Sluttery At The Salon

A little off the top pleaseThe telling of this story will probably get me banned from my hairdresser’s, and that will suck balls.  I really like my hairdresser, but it’s a small price to pay because this is a story that needs, nay, begs to be told.

Do you see the sacrifices I make for you Toy with Mes?

You’re welcome, but if I start looking like I have mange, it’s on your heads. Get it? See what I did there? Heads? Hair salon?

High five!

Anywho, a few weeks ago, my husband, daughters, and I went to the salon together. My husband needed a haircut, I needed my bangs trimmed, yada, yada, yada we went there. And everything was going nicely with my husband’s haircut, until the salon owner’s two twenty-something sisters walked in. They kind of took over the salon as if it was a bedroom rather than a place of business–tossing coats and bags wherever and grabbing styling equipment from stylist’s carts and so on.  One of the stylists asked the blond one if she had gone tanning recently, she answered in the affirmative, and proceeded to STAND RIGHT BEHIND MY HUSBAND AND TAKE HER SHIRT OFF.

Yes!

She did!

I can’t believe it either!

There she was, standing behind him in her bra, inspecting her tan lines and primping her bangs in the mirror where he was sitting.

Close your mouth.

There are two other mirrors in there. One of them didn’t even have anyone sitting in it, so clearly she chose the one he was in for a reason.

I searched the room for evidence that somebody else noticed this and that I wasn’t hallucinating because really? Who does that? It would have been weird even if the place had been full of women, right?

Eventually, Bra Girl put her shirt back on, but then she put her hands in her pants and pulled them down her hips to check the tan lines there, and then she lifted up the bottom of her shirt and postured in front of the mirror, showing her belly with her hips jutted out.

All of this was in my husband’s mirror.

And then she grabbed her blackberry and started loudly reading text messages from guys telling her how nice her body is, and then she went over and sat in another girl’s lap!

Call me Prudence McPrude, Mayoress of Prudytown if you want to, but wasn’t that a little bit…inappropriate? I felt like I was in the dressing room of a strip club.  And there I was in my big ol’ down coat (it was 23 degrees outside, y’all) with a baby on my lap, holding a wholesale club sized jar of peanuts my husband insisted on bringing in with him (?), and trying to keep my 4-year-old from climbing all over the other customers, while some skankasaurus got ready to give my husband a lap dance.

Maybe I just don’t understand what was happening there because we didn’t study sluttery at my school, but don’t you think that most women, if they were so inclined to do such a thing in the first place, would sort of refrain from doing it in front of a dude’s wife and children? Isn’t such behavior normally relegated to oh, I don’t know…private? Or something?

Don’t get me wrong Toy with Mes, I don’t think of myself as an insecure or jealous or prudish wife by any stretch. My husband looks at pictures of naked ladies all the time, he’s an avid consumer of all things porn, and he (jokingly)(I think)hits on my friends.  I’ve even caught him with binoculars in the back yard “birdwatching” in the dark.

None of that stuff particularly bothers me, but this incident at the hair salon really stuck in my craw, and it has nothing to do with him. He was just sitting there getting a haircut when hi-jinks ensued. Sadly for him though, and this is just his luck, he didn’t have his glasses on and he can’t see for shit without them, so he didn’t even get to enjoy the show. What a raw deal!

I really do feel sorry for the poor bastard because it’s been years since I’ve been a guy, but from what I remember, you almost never get see some chick’s goodies without having to tip her afterward, or slip out the door before she wakes up. (Just for the record, I’ve never been a dude.  Or have I? No, I haven’t.  OR HAVE I? You’ll never know.)

When we got to the car, and I could! not! wait! to get to the fucking car,  I was all “can you believe that girl was standing behind you in her bra?!?” and he was like “Is that what happened? I didn’t see anything! I didn’t have my glasses on! FUCKIN’ A!!”

The wife in me is completely satisfied at how things turned out, the friend part of me is totally bummed that he didn’t get to see some tits on an ordinary Saturday afternoon, and the mom part of me was horrified that my husband just taught my daughter to say “fuckin’ A!” That shit’s gonna come around at random playback at just the wrong moment.

