Against my better judgment, but with much persuading from my friends (and one or two martinis), I went to see the new Twilight movie: Something about a moon. NEW MOON! That’s it. New Moon. Anyway, the horrible, horrible acting aside, the crappy sound quality notwithstanding, and total lack of any production value ignored, it was pretty much what you’d expect from a hyped – up book about Mormon values mixed with fantasy, and a HUGE dollop of teenage hormones. It sucked. The one decent part of the film was, yes sadly, Taylor Lautner. Well, his chest really. It seems that between the first and second movies he put on something like twenty – six pounds of muscle. The boy has been working out, and it shows.
SEVEN.TEEN
Since such a tasty piece of candy should not go unnoticed, I went to Google to begin my instant obsession with someone who can do what he did to a pair of shorts while running through a field. I put in his name, I looked up his IMDB account, and promptly tossed my martinis when I found out that the kid is seventeen. Ok, I didn’t really toss the martinis… that would be a waste of alcohol. But, the Jewish guilt set in hard and fast! SEVEN.TEEN
Now, normally I would be the first to appreciate a finely muscled chest, held up by sexy abs, and a strong pair of legs (I had sex with a soccer player once, and I now understand that strong quads can open up a whole world of new positions… and so I am a fan), but when that entire package is young enough for me to biologically be its mother, I feel a little uncomfortable. Ok, I feel a WHOLE FUCKING LOT uncomfortable.
WHAT THE FUCK, HOLLYWOOD?!
He Can’t Even Vote Yet
First, Nabokov introduced us to twelve year old girls as active sexual objects in Lolita, and now New Moon, for all its purporting of high moral values (no sex before marriage? really?) has introduced the female population of the country to a very uncomfortable NEW prospect: the already – a – man – but – not – really – yet Taylor Lautner. Am I the only one who is somewhat bothered by the fact that this kid should be out playing baseball or whatever kids do today, and not being molded into an even younger sexual icon for America? The boy can’t even vote yet, and he spends most of the film without a shirt. Is anyone else worried about what this can do to a person? Has Britney Spears taught us nothing, folks?
On the one hand, it’s just a movie, and fantasies are fine as long as they stay in your head. And to be fair, it’s not as though everyone throughout history has waited until their late teens, early twenties to have sex. Hell, the Pharaohs were betrothed as soon as possible, and brother married sister for generations. Ahh, incest: the game the whole family can play!
Children Have Been Viewed As Sexual Objects Throughout History
Children have been viewed as sexual objects throughout history, and it’s really only relatively recently that our cultures have developed a concept of “childhood” where kids AREN’T thought of as being just tiny adults. That said, I don’t know that I’m at all comfortable with a return to viewing people who can’t legally drink as objects of desire. Ok, maybe not drinking age… let’s at least say twenty. They have to be twenty years old for me, at thirty, to feel comfortable thinking of them sexually. That’s my limit, Hollywood! Respect the Jew!
The Hottest Fucking Body I’ve Ever Seen
“Judaism doesn’t have a whole lot to say on this,” my Orthodox friend said. “Judaism doesn’t look down on sex as dirty or wrong, or anything to be ashamed of. And fantasies are fine… unless you’re thinking about acting on them, in which case I would have to stone you because you’re a married woman. And also, that’d be gross.” True, my hypothetical object of lust is above the age of approval in Biblical Judaism (mid puberty), but that doesn’t really lighten my load… so to speak. I have to be honest, I am really uncomfortable with a seventeen year old kid running around in a grown – up – man suit; partially for his sake, but also because, yes, it makes me somewhat annoyed that Hollywood puts him out there as an object of lust… and I’m somewhat inclined to agree (seriously, he has the hottest fucking body I’ve ever seen – and now I feel gross). And we won’t even mention the fact that… uhhh… I never knew ANYONE in high school who looked like that. All the boys I knew (none of whom were sparkly vampires or werewolves by the way, I guess they don’t make those in Brooklyn) were skinny, twiggy little things. Or even if someone “worked out,” they just managed to be shy of skinny and only slightly broader at that point.
OH EWWW! Now I’m thinking about the boys I knew in high school! I would so much rather be turned on by a fictional red headed chick on a tv show, than an actor who should probably still have a sitter when his parents go out.
So here’s my question to you, and we ARE making a judgment call here: is the sexualization of a seventeen year old boy by Hollywood acceptable? Are we just numb to the fact that the kid should be hanging out with his friends, not spending eight hours a day in a gym to turn on women all across the country? And, just because your religion doesn’t find something like that wrong, does it mean that it’s right?
