Why I Write About The Sex On The Internet

When I first announced that I was writing a sex column over here on Toy With Me, I was met with a lot more, “well, what are your KIDS going to do when they find out that Mommy wrote about her VAGINA on the INTERENT!!!!” (I find those added exclamation points always add a little touch of class, don’t you?) than I’d expected. Now, if I’d said something like, “Pranksters, today I’m thrilled to announce my brand new PARENTING column at My-Baby-Is-A-Genius-dot-com is up,” I would have expected the flack. But a sex column seemed to me to be the next logical step in my quest for total world domination. After all, the very first blog post I ever wrote was about my vagina, and the very first post I wrote here was also about my vagina, so it seemed like destiny. Or just that I was kind of unoriginal.

You know what, Toy With Me-ers? It is a perfect fit. I’m always happy to talk about my vagina. And you know what? There will come a day when the very act of breathing in the same room as my children will embarrass them, so when they find out that “mommy went sex toy shopping with daddy,” or that “mommy once went to a bondage conference,” well, that’s just going to be another thing they can tell their therapist about. Maybe, after they’ve bought their respective therapists (I have three crotch parasites, er, children) new summer homes in the Hamptons, a yacht and several new sports cars, my children will eventually come to a realization: that having a sexually liberated mother may not actually be the worst thing that could have happened to them. I could have forced them to listen to Jethro Tull, like my own parents forced me, which, I should say, I’m STILL not over that.

But back to The Sex and away from The Tull. I mean, let’s face facts, I don’t have a sex swing installed in my living room so that I can demonstrate precisely how one goes about using it to my kids (which would presume that I knew how to use one anyway)(I don’t). I don’t walk around the house in skimpy lingerie wielding a eight-foot long dildo and assless chaps, and I keep my sexcapades behind locked doors. Just because I am open about The Sex doesn’t mean that my children need to see me engaged in various sexual activities. I’m open, but I’m not trying to scar them for life.

I just refuse to behave as though I don’t have sex or like sex is not a normal part of life. I am not going to tell my children that sex is a bad thing or something that should make them feel anything but good (with the right partner). I’m not going to give them tips on which lube is best (K-Y, obviously) or pass out the Kama Sutra on their eighteenth birthday because let’s face it, we’re really not that kind of family. I don’t think that teaching children that sex is bad – or worse – nothing about sex at all, is a good thing.

Somehow, though, it seems that this is exactly what society does. Like sex is still this weird taboo subject we’re not supposed to talk about because it’s dirty and wrong and gross and ugh! who wants to admit to having it? In 2010, we’re still behaving as though it’s the 1950’s and sex is something that your parents do…but not anyone else. Because sex, that’s awkward, isn’t it?

When I went onto The Twitter and mentioned that I wrote a sex column, it was like a collective gasp was uttered and then everyone jumped all over each other to find out where such an amazing place; a place where people talked about The Sex like adults could be found. I, of course, neglected to mention that I occasionally referred to having The Sex as rubbing a canned ham against a bag of flour, and simply gave them the URL, proudly pointing out that I wrote there! Like a BIG girl!

It got me thinking, which is something I try to do as seldom as possible, about how weird it must be to live in a world where sex isn’t discussed. Since I, of course, do not live in this world, as the contents of my first blog were almost exclusively sexual in nature, it baffled me to imagine how weird it must be to keep sex – all sex – in the closet. It made me hope that some of those people from The Twitter who were so interested and curious about a place where grown-ups could talk about The Sex, might pop on over here and realize that not everything that’s written about The Sex on The Internet is smutty and pornish.

I realized after that Twitter conversation, that I’m really kinda proud to write about sex. Not because it makes me feel particularly sexy when I do it, because Lord knows, writing things like, “I Am Afraid of My Vagina,” (hel-LO troll magnet!) and “The Wet Spot;” well those don’t exactly get the old juices flowing to the crotchal region, but because here at Toy With Me, we’re talking about things that other people don’t. And it’s not because it’s a subject that other people don’t want to talk about, either. Maybe writing about sex isn’t noble as doing cancer public service announcements, but that doesn’t mean it’s any less important.

Sex is a big part of life. Hell, when you think about it, it’s the only reason any of us are even here. Without the sweaty, awkward, humping, bumping and grinding and thrusting of our parents on that one fateful night that egg met sperm, well, you wouldn’t be sitting here reading this and cursing me for putting this horrible picture in your head. But really, there’s nothing shameful about The Sex and there’s nothing wrong with talking about it.

So to those of you who write about The Sex, I’m standing here next to you applauding your bravery. I’ll pass you a double-sided dildo and a waxing kit so we can get our freak on together. And to those of you reading, I’m glad you’re here, too. Without you, I’d be talking to my wall. Which, really, gets pretty lonesome, because trust me, I’ve tried it.

And I’d love your take on this, Toy With Me-ers. Why are people still so closeted about sex? Would you write about The Sex on The Internet? Why or why not? Did you know that Toy With Me accepts submissions?

About Mommy Wants Vodka

Bored by mini-vans, life in the child lane, and pot-pie recipes, Becky began to write on her blog, Mommy Wants Vodka in 2007. She was as shocked as anyone to find out that people actually wanted to read what she wrote. Instead of living a swinging life of weekends in the Congo and curing baldness while holding crack babies, she stays home with her three children. An unpaid, kept woman.

