Because I am not a prepared person who plans for anything besides “don’t die,” I showed up to the airport for my business trip to New York City with absolutely nothing whatsoever to do on the airplane. The flight from Chicago to New York is only about two hours, but two hours sitting in a tiny seat with the lovely scent of urinal cake wafting through my nostrils at eight in the morning meant that I would be frantically clawing through Sky Mall, ordering everything from the cat box disguised handily as a planter to the hidden clock camera. So, about ten minutes before my flight was supposed to begin boarding, I made a frantic dash (read: shuffle) to the newsstand, where I spied my girl, Miss Britney Spears, on the cover of my least favorite magazine in the world: Cosmo.
Shrugging my shoulders and figuring that if I can’t beat ‘em, I might as well join ‘em (whomever “they” may be), I plunked my ten dollars down for the magazine and jauntily made my way onto the airplane where I snapped a bunch of self-portraits with Britney. You know, because we’re BFF’s and all.
When I finally stopped being a narcissistic asshole, I opened up the magazine and eagerly turned to read about my BFF Britney. Turns out, I’d fallen for the old bait-and-switch. My girl Britney had filled out a survey for Cosmo, and that was it. I’d been had again by Cosmo! I shook my fists angrily at the unfairness of it all and pouted for a couple of minutes into my lukewarm plane coffee. Then, I put my big girl pants on and decided that I would make the best of this lousy situation and read the damn magazine. At the very least, I reasoned, I might be able to come up with some more Toy With Me topics! Instant win!
Oddly, one of the first articles I flipped to was something I was actually interested in. It was an excerpt from an interview with Meryl Streep where she revealed that of all the characters she’s played, the one men like the most is cold-hearted Miranda Priestly, from The Devil Wears Prada.
I’ll admit that I was shocked. Now, it’s been awhile since I’ve dated, but I do remember devoting many hours in high school sitting with my best friend Stacie trying to decode what it meant when he said, “I’ll call you later” or “touched my hand by my locker while he looked backwards at his friends while touching his nose with his other hand at precisely 2:31PM Central Standard Time.” Once I got older, though, I realized that dating was a little simpler than that, especially since I had a kid, and decoding hidden meanings using a super-secret stealth decoder ring seemed, well, tiring. And kind of stupid.
I thought back to my (pathetic) dating past: I’d always been pretty upfront with what I wanted in life, once I figured out what that was, of course. I’m not a bullshitter, either, so what you see is exactly what you get. When I was younger, I think these traits put guys my age off. Used to the more innocent coeds who drank until they barfed and lived a slightly more carefree life than a grimly determined single mother working her way through nursing school, guys my own age were taken aback by someone who knew precisely where she was going and wasn’t ashamed to do anything it took to get there. I didn’t have a whole lot of luck dating, and while I did occasionally miss having a companion, I was so busy that it didn’t get me down very often.
The more I sat there on that plane, drinking my tepid coffee and reading that simple one page article about what men really wanted in a woman: a woman like Miranda Priestly, the more I realized that the article was right. Maybe not twenty-one year old guys, but certainly older men like a woman who knows exactly what she’s doing in life. It’s all cute and stuff when you have that friend who is constantly blowing shit up in her microwave (or her life) just to see it happen and spending all of her paycheck on shoes instead of food and then spending the rest of the month scrounging your fridge for leftovers, but eventually, we all have to grow up and that shit gets a little…well, OLD. I don’t mean to sound Old Balls on you, because just last week I microwaved some Marshmallow Peeps, but you know, I also do have a plan besides “don’t die.” (it’s: don’t die…much!)
So maybe that’s it, I thought to myself, as I tried to ready myself for the onslaught of vaginas at BlogHer, maybe this is why so many younger men were going for older women. This whole Cougar phenomenon may have less to do with older women reliving their glory days when they could date men who didn’t have droopy asses and saggy ball-bags and more to do with men who appreciated women who knew precisely what they wanted and weren’t afraid to tell anyone exactly what that was.
