Really Weird Sexual Fetishes

Weird sexual fetish

People do their thing, and I don’t judge a lot.  Whatever floats your boat or honks your hooter is cool with me.

That said, there are some fetishes people have that have me rather perplexed indeed, but before we talk about fetishes, I should probably tell you that I think people use it as sort of a blanket term to describe anything deviant or “weird” or whatever.   I think it really describes a situation where the focus is on an object of some kind and that object has to be non-sexual in nature, you know, originally.

Take feet, for example.  Not a sexual organ.

But some people are really, really, into feet.  Like, MORE than they’re into tits, or asses.

I do not like feet, myself.  I do not touch feet, and I most certainly will never, ever, suck. toes.

Not for all the blow in Columbia, Toy With Mes.

My friend Rachel will even tell you a story about how there was a time when I wouldn’t wear open toed shoes.  I’m over all that now after she did an intervention about 10 years ago, but that’s how much I don’t like feet.  I’ve never had a pedicure because I feel like if I don’t like to touch feet, I don’t want someone to touch mine because I’m caring and considerate and quite possibly a better person than you.

Maybe I have issues, but that’s beside the point–we’re not talking about my issues here. We’re talking about all those nuts out there that do weird shit.

But we’re not judging.

Anyway, my husband 
a picture of my feet in flip flops on Flickr a while back and Holy Crap! People were all about it. My feet actually got more views than a picture of my tits!


1k views, 20+ favorites… Dear God, WHY?

And people were writing all sorts of dirty things about them too! And what about this weirdness? Women pushing down a gas pedal is a fetish.  Believe it because it’s true. Also, women crushing bugs.
Another thing that got a lot of attention is this picture of me wearing rubber gloves:


750+ views… and it’s all because of the RUBBER GLOVES.

This is not a sexy picture!  And I thought people who were into rubber were really digging the shiny black stuff, but no.  Apparently, Playtex dish gloves are the new hotness!

There was one picture that was even better, though–gloves AND feet AND heels:


12,000+ views, 75 faves???

Comethefuckonnow!  I’m washing dishes!

While we’re in the kitchen, let’s address another thing I don’t really get: mixing food with sex.  I’ve never understood that whole whipped cream and chocolate sauce in the bedroom deal or doing body shots off strippers, etc.  I guess I’m just not that into food and so we won’t be making ass smoothies at my house any time soon, but some people are really, really into the food and sex thing.  Check this out! Some people enjoy watching women overeat.

My husband watches me overeat every day and there’s nary a hard on to be seen! Maybe I’m not doing it sexy? Maybe I should spill more spaghetti on my bosom…?

I guess that overeating fetish is the opposite of those people who get off by watching women throw up?  Unless Bulimia is also a fetish?  It probably is.  It seems like anything that’s displeasurable for a woman is a fetish (see dish washing pictures above).

All that stuff I just mentioned is weird, but some things are really, truly off the wall, like being shat upon or peed on or having your belly flop around during Sexy Time, or being bloated. I spend 90% of my life trying to avoid  floppy belly and bloating, but apparently there are actually people who love a floppy gut and there are some who put a bike pump or a compressor up their ass or in their mouth and pump it so they get a huge bloated belly, and I’m thinking, “Shit.  Pass the Doritos!  I don’t need a bike pump to be sexy to these people!”

From what it looks like, it’s mostly men who do this to themselves.  I’m guessing it’s because they don’t get their periods and it makes them sad.


But I’m not judging.

I don’t even need to discuss bestiality, do I?  Repeat after me: us, them.  US…THEM.  You can love your pets, you just can’t Looooovvveee your pets.

Again, not judging.

Here’s my question though, Toy With Mes.

Do women have such fetishes?

Aside from the ones we all know about like shoe fetishes and chocolate fetishes and shopping or whatever, I don’t know any women who have fetishes like some men have.  I know some of us like a little B and/or D, and some of us are really into donkeys and… um… WHAT?  I can’t really think of anything!  This frightens me because I guess I’m more “normal” than I thought because I have no fetishes.  ZERO!

And I like to think of myself as sort of a weirdo.  But I guess I’m just not.  I’m going to have to talk to my therapist about this, probably.

Seriously, do any of you lady Toy With Mes get all bothered when a guy steps on a bug?  Would it do it for you if he made an ass smoothie for you after your morning yoga?

