Cancer Is Fucking Bullshit

Over the last week on my main blog, I’ve been trying to raise some awareness for charity. Each of my Pranksters (this includes you, too, because the prank isn’t over yet) have been challenged to pull a prank on the internet for the charity of their own choice, by talking about it on their blogs. I have been adding the charities to a master list on my blog so that I could, for once, use social media to talk about things other than what an ass I am. There is, of course, a huge prize, because who wants to be all CHARITABLE without reason? Free ice cream for a year. No, seriously.

Oh, and this isn’t an entry, because really, that would be weird.

It may horrify you to know that in my past life, before I was Your Aunt Becky, I was Nurse Becky. Although, actually, perhaps whenever I write about medical things, you could picture me in a sexy nurses uniform, and that might make it all better. But alas, Pranksters or Toy With Me-ers, or whatever I will call you today, I retired from the nursing profession after a few measly months. I won’t bore you with the “what the fuck is wrong with you?” part of it, because it’s acutely dull, but I felt that had to assure you that you will not be treated by Nurse Becky if you were to go to your local hospital. I didn’t want any of you to avoid medical treatment in the fear that you’d find me accidentally hooking up a bag of vodka rather than a bag of normal saline.

Before I quit nursing, though, I rotated through the oncology ward. The oncology ward is where the cancer patients go when they have to be hospitalized for chemotherapy and other assorted cancer-related things. Oncology nursing is a highly specialized form of nursing that requires a fuckton of extra training and certification, which basically makes you a ninja nurse. Had I stuck with being Nurse Becky, I may have gone into oncology nursing because then I would have been NINJA Nurse Becky. But if I’d been NINJA Nurse Becky you wouldn’t have Your Aunt Becky and where would we be?

(shut up)

October is cancer awareness month, and that’s a cause I can totally get behind. Because you know what I think about cancer? Cancer is bullshit. I’m actually making shirts for my other, other site, Band Back Together, that say just that: “Cancer is bullshit,” and giving some portion of the proceeds to charity. I think that doing good makes your ass look hot, don’t you? I’d actually say, “Cancer is FUCKING Bullshit,” but I think that’s a little too profane for even me. So the rest of the world can stand up to cancer, and I’ll call Cancer BULLSHIT to it’s awful ugly face.

So what is cancer (besides bullshit)? Basically, cancer is an overgrowth of abnormal cells that have fucked up DNA. These asshole abnormal cells can infiltrate other tissues. Often, these asshole abnormal cancer cells create tumors, but, Pranksters, be warned that not all tumors are cancerous. Sometimes a tumor is just a tumor (a non-cancerous tumor is called a benign tumor). These asshole abnormal cancer cells can also travel to other parts of the body (this is called metastasis) through the blood or lymph nodes. No matter where the cancer spreads, it is named for the place that it began. When cancer is diagnosed, it is staged based upon how far the cancer has spread. Cancer staging criteria depends upon which type of cancer is diagnosed and the criteria will determine the cancer treatment plan.

I’ve lost two grandparents to cancer. I’ve known countless more people who have had cancer, who have watched loved ones struggle with cancer, and who have died from cancer. Cancer can kiss my ass. Cancer is bullshit.

For many cancers, early cancer screening and early detection of cancer can catch the cancer while it is still in the more treatable aspects of the disease. Breast cancer is one such type of cancer that can be detected early. We all love the boobs and we all want to save the boobs. The American Cancer society recommends that all women over the age of forty with normal risk for breast cancer receive yearly mammograms to screen for breast cancer. Women with higher risks for breast cancer should talk to their doctor about performing more routine mammograms. Mammograms are effective at catching breast cancer at earlier stages because mammograms can view the internal breast anatomy in great detail.

One of the charities that works tirelessly to fight against breast cancer (the research of which will hopefully help all cancers) is Susan G. Komen for the Cure. In 1982, Nancy G. Brinker vowed that she would do everything she could to end breast cancer as she watched her sister Susan G. Komen die of breast cancer. Nancy G. Brinker then launched Susan G. Komen for the Cure, a non-profit organization devoted to saving lives, empowering people, and searching for a cure for breast cancer. Since then, Susan G. Komen for the Cure has ensured that 75% of women receive regular mammograms to screen for early detection of breast cancer. Now, according to the Susan G. Komen for the Cure website, the five-year survival rate for breast cancer is up from 74% to 98%. Since Nancy G. Brinker launched her non-profit Susan G. Komen for the Cure, they have donated $1.5 billion dollars to community outreach and breast cancer research.

