In my pole dancing class (yes, I’m slightly obsessed, but I’ll get over it soon, I promise) there is this woman. She’s about my age, maybe a little younger, and she loves, loves, loves to dance. I know this because during transition times in class when our teacher is changing songs or adjusting her high heeled boots, this woman (we’ll call her “Tap Shoes” because she showed up for class wearing her tap shoes one day) takes the opportunity to posture herself in the mirror. She arches her back dramatically, she throws her arms up in the air with proud jazz hands, she kicks out a leg, all while making Sexyface at herself. It looks like she’s practicing her poses for one of those dance recital pictures you see where the person in the picture is all decked out in her dance costume, striking a dance-y pose.
Tap Shoes carries on like this at every possible opportunity. The part of me who’s a catty bitch sees this and makes eye contact with The Rabbi so we can laugh at her with our minds. But then there’s the other side of me who is actually happy for Tap Shoes because she’s found something that makes her feel sexy and alive, even if she looks ridiculous and sucks a little bit. I mean seriously, I wish you guys could see how she dorks out and she doesn’t even give a shit. I might even be jealous of this.
You go with your wacky self, Crazy Tap Shoe lady!
I, on the other hand, do not feel particularly sexy in class.
I signed up for it because I was hoping it would help me find my mojo, but instead I feel bruised and inadequate. (Here’s where my pig husband would be all “hey, bruised and inadequate–that’s sexy!,” but I disagree. He’s such a hormone.) It’s hard to feel sexy whilst flailing around a metal pole.
Maybe that will change, though.
I’m sort of this permanent quest for things that make me feel sexy because most of the time, I don’t feel pretty or sexy at all. There are, however, a few things I’ve discovered that make me feel sexy deep down inside. Some of them are the predictable, superficial things that are probably pretty common and some are not so obvious.
1. I love to buy lipstick. When I find something that looks pretty, I walk around for days making Angelina Jolie Poutyface at myself in every reflective surface I can find. Plus, it’s cheap and in seemingly unlimited supply, making it an ideal product to hoard. My lips are one part of my body I have absolutely no issues with, so that’s a bonus.
2. I do exactly the same thing with nail polish. In fact, I’ve been feeling like shit lately and have purchased TWO new colors in the past week (if anyone’s found the perfect shade of orange, let me know–it’s elusive!). It, also, is cheap and comes in 10,000 different colors, so there’s always one I don’t have. The best part is when my husband gets in the mood to do a full-on pedicure and makes my toezies look pretty (he’s just a little bit g-a-y but we’ve discussed this already. He’s reading Allure magazine as we speak.).
3. This one is a recent discovery, but wearing high heels is a big one! A few weeks ago I put on a very Maryanne-ish pair of wedgie sandals and felt like a tall, long-legged goddess. I glided through my day and felt like I was in charge. I went back out and bought another pair after that.
I can hear some of you complaining already: “these are all so superficial, Crissy!” And you’re right–they are. But this post isn’t about whether superficiality is right or wrong. What I KNOW is that looking good makes me feel confident, and feeling confident is a prerequisite to feeling sexy.
There are some things that get my juices flowing that aren’t quite so superficial, too.
1. Hearing a really great song–something with energy, bounce and a good beat and that’s not emo.
2. Getting enough sleep. This one is very hard to come by these days, with a 13 month old and a 5 year old. There is no such thing as sleeping past 5:30am, no matter what bedtime is. Without enough sleep I’m a wicked bitch and I’m prone to epic fucktardery. So. Not. Sexy.
3. Having a kick-ass workout to raise my endorphins (ever rubbed one out after doing yoga? I highly recommend it. Nothing can ruin your day after that, I promise). The workout part isn’t sexy per se, but the afterglow is divine. From what I’ve read, working out also releases testosterone and human growth hormone which both bolster libido. I don’t know if that’s what’s happening to me, but I can tell you that I feel strong and and less anxious if I’ve gotten some exercise in the morning and that leaves room for The Sexy.
4. Laughter is a big one! I chalk this one up to effects similar to working out–mostly stress relief and the endorphin rush. A good teary eyed, tinkle in my panties laugh puts me in such an awesome mental and emotional space, I totally understand why so many single ladies are looking for “someone who makes me laugh.” It’s hot!
5. Swimming or anything involving water. I’m a Cancer, which is a water sign. This has to explain why water revives me and makes me feel most alive (I don’t have to tell you about how much I love Sexy Time in the pool, do I?) I even kind of like the feeling of a wet bathing suit after I get out. Showers and baths work too, but swimming is the best. Plus you know that everybody is CLEAN, which is never a bad thing.
Anyway, I’m going to open it up to you Toy with Mes now because–compared to you crazy sexy people–I’m fucking boring. What makes you feel sexy… not horny, but sexy. And for the boy Toy with Mes, is there something you do for yourself that makes you feel attractive, or is this totally a chick thing?
