Sex Toy Parties – Lessons In Humiliation

I’m going to a Brown Bag party in a couple of weeks, Toy with Mes.  And if you don’t know what that is, it’s an S-E-X  T-O-Y party and it’s a place, usually at somebody’s house, where a bunch of ladies (and sometimes men) go to have drinks and eat fattening food and look at S-E-X T-O-Y-S and giggle and make jokes about blow jobs and cunnilingus, etc.  I’m kind of a veteran of these things, so I know of what I speak.

They’re a hoot!

Mostly.

To be honest, I’m uncomfortable at toy parties, and do you know why?  It’s because every single one I’ve ever been to has been a lesson in humiliation.  I don’t like to be humiliated in front of all my friends.  Sure, I’ll humiliate myself on the Internet all the live-long day, but that’s different: it’s self-chosen, for one, and two, it’s the Internet. Everyone knows the internet’s all spam and porn and facebook and make-believe.

My first toy party was at a co-worker’s house.  (Yes, librarians have sex.  WHO KNEW???)  While lovely, the “Goddess” (it was an Athena party–that’s what they call their saleswomen) had us do an ice-breaker where we had to say our names and give ourselves a sexy nickname.  I was just like”…um… Kinky Kristen?”  I felt stupid, and to my chagrin, the humiliation was just beginning because next we had to stand in a circle and pass a vibrating ball from neck to neck while simultaneously passing a giant floppy double ended dildo from between our knees to the next person in line–the next co-worker in line.

These games serve their purpose pretty well because after practically making out with somebody, you’re a lot more comfortable passing them a vibrating, pulsating toy to inspect, but a few rounds of jello shots would also break the ice quite nicely. The bonus there is that you don’t look like so much of an idiot doing it. Also, I like getting drunk.

I ended up with some fuzzy handcuffs, the only thing my husband specifically requested.

Another party I went to was given by the same Goddess as the previous one, and at the same location, but this time she mercifully skipped the humiliation portion of the evening and cut right to the chase.  Remembering the last party, my sister-in-law (I dragged her along this time for fun) and I hung out in the back of the room and accidentally-on-purpose drank a whole bottle of rum between the two of us.  As the rum worked it’s magic, she asked a room full of librarians if anyone had ever “fucked [her] boyfriend in the ass with a dildo.”  Of course *I* already knew that her BF had a penchant for pegging, but nobody else in the room did. At first I thought, “Oh god–we have to leave now” since it seemed to go over like a fart in a space suit, but then everybody laughed and it was all cool again. That made me love my sister-in-law even more and it made it a night to remember.  Or, you know, not remember because of the rum and everything.

The last one I went to was around Christmas time at my friend Steph’s house and it was just…oh god.

GAWD!

First of all, our Goddess (Athena parties are quite popular around here because the company is based locally) was 45 minutes late and showed up wearing pants that were too small for her, highlighting her FUPA and camel toe quite nicely if I do say so, with a poorly fitting bra underneath a tee-shirt that said “Come to the NAUGHTY side with me.”  I had to wonder when the last time anyone took her up on that offer was because if you’re going to call yourself a “Goddess” you should maybe wear something that flatters you instead of wearing something that makes you look like a blown out hooker.  I was a little turned off when I should have been turned on. I like my toy Goddesses to be sexy.

The lewd act du jour was particularly horrid this time and we were forced to get on our hands and knees and eat a peeled banana out of another woman’s (clothed) crotchal area, and it was a race.  I totally won, but it was only because I wanted it over with.  I annihilated my poor friend Steph who was paired up with her sister-in-law (mine didn’t come this time THANK GOD).  That made for an interesting Christmas dinner for them both, I’m sure.

As if that wasn’t uncomfortable enough for poor Steph, the ahem, Goddess demonstrated bondage sheets by blindfolding her and leading her into her bedroom, friends and family in tow, and tying her to her bed.  Then she handed the sister-in-law a be-feathered riding crop and had her whack her with it.  Every one took pictures of course because what else do you do?

It was so uncomfortable everyone was in hysterics.

I considered hosting one of these parties myself, but given my remarkable talent for self-humiliation, I don’t think it’s a good idea. Plus, I’ve already got the toy aspect covered.  Don’t get me wrong–toy parties are a great idea and they can help empower women and their sexuality by getting them talking about “taboo” subjects amongst themselves.

