People do their thing, and I don’t judge a lot. Whatever floats your boat or honks your hooter is cool with me.
That said, there are some fetishes people have that have me rather perplexed indeed, but before we talk about fetishes, I should probably tell you that I think people use it as sort of a blanket term to describe anything deviant or “weird” or whatever. I think it really describes a situation where the focus is on an object of some kind and that object has to be non-sexual in nature, you know, originally.
Take feet, for example. Not a sexual organ.
But some people are really, really, into feet. Like, MORE than they’re into tits, or asses.
I do not like feet, myself. I do not touch feet, and I most certainly will never, ever, suck. toes.
Not for all the blow in Columbia, Toy With Mes.
My friend Rachel will even tell you a story about how there was a time when I wouldn’t wear open toed shoes. I’m over all that now after she did an intervention about 10 years ago, but that’s how much I don’t like feet. I’ve never had a pedicure because I feel like if I don’t like to touch feet, I don’t want someone to touch mine because I’m caring and considerate and quite possibly a better person than you.
Maybe I have issues, but that’s beside the point–we’re not talking about my issues here. We’re talking about all those nuts out there that do weird shit.
But we’re not judging.
Anyway, my husband posted a picture of my feet in flip flops on Flickr a while back and Holy Crap! People were all about it. My feet actually got more views than a picture of my tits!
1k views, 20+ favorites… Dear God, WHY?
And people were writing all sorts of dirty things about them too! And what about this weirdness? Women pushing down a gas pedal is a fetish. Believe it because it’s true. Also, women crushing bugs.
Another thing that got a lot of attention is this picture of me wearing rubber gloves:
750+ views… and it’s all because of the RUBBER GLOVES.
This is not a sexy picture! And I thought people who were into rubber were really digging the shiny black stuff, but no. Apparently, Playtex dish gloves are the new hotness!
There was one picture that was even better, though–gloves AND feet AND heels:
12,000+ views, 75 faves???
Comethefuckonnow! I’m washing dishes!
While we’re in the kitchen, let’s address another thing I don’t really get: mixing food with sex. I’ve never understood that whole whipped cream and chocolate sauce in the bedroom deal or doing body shots off strippers, etc. I guess I’m just not that into food and so we won’t be making ass smoothies at my house any time soon, but some people are really, really into the food and sex thing. Check this out! Some people enjoy watching women overeat.
I guess that overeating fetish is the opposite of those people who get off by watching women throw up? Unless Bulimia is also a fetish? It probably is. It seems like anything that’s displeasurable for a woman is a fetish (see dish washing pictures above).
All that stuff I just mentioned is weird, but some things are really, truly off the wall, like being shat upon or peed on or having your belly flop around during Sexy Time, or being bloated. I spend 90% of my life trying to avoid floppy belly and bloating, but apparently there are actually people who love a floppy gut and there are some who put a bike pump or a compressor up their ass or in their mouth and pump it so they get a huge bloated belly, and I’m thinking, “Shit. Pass the Doritos! I don’t need a bike pump to be sexy to these people!”
From what it looks like, it’s mostly men who do this to themselves. I’m guessing it’s because they don’t get their periods and it makes them sad.
But I’m not judging.
I don’t even need to discuss bestiality, do I? Repeat after me: us, them. US…THEM. You can love your pets, you just can’t Looooovvveee your pets.
Again, not judging.
Here’s my question though, Toy With Mes.
Do women have such fetishes?
Aside from the ones we all know about like shoe fetishes and chocolate fetishes and shopping or whatever, I don’t know any women who have fetishes like some men have. I know some of us like a little B and/or D, and some of us are really into donkeys and… um… WHAT? I can’t really think of anything! This frightens me because I guess I’m more “normal” than I thought because I have no fetishes. ZERO!
And I like to think of myself as sort of a weirdo. But I guess I’m just not. I’m going to have to talk to my therapist about this, probably.
Seriously, do any of you lady Toy With Mes get all bothered when a guy steps on a bug? Would it do it for you if he made an ass smoothie for you after your morning yoga?
Please tell me you all have fetishes like these, so that I’m still the weirdest person I know. Please. My self-image is at stake here.