Comments on: You Are Not Bi. You Are Just A Slut

By: Canadian Caffeinator

Canadian Caffeinator — Wed, 10 Nov 2010 09:51:53 +0000

I disagree with Undertheivy's claim.
"Your belief that every woman who connects with other women on a sexual level and not both sexual and emotional is somehow trying to be "trendy" is extremely offensive."
This is not rocket science people. Just try to understand the greater truth. It's gotta be sexual, that's what the sexuality part stands for.
Homosexuality is inherintly sexual, as the word implies. Same gender sexual preferences. Bisexuality, both gender sexual preferences. Heterosexuality, opposite gender sexual preferences. I may enjoy living with my sister and 13 cats in an emotional relationship when I get to be 75, but if it's not sexual, then it's not sexuality. It's just two old biddies who love each other and want to share their lives. Every connection we have is an emotional relationship. What we're discussing here is sexuality. Sexuality doesn't mean you have to want to settle down with someone, in same or different or pultiple gendred bliss. Not everyone wants to get married, or partnered, or live ith their lover(s) even. Me, I'm hetero, and proud of it. I revel in feeling like a woman, and knowing that I am a good opposite match for an equally hetero man. I'm not homo/biphobic. I just know what I like, and what I don't. Also that I not into sharing. But I do feel insulted when I see people I KNOW would classify themselves as hetero acting like they're bi for attention from men, and only when inebriated. It speaks to me of insecurities and a general inability to value themselves for their own powerful sexuality, and i equate it with getting drunk and humping the nearest parked unoccupied copcar. Humping vehicles only when drunk doesn't make some suddenly a vehicularsexual. It makes someone an idiot who makes very poor choices when under the influence of alcohol I dislike seeing people pressured to do things they wouldn't when drunk, whatever the thing might be. It's taking their right to a clear choice away. People who say peer pressured and socially pressured people are free to make their own choice are idiots.
Songs that laud making out with other girls and not being homo/bisexual only further the idea that women are free to show slutty behaviour and can just claim oh, they're bi, but you'll notice the average guy can't just walk into a frat party, start making out with some random guy in front of a few girls, and then claim they're bi without the hetero males there doing some damage to him. This tells me it's a fad, and not a socially accepted sexual preference.

and.. it's 2am, my brain's done.. sorry if I've left some loose threads in my post.

By: Toy With Me

Toy With Me — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 22:14:27 +0000

Thank you so much for taking the time to read us and for your well written, reasoned comment. Hope to hear from you again!

By: undertheivy

undertheivy — Sun, 13 Jun 2010 21:50:09 +0000

Your directives here just annoy me, to be honest.
Unfortunately I've been attracted to women since I was 7 yrs old. It just never went away. But it's mostly physical attraction and not emotional. I don't feel unfulfilled because I'm not cuddling with a girl on Sunday morning. But I DO find myself needing to be with women sometimes. Finding someone that I click with and yes, I'll sleep with her and often that's all it will end up being. But you telling me that I must call myself a slut because of that is ridiculous. I also agree that bisexual doesn't really fit. Unfortunately it's all I can say that is universally understood without having to go into a long drawn out explanation which makes me sound like I'm trying to justify my behaviour or something. I'm afraid I've not done enough to call myself pansexual just yet, so what do I classify myself as when asked to describe my sexual preferences to, let's say, a first date or filling out a form or a profile on a website? I don't feel heterosexual is adequate, I'm sorry. But I'm not sorry that it bugs you.

I have no personal issue with the word slut, and in fact I quite like it since I have my own personal interpretation of it, but by true definition it means you are promiscuous and I'm not. Not these days. I'm not going to tell a new man in my life so yeah, I'm a SLUT. It's not the first description of my sexuality that's going to be expressed. It's far too loaded a word. Even in the so-called sex positive community it's a negative and derogatory word. They have to add a modifier to it to make it okay: "Ethical Slut" implies you are still respectable while slut just means you have no standards whatsoever and go around harming other people as well as yourself.

Related Words for : slut
adulteress, fornicatress, hussy, jade, loose woman
View more related words »

slut (slŭt)
n.

A person, especially a woman, considered sexually promiscuous.
2.

A woman prostitute.
2.

A slovenly woman; a slattern.

From the online slang dictionary http://onlineslangdictionary.com/definition+of/sl…
Honestly, would you truly go around proclaiming this and self-identifying this way? I don't think so. If you did I think you'd find out PDQ that it was a stupid move.

Your belief that every woman who connects with other women on a sexual level and not both sexual and emotional is somehow trying to be "trendy" is extremely offensive. This is who I am and it's been that way for almost 20 yrs (I didn't act on this as an adult until I was in my 20s which is when I'm counting from, but as I said the attraction to women began when I was a child. It never went away and only got more intense…it became a need and to say that's flighty and flaky is really closed-minded of you.)

Oh, and out of curiosity? What should men who have primary relationships with women but are physically attracted to men, have sex with men but not emotional relationships with men…what should they be calling themselves exactly?? "Slut" would be a free ride–it does not have the same negative connotations as it does for a woman.

We all get that you are a superior bisexual but trying to degrade other people for not fitting your mold is really disappointing. Sadly it's standard procedure in the GLBT community.

"it's sad that an article that I'm sure was intended to be positive, ended up offending me and just reenforcing negative stereotypes about bisexuals. "

ditto.

By: Guest

Guest — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 21:19:01 +0000

Of course, I meant to say "sliding" scale of sexuality.

By: Guest

Guest — Fri, 16 Apr 2010 21:18:28 +0000

There is a liding scale of sexuality developed by Kinsey (as well as independently by Klein) that suggests that we are all bisexual…meaning that we, on a scale of 1-10 (or 0-6, depending on whose scale we're using), most of us do not rate exactly at one end (completely heterosexual) or the other (completely homosexual). I realize most of you are balking at this thought, but research it; it makes a LOT of sense when you recognize the criteria.