Also, they’re a great way to actually check out products “in hand,” which can be really helpful when gauging size/shape/material/etc.  The stories that are likely to be told will be entertaining, and if you go with anyone you know, it’ll be that much funnier when you see them in the office Monday morning.  OR, at Christmas dinner.

Have any of you Toy with Mes been to/hosted/done one of these parties?  Did you have to play a humiliating sex game?  And most importantly, what did you buy?

Photo Souce

The Queen Of Everything About The Queen Of Everything

Crissy,a lifelong Rhode Islander, is 35 and has two little girls. Aside from doing a little bit of writing here and there, she doesn’t use a shred of her MA in English. She writes a blog where she is Queen of *&%$#@* Everything and reigns over her readers, whom she calls Queefs, with a loving but firm hand. In both 2008 and 2009 Crissy won the Blogger’s Choice Award for Hottest Mommy Blogger. In 2010, Crissy was chosen as one of Blogher's voices of the year.

Comments

  1. Youll have a great time…… I did Brown Bag for a while and then went to Love U parties. If you want more info let me know….

  2. the fact that there are grown women are out there who've never had an orgasm makes me weep.

  3. I have a friend who hosts one that they actually get a tad bit crazy and let you "try" the toys and they have someone that actually SHOWS you how to use it. I thought that might be awkward but I guess its kinda like the "swinger" scene, where somehow the people that are invited, know whats going to happen and want to be there. Maybe others have heard of this? I want to go now! :) but no boys allowed (yet).

    • I am SO GLAD that wasn't the kind I went to with my co-workers, Curly! It would have been weird in the lunch room after that.

    • Try the toys?! I'm assuming they put condoms on them – *fingers crossed*

      I think if toy parties allowed boys it might end up being an actual "swinger" scene.

  4. also, we need to bust out those handcuffs more often.

  5. I'm a Consultant for Brown Bag and we try to keep the humiliation to a minimum ;-) and try and focus on the fun and education aspects. Some of the games can get a bit wild, but if you're hosting and know you don't want to go that far, you can always ask you Consultant to keep it a bit more mellow. Also, if you don't want to stress of seeing your coworkers doing *that* with a double ended dildo, but think they'd get a kick out of learning more about sex, you can always see about doing an online or catalog party where you don't have to be face to face with everyone while looking at sex toys. It's all about your comfort level!

  6. The embarassing intro-game is a must have! (Sorry Crissy!)
    I have been a demonstrator for these parties and attended others, some good some not so good, when I am the demonstrator or 'Goddess' I always break-the-ice with a little game of ring toss.
    One lady puts a strap on dildo on (fully clothed of course!) and another lady trys to get a ring on the dildo. Slighty embarassing but a ton of fun!

  7. I've only been to a Passion Parties one, and it was sort of sad. The stuff is really low-quality, and it's aimed at the vanilla-suburban-housewife market. As a kinky girl who appreciates well-made toys, it was a total nightmare. There wasn't one thing there that I was interested in. (besides cheaply-made vibrators, it was all "Tightening Cream for your Train-Tunnel-after-child-Vag!" and the like)

  8. The Hostess and I go over every game and every bit of info that she wants to play. I have had parties with the 60 and over crowd, the meek and mild and the wild….. I tone my shows as to what the guests and hostess likes. We have done the double dong game, the cherry/whip cream game, and so many more to think about…. Our hostess's walk away with a lot of FREE items just for having a qualifying show… Don't be uncomfortable at Toy parties, its the Reps responsibility to make sure everyone has a good time, whether it be keeping the guests educated or playing Fun, Raunchy games. Going to the show, a rep is representing the company and herself. She should be well dressed. With Love U, we are not there to humiliate but to educate. There are so many women out there that are afraid to have the Big O or just don't understand what it takes or what it means to have an Orgasm.. Heck, I didnt even know until I became a Sex Educator.

    • The Athena Goddess is also a Sex Educator. I've seen Athena parties done very well–like you describe, Deanna, and then not so much. It all depends on who is leading them. Obviously.

  9. I had a Passion Party at my apartment in college. And like your last Goddess experience, my hostess weird. She was also very, VERY pregnant – and I'm sure exhausted.

    It was mortifying, and I had to compete in a fake orgasm contest (I won, duh), but it was still really weird and awkward.

