Today we’re talking about the Surra de Bunda. You’re probably wondering what the hell that means, but you have to see the video first, and then we’ll discuss.
WTF was that?
What you have just witnessed is a new dance craze in Brazil called the Surra de Bunda, translated as “ass punch,” or “punched by an ass” or “confused slut doesn’t know how to do reverse cowgirl correctly” or whatever. There are various translations but whatever it’s called, I can safely say that it’s the biggest what the fuck moment I’ve had in a long, long time. I’m getting old and cranky and jaded and I don’t have as many of those as I used to, so that’s saying something!
For those of you who cannot watch videos because you’re naughtily reading this from work (for shame, but thanks for reading!), the dance involves 1) the hooking of feet over a man’s shoulders and then 2) the repeated violent slamming of an ass into his face. For his part, the man just sits there on the floor like a rag doll while he risks serious neck injury/bloody nose/broken face via ass-face trauma.
The name “Surra de Bunda” came from a song with the same title, originally performed by three Brazilian women who call themselves As Tequileiras do Funk.
The song is sung from the perspective of a Tequileira. Tequileiras are sort of like stripper/waitress types who dance and sing while pouring tequila directly into people’s mouths at bars and nightclubs. Popular girls, in other words. The Tequileira in the song is fed up with customers staring at and/or grabbing at her ass and so, being a shy girl who’s only just serving tequila to earn extra money to go on a Christian prayer retreat (I totally made that last part up), she is deeply offended and wants to make the men regret staring at her ass by punching them in the face with it.
(I’m not making this shit up, I swear to you.)
Apparently, in Brazil, their song and the ass-punching dance it inspired is a big hit. Who knew the brazilians were so into bundas?
Actually, everyone knew that, but whatevs.
Anyway, thinking that any reasonable person would consider the Surra de Bunda to be the silliest thing they’ve ever seen, (and by the way, it’s meant to be silly–wiki says so) I showed the video to my husband who I expected would laugh, but instead he was all “Mmmmmmm. Looks pretty fucking hot to me! Why don’t you ever do that??”
I have long known that he’s the kind of guy other men call a massive perv, and thus his reaction was only partially representative of the male species. I needed more data.
Next up, I showed my friend Bethany. She was sort of just as puzzled as I was about the appeal of such a thing, but she wasn’t too surprised because, as she said, it’s so very, very Brazilian it’s amazing they didn’t think of it sooner. She thought it should become their national dance, actually.
Do countries HAVE national dances?
So then her husband, Roland, watched the video and he had the same reaction as my husband! He was like “ah, the men they’re doing it to don’t seem to mind.” So it must be a guy thing to actually want to stand in line with a bunch of other guys so that some stripper/waitress thing can repeatedly slam her sweaty ass into your face.
Men will always be a mystery to me, I swear to Jesus, but it got me thinking. 1) It doesn’t seem too degrading to the woman. In fact, according to the lyrics, it’s the story of female revenge. 2) My husband has always been an ass man and if this is what he thinks he might like, then it’s worth a try. 3) He has already professed a curiosity in “queening.” 4) It actually looks like a pretty good core workout, heavy on the abs and hamstrings.
We aim to please around here, so I dusted off my hooker shoes–oh, don’t act surprised. You know the ones, we all have them–and I put on my hot pants and his favorite socks and I sat him down for a good solid punch in the face by my ass:
Which ended with a trip the emergency room:
Oof. Sorry dude.
In hindsight, it’s probably not a move for amateurs. Also, perhaps my ass did not quite have the bootylicious padding of a Brazilian stripper that quite possibly helps prevent injury. As a result I cannot recommend trying this one at home, kids.