How To Get Laid Using Craigslist

Craigslist really is the center of the universe. I mean think about it, is there anything you can’t find on Craigslist? A roommate, a used truck, a new job, a buyer for your fishtank – the internet sky is limitless here.

You know what else you can find on Craigslist? Sex. Lots and lots and lots of sex. And while it all seems to be a chaotic melting pot of sexual pleas, I’d like to point out that there actually appear to be some universal rules to searching for your next round of boning on the web.

Be prepared for the freak show

It’s sex on the internet, right? So of course you’re going to want to approach it with a certain level of openness to reading about people who are into things that you’re definitely not into. Don’t worry too much though, Craigslist has your back in regard to the *really* fucked up stuff with their warning about not posting content related to the exploitation of minors and/or human sex trafficking. Here’s my question though: what the what is going on on a website if one of the only five terms and conditions is a warning against sex trafficking and fucking minors?!

Know your gender

Craigslist casual encounter postings are divided up into very specific gender related categories, and yet somehow people still manage to post in the wrong category. Here’s a tip: if you’re a man looking for a man, post in the category specifically set up for men looking to sex up other men. If you’re not a man looking for another man, don’t worry, there are currently 21 different categories to choose from (men who want one woman, women who want two men, a male/female couple who want a transvestite, a male/female couple in search of another male/female couple, and on and on).

Speak English

Just because you like a hot, anonymous afternoon lay doesn’t mean you can’t request it in a legible manner. Take this gentleman for example, a 20 year old whose post title simply reads “the madness is one me.” Um… what does that even mean? And the body of his ad isn’t any better, announcing his “trobbing need to pump a lood and get pumped tomorrow before 3!”

Dude, SPELL CHECK. No one is turned on by your trobbing anything and no one wants to be covered in your lood.

Set goals for yourself

It’s one thing to proposition strangers for sex via the internet. That’s common place nowadays, isn’t it? But if you really want to get noticed, it’s time to jump one level up and set yourself some ambitious goals. Like this dude, who says, “I need BLACK DICK before 2:00PM. I want to suck as many black dick i can – & possibly fuck (might)”

He doesn’t just want dick. He needs it. And he doesn’t just need any dick, he needs black dick. And he doesn’t just need black dick whenever it’s convenient for you and your black dick, he needs it prior to 2pm. Also, he’d appreciate if you brought your black dick-ed friends along too, since he needs to suck off as many of them as possible. All before 2pm, of course. Also, in the process of needing all of this unlimited black dick, he’d like to point out that “possibly” and “might” have similar meanings.

Be original

Let’s say you’re a couple and you’re looking for another couple to have some fun with. How do you entice them? Not with crude photos like many of the other couples, but with promises of board game shenanigans. Behold, the game night friendly couple:

Subject: Couple looking for couple to play “STRIP MONOPOLY” – mw4mw

“We are a couple seeking another couple to play strip monopoly with. If you have not played its a lot of fun! Its just like strip poker except instead you play monopoly. Items of clothes are used as money and when you run out of money you lose.”

But here’s the thing, I don’t think I’d ever use “fun” to describe the game Monopoly. The words “long and drawn out” maybe, but not fun. Have you ever played a game of Monopoly that didn’t last at least two hours? No. Never. And the appeal of sitting around half naked paying luxury tax on fake properties with people you don’t know would get creepy pretty damn quickly. So how about instead, you pick a shorter game. Like Go Fish. Or, you could always just call a spade a spade and admit that you don’t want to play naked monopoly with this other couple, you want dirty dirty sex with this other couple.

Which brings me to my last bit of sex via Craigslist advice…

Call a spade a spade

The glory of using the internet to get laid is that you really can ask for exactly what you want. No need to sugar coat it. If there are people out there who are willing to request that you come over and use their rimming chair, it’s pretty much all fair game.

So go for it. Ask for what you want. Like this chick, who goes out of her way to clarify that her anonymous posting for a casual encounter absolutely cannot end in marriage.

“I don’t need to talk to you every day, don’t need to know about everything going on in your life, and definitely do NOT need to live with you.”

So glad we cleared all that up, darlin.

About the Author

Nicole Antoinette, 25, is a blogger, cheese addict, and all around ridiculous girl whose main goal is to meet every single person on the planet. When she's not furiously typing over at nicoleisbetter.com, her blog that's wildly inappropriate and not at all safe for work, she can be found mainlining iced tea, tweeting about her vagina, or accidentally driving the wrong way down all the damn one way streets of San Francisco.