Comments

  1. I don't know, I was pretty appalled last night when my mom basically told me she and my dad hadn't had sex in ten years. I mean that sucks for her, but somethings about your parents you shouldn't know…
    Still, I'd love to talk about sex more…and do read it about, too.

  2. Thanks for sharing that.

    Thinking of starting an import company now :) Mmm…flavored condoms.

  3. Thanks! I would love more submissions from men ;)

  4. Mmmm, now I want a cookie.

  5. Absoulutely correct on all accounts, Aunt Becky!
    I manage an adult boutique in a VERY conservative city and still can't believe the amount of full grown, "mature" adults that walk through the door and start giggling like a little school girl when they see a vibrator… it inspires me to feel a bit of pitty for them actually since they obviusly have no idea how amazing a vibrator really is. *sigh*
    Those of us that sell adult toys, write about sex and are trying to make it so that sex is no longer taboo deserve more credit!
    I look forward to reading all the new posts on TWM and would be lost without it! :P
    Awesome blog!

    • I also forgot to mention that KY is not good for your Cookie because of the high gycerine content (unless you use the glycerine free KY). Glycerine is sugar and sugar in lubricants can lead to yucky infections and makes for a sad Cookie. :( Next time you are out and about look for Sliquid lubricants as they are all glycerine free and preservative free… that makes for a happy Cookie!

    • All of us at TWM are thrilled that the obvious talent our writers have inspire you to return on a regular basis. Thanks for your support.

  6. jethro tull made flute playing ever-so-slightly more cool, much to the delight of thousands of kids in high school bands.

    i agree ky is good lube as long as it's the silicone variety. silicone is the only lube i use these days. well, i guess saliva too.

    i am a perv on the internet, and also in real life. as such i tend to have friends that are also pervy. this makes me lose sight of the fact that not everyone is like this. in fact, most people are NOT comfortable with frank discussions of rim job tips and techniques. i guess my point is that it is easy to take for granted sites like TWM where the discussion IS honest and it IS (what some would say) explicit and vulgar and it IS educational and it IS presented in a non-judgmental way that makes people feel connected and able to fit in.

    someone said on a different blog once that when you're most afraid of publishing something, when it's the most personal and secret and potentially embarrassing thing, that's precisely the stuff that makes for the most epic posts. i agree.

    i think you TWM writers are what makes it all work. i know damned well how hard it can be to conjure up good posts yet you do it week after week. you let down your defenses, write from the heart, and you have totally earned my respect.

  7. Jersey Girl says:

    I am finding more and more that I am writing about sex more then not. I am doing the sex toy testing thing then writing about it on my blog. It is my calling…what can I say?

  8. I think what makes this site work is that it is an honest conversation about sex, without judgment (alright, maybe sometimes there is a bit of humorous judgment, but it is done in jest).

    It isn’t the notion of what it “should” be, but rather the candid thoughts we share about the always interesting, never dull topic of sex and how it plays a role in our daily lives, whatever our circumstances.

    Thank you for what you do.

    • Our pleasure :) At TWM we have no rules or restrictions for our amazing writers. We encourage them to be themselves and voice their opinions. Seems to be working so far.

  9. The Domestic Goddess says:

    I would totally write about sex on the internets. Seriously, I have no problems with it. And the only reason I censor (sorta) what I write and don't post gratiuitous boob shots on my blog is because I know for a fact my MIL reads my blog once in a while and I don't want her to read about her baby boy doing the nasty, mmkay?

    But yes. I'd write about it. I don't get why people are SO FREAKING CLOSETED about it. I'm into some weird stuff, too. And people think I'm Miss Goody Two-Shoes. Nope.

  10. I write about sex on the internet sometimes, talk openly with my kids when the occasion is appropriate, and completely support erotic writers, humor writers and educational writers.

  11. I would totally write about sex on the Internet.
    Wait…

  12. I love it that you write about sex on the internet. You do it in a healthy, fun, and honest way. You have inspired me to write about it too! I have been getting braver and braver in my writing. My mom reads my blog, so every once in a while I get this image of my mom gasping in horror at my shenanigans. But I get over it very quick-like.

    Keep writing about sex! I love it. :O)

  13. Bulls-eye, Darling! It IS liberating to write about sex, to acknowledge what most of us love, even for an inkling of a moment once or twice a month, and even if it is sometimes like being bodyslammed by a water balloon, over and over.

    The reality is that most of us feel like two people – the sweet, perfect mommy-wife who wouldn't DREAM of discussing sex in front of others and the other half, the one I call THAT girl. THAT girl mostly lived in the bedroom but occasionally snuck out in public after I'd had one too many cocktails and couldn't hold her back. THAT girl slithers down hubby's back on the dance floor and has other men looking at her because she moves in a way that screams "good in bed". And here's why…it's not because she's a slut. It's because she is comfortable with the idea of sex.

    I finally decided to let THAT girl live out loud where she – and I – are happily posting a pretty smutty fictional tale at http://www.godeeperliz.blogspot.com about a perfect mommy wife who lets friending an ex on Facebook turn her world inside out. The sex scenes have been fabulously fun to write. And you know what? I don't give a shit what people say out loud because inside you know they're blazingly jealous that I – and you – are comfortable talking about what most of us love, and what is a pretty damn important part of life.

    Bravo for you…. write on!
    Elizabeth http://www.godeeperliz.blogspot.com