For the twenty-fifth anniversary of the Susan G Komen for the Cure, they have taken a look at how far they have managed to come. And the Susan G. Komen for the Cure have decided that they have so much further to go to find a cure for breast (and hopefully other) cancers. The Susan G. Komen for the Cure has redoubled their efforts, refocused their resources and planned to invest an additional one billion dollars over the next ten years. The Susan G. Komen for the Cure knows that without a cure for breast cancer, over the next ten years, twenty-five million women worldwide will be diagnosed with breast cancer. Ten million of those could die. Susan G. Komen for the Cure hopes that in the next ten years, they can get closer to a cure for breast cancer.

Susan G. Komen for the Cure, like Your Aunt Becky, knows that cancer is bullshit.

Toy With Me About Toy With Me


  1. Kelly McAlister says:

    Thank you for this post. Just thank you! (((Hugs)))

  2. For those following along, my curiosity has now been peaked. What is the most obnoxious product you've seen use breast cancer as a marketing device?

    How about the PortOPong? Seriously!!!! Tell me that's not explotation!!
    $1 from every purchase of a PINK EDITION PORTOPONG will be made in our customers name to the Keep A Breast Foundation™

  3. My THIRTY-TWO year old neighbor died of Stage 4 breast cancer on September 20th. She left behind a husband and two daughters, ages 5 and 2 (the oldest turned 5 six days after her mom died).


  4. In addition to the CANCER IS BULLSHIT t-shirts, how about one for survivors that says, "I KICKED CANCER'S ASS"

  5. Aunt Becky is a freaking amazing charity ninja.

  6. badbadwebbis says:

    Yes, cancer is bullshit. My dad died of Stage 4 colon cancer 8 years ago this month, and my mom died of Stage 3 inflammatory breast cancer (which is a real bastard – by the time it's diagnosed it's usually colonized the lymph nodes. My mother's was a true traveler, running straight to the bone and to the brain) in 2008. I think mr webbis has assumed that I am going to die of cancer someday (don't have it, by the way!), so that's pretty awesome.

    I am a big supporter of giving money and time to cancer research, but the straw that broke the back of my tolerance was the pink cancer chip bags we saw in Kroger this weekend. Breast Cancer SunChips! Really?

    I will buy your t-shirt. I will buy them for my daughters. And then they will be sent home from school….

    • With each new cancer story my heart breaks a little more. You can't name one person who has not had cancer affect them in some way, either directly or indirectly. So sorry that you have lost both parents to cancer.

      Chips? Really? I agree with whoring of the pink – enough already!

  7. Yes. Cancer is DEFINTIELY Bullshit. I will buy a shirt. Maybe ten.

    The pink pisses me off mostly because everyone is so focused on breast cancer. I’m all for saving the ta-ta’s, but seriously, breast cancer has gotten so much media attention that you’d have to be deaf dumb AND blind to not have awareness about it. I’m not complaining about that, but after losing my mom to ovarian cancer which can be INCREDIBLY more deadly than BC, simply because of how difficult it is to catch, it’s painful to never see awareness about this silent killer.

    I am SO hardcore on cancer research that I systematically refuse to give a penny to SGK.. I appreciate the awareness and the work that they do, but they donate a substantial amount of money to Planned Parenthood which has nothing to do with cancer or cancer research and it pisses me off. In fairness, the money supposedly goes to breast health services for poor women, but if I’m donating to a “race for the cure” I want a cure, dammit! If I wanted to donate to other fucking non-profits, I’d do it on my own. (and I do).


    As an alternative, I LOVE these orgs: (Cancer and a multitude of other illnesses and conditions) (Prostate cancer.. another one that doesn’t get much press time)

    • I hear and understand your frustration. Breast cancer does receive an enormous amount of attention. I would just like to say to all types of cancers a big FUCK YOU! The reason we choose breast cancer specifically is because my MIL is going through treatment right now.

      I am unaware of the SGK donating to Planned Parenthood. If this is the case hopefully those who donate there are aware.

      Thanks Jess for your comments and sharing the links :)

      • I am so sorry about your MIL, and I do hope that nothing in my post sounded as though I was diminishing the threat that breast cancer is. Breast cancer is fucking bullshit as much as any other type of cancer.

        My mom was diagnosed with stage four ovarian cancer, and doctors have said that she likely had it for YEARS before experiencing any symptoms of it.

        My frustration lies with the fact that SO much attention has been placed on BREAST cancer that so many women get their mammograms and don't realize that they're still at risk for many other types. I'd love to see more awareness about that, not at the expense of BC awareness, but in addition to it.

        Your family is in my prayers, as are all of the families represented on this forum. Cancer is bullshit.

        • Hey Jess, I just wanted to let you know why we specifically choose breast cancer. It would be amazing if all cancers received as much attention as breast cancer.

          Very sorry about your mom. FUCK CANCER!!!

          Thanks for the kind words :)

    • I completely, 100% agree with you.

