Americans Suck At Flirting

You know what I’ve never been good at, Toy with Mes?

Flirting.

I…I don’t get it.  I know this may come as a surprise to you, because most people think I am flirty and assertive and sexually powerful, but in actuality flirting eludes me. I mean, what am I supposed to do?  Am I supposed to do all that crap Cosmo would have me believe is the way to get a man’s attention–bat my eyelashes, show a little leg, flip my hair, tell people I’m not wearing any underwear?  WHAT?

I’m completely clueless and I’ve always been so jealous of people who are good at flirting.

In my college years, when I’d go out with my friend Suzi, she always had tons of guys buying her drinks and asking her to dance.  They seemed to gravitate toward her, and nobody ever seemed to notice me.  The wallflower. I always got stuck talking to the “wing man” while Suzi was guzzling down tons of free booze and collecting phone numbers on napkins she’d eventually use to blot her lipstick and throw in the ladies room trash can. “Thanks for the beer, sucka!” she’s say as she tossed it.

**I** wanted to do that!  I wanted to eat men like air!

I always tried not to put out the “fuck off and die” vibe I must have been broadcasting, but there’s still something missing and it’s taken me years to figure out that the reason why dudes didn’t talk to me at bars was because I didn’t flirt with them. In fact, I didn’t talk much at all because what the fuck do you say? “Gee it’s really crowded in here tonight” sounds like a totally lame thing to say, but that’s all I got.

My friend Stacy is brilliant at flirting.  She can’t help herself and it’s just a part of her being.  She flirts with everyone–men and women alike.   She’s even had me a little moist in my down belows on several occasions, just by looking at me.  She has this way about her and she makes such great eye contact when she’s talking to you, she just seems to say “I’m gonna fuck ya and it’s gonna be good” even when she’s doing something as simple as giving driving directions.

I’d kill for just a little bit of what’s she’s got going on.

All my flirting disappointments happened back in the day before anyone had email, let alone anything like a dating site membership.  Let me tell you: this isn’t a bad thing! I think I’d be even worse at flirting online!  I mean, my big “gee it sure is crowded in here” line is totally useless on the Interwebz!  Thank goodness I found a sucker I’m married because I’d be so screwed, you guys.  Can you picture me on like, some dating site, and being all “um…so… you wanna buy my panties?”

Yeah.

CLUELESS.

And no matter how hard I try to be cute and flirty, I just lack the flirting gene.

Looking back, my grandmother was a marvelous flirt.  She had the giggle and the eyelash thing down, baby!  I wish I had known to take notes because my mother is not a flirt at all.  In fact, she is the anti-flirt.  My cluelessness is my mother’s fault, obviously.  Isn’t she supposed to set the example or pass along the genes here?  And now, because I don’t know how to flirt, I won’t be able to teach my daughters how to flirt, and now my grandchildren won’t be any good at it either and look what you’ve done mother! You’ve doomed generations of your granddaughters to forever sit at bars, entertaining the “wing man,” buying her own drinks, and counting down the minutes till last call.

As much as I like to blame my mother for everything, upon investigation, maybe it’s not really her fault after all.  It could just be a cultural thing. According to a global study of online flirting conducted by Badoo.com, a social networking site that has over 80 million users in 240 countries, speaking 18 different languages, I’m not alone.  As it turns out, we American ladies are pretty craptacular flirters!

We need to take some lessons from our Spanish friends who are more than two times as likely than Americans to initiate flirting with men.  This comes from Badoo’s analysis of 90 million contacts made on their site and 90 million contacts can’t be wrong, Toy with Mes!!  Those Spanish chicks really know what they’re doing as they top Badoo’s “World Flirtation League” chart.  Next are the Polish ladies (which I never would have guessed), then Dominican Republic, followed by Italy and Argentina.

It’s not too surprising that the women in Latin countries take up eight of the top ten places.  I mean, they don’t say “hot blooded Latina” for nothing!  They earned that reputation!

Only very slightly less flirtatious than Americans are the Ecuadorians. The average American lady making the first move with 0.63 guys a month, compared to 0.62 by an Ecuadorian.

Why do we suck so hardcore, Americans?  What the hell is wrong with us?  I’m really into blaming people for stuff today, so I totally blame Disney for this one.  I think we all grew up watching princess movies and sort of waiting for our prince to come instead of going out and grabbing the bull by his horn!

