Truth be told, I think monogamous or polyamorous leanings are a lot like sexual orientation— you just happen to be born with the capacity for one or the other, just like some people are born heterosexual and some are born gay. I happen to be born with a preference for monogamous relationships, mostly because I don’t ever date men who are unable to hit all my sweet spots. My husband really DOES fulfill me in every way: sexually, emotionally, recreationally, you name it. I don’t ever feel the need to look outside of my marriage for anything. But of course, that’s JUST ME, and it’s a dangerous thing to try and universalize my singular personal experience.

I will say, though, that I agree with Bill that poly folks can get just a teensy bit preachy. A lot of my college friends were poly, so I ended up reading a lot of stuff about it, and I get a little sick of hearing how I’m clearly just a stale, repressed, miserable old hag who refuses to see the light that is polyamory. I’m HAPPY in a monogamous relationship. How is that a bad thing?

Side note: Hannah, this is an AWESOME blog. I will most definitely be back.

Also, yes, you are still an honorary Jooooo. Keep that in mind when Yom Kippur rolls around, and you have to fast with the rest of us!

And I said. All things have exceptions. *You* are an exception. *I* am not. I suffer from all the slings and arrows of my upbringing. And I don’t believe my mother woke up one day and said, “hm.. what can I do to really fuck this kid up?” I think she just didn’t realize that having me meant making changes in her life. That having me meant she needed to do things differently. And she didn’t know better *before* she had me that she didn’t have the capacity to raise a child.

So. Kiss my fat, white, furry ass. Plus. You *have* to be nice to me. I’m an honorary Joo.

@Comic & Firefly – I think it’s important that we not make this a personal thing. FF has made his choice in how to raise his daughter. Maybe it’s wrong, but maybe it isn’t. Not being in his life, I can’t say. But I will say this: for thousands of years, this is how life was. You had one husband, and many wives. Or, you had one husband, one wife, and the entire family, plus in-laws, lived in the same house. Kids can learn to adapt if things are taught to them in a loving way. When I was little, I was the only kid I knew of who was Artificial Insemination. Some people learn about that, and freak out, and have real issues with it. I’ve never been freaked out about it, and I’ve never had anything but pride that my mother would do whatever it took to get me here.

I think the point here is that this is a different decision, and the way we teach our kids counts for everything. Sure, what IF his daughter isn’t ok with it? But what if, like me, she learns that there are a variety of ways to live your life, and there’s always someone home for her, always someone to talk to? I think the “children” issue is a huge one for the Poly community, and I look forward to seeing how they handle it.

That being said. Here’s my thought. I’m probably older than you. And here’s what I’ve learned getting this old. There are ALWAYS exceptions to any rule. You’re going to have healthy, well adjusted children come from the homes of drug addicted jail birds and you’re going to have drug addicted jailbirds come from the homes of stable, well balanced, loving parents. That’s the law. I’m pretty sure of it.

But. The averages are against this happening. And let me say this straight out. This is one of my *biggest* pet peeves.

Children. YOUR children are not high school eggs to carry around for a week to see if you break it. They are NOT some experiment where you see what’ll happen if you do *this* or *that*. They are tiny human beings who have been entrusted to your care. They are absofuckinglutely dependent on you to make good decisions, make sacrifices, and raise them with love and discipline and guidance. And assuming that *the kids will be okay if we make this really stupid decision* (by the way.. I am NOT referring to the subject of this post right here) is taking a huge chance on that life that they will *survive* it.

The divorce debacle is the perfect background for this example. Back when my mother divorced, I was the only one in my SCHOOL who had divorced parents. The overall thought at that time was *the kids will be okay as long as everyone acts like adults*. Well. Guess what? *They* were wrong. The psychobabble that gave married couples the *okay* to stop working at their marriage was in place because everyone was told *kids adapt*. Now. All these years later. A new crop of psychotherapists are saying *mistakes were made*. Look at the degeneration of our children through the years. Do you believe this is just evolution? That each generation of children become more and more empty of emotional attachment because we stopped growing hair on the back of our hands?

I have no problem with multiple partners. I have a problem with continuing a life style once you’ve made a committment. And once you brought a child into the world, you have to sacrifice. What that word entails is being able to put aside your own *personal* desires in order to be the best parent you can be to your children. Period. And a willingness to experiment with your child’s psyche seems a bit.. well.. selfish.

You didn’t mention whether or not your daughter is okay with your decisions. If she is, she is an exception. But. What if. What if, as she grew up in your lifestyle, her emotional well being was being compromised? And what if your lifestyle caused her to be unsure of herself, her sexuality, her very being? And what if those feelings in here caused her to make decisions that put her life at risk? Would you *still* think it was okay?