      But I also think that ANYthing that brings cancer to the minds of people is good. I'm not a huge SGK fan, but that's me.

  8. I’m wondering how well I’ll fit in wearing a Cancer is Bullshit tee at a PTO meeting? Maybe I’ll wear a Shut Your Whore Mouth one. Choices choices.

    As soon as I secure gainful employment those shirts are my first two purchases.

  9. I do too! I want one lady.

  10. major major love for cancer awareness right now. I'm so getting one of those t-shirts. Think a friend said she's buying me one, but, you know, just in case she's not – i'm so in. Cancer sucks balls.

  11. From someone who has sat in the infusion chair recently for breast cancer, I think I could have benefitted from a little salty talk from Nurse Becky! When there’s nothing left to laugh about (including a little Glenn Beck chalk talk) what’s the alternative? I’m working on something too which will donate some sales proceeds to the most fantastic Komen Foundation too. I won’t pimp it here but I’d just like to say thanks for a great post!

  12. walker karraa says:

    I know nurse becky…foundations are motivated by good intentions. Just tell them to stop selling out to corporations and whoring my cancer out to pink packaging.

  13. I wrote a post on this not too long ago (Cancer is a bitch.), and you're totally right – cancer is bullshit. I'm currently watching a friend of mine go through losing her father to stage four lung cancer. Nothing is working, and her family is just falling apart more with every day. It breaks my heart in two, it really does.

    I think I need a "fuck cancer" shirt in my wardrobe now..

    • I cannot wait to wear my CANCER IS BULLSHIT shirt. Because it's fucking bullshit. I'm fucking sick of motherfucking cancer.

    • I'm so sorry for your friends loss. When someone in a family is affected with cancer it takes a part of every single family member with it. "fuck cancer!"

  14. Tanya (Normative Behavior) says:

    I have a t-shirt that reads “fuck cancer” in Japanese characters. It’s a very noticible shade of red and I wore it proudly to all 36 of my chemo treatments. Let me tell you cancer IS bullshit, but it can be beaten. I know because I fucking kicked cancer’s ass! After being diagnosed with stage IIIb colon cancer in 2005 (at 30 mother fucking years old), enduring surgery and chemo-it’s now 5 years later and on October 10th I will be considered mother fucking CURED!! So take that cancer!

  15. That's awesome you participate in the Komen Race! I can only imagine what an incredible feeling that would be.

  16. Nicole (nicolasandnina) says:

    Cancer is bullshit. Took my mom at 36, leaving a 9 year old daughter. Tried to get me at 32 – I told it to fuck off! Cancer-free now for almost 8 years!!

  17. Cancer IS bullshit. I've lost many family members to various forms of cancer. FUCK OFF Cancer. Can you make a shirt that says that too?

  18. Cancer IS fucking bullshit. It stole my mom. Because it's a bastard.

    And thank you Aunt Becky for being a badass. Nurse Aunt Becky was probably awesome.

  19. Cancer is fucking bullshit and I'd wear a shirt that said so. I've lost my MIL, an uncle, an aunt, and have an aunt that is a survivor.

  20. Cancer is fucking bullshit. I have lost so many from that fucker.

    Aunt Becky, I don't care if they are florescent tie dye! I will get one. Count me in.

  21. That's kinda how I feel about the pink shit. Yeah, overkill, but if it brings some awareness to some people…it's for a good cause. CANCER IS FUCKING BULLSHIT, YO.

  22. Fist pumping here too!

    Make that shirt. And we can write "FUCKING" with a sharpie. Every woman should carry a sharpie in her purse.

  23. Fuck cancer and the mutant cells it rode in on. *fist bumps*

    October makes me cranky, though. I swear if I see another pink thing that generates a whole sixteenth of a penny for cancer research I might cut someone with my pink switchblade.

    • *fist bumps*? I was hoping for a full on squishy boob al a' boob hug 😉

    • Yeah, I'm with you on the pink cancer bullshit. I fucking hate that shit. But I hate cancer more, so if that's what it takes to make people think about motherfucking cancer, then, well, BRING ON THE MOTHERFUCKING PINK.

    • Wicked Shawn says:

      I spend October wearing layers. Layers, of various not pink colored clothing. Why? Because October is cold(also bullshit) and I think about cancer(original bullshit) every month! Pink makes me think of Pepto Bismol, which, for the record, does not help ease the vomiting caused by chemo! Just sayin! Paint the nation whatever color necessary to remind people, but some of us can't forget cancer, we think about it every day.

  24. Pretty awesome what the scientists are doing, and what you're doing, Becky. There will be great progress made because of bright people like you.

    And then, there's me. I'm sitting here wondering if Glenn Beck can be counted as a cancer.