I thought happily about the quote from Madonna that I always liked so much: “I’m tough, ambitious, and I know exactly what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay.” For so long, I’m sure that DID make Madonna a bitch. Maybe now, though, it’s these particular qualities that make men go crazy for her (and her slightly creepy arms). Perhaps now it’s the image of a strong, powerful, kicking ass and taking names kind of woman that makes men fall to the ground, week in the knees and overtaken by lust.
I simply don’t know.
I’ll never be an expert on dating, mostly because I can totally see myself not as the crazy cat lady, but as the crazy orchid lady, dead in my apartment for weeks, surrounded by my rare breeds of orchids, so I’ll probably never be able to tell you “what men want” with any more certainty than I can tell you “where my fucking pants are,” but I’d venture a guess that this Cougar phenomenon is not going away any time soon. There’s something hot about powerful women who will tell you what they want, where they want it, and how they want you to do it. And, you know, there’s something hot about women who grow ORCHIDS, right? RIGHT?
Shut up.
So, Toy With Me-ers, what do you think? Is this what men want? Powerful women? Women who will say what they want and stop and nothing to get where they need to be?
Possibly related goodness:
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. I am first? No way. K. Well, cosmo always lies. So I think it varies with what men want. Some want the "docile" you can walk all over me woman or the "shut up this is what we are doing!" But I think also "cougar" age women are looking hotter and hotter. Like me for example. My son's friends who are in their 20's always invite me to their outing like you know paintball or the movies. I could be innocently sitting at the table outside and get an invite. But you know cause, it kinda creeps me out. I always decine.
P.S. Can I say in a non-stalky way that I love you.
*High Five* to being first! You're so cute. Decline or not it's extremely flattering to receive the invite.
*that would be decline. I got all excited cause I am first to comment. Holy hell.
I have never been drawn to powerful or weak women. My primary concerns were did they have the capacity for real love which about 60% do and second do they have a natural desire for it. Only about 15-20 percent do. The largest group are functioning on biochemical responses and what society tries to shove down their throats. When I have been single between and before marriages I dated women that were about 50/50 powerful or weak. Social, financial or other standings never meant anything to me.
My first wife was an executive and fairly high up in her work. I pursued her for a couple weeks and was rejected a half dozen times. Then I told her I was all done chasing after her and told her they way I felt about her and that it was a shame she was making that kind of mistake with her life when she could choose to be happy. A week later I heard a knock on my door at about 7pm and there she was. Red silk evening dress, perfect hair makeup and fancy heels. I asked her what she was doing because I wasn't ready to go anywhere and she pushed me down on the sofa and said she didn't plan on going anywhere either. 3 weeks later she begged me to come and live with her because she needed 24/7 access.
She was a VP level exec and kept me far from her work and any work functions. I worked extreme blue collar back then. She was also 13 almost 14 years older than me, and no she never chased after me. It was me wooing her.
Cosmo writers must sit in the office every day packing their noses with coke and then sit on the same bar stools every night, cause they don't know a whole lot about the real world going on all around them, and they don't make any sense most of the time.
Cosmo preys on the weak and insecure.
Back then those were bad times to have a younger older relationship and to be crossing class lines like that. 25 years ago it was absolutely not, socially acceptable regardless of what anyone says. I know first hand on that one. towards the end it got better but not much. Now people will honk, cheer and fist pump if they see you together in public displays of affection.
who gives a shit what men want? be yourself, ESPECIALLY if you are a powerful woman! ya ya!
ALWAYS be yourself – sound advice.
Oh! You've done it again.
When I was a proud bar wench, slinging shooters, I was also acting (of course I was) on the side.
Some nights I felt really cool and confident and I'd wear my favourite stilettos and short skirts and tonnes of cleavage (and I have a good set of cans, if I do say so myself). On those nights I either played the "Shooter Chick", the "Shooter Godess" or the "Shooter Bitch from Hell". On other nights, when I had to work even though I was feeling vulnerable or just not up to snuff, I would dress more demurely. Longer skirts, nice shoes, no cleavage.
On what night do you think the real creeps would crawl out of the dark black holes?
At that same time, I was hanging out with a woman who weighed (on a fat day) all of 70 lbs, and was obviously totally anorexic and emo. Men would make u turns to trail her down the streets, on foot or in their cars. And they were NOT men I would ever date.