At what point do we move from “cougar” to pedophile?
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About the Author
The Kinky Jew and her husband got married last year, and live and work in the DC area with their two cats… who don’t actually work at all, but sort of freeload. KJ is a Consultant, and leads a very normal daytime job, which mostly includes Project Management, and working in a predominantly male dominated environment. The Kinky Jew also maintains a blog on PNN where she posts as Hannah Banana. She enjoys discussing sexuality, finance, religion, as well as any other topic that comes to mind.
{ 28 comments… read them below or add one }
I submit to the jury the 80′s song by the band Winger: “Seventeen”.
HA HA HA HA!!! Fair point, Dangerous Lilly. Still, I wish the folks at ToyWithMe had found a DIFFERENT PHOTO SO I DON’T SIT HERE AND STARE AT MY SCREEN FOR THE NEXT HOUR!
You bastards.
KJ – Stare away my friend. Just put your freaking tongue back in your mouth and quit drooling on your keyboard!
Hell I’d like to see the whole Twilight thing just fade away.
I will share a cell with you, my dear KJ. We can harmonize on the old jail standard, “Nooooooobody knoooowwsss….da TROUBLE I SEEEEEEEN”…okay…it’s a SLAVE song…but still…I think we could take it on the road once we get sprung from the joint. BTW – not a fan of the whole vampire movement at the present time. I think I like to laugh and giggle too much – all that action and darkness just gives me the heebie jeebies.
Nature is sucky like that. The ripped young men are so often so young. Just remember, a fetus is a fetus until it’s out of graduate school.
VJJ – What a luscious name!
I need to cover the face when it comes to hot young studs. It just feels oh so wrong. But no problem checking out the body!
“At what point do we move from “cougar” to pedophile?”
Under 18 is generally where I draw the line. But hey, I’d visit Utah to ogle the right 14 year old. (TOTALLY kidding) (TOTALLY gross actually) (Did I Just Tweet That? – shame on me)
I think you have to be in your mid-40′s AT LEAST to even be considered a “Cougar”…and KJ – you have not hit that milestone yet…BY A LONG SHOT!
)
I took my daughter to see this movie. You could literally hear the collective GASP of every single woman in the theater when studly mcabsofsteel up there took his shirt off. Including myself- although I also cried and felt MORE than dirty not just because of the age of the little eye candy… he looks like the SON of a good friend of mine….
I still haven’t managed to shower off how dirty I feel by my momentary *drool* and it’s been over a month!!
If it was a bunch of middle aged men filling the theaters and openly lusting over an underage girl what would the reaction be? The pitchforks would be out for sure.
Being that I do have 3 sons 21, 19 and 11 there is no way in hell I can look at this boy and think sexy. I think little boy. If a man child is young enough that you could have changed his diaper…he is too young for you to be looking at! LOL The twilight movie was geared toward teenage girls. Yes they can look. Yes they can drool. I think I even heard 3 of my girls age 11, 14, and 16 mention his rockin body but KJ…you need to wash your eyes out with soap girl! That child is tooooooo young for you to be drooling over!!! Snap out of it girl…no baby boys!!! LOL
I don’t see what’s wrong with appreciating his form. Unless the way you “appreciate” is by sending him cards decorated with puff painted hearts, covering your bedroom ceiling with posters of him, or finding his address then sitting outside his house waiting for him to take out the trash and then stealing the trash for your own sick pleasure.
I haven’t seen the movie, but can definately feel dirty looking. Not just because he is 17, but because my kids love to watch a movie he was in in 2005 called the Adventures of Sharkboy and Lavagirl (making him just 13) Its is difficult not to see him as sharkboy when I see him now.
@Carm – Oh please, my crew and I TOTALLY giggled our way through the entire film. I was actually bent over holding my gut and crying from how hard I was laughing. So, from that standpoint, the “film” was awesome.
@PMM – I am right there with you, girl. I look at that picture, and it’s a double shot of “Oooooh/OH CRAP!”
@Mr. ToyWithMe – I don’t think anyone disagrees, but on the other hand, that’s sorta what Britney Spears, and countless other young “ingenues” based their career off of. You go to their movies, even if you don’t want to admit it’s because they’re young and hot, and maybe once they turn 18, totally fuckable.
@MoM – Thanks! Now I have Jewish guilt, AND MoM guilt!! I’M TRYING NOT TO FIND HIM ATTRACTIVE, OK?! I’m working very hard on it!!…. crap…. “hard”…
@Miss Spoken – Soooooo, you’re saying that’s….. wrong? Shit. Do you think they won’t press charges if I bring the garbage back?
@Cara – I was 25 in 2005… great, now I feel even MORE disgusting!!
Somedays I feel like a seventeen year old……..BUT they’re illegal
Oh n that makes u a cougar cuz really he don’t look seventeen and so you could be forgiven say if you uh um banged him and then found out afterwards I’m just saying!
Erotique….no that is sooooooooo gross!!!!! Yes KJ..sending the MOM guilt! OOOOOOOH…I see you had to throw in the “hard” part! You dirty old lady you! LOL That poor child doesn’t even have underarm hair yet! LOL
@ Mr. Toy With Me: I think plenty of men would be gasping (or purrring) under their breathe at a sexy 17-year old female on the big screen (or smalls screen, or magazine…). I’ve seen it happen many times before! And frankly, I see nothing wrong with it. Those adolescent years are a fine line between childhood and adulthood. I say once you can even physically develop abs like that, you’re pretty much biologically a man and the world starts to treat you as such (Lord knows Hollywood does). It’s not like he’s 12 and his voice hasn’t changed yet.
I’d say pre-adolescence is don’t look, don’t think about it, and never, ever touch. During adolescence, look, think about it, but don’t touch (other than yourself, whilst thinking about it). Post adolescence? Game on.
I hate twilight, but I have to say, he does ooz sex appeal!!
But I really can’t talk. I’m only eighteen. Shit!!!
Oh well…fail.
I think his sex appeal is mostly pointed towards tweens and girls around my age (or younger) who will think he’s lyke, so hawt. It’s just that they happen to, oops, accidentally include the rest of the fucking women on the planet in that one.
Hollywood Fail.
I, quite frankly, hate twilight with a fiery passion (yes I have given it a chance) and I thought it was horribly written, and the movies were even worse, so…I guess I am kind of biased in my opinion…:P
@Mr_ToyWithMe – I see older “men” gawking at under age teen girls all the time, without Hollywood fame. We gave up the pitchfork long ago.
Ahhh … high school. I totally had a boyfriend that looked similar, but he was blonde. SIGH … the good ol’ days! Thanks for the memories!
I think it is okay to appreciate looking at him, but my mind definitely shies away from any fantasies of actual acts … and that is just in theory. BLECH!
Sexualizing a 17yo “boy” is fine for Hollywood, particulary when the audience is 17yo girls. Which is really who the movie was made for.
That said, I saw the movie and loved the movie and loved him and would do him tomorrow if he thought I was what he wanted. I’m just saying.
p.s. I think he turns 18 next month.
Legal in Texas, Georgia and some parts of Canada
I am 31 years old and I get all fluttery in my no no parts when I see TayLaut. I had a few moist moments when I saw New Moon. I think there is no problem with looking… and dreaming… and stalking I mean adoring. If he wasnt less then a year away from being 18 then I would prolly still lust after his “V”. Hell Every time I pass a Bop or Teen magazine and see his face I want to buy it and put the posters up in my bedroom (pretty sure Hubs would move into the 2nd bedroom). Just like I did with Christian Slater and Leonardo Dicaprio and Christian Bale! Men lust after the “school girl” look so why cant we lust for the “hotter then sin wanna get rugburn and grate cheese on your abs” look???
(Drawing the line) It all depends. Technically or biologically, twenty one would be the age when all male development ceases (the brain is still undergoing development for males)…but hey, for some men, immaturity lingers until they die. On a more serious note though, I’d say over the age of eighteen is sufficient.
Still, I don’t get this shirtless werewolf thing in Twilight. I kind of think that Meyer attempted to be erotically subtle, but is more obvious and I don’t really like her attempt at erotic subtlety because it’s like she’s shoving eroticism down teenager’s throats.
In regard to ancient sex and Egyptian royalty, only royalty intermarried and age didn’t matter to them. Fortunately incestuous marriages weren’t the norm outside of the Egyptian royal circles.
Thank goodness, it is not just me! Just wanted to see what all the fuss was about, and I felt like voyeur just watching the trailer!
Fear not, those of us who are uncomfortable merely need to wait 'til this Twilight thing is over. Young Mr Lautner says he does not like the "extra weight" and plans to "drop 20 lbs" when his werewolf days end. He can go back into martial arts and I for one, will be relieved.
If I were 17 and looked like that, you'd be free to ogle all you liked.
Unfortunately neither is the case…