Great post!

By: Skij

Skij — Thu, 25 Mar 2010 07:44:36 +0000

This whole post is just offensive. Who are you to discredit someone else’s sexual orientation? Sexual orientation is DESIRE-based. If a person desires people of both sexes(even if it’s just a long-term heterosexual relationships with men and occasional drunken pashes with girls), that’s grounds bisexuality right there. Biphobia is getting old; get with the times.

By: KatieMaesMama

KatieMaesMama — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 20:16:00 +0000

I have no idea what I am, but I’m OK with that. I am married to a man, but I just LOVE chicks. They are so soft and sexy. I don’t cheat so I am not allowed to touch, but I can sure look!

By: Toy With Me

Toy With Me — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 07:57:56 +0000

Awesome comment.

By: Wilhelmina

Wilhelmina — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 07:33:37 +0000

This post really bemuses me because I support part of your message – that being a slut is fine and people should embrace that. I agree that people are still way too judging on female sexuality. But I really dislike the way you’re arguing this point. You’re encouraging people to embrace one aspect of themselves while totally invalidating another identity that these sluts might have – being bisexual.

I really don’t understand why people continue to bicker about labels and insist that their, often narrow, definition, is the only/best one. Bisexuality is unlike “gay” or “lesbian” in that it is a lot more nuanced. “Gay” pretty much only means “a man who is attracted to men.” The end. But I’ve met bisexuals who typically prefer men over women, but are still sexually attracted to women; I’ve met bisexuals who are attracted to hyper-feminine women and hyper-masculine women; I’ve met bisexuals who are attracted to mostly androgynous people/genderqueers; I’ve met bisexuals whose preferences change depending on their mood and feelings at the time. The definition of bisexual that you are presenting is an extremely limiting one: you are only a “real” bisexual if you can have a loving relationship with either sex. People own their identities, and I really don’t understand why people insist on trying to dictate other people’s identities for them. It seems like a really pointless endeavor.

I do think that “Katy Perry” bisexuals can hurt the LGBT movement in the sense that they trivialize it a bit – but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with people experimenting with their sexualities, either.

Re: your example of the girl and her girlfriend you used to know – I have no idea why you’re using that as an example. It doesn’t sound at all illegitimate or slutty and not a “real” connection at all.

I also don’t really like the picture of a “slut” that you paint. I know sluts who are the “any port in a storm” kind – and then I know sluts who just are really attracted to many different people and want to have sex with not one, but all of them. In these cases I don’t think that a woman has to be either bisexual OR a slut. Clearly she is sexually attracted to the women she wants to sleep with, and she also wants to sleep with many of them. I don’t see why they have to be exclusive characteristics.

By: Phaedra

Phaedra — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 21:02:59 +0000

I agree with the fact that ‘Katy Perry Bisexuals’ and people who do it for the attention give real bisexuals a bad name. This article is very strong proof of it. You’re playing into the awful stereotype that people’s own definitions of their sexuality are arbitrary and that people who don’t want to have a ‘love based relationship’ with the same sex are not truly bisexual. They’re just sluts.

I’ll stand up and shout it from the roof tops: “I’m very sexually attracted to women but I’m not sure if I could ever see myself in a loving, sexual relationship with another woman.” Does that make me any less bisexual? No. Not in the least. Does it make me a slut? Not at all. Now don’t get me wrong, I fully embrace my sluttiness, I LOVE my inner slut and I have no issues letting her free. But my personal identification with being bisexual and my ability to embrace being a slut have nothing to do with one another.

My biggest beef with this article is the fact that you tell people if they can picture themselves in a ‘loving, sexual relationship with either gender’ then YAY you get a ‘get out of jail free card’. YOU are the one true breed of bisexual! And honestly? That’s utter bullshit. ‘Loving’ and ‘sexual’ are not, by any means, mutually exclusive terms. Love and sex do not come hand in hand. Yes. I can see myself having a sexual relationship with another woman; one that involves a certain level of friendship and trust. But love? What’s that got to do with it? I honestly have issues with the love bit. I’m not sure I have the ability to fall in love with another woman. I highly doubt I could marry another woman and start a family. Does that make me a ‘fake bisexual’? Even though I’m honest to god physically attracted to women and have been since I was about 10? According to your article? Yup. I’m a faker. I’m just sexually free.

I understand this is supposed to be an article that is intended to empower women/people to stop considering themselves bi if they’re simply open to trying new things and instead embrace the word slut. That’s a really great message. And I support that strongly because I believe in similar ideas. However, in the course of writing this article, you did alienate a group of people. You discriminated against and played into negative stereotypes about true bisexuals.

I’m currently writing a paper on my own personal experiences with coming out as bisexual and the negative stereotypes I’ve encountered. The best way to highlight the negative stereotype is this: If someone who is heterosexual or homosexual doesn’t want to be in a relationship and instead chooses to sleep around or even just kiss and fool around, be it with one casual partner or twenty, they’re not called out for pretending to be heterosexual or pretending to be homosexual. They’re just sluts (be it positive or negative connotations of the word). Why is it when a bisexual doesn’t want to be in a relationship with someone does their base sexual orientation get called into question? Why can’t we just be considered sluts and move on? Why must our orientation be called fake and false? Why do we have to endure being told we’re just pretending or we’re just trying to get attention?

It saddens me that bisexuals get the same negative stereotypes thrown at them from both sides of the spectrum. And it’s sad that an article that I’m sure was intended to be positive, ended up offending me and just reenforcing negative stereotypes about bisexuals.