And those sassy Canadian ladies come in at ninth place! At least they made the top 10!  Well done, Canada! It must be the cold weather and maple syrup, eh?

Below is a chart of Badoo’s findings that I ganked from sacbee.com.  Just so you know what the hell you’re looking at, the “score” refers to the number of “woman initiated contacts” per month accomplished by the average female in that country.  So if Canada has a score of 0.96, it means that the average Canadian chick makes 0.96 first moves with men per month.  I’m still confused as to what all that means, but you know.  My tiny girl brain does not comprehend numbers and math so maybe that’s just me.

At least I made it sound like I knew what I was talking about, right?  That’s all the matters.

Anyway,

WORLD FLIRTATION LEAGUE CHART

RANK COUNTRY SCORE
1. Spain 1.33
2. Poland 1.31
3. Dominican Republic 1.25
4. Italy 1.13
4. Argentina 1.13
6. Brazil 1.12
7. Chile 1.09
8. Portugal 1.04
9. Canada 0.96
10. Venezuela 0.94
11. Netherlands 0.86
12. Germany 0.81
13. Colombia 0.80
14. UK 0.78
15. Czech Republic 0.76
16. Mexico 0.72
17. France 0.69
18. Belgium 0.68
19. United States 0.63
20. Ecuador 0.62

So yes. I am an American and I have the Anti-flirt gene and like any good American, I’m going to blame Disney and my mother for this. And the terrorists, of course.

How many of you lady Toy with Mes are flirtatious types, and how many are challenged like myself? What about you boys? Are you a first move maker or do you like to sit back and let the ladies come to you? And, perhaps most importantly, is what you’re doing working, or is it failing miserably?

Photo source

About The Queen Of Everything

Comments

  1. You can blame the Puritans, for one. Their legal code is still influencing us today. Their social mores are, too.

    My favorite flirt move is to wink at women in public. It just melts some of them. It's secretive and dirty. You can tell the ones that are freaking out inside. And if they don't freak out, it's just a a quiet, innocent "hello."

  2. HEY i'm first!

    lest you forget, you DID initiate one key point with me:

    you asked me out on a date.

    had you not taken that bull by the horn(s), our lives would have ended up completely differently.

    you know i thank you for that leap of faith all the time…

  3. I totally LOVE to flirt. Anytime my best friend and I were put in the same room we would feed off one another and together we were 'those two girls'. Before babies I was 90-95 pounds and am five foot tall. She was about the same height and weight. Everyone called us twins and we would hug and hold hands and guys totally ate that crap up and they wouldn't stop at buying us just one drink, they would go off and buy us a fifth of Jack. I always gave the name Rachel and I forget her fake name but we'd give fake names and phone numbers. Every single night we'd flirt our way to free drink heaven. It was bliss.

    The funny thing, while I totally had the weight thing on my side, I had nothing else. Just that I could turn my flirt on and work a room. Seriously Lucy and Rose are only a 34A…..actually a 34A is a bit large in the cup area. AA is more correct. And I have photos of me on my blog…..I'm average to below average in looks.

    • Toy With Me says:

      Either you have it or you don't, clearly you and friend had it and then some!

      • Both sexes think that the number one component to attracting the other sex is looking like a magazine model. While that aspect is important, this flirtiness is actually much more important. It's not the size of your body parts, it's "how good can I make you feel?" Flirting is all about making the other person feel good about themselves. "Wow, those are some amazing shoes" said to a lady or [insert any compliment] to a guy… who wouldn't want to hear that from a member of the opposite sex? And all of this is coming from a guy who also sucks at flirting. I just clam up when it comes to actually saying something to a member of the opposite sex. However, I can text/twitter/email with great abandon… I have time to think about what I am saying as I type it, before I hit "SEND."

    • witcharachne says:

      I'm the same, Rebecca. I wouldn't consider myself attractive. I'm not ugly, but I'm not hot either. I have a bogan voice and a big nose, but I'm cheeky, and flirty, and just weird enough that guys seem to like it. I don't know how or why I managed to work out how to flirt – my Mum is SO not like me – but I thank my lucky stars I have it, or I'd be screwed.
      Or not.
      You know what I mean. ;D

  4. also, you can never go wrong by following cher's advice:

    "Anything you can do to draw attention to your mouth is good. "

    (and that's 1995 alicia silverstone cher, btw, not the diva cher.)