Please tell me you all have fetishes like these, so that I’m still the weirdest person I know.  Please.  My self-image is at stake here.

Toy With Me About Toy With Me


  1. Edmond Pitonyak says:

    LOL, I’ve to say the on the internet dating or electronic dating has come a hell of a way since the days of simple chat rooms. Far more and much more individuals are turning to on the internet dating websites to display potential dates.

  2. i like guys with hats :)

  3. Misskitkat says:

    I have weird fetishes. I have a choke fetish, a rape fetish(me being handled roughly; not actual rape) and a biting fetish.

  4. Mike the PW says:

    Fetishes huh? I suppose I like girls in open toe heels. Not those disgusting stripper shoes but classy stylish shoes. Stay up stockings are big. No fishnets or cheap ones. The good ones. No nylons of the antique variety. I like blood red fingers and toes and lips. Sexy supermodel or vamp eyeshadows of every color. Big fluffy hair. mmmm….. And toys. Mikes got this thing. Its about toys. But those are likes. Not fetishes.

    And I have this other thing. This other real, fetish.

    Its about giving more pleasure than what anyone else is willing to do or knows how to do. Or can ever do. I want to give that one special perfect time that can never be compared to. That stays in the woman's mind for the rest of her days. When her hand slides down from her breast and past her navel I want her to be thinking of that special time and thinking of me when she pleasures herself. And when they tell me their secret. That I did that to them. That they cant forget that, and they pleasure themselves thinking about it……it unlocks my minds eye and sets me free from everything holding me in chains. For a short time it makes me feel complete. And then the drug wears off and that perfect completeness slips through my fingers like water.

    Mikes got a thing. A fetish. and there is only one way he can fix it………….. So I do.

  5. i just stumbled upon this article and have to say there is no shame in watersports or eating food off there partners body all though i am impoled by people eating feces its just wrong however watching a attractive female shitting is a beautiful site its mostly cause female shit dsnt stink as bad as males but eating it is just grosse although during love makeing i do like the taste of her ass after she barley has whiped it taste spendid and wont get u sick either foot fetishs are boring.

  6. I’m thinking that my next husband should have a fetish for watching women over-eat. We’d get along just fine.

  7. It is proven that everyone has a fetish. a fetish is just liking or is interested in something that isn’t common, like clothes or music. Not everyone has weird fetishes, but 100% of people have many fetishes. Having a fetish for penguins means you are interested in penguins and think they are cool. that is a fetish.

    Foot fetishism is very common, and 5% of people have a shoe or foot fetish, that is the largest fetish. So it is considered rather normal. plus, women have many weird sexual fetishes, like for beards or old men.

  8. Auntie Cole says:

    Normally I’m just a stalker of your humorous stories but after reading this post I was reminded of something I stumbled across a couple months ago. In the deliciously trippy land of craigslist, where little boys and girls never have to grow up, there was a posting in the misc. section. An interesting fellow, whom I can only imagine still lived with his mother after 40 years, was looking for a female that would love to insert a catheter into her empty bladder. As if that wasn’t enough, he wanted to insert the remaining side into his full bladder and proceed by pressing on one another’s stomaches to make the urine ride between vital organs, as if you were on your one and only trip to the Waterlog ride in Disneyland. He hinted that the act was extremely personal in his mind which is what made the endorphins start to flow. I also think your old High School Chum has been posting panty pleas here in North Carolina. I guess the pickins’ were slim further north.

  9. Well. Apparnetly I’m an Uber freak. Or one of the last honest women. I’ll go with that. I have Fetishes, fantasys, things that make me get my girl freak on. I can be spontaniously brought to panty moistness by a good english accent. I’m trying to find a way to non-jokingly get my hubs to learn one just so he can get me going without too much foreplay.
    I’m turned on by a nice nose. I do NOT know why- a good looking nose on a man makes me happy.
    Plenty of fantasies, but I’m pretty sure the accent and nose things qualify as fetishes..

  10. Fetishes are fetishes, every one has there own. I am NOT suprised that the pic of ur feet got more hits that the one of ur tits(Which i think are AWSOME, btw cuz I have a fetishs for nice, big, round tits). THe foot thing is HUGE, even my Favoeite Movie Director Quentin Tarentino has a foot fetishs. DOnt believe me, watch any of his movies and count the foot shots, especialy of womens feet. That being said I do think ur feet look very nice, just from a “they look nice” stand point.

    ALso, as a man i must agree that the pic of u doing dishes withur leg up is every sexy. Its not that we (men) are turned on that ur doing dishes, its that u got ur leg up inviting us to “come take u from behind”. At least thats the first thought that went thru my head when I saw that pic.

    I am not a woman but i will also awnser the fetish question u posted. Besides my love for buxum women I like to watch women masturbate to orgasm. Ya alot of guys say thats hot, but im in it for the end of it. I just love the nosies, and the involuntary spasams and jerks that acompany some womens Os. I think it the thought that she is expiriencing SOOOO MUCH pleasure that she has lost total control of her body.

    Anyway, Thats my 2 cents. XOXO Toy With Me girls

    ALAH (A_LAH on Twitter)

  11. I went to Serbia a few years ago and somehow ended up in a random flat with two men. I drank too much and they SUCKED MY TOES!!! I still feel like cutting off my toes whenever I think about it… I don’t even know how it happened – I didn’t do anything with them – we didn’t even kiss.

  12. Ah, you beat me to it. I was going to say Two Girls One Cup. Even though I think that’s less of a fetish and more of carnival freak show.

    I’m a foot dude too, I don’t know if I could explain why. And there are virtually dozens of subdivisions of foot fetishism but among what I like is simply how all the curves of a woman lead down to ten dainty little points at the end of a sexy, slender leg. Curves and tips are said to be sexy and the foot contains more curves and tips than any other single part of the body. I also enjoy exploring and exploiting the usually untapped treasure-trove of nerve endings that connect to the rest of her body.

  13. HOW was this article not emailed DIRECTLY to me?! HULLO?!?! An in-house kinkster at your rubber gloved finger tips!!

    As for fetishes, I know a woman who had this dream of being peed on by a group of people. No, it does nothing for me, but that was her dream, so she and her mistress made it happen with a small group of their friends (which also did not include me).

    Bestiality I will never understand. When it’s you and a number of consenting adults, ok, but don’t molest my puppy, please!

    Finally, for the foot fetish, you should know that not every foot fiend likes to suck on the piggies. Loads of guys who are into this are happy to just give really good foot and leg massages. There’s a really famous (in the scene) guy here in DC who is sorta the big foot fan, and he pretty much said that anything can be a sexual organ, and that part of the fun for him is to take something that isn’t considered overtly sexual, and turn it into something erotic. I think that’s what a lot of these more “fringe” fetishes are: how you can take something that seems benign and turn it into something erotic.

    Except for Two Girls One Cup. That’s just straight up sick, man.

  14. chrissy, you so are the queen of fucking everything, i can’t believe anyone this funny can be functional (as opposed to dis-functional). if you know what i mean.

    on the subject of floppy bellies: I am heading towards 50 and have quite a bit of junk in the old trunk compartment (not so much floppy belly though, thanks to a tummy tuck after ze bebes were born) (tummy tucks totally rock btw). you would not believe how many young men (the last was just 25) are after my floppy 50-yr old ass. and i’m talking HOT here, not 40-yr-old-virgin-types. (where were they all when i was still frisky (and single)?) and lest you get the idea that i am a horny ole granma, all wrinkly fake tan and too much cleavage, i’m so not. try bordering-on-dowdy-college-professor. so all i’m saying is different strokes for different folks.

  15. Fetishes are why I worry about my kids and the internet. Ok, not the only reason, but part of it.

    • Anonymous says:

      I understand your concern, even though the Internet
      has brought many good things, making our everyday
      lives easier, it has brought tons of unhealthy content.

      Some people have ‘fetishes’, however, when a ‘fetish’,
      becomes an addiction, then we have a huge problem,
      which might ruin not only the sexual life of a person,
      but her entire live. Once it becomes an addiction, it’s
      like a drug, and not really healthy. Many years ago, I
      got into a fetish, not the creepiest thing – gloves, and
      shoes, I was in early teens. But the thing is thanks to
      the Internet, I became addicted to that crap and now
      I’m trying to quit, on my own, just like a smoker, but
      thank god I’m having some success. It does take a lot
      of effort, but certainly worthy.

      Well, your kids might argue with you for not allowing
      them to do all they want now, but they will thank you
      down the road for being a vigilant parent.

  16. BTW ^ I like large women too. Belly flopping kind of grosses me out, but if they are larger (not huge), there is just something so sexy about it, to me. Because they are just more fluffy and there is more to grab on to, and they are so warm to cuddle ^_^. I especially think it is attractive if a larger woman holds herself well and dresses herself very flatteringly. Muffin top = not my style.

  17. Aren’t fetishes like, completely creepy!!!?? I don’t know, whatever works, I suppose. I have seen videos on youporn with women painted all in black, just sitting in a bench. Looking at the camera. That. Is. It.

    I think the strangest thing I have seen, is piss porn, which is where guys get off to women pissing. And they have like, hidden cameras and shit. If I saw myself on there, I would scream and suethefuckoutofthem. But…I suppose it could be kind of hot. I used to have a fantasy of that, before I even knew what fantasies were. Which is totally weird for me, because…when I think about it, I don’t even know WHY it would be sexually attractive. Maybe because it would be so close to someone’s va-jay-jay?

    I suppose maybe because some men like it when women squirt, and that is coming out of the same hole, right? I mean, there’s just a lot more and it’s…yellow. Weird.

    Oh, that reminds me, I saw some guy pissing on the sidewalk last night, seeing as it was new years. And instead of being all, oh yum, I was just revolted. I felt like saying, “Look, if I wanted to see your pencil dick squirting stuff, I would become a prostitute. There are CHILDREN over there, asshole!” but I didn’t. Because, that’s like, mean and stuff. So I kept it to myself. I’m a bitch like that. -__-

    Aaanyways, I am not even going to THINK about anything involving shatting. I am a complete germaphobe and all I can think about involving ass smoothies, is “omfg these women are drinking ECOLI BACTERIA!! HOOMFFG!! THEY ARE GONNA GET SICK CALLADOCTOR!”


    I think that men in capes is really sexy, like…the flowing kind like Phantom of the Opera. Give me Erik any day, I’ll hop on that cart. Not the sexy-movie guy, but the real Erik. oomnomnom. I like mysterious with a hint of evil. For some reason, that really gets me off. I think it’s the whole control thing, like…in that one article, that I have a lot of control in my life, so sometimes I like someone to control me, you know? But that’s just me. 😛

  18. After reading this list, I think I have some new fetishes! I just can’t wait to have Mr. Dingo smash bugs while making an ass smoothie.

  19. I actually am into that “peeing” thing. It’s called watersports, but yes, it’s a large fetish of mine. I know of lots of other females who enjoy it as well. Most females enjoy peeing themselves, while most males get off on peeing on another person. There’s actually sub-fetishes within the watersports category – Desperation, Wetting, Golden Showers, Diapers. Wetting can go into – Jean wetting, panty wetting as specialized categories. Some guys don’t like it if it isn’t in that specific clothing.

    Agreeing with what Britni said, I wouldn’t say that I have a “fetish” for floppy bellies, but I do find all women equally attractive. Large stomaches or not. (Actually I tend to be turned off by skinny women because they usually dress like skanks.)

  20. VanillaGirl says:

    Ok, I’m not sure it could be considered a fetish–more like a fantasy that I’ll never indulge. (Mostly because the fantasy is probably MUCH better than the reality.)

    I have a fantasy about “rubbing one off” by straddling the top of a bald guy’s head and well, you know… Someone hot like Chris Daughtry. My husband teases me about it whenever there is a cute bald guy on TV or when we’re out somewhere. Of course, he has a full head of hair, so that’s the other reason I won’t be indulging in that fantasy anytime soon. LOL

  21. beckasaurus says:

    I see a lot, A LOT, of sex sites for my work too. one of the most intriguing is I’ve talked to the owners a few times, being in the same biz and all, and they’re super cool. Doc is actually a great scenic photographer, for example. And the site has a great aesthetic to it.

  22. I don’t have any “let me watch you do this” fetishes…. you know other than watching a man cum. And damn, who doesn’t like that … although really at that point he is of not much use to me, so I don’t know why that would be hot. But it SO is!
    I have no domination fantasies … I am a total sub. The rest of my life is for control.

  23. Oh my god you guys! You’re awesome! I had a crazy ass day yesterday and I couldn’t even come to comment on my own post! (read: porn filters at work and teething baby at home) Thank you for sharing your fetishes/non fetishes.

    Oh, and Jess, those shoes have never been very far away from my bedroom, if you know what I mean. They’re pretty clean in a dirty sort of way.

  24. I have a huge fetish for long hair…I LOVE cornrows or dreads….and weapons. Haha

  25. Watching large people eat, or having them gain weight, is called “feederism.” It’s actually fairly common. And “floppy bellies?” Some people are into BBWs. Big beautiful women. Society has made women feel like shit about their bodies, hence the reason you would spend years trying NOT to have a floppy belly. But the truth is, there’s someone for everyone. Some guys like large women. Just like some like skinny women.

    Peeing (watersports) is usually done within the context of D/s relationships. It’s not the pee that the person gets off on. It’s the act of exchanging the power– the power dynamic of either allowing someone to degrade you in that way or having someone allow it that gets people off. Most people aren’t actually into urine. And that’s also pretty common.

    Some women do have fetishes, but more men than women do. It’s believed to be because whenever the time during their development that their fixation on an object in a sexual manner took place, they became stuck on it. In general, women have a greater ability to change and evolve with their sexuality, while men’s tends to be less changeable.

  26. I loved this post.

    I don’t think the body inflation link works. Try instead.

    So, I have been out with women who like the get spanked and slapped. That’s the B&D thing. And I have been out with women who liked it rougher, like choking or worse. But, you know, this is the boy versus chick porn thing all over again. Men can focus on one or two elements of the body or even on an internal sensation, but women need a complete package. So, some women have fantasies that are pretty extreme, like rape fantasies, but those are complete fantasy stories. Dudes just want a delicious ass smoothie at body temperature, please. No story needed. Or, fuck, some of us can do without a woman completely: just stick air hoses up our asses and inflate until it hurts. But I bet even those dudes wish someone else were involved in the inflation.

    And mgray is right: that pic of you with gloves AND feet AND heels is just smoking hot, fetish or not.

    Anyways, as far as fetishes, I think ass smoothies are pretty fucking awesome. I love rough stuff way to hell as well. And I like thigh-highs and fuck–me boots. But give me a woman who has that diseases where her body is covered from head to toe in vaginas and assholes, and I will propose on the spot. Actually, I don’t care if she has had all the vaginas and assholes added artificially through cosmetic surgery.

    Oh, and I like Clown-Faced Girls. A lot.

  27. Stoogpie, that was the best comment left on any blog ever.

  28. tell fancyhats it only counts if you fix things around the house with no pants on.

  29. Men fixing things. With tools.

    I have an old house. And Fancyhats is pretty handy. IT’S ALMOST LIKE I PLANNED IT THAT WAY.

  30. So you think they are lovin that photo because of the gloves, heels, and dishes, huh? Keep on belivin that one!

  31. A man who loves feet is a worshipper and will treat your vagina like a queen. That’s never bad.

    And I love any kind of sex that requires a safety word.

  32. Crissy! Get your foot off the counter! OH MY GOD! I hope you bleached the fuck out of that towel, the counter and anything within 10 feet. Do you know where your feet have been? There’s probably e.coli on the counter! Oh God, oh god! AAAAAAAA!

  33. I felt bad for you and was going to make up some sort of crap like I like to be whipped on the ass with a wet (still alive, fresh from the sea) fish at the point of orgasm but . . . I don’t feel that bad for you.

    I am a fetish free zone.

    And I have NO IDEA where my idea for a fetish came from.

    I have never thought about having this done to me. At. All.

    On a slightly unrelated subject, I LOVED this post. :)

  34. censors even

  35. thigh high pics exist, but have not been cleared by the sensors. 😉

  36. Megkathleen says:

    I can’t say I have any fetishes. God, I’m boring. Oh, and, like you, I HATE getting pedicures because the thought of other people touching my feet makes me nauseous.

  37. Thanks for the hook-up.

    Any thigh high pics? That would complete my afternoon…

  38. My only fetish would be those high heel black leather boots with a skirt. Oh…and nice legs are a must…those boots are a privilege not a requirement.
    Damn i have one more. Anything to do with Salma Hayek….anything.

  39. daisee: i have gotten pretty good at trimming/sanding/polishing/buffing/painting nails over the years. i started on my wife and now i have a 4 y.o. to practice on.

    we do have some crazy conversations, i’ll say that.

    mgray: funny you should say that…. one of the comments on flickr was “The sippy cup in the sink makes it even hotter.” lol. 😉

    personally i like it because it insinuates the subject is a mother, and that makes her a “milf.”


    i have to say that personally i do have a bit of a foot/shoe fetish. how could i not? my wife’s foot is as large as my hand. which is to say, very, very cute.

    and what is not to like about some stillettos? serious, dangerous, no fucking around kinds of shoes.

    now i say “a bit” because according to the strict definition, i don’t really have a fetish, because i don’t NEED these things in order to get off. however, they sure as hell help!

    i’m also a sucker for glasses.

  40. Not Telling says:

    I like getting my hair pulled and ass spanked… but other than that I am pretty normal?

    Oh wait, I like watching straight guys “with” each other :)

  41. Oh dear goodness you lot are…_normal_.

    I have a completely non-secret fetish for glasses, which is to say that while I love all my boys just fine when they are normally dressed, as soon as one of them puts on a pair of glasses they lose me a little bit, especially if they don’t normally wear such a wonderful thing.

    Also, eyebrows. A well arched eyebrow can make me stammer and melt.

    And perhaps a little bit of a thing for tentacles. Not in a rapey sort of way, rape is a big no no. But sort of like Dar does: –I like the curvy lines.

    And then of course are all the normal ones –I like to be spanked, and spank, and be tied up, and tie people up, and have someone very firmly tell me I’m naughty, and make people whimper and call me mistress. I’m pretty firmly switchy, it’s a glorious thing to be.

  42. That’s a no on the feet thing, pedal pushing, bug-squishing or otherwise. I think feet are… well… feet. you walk on ’em. Nothing fancy about that… I don’t really even care about the latex or fancy costumes.

    For me, public stuff is a fetish. Not like exhibitionist level, clock-tower show, but movie theater or outdoor stuff. The thrill of getting caught. Yeah, baby.

  43. More feet pics, please.

  44. I have a thing for watching those “How To Put On Make Up” videos on Youtube. Especially the eye make up ones. Seriously. Something about the way they talk and instruct and the long, slow stroke of their eye pencils. They don’t really turn me on, per se, but they always make me feel relaxed and tingly and sleepy. Sometimes I watch them before I go to bed. Mmmm… tingly.

  45. Peppermint Patty says:

    I don’t have a fetish, but I’m thinking about getting one.

  46. c’mon the pic of you in heels with one leg up on the counter is hot. Not so much for the gloves, but the heels and the leg position yeah that’s hot … wait is that a sippy cup in the sink … moment lost 😉

  47. Not My Real Name says:

    Why is this the second time I’m writing this here? I just like my ass slapped some. That’s it. Nothing more to see here, move along.

  48. My question is more along the lines of if you’ve never had a pedicure, how do you keep your feet all pretty? I have only had one (I squirmed the whole time) and fight the fight to have decent, not pretty, feet. Now that I’m super prego, I can’t see my feet to make them pretty. I assumed people with pretty feet get regular pedis. Hmmm.

    And I’m also interested in coming to your house just to observe the crazy conversations that must take place there. Seriously. I don’t think my hub and I have ever had a convo about fetishes. LOL I’ve heard of a lot of stuff, but not some of what you have on here – bloating and belly flops? eew. And I don’t really care what you wear as long as you are willing to clean my house and wash the dishes.

  49. I never made it passed the Belly Flop! WTH? I could make good money being that dudes massage therapist.

  50. I don’t know about fetishes…but I get all wet just LOOKING at Oprah’s closet. Or how about the Sex & the City closet he builds for Carrie. HOT!

  51. I don’t really think I have any fetishes…well, I do have a thing for knives…it’s real weird. My husband and I used to act out a b&d scenario and there was always a knife involved…I like to be cut. Not like huge gashes, just tiny little scratches. Funny part is, I’m not all emo or anything…I don’t cut myself and never could (have a hard time inflicting that kind of pain on myself) but if he does it, it’s ok. Good grief…I sound like a weirdo.

  52. I think the ass smoothie website is how the cat got killed by curiosity…gross. And I know some girls with fetishes but it’s never terribly extreme and it always has to do with dominating the male which I think is totally better than feet.

  53. I never thought I would wish I was a dirty lasagna pan.

  54. The only women’s fetishes I have seen are for shoes — their own shoes. A closet full of shoes, the kind of shoes that would make Carrie Bradshaw cry.

    As for the rubber glove pictures, well, the gloves don’t do it for me.

    It’s the washing of dishes that does.