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About the Author
Crissy,a lifelong Rhode Islander, is 35 and has two little girls. Aside from doing a little bit of writing here and there, she doesn’t use a shred of her MA in English. She writes a blog where she is Queen of *&%$#@* Everything and reigns over her readers, whom she calls Queefs, with a loving but firm hand. In both 2008 and 2009 Crissy won the Blogger’s Choice Award for Hottest Mommy Blogger. In 2010, Crissy was chosen as one of Blogher's voices of the year.
{ 41 comments… read them below or add one }
I feel sexy :
1) When I wear a button down collard shirt with a tank top underneath. I wear the tank top so I can have the top two buttons undone which then make the shirt kind of frame my boobs, making them look extra huge. (which is weird because I already have mega huge boobs)
2) When I wear pinstripe pants or woman's vest.
And
3) standing in heels. I say standing because even though I'm 20, and I work at a shoe store I still can't for the life of me walk more then a hundred feet in heels.
So standing in heels=sexy. Walking in heels=UNsexy
I feel sexy when I wear a pencil skirt and heels. I just bought a dress over the weekend that had a pencil skirt bottom with a blousy top and I LOVE it. And heels make me feel sexy because I think my legs are looking pretty awesome these days from giong to the gym.
Ooooo a pencil skirt! Yes! Very sexy!
Agreed! White button up blouse + grey pinstripe skirt + favorite high heels = ultra sexy day!
We have so much in common!
I also feel sexy with lipstick nail polish and especially high heels
The tough part is finding the right place to buy the shoes where the clerks dont give me funny looks
I do have a picture of you in your school girl outfit. it's HOT.
Never really thought about it before but I guess I can equate feeling confident to feeling sexy. A few things tend to get my juices flowing so to speak.
If I have 3-4 pans going along with a grill and everything is falling in to place I may as well be a peacock. It feels good.
I am an avid snowmobiler and once I get decked out in all my matching gear and climb on my crotch rocket there is a confidence, yet it is mixed with just a little bit of fear. Right at the moment I fire it up and hear that engine bark, I feel sexy as hell.
Also vodka.
You're lookin' mighty fine in that gear, Mr. Toy with Me!
Strong and Sexy – Hanging next to the pool at the gym in my perfectly fitted board shorts *after* a race paced hour long run on the shaded trails in the neighboring park.
Sensitive and Sexy – Being a great dad within site of a crowd of MILF's. I can hear them thinking to themselves "If my man was as awesome as that DILF I would give him more of the sexy time than even HE could stand"
Yoga pants are sexy.
agreed.
I never thought about what makes me feel sexy much. It could be burning off the last bit of tread in giant clouds of smoke, before changing tires on the Indian.
I know dumping a 75 round drum is 20 seconds through an AK or an RPK has a sexyness only the guys will understand.
It could be the feeling that comes over me when I open the totally awesome toy box full of brand spanking new toys im putting together as a gift for my next mate. Huge amount invested in every fantasy a woman could want or dream of. None of it is for me. Just everything 'she' could desire. Makes me smile when I peek inside. I have my own toy box and I got my sweetie her own too and they are filled, but this is a special toy box that says you are my mate and my partner and I planned for months for a special gift, for your new life . All of the toys are purple or lavender and match. All thats left are the purple silk ties and silk cuffs from LELO, and its done. I will pick up a fresh purple TOR when I know for certain lol.
My sweetie makes me feel sexy. It could be looking into her eyes, and knowing this so beautiful creature lives to experience me every day, every minute. Knowing when she walks into a room full of ladies her sexyness muzzles them all, and every man looks at her and wants her. And then seeing her look into my eyes and knowing she crys tears for me, desires me, touches herself when she thinks of me, and loves me with all of her, because she knows that special person inside me. Thats what really makes me feel sexy.
Awwwww…
Purple is my favorite color, Mike.
I thought I would like blue but when I got the feather wands and the silk,fur and satin things and all the toys started matching so well, I really like it. Purple massage things have been a challenge. Now that I read this I'm going to get a small cuticle set and purple and lavender nail polish so I can do fingers and toes, along with the massages. her GIGI and other toys I got her match too. If she decides to keep me lol. I wont let my sweetie see it. I told her its only for the woman who shares my life with me. made her a little cranky lol
You should write a book!
I would buy it for my man as a lesson in romance
I watched and learned everything my Dad did, and everything every man who was an influence in my life did and when I knew all of that and learned everything…..i didnt do any of it. I do the exact opposite. My mother taught me that when I was about 16. She said she loved my father with all her heart but he knew absolutely nothing about women, so I better get to work and figure it out.
Yes! Stereotypical but doing my makeup and hair all done up makes me feel sexy. And definitely heels. I just ordered a pair of 5 3/4" heels and I can't wait till they get here. I'll wear them with everything. I don't give a shit that I'm already 5'9" I love high heels!
You're gonna be a skyscraper! I could never, never, never walk in those fuckers!