  5. Here I was, reading Toy With Me to take a quick break from my anthropology paper on how fairytales influence gender roles, especially for girls…. and then you had to go and mention this study AND connect it to Disney's whole "waiting for the prince to rescue you" motif….

    Instead of escaping, I've just spent the last 20 minutes writing you and that study into my research paper.

  6. Thanks a lot. Not. Never thought about it much until today. No. Not good at flirting. And now apparently I'll get to add one more item to the growing list of things I'm not good at.

  7. That's right, Ecuador…in your FACE!

    Don't get me started on Disney and how they totally skipped over how heinous Sleeping Beauty's morning breath must have been.

  8. I've always been "bigger" and I've never been one to have guys "gravitate" towards me, unless it was the gay guys who liked to sit by me for the running commentary. But I tend to instantly flirt. With anyone. Boys and girls alike. Even married. I'm just good at the smiling, and making the slight innuendo that *could* mean something, but you're not sure??? Yeah… that's me.

  9. I love to flirt! I have always had huge self-esteem issues, The first time I got positive feedback flirting? Wow! I had found something that made me feel better about being me! I loved it! My sister, on the other hand, has guys coming on to her all of the time, she is damn adorable, inside and out, and has absolutely zero clue. No idea how to flirt, and no radar telling her that someone is attempting to flirt with her.. Sad.

  10. I'm a collasal disaster at flirting. I was raised by my dad for a large majority of my formative years, so I turned out to be a bit of a tom-boy. Now when I flirt, instead of coming off cute and interested, I become one of the guys. It happens to me time and time again, It starts off with a pleasant conversation, then somehow I'm doing shots and kegstands. I'm the female version of the "just friends", or Frank the Tank. Thankfully now I'm married to a wonderful man, who loves me despite, or because of, my quirks.

  11. Yay Canada! I honestly think the cold weather has something to do with it… gotta keep warm somehow… but I have do disagree with the maple syrup and instead insist that it's our beer! :P
    I used to be a really good flirt when I was younger… but then I settled down and kinda lost the ability lol!

  12. Once I asked my boyfriend why there were so many girls out of the blue bitching at me for trying to steal their significant others. I was just hanging out with them, playing games, having fun. And his response? "You're flirty."

    I don't even know how to flirt.

    Apparently, all flirting is, is just paying attention to someone and being nice. Edge in some double entendres and ta-da, you are flirting fantastically.

    I'm pretty sure that if I tried to be a flirt, I would fail miserably. But when I don't, apparently I'm out to get all your boiz.

  13. iwinbeatthat says:

    I completely suck at the flirtage but I get myself over by rationalizing that there really isn't anyone worth flirting with out there. Don't even try to make me feel better unless you're going to be insanely funny.

  14. Rebekah Mae says:

    I've been told I'm a huge flirt but the truth is, I don't know when I'm flirting and when I'm not. often when I think I'm not, I am, and when I think I am flirting, guys are like..@,@ really? oh look a cute blond, see ya!

    Lol at that list though. Second to last, good job America, but I can see why France is 17. Those people hardly speak to each other, according to my French teacher who was born and raised there, and due to my experience when I went there.

  15. In spite of my superior geography (that being Canada), I don't have a single clue how to flirt. Of course, part of this might be because I'm a social recluse and I'd rather cut off a digit than walk into a bar…..but hey, maybe the geography will rub off eventually and I'll finally find that boy! Or at least start learning how to cast my line into the fishing pool.

  16. Toy With Me says:

    You're right Molicious, confidence does make all the difference.

  17. Toy With Me says:

    Try using those flirting skillz in other environments. You might have better success in finding what you're looking for ;)

  18. I flirt, and I think I'm pretty decent at it, but I can't flirt with anyone I'm actually interested in. Basically, the only people I can flirt with are my girlfriends and my gay male friends…not very useful :P

    • Toy With Me says:

      Oddly enough I don't think you're alone on this. I see loads of women who are great at flirting with one another.

  19. great read, stumbled on your blog because twitter recommended I take a look after lol on http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/ – and with all the flirting tips by the commentators, well, no one can go wrong…but the best flirt of all are the way one uses words, that melts we every time, wonderfully written words…thanks

  20. Patricia R. says:

    Well, i'm Venezuelan and like you, I lack the flirting gene! :(
    But yes, my friends do have it! Maybe because of them venezuelan girls are in the Top 10

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge