As a male in my mid-thirties I have the unique opportunity to look back at my late teens and twenties to examine some of those ideas that seemed so normal back then, but today seem absolutely ridiculous today. Guys in your twenties, you have no idea what I’m talking about here, but when you get to a certain point in your life you can reflect on the truly trivial things. Frankly I’m ashamed that it took me until now, but the embarrassment I feel is real. The value we, as men, attached to the seemingly mundane (and comical) could have gone toward worthwhile pursuits like cold fusion or a tax code that makes sense, but when you’re a hunter-gatherer your mind is on the next conquest.
Which brings me to the Cum Shot. (yea, nice transition. I know, right?)
The value that men between the ages of 14 and 27 put on their own “unloading” of genetic material would surprise most readers of this blog. Honestly, many men are so obsessed with where they place it that you’d think they’re lining up the winning shot at The Masters. (I’m going to play my fade, slightly miss the rough, and land it right on the cleavage)
Spit v. Swallow (65 USC 1219g § 869)
Why do I present this like an important court case? Because some men actually take it that seriously. This juvenile question, a gauge if you will, that guys will use (jokingly at first) to see exactly how serious his prey is about ‘going the distance’. Let me lay it out there for the ladies who read this blog… Whether you spit or swallow doesn’t really matter to any guy that has half a brain. Yes, there are guidos and blockheads out there who actually do care about the answer to this ultimately rhetorical question, but those are likely the guys your mother warned you about when you were a pre-teen.
The god’s honest truth, and you’re getting it from someone with an actual life-sized penis here, is that it does not matter what you do with it once it is out of us. The goal of any man, whether it is through sex or oral or any other act involving our greater genital region, is to get whatever is in our sacks, out of our sacks. Me personally, I don’t give a damn. Swallow it, spit it, hit it with a hammer, who the fuck really cares? Wait… The guys that actually DO care, those guys who value their 2 teaspoons of genetic material and expect you to respect it too, their priorities are way off and you (as the “chosen receptacle” for his coveted seed) need to re-evaluate your situation Right Fucking Now!
Intentionally Lewd & Unabashedly Crass
My case is supported by a simple test. Take one minute and think of all the ways that you’ve heard your guy(s) describe the product of their climax. If you can think of five or more names for it then you may be able to grasp how important it must be for men for them to have classified it in so many ways. Our: Load; Cum shot; Spunk; Pig snot; Semen; Money shot; Pop shot; Pearl necklace; Cream pie…. Far too much has been placed on something that lasts less than a second and takes far longer to get out of your hair. But, all that work that men put into it, with the goal being an orgasm and a creamy finish, may be why some men value their loads so much.
Savored Like A Fine Merlot
The result of minutes of hard work cannot be wasted by spitting (the nerve of some women). It is to be cherished and savored like a fine Merlot. The earthy subtones and the salty aftertaste are our gift to you, our women, for the effort put fourth to coax that protein-laden meal from our inner depths. The finest caviar or the most expensive truffles can’t hold a candle to how special our man pudding should be treated and enjoyed. So, right now you’re either incredibly turned-on (and if so I know a guido that I’d like to introduce you to), OR you are a little queazy and you likely won’t be enjoying caviar, pudding, or merlot anytime in the near future. Ladies, we (as guys) wouldn’t eat it. Why are some of us expecting you to?
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe some women consider it a compliment of some sort and actually enjoy their lover’s frothy love-product. What does it for some may not do it for others. I’ve definitely learned that lesson from reading Toy With Me for so long. So, what’s your take on the whole thing? Are some men too focused on the result when they should be focused on the act itself? How about some cum shot stories from those at the other end of the barrel? Have I officially crossed the line in my first submission as a guest columnist on TWM?
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This is a guest post by Robert Portnoy. Robert Is a 31 year old Ohio native that considers himself a newbie in the blogospehere. Father of two, husband of one, and gainfully employed in sales and marketing, Robert is an incurable redhead addict and loves spicy food. You can get social with Robert by following him on Twitter.
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{ 27 comments… read them below or add one }
Even at my most debased, the mouth never seemed like the best place to leave my load. All over the face and breasts was always preferable. Clearly to mark my lover as my possession.
The japanese have an interesting take on the money shot in that one of the first compliments you hear about a man’s seed is its temperature. “Oh, its so warm.” being high praise.
Inter-lewd: Pig snot? Ick!
I think ultimately what it (and just about everything else really) boils down to is that enthusiasm counts. Spit vs Swallow is a way of gauging how into the act of love your mate happens to be. You want her to be so worked up in the moment that even if she finds it gross she treats it like gold.
This isn’t a one way street either. If i’m going down on a girl, it doesn’t matter if I’ve tasted better because this is the best damn pussy I’ve ever tasted and I want her to know.
I have to disagree. Men are visual animals and I think that the vast majority do give a fuck as to where the spunk ends up. Its just sexy and dirty as hell.
I’d love to comment more on this topic but dammit, there’s pig snot in my eye!
I’m sure there are plenty of guys who put too much thought or effort into cum-shots. Just like there are guys who put too much thought or effort into certain body parts, specific sexual acts, whatever (i.e.- passing up amazing women because their tits/ass/legs/whatever aren’t up to a certain standard). But – I speak only for myself here – I *like* the way it tastes. He tastes my juice much more than I taste his, all things being equal. So even if I didn’t like the taste, I’d accomodate in exchange for getting some head of my own.I *like* watching it shoot out at me. It may sound silly to some, but to me, it’s like a reward for my good works. I also think it’s sexy when there’s a load on my tits, or my ass, or any other already-sexy part of my body. I hope I’m not the only chick who feels this way. Otherwise I might feel all deviant and stuff. Heh-heh.
While I wouldn’t want to deprive you of the opportunity to feel deviant, Jenni, I agree with you.
As long as it stays out of my hair I’m down with it. (If I want hairspray I’ll buy it)
Miss Spoken – It must have been “a shot in the dark”
jenni – You deviant? Nevah.
Bill – I appreciate your reply, but I have to disagree with you on your point about enthusiasm. I don’t believe that women who do swallow are considerably more enthusiastic about the sex act than those who don’t.
Mr. TWM – If it is a visual thing (which I do truly believe in), then the act of cumming inside a woman would in-effect be less of a turn on because you can’t see it. Frankly, I think that is far more a turn on than seeing it splattered across my girl’s lower back…
MissSpoken – Try to duck next time, or for god’s sake, blink.
Jenni – My number is 330-… ok, ok, joking aside.. I don’t debate that some women consider the cumshot a ‘compliment’, or in some cases they even like the taste of it. That’s fine and to each her own, but I just don’t think guys (and you’d be surprised at how many do this) put so much value into this. You are exactly right in that some guys may be missing out because of an ass they perceive as big, or something trivial. Missing out on a meaningful relationship, or at the very least great sex, because they are disappointed with where their loads ended up, seems the most trivial to me.
TWM – Expecting us to Aim accurately at the point of climax is like asking us to balance a dinner plate on a stick after running a 5K… naked…
Great post – love reading a male perspective on TWM.
I have a strange perspective on this topic. He doesn’t tell me where or how to come, so I don’t tell him either. Unless he asks,
, moving on…
Robert – I think guys CAN aim when them cum, however peeing is a different matter.
TWM – Aim, maybe… Accuracy is always the question.
When my knees are shaking from a mind-altering orgasm, where it lands can become a question of position and gravity.
Rarely do my knees shake when I’m taking a piss. That has to be one goddamn good piss for that to happen.
Robert – Ahhh……..accuracy. Still wish Mr.TWM had either when peeing after a few pints.
Robert – I do agree with you. Just had to throw my 2 cents in! Great post, reading it and the hilarious comments have been the highlight of my day. So far…
TWM – Keep wishing. Boys will never learn to control their fire hoses
Jenni – Thank you for the comment! Being my first real attempt to write anything that anybody would actually read (other than a sales report) I was kind of nervous how this would be received. Not to say my sales reports aren’t fucking hilarious…. I digress.
Hey Robert from Ohio…nice piece.
