How To Get Laid Using Craigslist

Craigslist really is the center of the universe. I mean think about it, is there anything you can’t find on Craigslist? A roommate, a used truck, a new job, a buyer for your fishtank – the internet sky is limitless here.

You know what else you can find on Craigslist? Sex. Lots and lots and lots of sex. And while it all seems to be a chaotic melting pot of sexual pleas, I’d like to point out that there actually appear to be some universal rules to searching for your next round of boning on the web.

Be prepared for the freak show

It’s sex on the internet, right? So of course you’re going to want to approach it with a certain level of openness to reading about people who are into things that you’re definitely not into. Don’t worry too much though, Craigslist has your back in regard to the *really* fucked up stuff with their warning about not posting content related to the exploitation of minors and/or human sex trafficking. Here’s my question though: what the what is going on on a website if one of the only five terms and conditions is a warning against sex trafficking and fucking minors?!

Know your gender

Craigslist casual encounter postings are divided up into very specific gender related categories, and yet somehow people still manage to post in the wrong category. Here’s a tip: if you’re a man looking for a man, post in the category specifically set up for men looking to sex up other men. If you’re not a man looking for another man, don’t worry, there are currently 21 different categories to choose from (men who want one woman, women who want two men, a male/female couple who want a transvestite, a male/female couple in search of another male/female couple, and on and on).

Speak English

Just because you like a hot, anonymous afternoon lay doesn’t mean you can’t request it in a legible manner. Take this gentleman for example, a 20 year old whose post title simply reads “the madness is one me.” Um… what does that even mean? And the body of his ad isn’t any better, announcing his “trobbing need to pump a lood and get pumped tomorrow before 3!”

Dude, SPELL CHECK. No one is turned on by your trobbing anything and no one wants to be covered in your lood.

Set goals for yourself

It’s one thing to proposition strangers for sex via the internet. That’s common place nowadays, isn’t it? But if you really want to get noticed, it’s time to jump one level up and set yourself some ambitious goals. Like this dude, who says, “I need BLACK DICK before 2:00PM. I want to suck as many black dick i can – & possibly fuck (might)”

He doesn’t just want dick. He needs it. And he doesn’t just need any dick, he needs black dick. And he doesn’t just need black dick whenever it’s convenient for you and your black dick, he needs it prior to 2pm. Also, he’d appreciate if you brought your black dick-ed friends along too, since he needs to suck off as many of them as possible. All before 2pm, of course. Also, in the process of needing all of this unlimited black dick, he’d like to point out that “possibly” and “might” have similar meanings.

Be original

Let’s say you’re a couple and you’re looking for another couple to have some fun with. How do you entice them? Not with crude photos like many of the other couples, but with promises of board game shenanigans. Behold, the game night friendly couple:

Subject: Couple looking for couple to play “STRIP MONOPOLY” – mw4mw

“We are a couple seeking another couple to play strip monopoly with. If you have not played its a lot of fun! Its just like strip poker except instead you play monopoly. Items of clothes are used as money and when you run out of money you lose.

But here’s the thing, I don’t think I’d ever use “fun” to describe the game Monopoly. The words “long and drawn out” maybe, but not fun. Have you ever played a game of Monopoly that didn’t last at least two hours? No. Never. And the appeal of sitting around half naked paying luxury tax on fake properties with people you don’t know would get creepy pretty damn quickly. So how about instead, you pick a shorter game. Like Go Fish. Or, you could always just call a spade a spade and admit that you don’t want to play naked monopoly with this other couple, you want dirty dirty sex with this other couple.

Which brings me to my last bit of sex via Craigslist advice…

Call a spade a spade

The glory of using the internet to get laid is that you really can ask for exactly what you want. No need to sugar coat it. If there are people out there who are willing to request that you come over and use their rimming chair, it’s pretty much all fair game.

So go for it. Ask for what you want. Like this chick, who goes out of her way to clarify that her anonymous posting for a casual encounter absolutely cannot end in marriage.

“I don’t need to talk to you every day, don’t need to know about everything going on in your life, and definitely do NOT need to live with you.”

So glad we cleared all that up, darlin.

Nicole Antoinette About Nicole Antoinette

Nicole Antoinette, 25, is a blogger, cheese addict, and all around ridiculous girl whose main goal is to meet every single person on the planet. When she's not furiously typing over at nicoleisbetter.com, her blog that's wildly inappropriate and not at all safe for work, she can be found mainlining iced tea, tweeting about her vagina, or accidentally driving the wrong way down all the damn one way streets of San Francisco.

Comments

  1. Pretty much the bottom of the barrel. I am traumatized who knew my partner would troll for skanks on this website. Look up the skank. She went from ania to Brittany and they had plans to marry and have children. Yah asshole I hope you read this.

  2. Attractive single man, mid thirties, seeks attractive single woman, mid twenties, to work through the Kama Sutra with.

    Does it work Nicole?

  3. I'm new to this. New meaning,I but didn't realize all of THIS stuff was out there. Wow! Boring housewife no more. I'm playing Strip Chutes & Ladders tonight! Now I just need to figure out who takes off what & when….

  4. And to think I spend all my time on there trying to buy toys.

  5. Also a good thing if you post that you want to first meet up somewhere that people can see if the person goes psycho on you. Never want to bring a stranger to your boudoir and end up on the missing person's ad or a crime scene investigations with you as the star.

  6. I have used CL to find sex and I have had WONDERFUL results. Haven't ever played Monopoly and never would (certainly not as foreplay). Now I have a few gents to tickle my fancy if the mood ever strikes. I definitely reccomend!

  7. mystagenameis says:

    I love all the time limits. I have needed sex, and really been close to throwing down the next guy I saw (okay, on a semi-daily basis) but I have never heard the ticking of a time bomb. Maybe only balls have clocks. Hmmm, I will have to listen next time I am down that way.

  8. This is so true in NYC…but then you move out of the city and into a slightly small town surrounded by other small towns…and shit just gets…depressing.

    Odd. Depressing. Sad. Those are the CL personals in places other than big cities….

  9. i used to work as a dominatrix and one of my friends at the dungeon LOVEd finsing men on CL, she was into golden showers and she loved finding men who were the same but then always was suprised when they become creepy with her lol

  10. Rimming chair. Hadn't heard of that one yet. There is so much you can teach me wise one.

  11. I so know this isn't the point of this at all but I totally agree with you about Monopoly. LEAST FAVORITE GAME EVER. Which probably also explains the fact that idea of being any kind of property-OWNER gives me the heeby jeebies.

    Yeah, I know, so not the point of this.

  12. Oh, hell yes. Some people look at the "missed connections" for entertainment. I am ALL OVER the personals.

    Not personally. The personals, yes, but unpersonally.

    Awkward.

  13. i have a close friend who gets laid constantly via CL.

    it works very well.

  14. My wife won't play Monopoly with me under normal circumstance. I worry that the act of getting naked thrown into the mix would quickly lead to some sort of castration… mostly the bad kind.