  10. We always call them Fuckerware, parties regardless of who the dealer is. We had a couple of them at our house, years ago back when the only rabbit was the Japanese C-cell model, if that tells you how long my affection for toys has been going on. It help to whip out something really shocking and then get your prepoured tray of shots and pass them around, and have the second tray at hand……Remember Dr Ruth….anything can be accomplished if you go slow and use plenty of lube. Or fast and use liquor as the case may be.

  11. I bought The Beaver Twister at one of these things. It was a dildo that looked like a factory with all of these moving parts, and it was supposed to be AWESOME.

    It nearly broke my vagina.

  12. i keep getting silpada jewelry, viv pickle bag, pampered chef food and some fucking candle party invites. they all bore the living daylights out of me. i need a good sex toy party, damnit. take me. i'm down with some self-humiliation.

    can't even remember what i got at my last one, but i remember my daughter found the penis eraser pencil i got as a party favor and was totally disgusted. oopsy.

  13. justanaveragedad says:

    Oh MY Gawd! You make me laugh so much, I think I love you and Ken too (in a manly way of course) I wish my wife would loosen up and let the flying tongue in more often cause I LOVE IT. I'm going to one of those fuckerware parties as soon as I can find one with men allowed.
    Keep it up, you rock hard!
    ~Dan
    shameless plug if I can http://justanaveragedad.wordpress.com/

  14. i actually do passion parties, and i make sure that i am presentable. i try not to make it too uncomfortable, but you have to do SOMETHING to break the ice. sometimes the humiliating games are a great way to get people talking about things they would never outwardly admit or talk about without some of these ice breakers. hey, anyone out there in Houston looking to host a party, hit me up!

    • I agree, you do need something as an ice breaker. If I know everyone at the party then the games are fine, but if I don't, it's almost painful for me to get up in front of strangers just to say my name. Most likely you would find in the back with Crissy drinking all the booze.

  15. I love the toy parties! Last one I went to was a humiliation fest! Somewhere on these Inerwebz is a picture of me on my knees in front of my friend, while she has a strap on strapped on. I am supposed to be spraying Dream Whip on the schlong, but every time I would start to she would start swinging it. It was hi-lar-i-ous. I bought a Vanilla Scented Seduction Bondage Kit, Dr O (it's a G-spot stimulator, I renamed him Dr. O after I used him, not sure what the original name was, Dr. O is more appropriate) and got He Who Loves All Things Wicked a Love Sleeve.

  16. Toy Parties can be lots of fun… Some guests that attend have never been to a Toy party and they dont know what to expect. But once they relax, they will have lots of fun…

  17. I've never been, being a guy but I've been given the full recap. I think that coworkers would generally be a bad way to go with that. There was a period of time where my office was employing a large number of contracts. There was one woman who when she left sent out an email to the company thanking them for the experience (as you do) and left the link to her 'hosting a sex toy party' website. I forget what company it was for… but there are just some things you don't want your coworkers knowing about you… even if they are all sexy librarians.

    Despite the humiliation, it might be fun for you to host it. First there is the benefit of deciding who you invite. Secondly, if it is anything like tupperwear parties (which unfortunately I HAVE gone to) the hostess gets some extra free giftees out of the deal and sometimes a percentage discount on their own purchases.

  18. Hey Dark Touch, you dont know what your missing. Guys are invited to our parties too, after all who besides your mate knows what you could use in the bedroom. When we have our Love U parties, you are taken into a place where you can place your order so that no one else knows what you have gotten. Hosting a party is alot of fun, your right you get tons of free stuff for hosting and having a qualifying show. I can assure you that our parties are more then Tupperware parties, not as boring (IMO) I am proud to be a Sex Educator and be in the Adult toy business.

  19. My first party was with my BFF at her sister-in-law's house and it was a riot. We were the virgins and it showed. We were the totally childish women sitting in the front row hugged up on each other giggling at EVERYTHING. And when the hostess suction cupped the dildo to the TV and explained (and demonstrated) that you could use it anywhere in the house… let's just say we lost it.
    We weren't invited back to the next party with the veterans.

  20. I bought my first vibrator at a Passion Party but it DEFINITELY wasn't that awkward. We just basically had to play a raunchy game of "Ten Fingers" and an elaborate game of fantasy telephone….

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