I’m with Jenni: like to swallow, like the money shot for the evidence factor, also the very gentle suggestion of degradation that comes with being cum upon. Like watching a man sitting astride my hips, masturbating and shooting onto my breasts. At least, so it was when I was in my 20s: now that I’m in my 40s, any money shot I’m lucky enough to see would probably drizzle lightly into my belly button. But it’s all good.
But no, I don’t really LIKE the way it tastes. I like to swallow, but I don’t expect to see new “spunky” chip flavour anytime soon. One thing I’m curious about: does spunk taste better (that is, milder) post-vasectomy, or is it just my imagination? I’ve never had the same partner pre-V and post-V.
Hey Miss Spoken, I have actually gotten cum in my eye and it was absolutely excruciating. So much so, I ran stark naked out of my dorm room to the washrooms down the hall to put my eyeball under the tap. Ow ow ow. Don’t get cum in your eye. I don’t know how people get facials, I really don’t. You can cum anywhere on or in me, but not there.
I have yet to meet a man who doesn’t love the idea of ‘marking his territory’. I don’t get it, but on the other hand, it doesn’t really bother me. And if a guy does it right, it can be pretty hawt.
It think what separates the men from the boys, though, is growing out of the need to turn the whole thing into a staged porn shot. Sure, go ahead, come on my tits, but unless you’re my Dom, I can do without the ‘who’s your daddy’ shit.
Guys adore messing up something pretty. Hence: the facial. Honestly – it turns me on just as much to see this naughty boy in front of me with a self-satified grin on his face.
And for the record: ladies don’t spit.
Cum in the eye – ouch. Cum that you missed while washing – embarassing. Cum in the hair – great way to get a sensual after sex hair washing. Cum on the ass, belly, boobs – sexy. Cum on the leg – misfire. ha. Cum on the cheek or in the ear (or even on the wall) – always good for an after sex laugh. And cum in the mouth – depends how it got there. If I did that work on my own – start to finish – I’m going to swallow every bit I can. If he finishes himself off, he can put it where he wants .. most likely lips and chin.
Great article, great comments, almost feel like I need a smoke!
My husband is the only guy that has ever come in my mouth. I gagged so hard in surprise I never had a chance to swallow… but after having tasted it, and having had the sensation of it filling my mouth I know for a fact I’ll never be a swallower. Then again, I’ve never claimed to be a lady. =P As for having him put it anywhere else? LOVE IT! Seeing that oh-so-unique look of sheer bliss cross his face is worth every bit of clean-up.
So long as I don’t have to shower to get it off, we’re all good. AND? Keep it the HELL off of my eye. Because that is NOT cool.
Congratulations to Robert on your well written blog post.
As is my habit to give unrequested advice, I do think that the by-line for this story should be Robert’s name rather than “toy with me”. I guess this may be a default setting on your blog but there should be some way to over ride it.
Fun blog. Loved the hair on fire story on Divine Caroline which is how I ended up over here.
Very well written, and something I’ve wondered for a *very* long time.
Though I think my favorite part is that you found a picture of a real-life sperm plushie.
Win.
wait a minute.
are we really forgetting the *symbolic importance* of jizz?
it’s fucking epic: no jizz = no life.
it IS the reason men exist, make no mistake.
the only thing better than getting to blow your load is to watch someone worship it afterwards.
When it comes to bjs, personally, I’m not a spitter or a worshipper. I don’t like the taste of it, but the quickest way to get rid of it seems to be to swallow. ; )
We’ve been together four years and pretty much know each other’s preferences. We both seem to prefer him coming inside. I get off feeling it pulsate and pump, and he’s not distracted by having to pull out and aim (or me having to get off of him so he can do so)! That way I can get a few last-minute squeezes, too.
If we’re using our hands, we let the chips fall where they may, so to speak, which sometimes requires a sensual shower (and not-so-sensual doing of laundry). As long as he keeps it off my face, it’s all good. : )
Thanks to everybody that commented on my seminal (get it?) post on Toy With Me. Your support has encouraged me to try this again in the near future.
I think my original point still holds up. The focus should always be the orgasm and the resulting cumshot. It should not, however, be where said cumshot is placed, or lands.
I want a natural type penis to satisfy my girl friend. where it can be available and what the cost.