I am a nail polish freak (500 bottles and counting) and I looked through my collection for oranges for you. I'm not creepy, I promise; my polishes aren't like replacements for the same number of cats : )
Some perfect orange nail polishes:
Esssie- Vermillionaire
China Glaze- Vintage crepe
Orly- Old School Orange
Butter- Minger
Chanel- Orange Fizz
OPI- In my back pocket
Hope that helps!
I have Orly's Olay that I found at Ulta the other day. I love Ulta. I'll look for those next time I go! Thanks!
Ole! Not Olay. totally different thing.
Superficially – when my hair looks good, I feel good. Heels, definitely, but OMG no more than an hour or two later, not so sexy. When I am having a day, where I am happy with who I am and not feeling self-conscious. Working out, eating healthy.
I got a bra fitting. A real one, at a department store, not one from some 17 year old bitch from Victoria’s Secret who would rather be chewing gum than looking at my boobs. And it has made a HUGE difference. Literally because I was wearing a size too small (!), and also emotionally. Now that I have a bra that fits, I feel so sexy! I didn’t think it would make a difference, but I really do look and feel better wearing a bra my size instead of the sports bras I bought in bulk at Costco. Go figure…
Nice underthings are awesome, right? I have a purple bra that I like a lot for that reason. The darn thing fits!
Hmm, I never thought about what makes me feel sexy before. But I guess I would say these…
Revving up my Ducati – how could you not feel sexy riding a 1000cc rocket between your thighs?
A three-piece custom tailored black pinstripe suit – makes me feel like a badass James Bond.
When I make a girl do that flirty/girlish giggle – LOVE. THAT.
Being told I smell “yummy” – good cologne can do wonders.
After I finish a particularly good workout – all pumped and feeling extra manly.
Cuddling my Bulldog – not exactly sexy feeling, but I’ve been told it’s incredibly sexy to witness?
Writing in my Moleskine or reading a book – don’t ask me why because I don’t even know, it just feel really good.
David! You sound hot.
This has made me realize that I'm not sure I have ever felt sexy. Am I supposed to be mad at you now? I'm going to yell your name into my pillow.
i feel really sexy while wearing my glass buttplug all day long, walking around at work, going into meetings and stuff, and in public like at the grocery store is best.
it's even better when i take the time to shave my legs (being careful to put a little dab of perfume right behind the knee) before i pull on my lacy thong panties.
i'm rock hard just thinking of it.
Yes!!! to everything on your non-superficial list! that list couldn't be more spot on.
then there's:
–sexy shoes (any height), "shoes that get you through the night"
–flattering, whimsical, pretty, lingerie
–accomplishing something or reaching a goal
–a good hormone day (ripe, sexy, glowing ovulating hormones)
–a sexy shirt that shows off my cleavage
–getting compliments or turning heads
–a new coat and bag in the fall
–feeling thin and not-bloated
–cleansing, detoxing, and purefying
–warm skin, a tan, and a sundress.
The guy with the Indian made me feel sexy. Right now. Even though I've just run 5 dogs in over 100 degree heat, I smell and my clothes will stick to me for days I totally feel sexy because that guy has an Indian.
you're a blogher voice of the year?!?! holy crap – congratulations : )
you'll be there I assume? I would love to meet you.
xoxo m
I don't think I've been sexy since I was about 16 years old and at that time in my life, I wasn't ALLOWED to be sexy. That's why I read your blogs, Crissy, so I can have the sexy experience vicariously.
If I ever meet a man who genuinely thinks I'm sexy I'll never let him out of my sight (after I've had him go for a complete physical and mental evaluation to make sure that he doesn't have something physically/mentally wrong with him that he's simply delusional…)
I'm too tired to even contemplate what makes me feel sexy at the moment, and if that doesn't say it all I don't know what does, but vis a vis nail polish: Cajun Shrimp, by OPI.
Just getting out of the shower. I love that feeling of being relaxed and still damp and just hiding behind a white towel.
Matching underwear
I put lotion everywhere. When we were dating, my husband told me I had "stripper boobs" from the lotion. My skin is the hottest part of my body.
I'm a fanatic about moisturizing. I don't towel dry — I spray on body oil, rub that in, and then let it dry before I get dressed. My skin feels more like that of a 20 y/o than a 43 y/o, and *that* makes me feel sexy.
I also feel sexy right after a good workout. I am 6 months post baby (#1) and I don't look/feel particularly sexy most of the time- even though I'm only 5 lbs from pre-baby weight. However, I feel foxier than ever after JM kicks my ass for 20 minutes- it's great!
I also bought a lacy, sexy nursing bra (they exist, but they're hard to find) and I feel sexy wearing it- even if my boobies are all about function and not fun, for the time being.
Now I'm re-thinking the pole dancing classes I was about to sign up for. Maybe it isn't the thing you do with a whole group of your friends after all. Sort of like colonics.
(A little late on the uptake, but!:)
I gotta say wearing extra-long trousers that let the last bit of some steamy, black, velvety heels peek through. And when my girlfriend looks at me like she wants to eat me while I'm wearing it.