes I want to borrow. :-p
My husband opens doors for me. However, I’m not sure if he does it to be nice, or because I refuse to grab the door. I’ll slow down so he’ll get to the door first and then he is forced to open it for me. I thank him, I’m not a total bitch! He opens my car door for me all the time, too. And, it’s not because I stand there like an idiot refusing to open the door myself. I guess he’s not so bad, after all.
Oh, and if i open the door for someone and they don’t thank me, you know the type- they pretend the door is automatic and refuse to acknowledge you- I yell “You’re welcome!!” behind them.
I LOVE chivalry! I think it can actually be quite empowering for a woman. I think women who do things like refuse to go through a door that is being held open for them may not be very confident in themselves or their standing relative to men.
My hubby still opens the car door for me. His brothers tease him about it, but he and I are very secure in our relationship and it’s just one of the ways that he shows me he enjoys being a caring, thoughtful spouse. (this also translates very nicely to the bedroom
Heck, sometimes I’ll hold the door for him, and I am the designated spider-slayer in our household… it’s not about adhering to gender roles, it’s about a loving, caring gesture. And I personally find that makes me quite the strong woman!
Chivalry is dead.
Feminism is to blame.
bullshit!
i let my wife cum first all the time.
like a true gentleman.