My answer? I think that the good men like a woman with strength and character, and the creeps (and cosmo) like women who are weak, meek and completely unable to take care of themselves.
I married a TOTAL NICE guy who bugged me when I wore the heels & cleavage. Don't tell him I said that, he fancies himself rather dangerous. Mmmmffff!
Oh, Cosmo, you bitch. First you bait-and-switch Mommy Wants Vodka on the Britney story, then you tell me to vajazzle my hoo-hah and dye my labia to regain that lost "youthful pink." Bite me, Cosmo.
I'd like to see myself as a strong woman. I take no prisoners, if you know what I mean (I don't though, do you?). I'm too honest. I know what I want. and I don't play games or dick around. I've dated assholes and the nicest guy on the planet. but here's what it's come down to:
they all eat that shit up at first. they love it. but it's only fun for a while and then they get intimidated or tired. I'm *too* smart or *too* loud or *too* funny. aka, better than them at something and that sucks balls for their long-term ego potential.
but here's the thing. that's not my problem. hell if I know "what men want." but if I went around worrying about that, I wouldn't have time to plan my world domination. I just have to be my authentic self and see what happens. and have lots of sex in the meantime.
What they want and what they *think* they want are not always the same thing. So here's to world domination, authenticity and hot, steamy sex!!!
Thankfully its what my man wanted! Plus I was a cougar before it was cool. Those same friends that called me a cradle robber are wishing they had jumped on the band wagon. I got to train my man on many things. The down side was waiting for him to grow up in a few areas. But it was worth the wait!
Love a woman who's ahead of her time
I don't know what men want either. They NEED to read Playboy and Esquire regularly. These mags give regular tips on how to minimize being a horse's ass.
Seriously?! Someone who does read the articles? Impressive Fred
Yes, MANY of them do.__There are literally more men than you can imagine wanting to be dominated, but cant figure out how to get their wives/gf's to do it…or they worry about being judged. But, the ones who do love the powerful ones…are far more secure with themselves and dont find it threatening.
Baby flip flops 50/50. She has never been in power for her whole life so i'm a good sport and she gets to see. The other half she clearly demands to be dominated. I could care less myself as long as the frequency is up. Mostly because I know she always finishes everything she starts, so its all good.
Sadly Britney doesn't give interviews anymore. Maybe one day she will but this was like the 4th spread she's had that didn't actually have anything else to it.
And if men REALLY wanted strong women, my bf would be almost married instead of the loneliest girl I know. Though maybe if she weren't such a bitch to men all the time, she might get a date.
There's definitely a difference between Strong & Bitch. If she figures that out the dates will come
I don't think it's so much that they want "powerful" or "weak"… I think they want women who don't bullshit. I think men have grown tired of the cliched woman who says "I'm FINE!" when really- she wants to kick his ass for being a dickhead.
Excellent point by you!
Uhhh…I'm pretty sure dudes like boobies. No offense, but y'all are giving the boys a lot of credit here. I've seen many a dude sacrifice their spines for boobies and sex.
Hahahha. Boobies are Power!
Warning: Not suitable for those who are eating, have just eaten or are about to eat. Behold – Madonna's seriously fucked up arms, you've been warned.
http://beat.bodoglife.com/entertainment/madonnas-…
In other words, no matter the type of woman there's a man on the job.
i'm a man.
i want someone who can identify what they like, and take steps to achieve those things, while avoiding those things that they DISlike.
this is not to say that person has it all figured out. rather, that they are at the same point along the learning curve that i am.
i don't want someone who loves me because they need me.
i do want someone who needs me because they love me.
i also want someone who is complimentary to my own personality… someone who will bear the load when i can't., and vice versa.
while we're at it–a heart-attack-inducing libido wouldn't hurt.
Women of any age that know what they want are sexy. Cause let me tell you they're many older woman that still don't know what they want.
As an above commentator said, I think men don't want bullshit.
However there's a difference between being "strong" and being a bitch. A man who has been at the office all day doesn't want to come home to the same sort of aggression he gets there.