I’ve been so confused about this incident that I’ve told the story to just about everyone (the guy at the gas station wanted the salon’s address, btw) to get their reaction.  I mean, is she really that comfortable at her sister’s salon that it seems cool to undress in front of customers, or is she that big of an ignorant pig or…or a slut or…what?

When I told this story to my neighbors, Roland and Bethany, their teenage son, Horatio, told me that all the sisters in that family are total sluts.

So, there ya go.

Question answered.

Slutbag.

So, anybody got the number of a good barber shop?

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32 comments

  1. Manical Mom

    OMFG! Nice…obviously a massive grab for attention if I have EVER seen one! Why, for all things that are good and holy, would she want to whip it out in a salon with a mother, her children and her husband sitting there??? Seriously, that is some fucked up shit! If the only action she can get is from the fantasy to swing with a couple in a hair salon while their children look on, the woman needs some serious therapy and perhaps a bitch slap from the woman running the salon. I agree with Wicked Shawn! Go to the salon, ask for the manager and then ask for a referral to another salon. Advise her that you are not going to pay inflated costs for a simple bang trim when the owner is now including strip shows in the salon to drum up business. Wait for her/him to pick their jaw up off the floor and then proceed to recount the tail of the skanky woman who waltzed into the salon and whipped off her shirt and pulled the waistband of her pants down, all the while entertaining the masses with her monolouge on her life and how hot she was and how hot the unknown texter on the other end of her cellphone thought she was.
    While you always enjoy dinner and a show, the salon did not provide dinner and at the end of her show, you were left feeling unfullfilled AND said hubby didn’t even get a “happy ending!”

  2. CP

    oddly, i was a lot less upset about the incident than my wife was.

    well, other than the not-wearing-my-glasses bit. that made me pretty upset.

  3. Dingo

    First, “holding a wholesale club sized jar of peanuts my husband insisted on bringing in with him.” Are you sure this is what Mister meant when he said, “hold my nuts”? Because the fact that he goes to a “stylist” and not a barber, well, I love you Mister, but take back your nuts.

    Second, I would’ve told them that I wasn’t paying extra for the titty show even if there wasn’t a two drink minimum.

  4. tinkerbellehell

    Hey now – I’m a hairdresser (a damn good one btw) and I would never (knowingly) be slutty. I might be unknowingly – I gotta admit a fondness for Vnecked tee shirts. I have a hard enough time keeping my boobs out of everyone’s face while I wash their hair! I take my job seriously and I don’t think I need to invite any thoughts to the contrary…. besides, my bt (boy toy) might take exception.

  5. That was a very interesting read! I’m sure you were shocked as hell, I would have been as well.

    What a nerve… Sluts think they pulling up their shirt can do the trick. Well a lot of times it does, unfortunately, but that is another issue. Totally inappropriate at the salon! Especially when you also had your kids there!

    Haha, Tess, I would have liked to have seen her face after that. 😀

  6. Bill

    What? Barber Shop? No way. Once you’ve had the joy of a woman washing your hair for you, there is no reason to ever go back to a barber shop.

  7. Funny story. Yes, she’s definitely a slut. Then again, if she’s the owner’s sister and the sister is a hairstylist, they are most likely both sluts. I was a hairdresser for 20 years and worked in a shop where cleavage, stilettos and short skirts where the norm, playboys for reading material and big tippers who got their hair cut every three weeks. Rather excessive, but they were either 1) enjoying the eye candy, or 2) very conscientious about their hair. Our tanning booth had 2for1 specials too. Hairdressers are a bunch of sluts, for sure!

  8. Sports Clips is where my hubs and 4yr old son get their hairs cut. Rebecca is right they wear black and white ref tees and ours here are low cut. Hubs usually gets the lady who rubs her boobs on his head while reaching over him for the clippers.

  9. “he didn’t have his glasses on and he can’t see for shit without them” Didn’t see that one coming and it made me laugh pretty hard! That’s great!!

    Anyway, you think that was bad, you should send him to Sports Clips….that place is basically Hooter’s …..instead of wearing orange they are wearing black and white referee shirts. They bend over a lot and give a massage (it’s on the scorecard/menu of options!)

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